See, there’s this joke going around among the other civilized species of the galaxy about the way humans have domesticated this one animal into so many different types that it’s hard to tell which Earth animals are, and are not, dogs. So I really felt like someone must have been messing with me when I looked at the large crate of animal cargo that we were supposed to deliver.
“Captain,” I said slowly. “These aren’t dogs. Well, one is, and it’s not the one you’d think.”
Captain Sunlight looked up at me, concern on her lizardy face. I could see how reluctant she was to ask me, “Are you sure?”
“Very,” I said, pointing at the Chihuahua. “That one’s a dog, one of the smallest kinds. But that is a ferret, that is a capybara, and that is a bear cub, and none of these should be in the same cage. Please tell me they’re going somewhere with an accredited zoo?”
Captain Sunlight turned to look at the client who had brought us the crate. He flicked his antennae and flexed pincher arms, giving away nothing but annoyance. Which wasn’t unusual for a Mesmer. “I was told they were dogs,” he insisted.
“They are not,” I said, pointing at the bear cub. “When that one grows up, it will be bigger than you, and able to rip the door off this ship.”
Captain Sunlight looked up in alarm. “How fast does it grow?”
“Not that fast,” I reassured her. “But it’s a bear. One of the biggest land predators currently living on Earth. Not a dog.”
The Mesmer hissed in irritation. “Can’t you just take them anyway? My supervisor wanted this to be handled quickly, and they’re contained safely enough.”
I was a little skeptical of that, but the four unlikely bundles of fur were behaving for the moment. The ferret was zipping about in a normal ferrety way while the bear cub and Chihuahua snuggled up to the capybara like it was an adoptive parent. Which it could have been for all I knew. We hadn’t moved the crate into our cargo bay just yet, pausing on the busy spaceport between their ship and ours. I asked, “Can I talk to your supervisor real quick?”
This hiss sounded exceptionally put-out, like an aggravated teenager forced to clean his room. “We need to take off.”
I retorted, “And I need to make sure these aren’t being sold as companion animals to someone unprepared for getting their ship ripped open.”
Captain Sunlight nodded, tapping the tablet with the details of this particular delivery. “The destination is a hub world with many species cohabitating. That tells us nothing.”
“Ugh, fine. Wait here.” The Mesmer stalked off back to his own ship, where he rapped on the door with a folded pincher and had a hissing conversation with someone just inside.
We waited. The ferret’s antics caused the bear cub to tumble over onto the Chihuahua, and now the three of them were roughhousing while the capybara watched calmly. This was clearly not the first time they’d shared a cage. Now that I was looking, I noticed that all four had collar dents in their fur, though they weren’t wearing any at the moment. The bear cub even had dents at its little wrists, and I did not like the look of that.
Someone left the other ship. I relaxed a bit at the sight of another human: a no-nonsense middle-aged woman who hurried over for a quick word with me specifically. I obligingly stepped aside, curious about what she had to say.
Her whispered explanation made it all better.
“I stole them from a circus,” she said. “Terrible place. I have a contact waiting to take them back to a sanctuary on Earth.”
“Oh, good!” I said in immense relief. “I was worried someone actually thought they were all dogs.”
She shook her head once. “That’s just for the paperwork. The circus owners are still looking for them. Think you can get in the air soon?”
“Yes I do,” I told her, giving Captain Sunlight a thumbs-up. The captain saw it and moved to finalize things on the tablet with the Mesmer. I told the other human, “This is not too different from how I got my cat.”
“Glad to hear it,” the human said with a smile. “I’ll be leaving them in good hands, then.” She didn’t press for an explanation of the cat thing, because we were all in a hurry here, and the circus types could come by at any time, and who needed that? Not us. She gave me a nod and a wink, then hustled back to her own ship.
I glanced around in what I hoped was a casual way. Not that I would necessarily recognize a representative of this particular terrible circus, but I’d encountered enough in my time that I felt like I’d sense the callousness rolling off them. There were entertainment groups that incorporated animals in a respectful way, of course, but those tended to not be the kind described as “terrible,” which inspired random humans to stage a spontaneous rescue.
I could relate.
