so, ironically, i wanted to type this out yesterday but didn’t have much energy to finish. turns out, its National Best Friends Day, so this couldn’t be more perfect
for someone with social anxiety, the internet (tumblr) is the perfect way to make friends. i’ve actually tried (and failed) to make friends on here, but nothing ever sticks. i’m horrible at making conversations and keeping them going, which is why i always struggled to make fulfilling friendships. however, for some reason, life has decided to bless me with four amazing friendships that i am eternally grateful for. (tbh, i fucking hope i dont jinx everything by writing this, but i’ve always liked writing about good moments in my life). i’m surprised, really, at how long and how close my friendships have gotten. for the life of me, i thought that they would get tired of me or wouldn’t like me anymore and would drop me, quick. but they haven’t yet, so we’re good.
tbh, i’m not the easiest person to deal with. if you talk to any of my old friends, they would tell you the same thing. i’m moody af. i get into these moods where i dont want to deal with anyone and i just want to be alone. for some reason, not many people understand that. they think i’m just being a jerk loner who wants nothing to do with them but that’s not it. it’s just the way i am and it’s hard to get rid of these habits. that being said, my friends understand this and they still love me despite this. tbh, it baffles me to know that there are people other than my family members who love me. and honestly, it took me awhile to get it through my stubborn head that these new friends actually love me. like they actually care about what i have to say and about my well being and that hasn’t happened in such a long time that i was scared. i was scared that i would do something wrong, or that they made a mistake being friends with me. so i let my negative thoughts consume me, and it took me awhile to understand that this was real. these friendships that i formed with these people are real and that i shouldn’t be scared anymore. and im not.
i am grateful everyday that i have people who genuinely care about me. i am grateful that i have people who make me laugh so much to the point where i am literally in tears. i am grateful to have people who just make me happy. there are very few days now where i have one of my episodes because i know that if i tell them, they will hope that i get better and tell me they love me. the only downside to all this is that they all live in different states and i haven’t gotten the chance to met them. maybe one day we’ll get the chance. and i know that will be such a happy day because i will get to meet and hug these people who have honestly made my life so much better ever since i became friends with them. anyways, i made this hella gay post to tell my friends how much i love and appreciate them and how thankful i am that they’re my friends. happy national best friends day, thotty babs <3