question that i hate popped into my head but here we are... how do your blorbos feel about the five-second rule? who is completely grossed out by the mere thought and who is comfortably dusting away unknown floor particles before snacking as usual?
LMAO this is so funny i love it ❤️ you always have such entertaining questions!!!
grossed out (from most to least): sunday, oikawa, suga, katsuki, megumi, jean
the aviary history book i guess!! i saw some people do something similar and i liked it so i started writing this monstrosity. apologies in advance for the length but i have a lot of boyfriends and also i can't shut up. which you probably already know by now if you're reading this. this will also be updated whenever i think of stuff!
(reposted from my old blog)
THE BIRDIES — jean kirschtein, katsuki bakugo, toru oikawa, michael kaiser, megumi fushiguro, satoru gojo, hajime umemiya (+haruka sakura), ryusui nanami, koshi sugawara, denki kaminari, sunday, atsumu miya
JEAN KIRSCHTEIN (attack on titan)
i mostly think about us in a modern setting (would love to come up with some canonverse lore some day tho) where we met in college and sort of unexpectedly became friends. we didn't really run in the same circles or even have the same classes, except one, and it's when i was actually tutoring for it and he needed some help. in my mind it kinda has something to do with design or whatever so he's like not really used to dealing with all that. HOWEVER, while we're working together, i discover that he's actually more artistic than we both thought (i like to hc him with some artsy talent!!! watch his OVA if you haven't)
so yeah we slowly become sorta friends through the tutoring despite both of us initially thinking that we weren't really gonna vibe all that well yk. but turns out we both think the other is cooler than we anticipated, even if there's some sassy-ness and such involved because like… it's us. jean pushes my buttons. but it's like. interesting. and we have chemistry. and yeah.
we develop a mini friendship that grows over time. he'll come sit with me if he sees me eating lunch somewhere; we'll say hey and like fist bump if we pass each other in the hallway. people are like "??? y'all know each other??" because no one really expects it, but we're like "yeah!! we have a class. he's/she's cool."
and like?? it slowly gets deeper over time??? until we're kinda hanging out even after the semester is over and i'm catching feelings, meanwhile he's ALSO catching feelings but i'm never really sure because like duh he's hot and has some other female friends he seems close to so. i'm afraid to assume too much. but… little do i know he's sorta been brushing off his regular friends AND girls who are interested in him because he's more into me than he realizes. and like. one night when we're hanging out the chemistry is just too good and we're rawdoggin' in the dorm JANNDJDKDNNDNDDNND
we're like. mated for life after that LMFAO i just… yeah. we're a little awkward trying to figure out the groove at first but we eventually become the couple that people were NOT expecting at all but we're just like down bad for each other forever. even now down the line in our "married couple" stage where we squabble more and STILL confuse people, we actually love each other so much. and everyone knows he will be whipped for me until the end of time no matter how much he bitches. THE END.
KATSUKI BAKUGO (my hero academia)
[cw: stepcest]
so in my mind this is a non-quirk au like 99% of the time, tho at some point i would like to maybe develop a more canon-compliant au!! however, for now we're simply step-siblings whose parents got married when we were young (i was 4, he was 2), so yeah, we’ve basically known each other our whole lives. “but robin—“ i know. just... i know. you can walk away like ‘smh’ if you want LOL it's fine
if you're still here however, cool.
so katsuki and i were somewhat closer when we were younger, like we would play and stuff because we kinda HAD to (and sometimes enjoyed it), but that started changing a bit as we grew up. katsuki is loud and angry and i can also be loud and angry (more so when someone brings that energy to me first) so it makes for a pretty argumentative duo lmao. i was not about to let him push me around simply because he refused to be chill.