Captain Sunlight asked me, “All good?” The other human was disappearing back into her ship while the Mesmer activated a hover lift under the cage.
I nodded. “They’re dogs for today. Fido, Ursula, Cappy, and Fairy. We’ll want to leave quickly.”
“I trust I’ll get an explanation once we’re up?”
“Yeah. You remember where Telly came from.”
Her expression turned stern. “Understood. I’ll tell Eggskin to get out the medical scanner, and Kavlae to prepare to leave immediately.”
“Thank you. Maybe Telly can say hi through the bars once they’ve cleared the health check.”
Already walking towards the cargo bay, Captain Sunlight gave me an amused glance. “I thought dogs didn’t like cats.”
I shrugged. “Who can say, with these four? A sniff through the bars should be fine. They’ll probably have lots to talk about.”
Captain Sunlight just smiled and hurried ahead.
I hoped they were healthy, and as tame as they looked. I was planning to spend a significant part of this trip in the hold, keeping our animal cargo comforted and calm. It wasn’t every day I got to pet a bear cub, much less a capybara and a ferret as well.
Pardon me, several dogs with absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about them. Even if one looked exceptionally cuddly, another had little ratty feet, and a third was long and lightning-fast. Totally normal dogs heading back to Earth where they belonged.
~~~
(The cat thing is a reference to this story: Bargains at the Space Market)
~~~
EDIT: There's a Part Two!
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
.decided to draw my interpretations of the aliens from the book and short stories by @marlynnofmany , since recently an actual drawing of the silly sophonts was released by the author herself, and i realized now would be a great chance to share how i'd seen them as well.
first, the heatseekers! i don't know why i made them centaur-like. i just like unconventional body plans, i guess. they're also pretty big, with their height (measured at the head) usually being about the same height as the average human. i remembered marlynn saying at some point that they were dragon-like...? not sure where, but it definitely influenced how i see them, lol
next up, the frillians! i dont remember much about these guys to be honest (sorry, marlynn!) but i tried my best based on the description. i headcanon that they are short :>
nothing much to say about the mesmers, except for the little "wrist fingers" detail i picked up from the short story Clues. i like these guys, they have antenna that puff out when they're surprised or angry. they're very tall, being average human height measured at their back.
last but not least, strongarms! i realized far too late into reading marlynn's short stories that they're actually octopus people and not really buff dragon guys with tentacles... oops. at least i managed to get my cool dragon head in there, and gave it some cool extension thingies that from the top, kinda look like the fins of a squid!
Havenfall is For Lovers AU, MC is aware of the Supernatural from the beginning.
“Okay so… dijin?” Mary asked Razi as she leaned against the bar. She raised an eyebrow as the man spluttered, calmly waiting.
“Are you…” Razi began but trailed off.
“No but yes. My parents knew of the supernatural so did my grandma who warned me when I left. I’m no hunter but I know. I also got cursed while traveling,” Mary grimaced. “I will fall in love with someone incredibly dangerous which either will lead to my painful death or immortality. So…”
“Lovely curse,” Razi said as JD entered the alley. “JD, she knows.”
“I do. I can’t figure you out,” Mary eyed JD thoughtfully. “Some sort of fae?”
“Oh fuck no,” JD gagged. “My sister is a pixie. Fuck that.”
“Huh… well then something else…” Mary stared at JD with narrowed eyes. They just smirked at her.
Eventually she did figure it out. When Mac and Diego learned she knew, the woman fully entered their group. It was nice having a human friend around to talk to or cover for them.
Mary’s curse worried them, but they knew that they just had to keep an eye out.
(And when one of them fell in love… that’s an entire adventure.)
i was WRONG i thoguht it implied in mac’s route that eveyone other than her is bi but diego.... diego is the token straight in the group i cant beleive it
“Gravity generators sure are a great invention,” I said as I looked out at the tiny ocean. I didn’t even have to turn my head quickly to see the curve of the horizon. This place shouldn’t have been big enough to hold an atmosphere, much less the beginnings of a city.
