things are getting hard again. some days i convince myself that being alone is better than getting hurt by the outside world, spilling pieces of myself on the pavement, and letting my emotions hold weight. sometimes i’m right. sometimes i have to stop myself from saying what i really want to say. sometimes life is so much easier in my own head. nobody can tell me i’m wrong here, or make my feel like my feelings aren’t mine to feel - here, i never have to watch what i say. here, i can scream and cry and curse out everyone who has ever wronged me. i can tell you i miss you without fear that i shouldn’t or the pressure of being naive. i can say that i’m tired, even if i don’t deserve to say i’m tired, because so many people are so much worse off than me. here, i can say all of the things i’m too scared to say when i’m standing in front of people, when i find it so difficult to just be me. my anxiety is getting bad again. i don’t know if i’m doing the right thing. i want to be a transparent person, but to be honest, i don’t like me when i’m like this and i don’t want to be seen.
