#the-pet-ethics-guy

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

Hey, thanks for calling my blog "otherwise good content" when most of my stuff is focused on Ford Pines. Seems kinda like a backhanded compliment, but maybe you're just rude IRL. I'm an understanding person.

Anyway, who are you to decide what is and isn't cute? I, personally, think Ford Pines is ADORABLE! I mean, look at him!!! Someone sent me this picture of him with his head stuck in a trash can! TELL ME that isn't some America's Funniest Home Videos (pet category) shit.

Also, apparently, the other guy in the picture punched the person who took the photo? IDK who he is, but he looks like Ford, so maybe Cipher made a clone? Clone's less cute, though. Explain that with your fucking rating system

Hi,

Okay, I'm going to clear a few things up for my followers.

First of all: I really don't want to come off as passive aggressive. That's not what I'm about, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't help anyone to be anything but completely up front when you're on the internet.

I'm sorry if my comment seemed backhanded. I started following Jellyskink back when she mostly posted OC character designs, when I was in a hardcore comics and graphic design phase. I haven't kept up with the blog regularly since. I am truly sorry for misrepresenting you here. (I really, truly am a fan of your work.)

With that said, I am not going to be passive aggressive about this. I'm being explicit: THE FORD PINES REPOSTS ARE NOT OKAY. How do I even begin to explain that you're reposting videos of a grown human man being treated as a pet, and not even well?

I rate content based on whether the pets in them are actually displaying "cute" behavior (playful, friendly, well-trained, healthy) or if they're showing signs of distress and mistreatment. That's my rating system. The fact that people want me to "rate" an adult human man when it is, again, against interdimensional law to treat sophonts as pets/livestock and humans are a sophont species, is already kind of weird.

But, hey. I'm willing to play along. I'm a good sport. If they're pet videos, I'll check to make sure that the pet isn't showing signs of distress or abuse!

Except he definitely is.

Jellyskink, let's just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're just really bad at reading the room. I'm telling you now: Ford Pines is in obvious distress in practically all of these video clips. I don't think you care. I think you're a Cipher Loyalist and thinks the dorito can just treat Ford however he wants because he's a god. But if you're not, prove it: stop posting exploitative Ford Pines videos. They aren't even your flapping videos, you're reposting them. Go back to making cheesy OC Do Not Steal art. That contributed to the world.

Now, about the picture, since you asked:

RATING: NOT CUTE.

This is a guy who got assaulted with a trash can!! Even if this wasn't a human I'd be rating this not cute! It's horrible! And you know what else makes it not cute? You know how I always give things a bad rating when the handler or the person taking the video isn't being safe with it? Well, the guy taking the picture is 100% about to get assaulted. You know why?

THAT IS STANLEY PINES. Is he Ford's clone? I don't know - how do you count identical twins? Cipher didn't make him, they're brothers. You can literally look it up. How are you a so-called Ford Pines fan and you don't even know who Stanley Pines is? He's the sole proprietor of the anomaly distributor Pines Profundities. It's public record. He's in the New York business registry.

So, yeah. The guy taking the picture of a grown man stuck in a garbage can was being pretty stupid and is about to get punched by the man's brother, because that's what happens when you're a jerk to random strangers in New York.

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

admit it you wanna be a little lap raccoon don't you? heh heh, perhaps if you groveled to H enough he would let you.

You think I want to crawl up in the lap of the guy who turned me into a raccoon? Seriously?

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

don't eat too much tuna it can cause mercury poisoning.

Ugh, looking this up. Thanks for the warning

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

Serious question, why do so many people want to keep me as a pet/possession?? I can't imagine this is normal!

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

Memory loss? Is she referring to that weird post I blacked out and made on my alt?

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

do you like eggs? I heard raccoons like eggs. Do you want eggs as wedding gifts?

What is wrong with you people?

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

Oooh, what cool animals have you learned about?

This is the edgiest name in the world, which is why I clicked the wikipedia page: Mind-Flaying Spiral Snails. They actually do have some pretty intense psychic effects on some other species, apparently. Their shells look like a vortex, according to what everyone says. I don't think I can safely see one in person, but they're cool to read about because they're incorporated into a bunch of cultural practices in the planet they're from. Apparently they're crazy invasive my dimension, though.

They're sophonts, so not exactly animals, but there's a badly threatened species called Eusophontarians that are at risk in my home dimension. They're pretty cool in the dimensions where they're still thriving. At least, sort of – they don't actually live inside the dimension, so much as cling to the outside like sharksuckers. Anyway, since they don't have material biology, they can get away with being fully modular. Those are awesome.

I'm currently hanging out with god and he's already said "chomi" about five times while I was typing so I'm just going to @chiphersconsort and let him tell you about them

[the-pet-ethics-guy]

OOC post: does anyone still follow this blog? I've been toying with bringing it back, but it would take some work to do so. I'm not sure whether there's interest, since it's just a fannish offshoot of some other AUs and gets into themes that a lot of people don't like.

If I did, there would be a lot more lore to pull from.