“No joke,” Mur said, idly picking up a rock with one blue-black tentacle and letting it fall. “This one’s quality, too. No hiccups that I’ve noticed yet. In the old days, this asteroid wouldn’t be good for more than mining or a dug-out storage space.”
“How long ago was that?” I asked. “Is artificial gravity a new thing? All I know is it’s older than Earth’s introduction to all this.”
Mur rippled his tentacles in a shrug. “Beats me swimming. It wasn’t invented on my planet, so no one bothered to teach it in school.”
“Really? That seems like an oversight.”
Mur tipped his squid head back to look at me. “Is everyone on Earth taught the origins of every technological advancement ever?”
“Okay, fair point,” I said. “But we do know about the big ones. I could tell you all about the brothers who made the first flying vehicle, or the race between countries to reach the moon first.”
“Right. So who developed the air circulation systems for reaching the moon? The food storage, the propulsion?”
“Uh, somebody along the way,” I said with exaggerated confidence. “Those aren’t nearly as important, though. Artificial gravity seems like a big deal.”
Another ripple. “You just say that because your species never figured it out on your own. A culture that can’t throw things would be astonished if you didn’t know who first invented your ball-throwing sports.”
I tipped my head in agreement. “Yeah, I definitely don’t know the history of modern sports. And the first person to throw a ball for fun was definitely before recorded history.”
“See? It’s all relative.”
“Somehow I doubt gravity generators were cobbled together with rocks in some species’ caveman days. Whether or not they lived in caves like we did.”
Mur spread his tentacles. “Who’s to say? Could be gravity-resistant rocks somewhere.”
“Really?” I asked, eyebrows raised. “That would be really cool.”
He dropped his tentacles with a bored smack. “I have no idea. I’m just making things up at this point. Wonder if it’s worth calling back to the ship for an update.” He tapped one tentacle against the hoversled and the large crate it held.
I looked away from the shore, in the direction of the dinky spaceport. “They probably won’t want to pester the client until they’re really late. This is definitely where we’re supposed to meet them.” The classy benches and railings of this cliffside lookout were unmistakable.
“Unless there was a second lookout, hidden from view,” Mur said. “Which they didn’t tell us about. For some reason.”
“Hm. Unlikely.”
“Yeahhhh, they’re probably just late. Disappointing in terms of punctuality and tree size.”
“Hey, yeah!” I said, looking around at the plantlife, which was low and bushy at best. “There’s was a whole thing in the briefing about how proud they are of the big trees they’re growing! What gives? Maybe those are all on the other side of the asteroid.”
“Or they talk a good game, and this fertilizer is meant to help the trees live up to the hype.” Mur reached up to tap the crate again.
“They sure sounded confident — Hey, is that them?” In the time it took me to point out the single-person speeder zipping up the path to us, it had come to a halt with a screech of the overtaxed hover engine, and an apology that started early.
“—rry I wasn’t here on time!” said the client, tumbling over her tentacles as she spilled out of the tiny car. She was a Strongarm like Mur, just the octopus variant without the pointy head. This one had the shortest and stubbiest tentacles I’d seen yet, colored in neon green. She sounded very earnest as she apologized. “I hate to keep you waiting like that, but my regular vehicle malfunctioned partway here, and I had to go back. Is there any chance you have time to bring the delivery just over the hill? This speeder doesn’t have storage space.”
It really didn’t. There was barely room for her, and she could squish to get into the seat. I glanced at Mur, telling the client, “Let us check with the captain real quick.”
“Of course! Thank you either way.”
I took out my phone while Mur retrieved the payment tablet, and while they got that squared away, I got permission for a detour. We weren’t on a tight schedule, and the view when we’d come in for a landing had shown the main settlement to be close by.
Captain Sunlight said to go ahead; Wio chimed in to keep an eye out for ruffians; the captain reminded her sternly that this asteroid colony had the highest of safety ratings, which Wio knew full well. Sounded like the pilot was bored too. But she had video games in the cockpit for times like these.
I went back to Mur and the client with the good news. “We can certainly take this a little farther for you.”
“Excellent; thank you!” She twirled three tentacles in joy. “Shall I tow it with you riding? We wouldn’t be able to go very fast, but faster than walking.” She pointed at a towing hitch that I hadn’t noticed on the back of the speeder.
“I’m fine with that,” I said, once again looking at Mur.
“Of course you’re fine with that,” he said with a roll of his eyes, but he was already walking forward. “You would have been happy to go at top speed.”
“Nonsense, that would put the delivery at risk!” I said with a grin. “But otherwise sure, sounds like a great time.”
The client laughed at that, and Mur complained dramatically about the incomprehensible love of danger that all humans seemed to have, and this one in particular. “You should have seen her ride a sled down a ramp to catch an explosive before it went off.”
“What!”
“I keep telling you, I didn’t know it was a bomb!” I exclaimed. “I thought everybody was freaking out because it was expensive and breakable!”
“Oh, it was both those things,” Mur said. “And also a bomb.”
“Goodness,” the client said. “Well at least I don’t need to worry about the hills being too steep for you.”
“Not in the slightest,” I assured her.
We got set up with the hoversled attached to the jaunty little speeder (which really looked like something a toddler would ride at a playground), and I took a seat next to Mur, holding onto the cargo straps. The client promised to drive at a safe speed.
And she actually did, which was honestly a little surprising, given the racecourse nonsense she’d done on the way here.
“Once we crest the hill, you’ll have a good view of some of our best trees so far,” she called back to us.
“Oh cool!” I said. “We were wondering about those.”
“They’re growing really well! Impressive in both directions, with some lovely colors. They were a good choice for this environment. I think the morning fog is what does it.”
She chattered away happily about the import process and the goals for terraforming this particular asteroid. Apparently they’d planted several types of tall flora, and were aiming to break some records eventually. The place was going to be a resort officially, but also a study of compatible ecosystems from different worlds. The rich folks coming on vacation were here to fund the science, whether or not they fully realized it.
“Here we are; behold the tallest trees that Eora has to offer!”
The sight from the top of the hill was pretty, sure, but my first thought was, Gimme a good ladder, and I could see over Eora’s forest canopy.
The trees were pear-shaped and a single story tall. Pinkish-orangey-tan bark, colored in vertical stripes. Each had a spherical poof of foliage that looked like palm trees trying to be dandelions. Visually striking, but yeah: not big. At least by my standards.
“Aren’t they impressive?” the client gushed. “The biggest trees I’ve ever seen in person! And some of the other types we have from other worlds promise to be even bigger!”
“You should see a redwood,” I said casually.
She perked up, slowing so she could twist around to look at me without crashing. “Is that like a rustbark? We have some of those! They’re only a few years old, and they’re doing surprisingly well!”
“Where are they from?” I asked. The name sounded similar, but that could have been coincidence.
“We got the sprouts from a colony world,” she said. “It’s not my specialty — I work over here, not there — but they’re not far if you want a quick look!”
Before I could ask, Mur said, “As long as it’s quick.”
I grinned at him. “Thanks!”
“We’re not in a hurry. And I’ve heard you talk about redwoods before. I want to see too.”
I said, “If they’re only a few years old, they won’t be very big yet. But they have the potential to be.”
So we drove right past the building that we’d planned to load the fertilizer into (a low building, in classic Strongarm style, which I could have climbed on top of without using my hands). We crested another sharp hill that looked like it had been built intentionally, just for the view. The rocks that peeped out from between plants and dirt were all shiny black and obsidianlike.
The trees we coasted down to park in front of made me grin. They were still young and bushy, but that was a very familiar green.
The client parked and hopped out. “The bark is hard to see from here, and it’s honestly not very rust-colored, but if you get a closer look…”
“It looks right to me,” I said as I slid off the hoversled. “Lemme get a look at those needles.”
Mur asked, “Needles?”
“The leaves,” I clarified. “They’re narrow and pointy, so people call this kind of leaf needles.”
“Ah. I was going to say, that sounds dangerous enough to be from your planet.”
“Not everything from Earth is dangerous! Not even most of it!” I laughed. “Anyways, that’s the cactus you’re thinking of. Totally different plant with actual stabby needles.”
“Death wish from a death planet.”
“It’s really not.”
The client cut in. “But is this rustbark the same as your redwoods?”
I ran my fingers through the needles and ducked briefly in for a sniff. “Sure looks like. If your resort is still going in a few centuries, these could be hundreds of times my height.”
The client spun to look up at me. “I’m sorry, how tall?”
At the same time, Mur asked, “How long?”
Answering both of them, I said, “Hundreds. This is the biggest kind of tree on my planet, and some of them are truly ancient. I’ve seen a cross-section from a stump that’s over a thousand years old, and that was about my height in diameter. There have been much bigger.”
The stubby-limbed Strongarm looked absolutely flabbergasted. “What.”
I tilted my head at her. “Didn’t that colony world say they get super tall?”
She waved half her tentacles. “Yes! These are extremely tall already!”
“Ah. Not by my planet’s standards.”
“Clearly!” She turned her wide-eyed gaze back toward the bushy sapling in front. “I’d heard that some planets have flora that gets freakishly tall, but really?”
“To be fair, the big ones like this are freakish by our standards too,” I said. Then I pointed at the sapling. “But this is a small tree.”
Mur backed me up. “I have seen this height on multiple worlds.”
She was still staring at the tree, looking a bit shell-shocked. “I can’t believe my cousin was right about researching farther afield. If he finds out our winning specimens aren’t actually impressive to anyone well-traveled, he’ll never shut up about it.”
I winced. “Do you expect to get a lot of well-traveled visitors?”
“No, mostly bored wealthy sorts from the nearest two moons,” she said. “It could actually be a while before anyone expects something taller.”
Mur said, “Then you can always take credit now for the exceptional fertilizer making the new trees reach ever more shocking heights. Sounds like it’ll be a while before they get really extreme.”
I nodded absently and looked at the hill that blocked the view of the sea. “You said there’s a lot of fog here? That’s really good for redwoods; it helps the tallest ones get enough water without fighting gravity to pump it all the way to the top.”
With a devious smile in his voice, Mur suggested, “You could let people place bets on how tall a certain tree will be after each year. They’re bound to bet wrong.”
“Hm. Knowing our clientele, that might actually be popular.”
I said, “And you have good fertilizer that might also make a difference! I’m assuming it’s the best out there; I have no idea what makes a fertilizer good.”
Mur gave me an amused look. “Something you don’t know about your planet’s living things? I am shocked.”
I spread my arms. “I wasn’t trained on tree care. I just think redwoods are cool. Which reminds me!” I turned back to the client. “You might see if you can find other types of trees that grow in the same forests as these. They’ve been known to work together and help each other out, because they need different things from the soil. A fungus network would be the most symbiotic, but that’s bound to be risky when you’re combining interplanetary biomes like this.”
The client’s tentacles tapped at the ground like she was taking notes. “That is a great idea to consider; thank you. I may have to seek out a more official source than that colony world.”
“If you can get reliable information and identification from Earth, then you might be able to find the actual trees in a colony,” I said.
Mur said, “Just make sure you don’t end up with bonus danger. Like real needles or other violent nonsense.”
“Cactus live in dry climate,” I told him. “No especially stabby plants in redwood forests.”
“Oh, so they’re all safe?” Mur challenged. “No exploding seed pods or falling shells or hallucinogenic spores?”
“Nothing like that,” I said, then paused. “Although.”
“What? Do tell.”
I had to admit, “There is a vine called poison oak. You should probably avoid that one.”
Mur laughed aloud. “Of course there’s a poison vine!”
The client said, “I will be sure not to ask for anything poisonous. Thank you.”
“How bad is it?” Mur wanted to know. “Does it smell tasty, and tempt people into eating it?”
“No, it causes a rash if you touch it. The oil on the leaves can stay on skin and clothes for a long time if you don’t wash it. Some people are super allergic.”
“Why do you even have something like that?”
“It’s an important part of the ecosystem!” I said.
“I’m sure; poisoning everything that touches it must be crucial.”
“It doesn’t poison everything. Birds eat the berries and spread the seeds, so they’re not bothered.”
“Oho, a runner-up to ‘creature that eats Earth poison’! Tell me, have humans invented a range of ways to recreationally poison themselves with this vine?”
I shook my head. “No, poison oak is just an annoyance as far as we’re concerned. Definitely too toxic to eat.”
“That’s got to be a first.”
“Stinging nettle, though; that makes excellent tea.”
“There we go.”
The client looked from me to Mur. “I get the feeling I should write down some of this for what to look for and what to avoid.”
Mur said, “Yeah, probably.”
I glanced back at the building that was still waiting for fertilizer. “Got any writing implements in there?”
“Oh, right! The delivery! Goodness, you’ll be needing to get on your way. Quick quick, back onboard and I’ll just take a few notes while the junior crew unloads the fertilizer.”
“Just a few notes,” Mur repeated as he clambered back onto the hoversled. “Sure. So how do these nettles sting you, and how do you turn that into a drink? I fully expect it to be the intoxicating kind.”
I explained while we drove over to do the original job we’d set out to do. Mur was disappointed to hear that nettle tea didn’t even have caffeine in it. The client took lots of notes.
When we finally got back to the ship, Mur told Captain Sunlight that we’d gotten caught up instructing the client on how to grow Earth plants and avoid Earth poisons, and the captain said that was basically what she’d expected.
~~~
Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
A gravelly voice complained, “They didn't come activated? No wonder they were so cheap.”
I looked up from the supplies I was unloading from the hoversled to find our ship’s mechanic slapping an irritated tentacle against a box. A long narrow box that could have held anything from beach umbrellas to Mesmer fashion accessories, but probably held spaceship parts.
I asked, “What’s not activated?”
“These,” Mimi grumbled, ripping open an end of the box and reaching several pale green tentacles in to retrieve rods of translucent gray. “I thought I could install them right away, but apparently not. Breakwater. This always takes forever.”
While I was trying to figure out if that was a swear word or something else, Zhee piped up from the other side of the hoversled. “I’ll see if Blip and Blop are free.” He folded his pincher arms and clicked away toward the hall.
Mimi waved a tentacle instead of nodding. “Yeah, they’ll be the best at it. Thanks.” He pulled the rest of the rods out, laying them on the floor of the cargo bay and counting them. “At least they’re all here.”
I kept unloading boxes, but I was curious. “What do you have to do to activate them?”
Mimi rolled a couple idly. “Mix the internal components. There’s a barrier to snap, then they have to be swung around just so.”
I perked up. “Like glowsticks?”
“Like what? Oh, those little … sure, I guess like that. But they have to be mixed evenly, or else they conduct power wrong.”
“Evenly how?” I eyed the things, which really did look like glowsticks taller than me. I had many a fond memory of waving around little ones to work the colors all the way to the ends.
“You can’t just hold one end,” Mimi said. “Even if you flip it around afterward. You’ve got to move both ends together so it all activates at the same time, from the center out. Always a two-person job, and tedious.”
“I guess that would take a while.” I thought back to a folk dance I’d seen once that involved people hopping over bamboo poles. “Depending on how long you need to shake each one. Wait, why can’t one person just hold it in the middle?”
“Because they get floppy the moment you snap the inside,” Mimi grumbled. “And you’d think that would still be balanced, but no such luck. Believe me, I’ve seen the attempt. Turns out worse than spinning it from one end.”
“Can’t you just treat it like a jump rope?” I asked, mouth moving before my brain caught up. “Never mind, stupid question.”
Mimi, who was shaped like an octopus with roughly the same jumping ability, looked up at me. “What kind of rope is a jump rope, and why is that a stupid question?”
I picked up another box, phrasing my words carefully to avoid offending his Strongarm sensibilities. “It’s a human entertainment. Kids play with them for fun, and adults for exercise. You just spin a rope and jump over it a bunch. Humans are good at jumping, you know?”
Mimi repeated my words in his rough voice. “‘You spin a rope and jump over it.’ Spin it how, exactly?”
I pantomimed. “You hold one end in each hand, and hop when it goes under your feet.”
“Really.” Now that was a calculating tone if I’ve ever heard one.
I stopped jumping in place and smiled. “Should I give it a try? I don’t want to mess up your engine parts.”
“I think we can afford to try it with one,” Mimi said. He separated one from the pile and held it out, pointing at a mark in the center I hadn’t noticed before. “It’s important to snap it right here. If you can hold one end against the floor, I can lift the other and pull here.”
“Can I just snap it over my knee? Or would that hurt?”
He gave me a look, probably trying to remember which part on a biped was the knee, but not wanting to ask.
I stuck a leg out and gestured again. “I’d put it across here, then push down.”
“Right. Of course. Unexpected use for bones. Sure, I don’t see any reason that wouldn’t work.”
I grinned. “Bones are very useful.”
“I’ll take your word for it. Here, go ahead and give it a try.”
I took the rod and balanced it carefully with the little mark right over my knee. Hopefully this wasn’t going to pinch, or be too stiff to break, or cause some other embarrassing minor injury. I wasn’t about to change my mind now.
So I braced it in place and shoved both hands down. The rod crunched, then collapsed like a wet noodle. A bright, glowy yellow one. I laughed. “It is like a glowstick!”
“Hurry up and mix it!”
“Right.” I scrambled to my feet, grabbing both ends and spinning it to jump over. The thing was heavier and more awkward than any jump rope I’d used — plus I was many years out of practice — but I made do. I tried not to smack it against the floor on each jump.
Mimi watched, saying nothing as he tracked the progress of the glowy part. It spread more slowly than the little glowsticks I was used to. Probably I should have asked how long this usually took before volunteering. I was already a little out of breath. This had been easier as a kid.
Finally the glow reached all the way to the ends, shining like a strip of sunlight in my hands, and Mimi said I could stop.
“Whew!” I said, trying not to look as winded as I was. “It’s been a while.”
Mimi held out several tentacles for the rope. I passed it over to him and caught my breath while he inspected it.
Footsteps approached from the hall: clickety bug feet and heavier bipeds. Zhee returned with Blip and Blop, who were wearing their favorite tight-fitting clothes and looked ready to put all their muscles toward something useful.
Blip said, “Hey, you did one already!”
Blop asked, “Did it come out even, with two people of different heights?”
Mimi looked up from his inspection. “It did,” he said with a certain amount of smugness. “And I think we have a new technique that will get this done twice as fast. Or three times, since we have three of you bipedal types.”
I laughed, hands on my hips while my breath returned to near normal. “Yeah, I could do a few more.” I looked up at the Frillian twins. “I don’t suppose your culture also invented jump ropes?”
Identical baffled expressions spread across their fishy faces. “Jump ropes?”
Mimi handed me another rod, and I prepared to break it across my knee. “Jump ropes. Come on, you’ll like this part.”
~~~
Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
Travelling in such a multicultural region of space gave me plenty of opportunities to see people of all body types eating exotic food, and I generally felt like I was used to it. Sure, some of my coworkers had very inhuman mouthparts, and dietary choices to match, but that was all normal for somewhere. Experiencing lunchtime without batting an eye was only polite.
Sometimes it was a challenge, though.
“This has just the right amount of crunch,” Zhee enthused, flicking his antennae with more open delight than he usually showed. “They did an excellent job of drying it out. So many times these are soggy. I’m going to have to get some more from that stall on our way back to the ship.”
I looked the other way, pretending he was holding some regular Earth-style beef jerky in his mantis pinchers, or maybe a tub of crackers. Not something that looked like a roadkilled frog with too many heads.
Walking on my other side, Paint looked up with mild interest on her scaly face. “Is it treated to soften the bones, or is that one of those things you’re supposed to eat every part of?”
I cast my eyes skyward, regretting everything. Then I looked back down and caught sight of a food stall with something on offer that I hadn’t tasted in ages. “Oh wow, honey! Straight from Earth, even! Hang on, I’ve got to get some.”
I was halfway there when I registered the questions they had both responded with. I didn’t let that bother me as I bought a jar. The human running the booth gave me a complimentary spoon and directions to a nearby bread stall, which I appreciated.
Then I walked back to where my coworkers waited with questions on their alien faces.
Zhee asked, “What is that?”
Paint said, “I’ve heard of it, but no one ever explains it when I ask. Something sweet? Is it a fruit spread?”
“No, but it’s used the same way,” I said, unscrewing the jar. “Good for putting on other foods to make them sweeter. Here, have a smell.”
Paint obediently sniffed the open jar with her long lizardy snout, browridges furrowed like she was thinking hard. I knew that she enjoyed fruit as a general category, so I was curious if this would smell good to her.
“What a strange scent,” she declared. “It’s like a flower, but … thicker. Kind of waxy. How is it made, if not from fruit?”
I scooped up a tiny bit, deciding how to phrase my answer. It was delicious. I hadn’t tasted honey in forever. This was going to be an interesting conversation. “It’s made by animals. Honeybees. Little flying insects that drink flower nectar and spread the pollen between flowers to let the fruits grow.”
“Okay,” Paint said. “So it’s nectar with other ingredients? Or cooked to remove most of the water? How do they make it?”
I ate another small spoonful. So tasty. I told her, “By partly digesting the nectar, then throwing it up again. In a very sanitary way, of course.”
Her eyes went wide, and Zhee clicked his mandibles in what was probably shock. Paint asked, “What?”
“They have a special stomach for it,” I clarified. “This is food that they make for themselves, and store it for later in their hive. When humans care for them, they make more than enough for their own purposes, and we get to eat some too.”
“But it’s vomit?” Paint insisted.
“Not really, no. It’s nectar that’s broken down chemically. And you’re right about removing the water; they put a lot of work into making sure it evaporates until the sugar percentage is so high that it can’t even ferment. It basically lasts forever when it’s stored away from moisture.” I looked at the jar and turned it to show her the logo. “See, that’s a honeybee.”
Paint stared, mouth open. I could almost see the many questions stuck in a traffic jam behind her eyes. She finally said, “So it’s only digested a little bit.”
Zhee hissed and lowered his roadkill jerky. “Why would you even think that was worth eating in the first place?”
“Because it smells great, and tastes even better,” I told him, scooping up another tiny amount. “If you have a nose and mouth that appreciate sweet things, anyway.” I ate that bit and licked the spoon. I’d really have to find that bread stall for something to put it on.
Zhee made a choked hiss that was his version of a derisive snort. “Right, condensed nectar-vomit for fruit eaters. Going to give it a try, Paint? You eat fruit.”
Paint shuddered dramatically. “Thank you, but no. I am not in the market for food that has already been eaten once. Even if it’s sweet.”
“Your loss,” I told her. “There are all kinds of animals on my planet that go nuts for this stuff. Did I tell you the bees have venomous stingers to protect their hive with? Because any passing creature that enjoys sweet things will want a taste. And some of those will eat the bee larvae too.” I screwed the lid back on. “Not humans, though. Just in it for the honey.”
Paint stared at the jar in morbid fascination. “So how do the humans get it, if the hive is defended with venom?”
“Partly by making friends with the bees,” I told her. “But mostly by wearing protective clothing and blowing smoke into the hive to distract them. We’ve been doing this for thousands of years, and it’s a pretty good system.”
Paint shook her head wordlessly. Zhee looked down at his food like he’d forgotten he was holding it.
I said, “Anyways, the vendor said there’s a stall over that way selling bread, which is perfect for putting honey on, so I’m gonna get some of that too.”
Zhee laughed. “Of course that’s what you put it on. Isn’t that the one made from seed powder that’s partly digested by even smaller creatures?”
I tipped my head in thought. “Yeah, I guess yeast does count as microscopic creatures. Totally different process, though.”
Paint shuddered again, and declared, “I am going to find something normal to eat. Oh look!” She pointed to a stall with a colorful banner. “Sugar grubs! Fed with six different flavors of sugar! That looks amazing; I’ll be right back.”
I shook my head as she scampered off without another word. Beside me, Zhee took another bite, crunching away on the dried-out frog skull. I made a face, then told him, “Have fun with that. I’m off to get some more of my own normal food.”
~~~
Good news! Volume One of the collected series is now available in paperback and ebook form! (Check your local store, or this handy link hub.)
~~~
These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.
Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.
The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).