HOWEVER… despite the fighting, the bond runs crazy deep. neither of us are particularly great at mushy gushy feelings, but our love for one another shows up where it really counts, and no amount of squabbling can negate that. it may not seem like it (and we may not even realize it at times), but we know each other better than almost anyone else.
that was fine enough as some sort of casual dynamic for the longest time as we tried to lead our own lives as two very independent individuals, but things got more iffy in young adulthood. i've kinda got him woven into a lot of shit that went down irl with my family, and in this version of it all, he was there for me (and vice versa).
the adversity strengthened our bond and drew us closer together because we mostly only had each other during a lot of those moments. the trust and faith we had in almost everyone else was shaken and nearly demolished, so we fell back on each other at the end of the day. and like. that kinda fucked with us, especially me who was always like a different brand of mentally ill than him sjfhdbdjddn
anyways sorry i'm trying my best to stick to the main points here. flash forward to current times and things are more settled now, at least when it comes to all the trauma and shit. through it all we've come to realize the deep appreciation we have for one another but UNFORTUNATELY!!! we can't be normal about it.
we've spent enough time together yet apart during different periods of our adulthood to where it's like… whenever we're together now, we both see the other as the beautiful person they always have been, but who we are now finally able to fully see. and we have both grown into ourselves, often times with the help of the other. it's so weirdly intimate because it's not like we should even really work by normal standards anyways because of how much we clash, at least on the surface, yet…..
is it fucked? yeah probably. but is it a thing? yeah, it's a thing. a somewhat disastrous and probably highly unappealing thing. we still quarrel and squabble and fight, but we love each other just as much. and it eats us alive because we shouldn't. it should be a strictly familial love, but we feel things in our chests that we aren't really supposed to, despite how we aren't technically related by blood or anything of the sort. and thus!!!! we grapple <33
oh and in this, we live together now like roommates, independent from our family. and it's like an 'if his parent came to the US and married my parent' sort of deal lmao. i've called him "kat" (mostly like "cat") ever since we were little because it was cute and short and easy for me to say, while he often calls me his shitty and/or stupid sister, but if the wrong person said something like that about me… well!! let's not think about it.
btw this whole thing started because of a post that was like "who would your fictional sibling be?" or w/e and i was like "haha wouldn't it be funny if me and bakugo were siblings lol lol lmfao" but then my brain decided i couldn't be normal about it so this happened. yeah
TORU OIKAWA (haikyuu!!)
so oikawa is in his pro player era of course and i'm the chick who works in sports media/journalism, and we meet when we're both on the job. i haven't decided if this takes place in argentina or the olympics or whatever, but either way i'm basically in a place i'm not very familiar with lol
i'm not exactly the kind of person who would typically catch oikawa's eye. in fact, he's initially somewhat off-put by my style and demeanor when he briefly sees me working, but if there's one thing toru loves, it's attention. i feel like he sees some of his teammates trying to talk to me or something and suddenly he's like 👀👀👀 and tries to swoop in with his cutesy little helpful charm since he speaks english and whatnot.
i buy into it at first and he eats up the positive attention for a minute, then i ask if i can repay him with dinner or something. he decides to entertain me and it goes well enough at first but then we both just end up being like "……ew. what an annoying freak." skdjdkdksk
so yeah enemies-to-lovers energy basically LOL. but we have to keep seeing each other through work and toru actually becomes kind of obsessed with having my attention even tho he thinks i'm some sort of weird creature. but wait the creature is kinda pretty and he wants her to watch him make this set….. and wow the way she manspreads like a freak is sorta hot….. wait don't go back to america yet!!!!
MICHAEL KAISER (blue lock)
tbh i still don't really have good lore for us yet background-wise, just vibes LOL he's my abused, aggressive shelter kitty who doesn't know how to accept love in any form. however… he has imprinted on me baby duck style whether he likes to admit it or not. he's so fucking insane about me that he doesn't know what to do with himself because his brain doesn't want to let him be with OR without me.
he's angry and intense a lot of the time but it's usually not actually directed at me—most of it is an internal struggle and no matter how badly he wants to lash out like he does at everyone else, he often finds himself unable to do that to me and will turn it back on himself. mihya is in fact a very dedicated loverboy who is really having a hard time learning to navigate it all when things get deeper than just surface-level dates and flirting and whatnot.
like truly he's rather yan about me but he knows i'm one force that he can't control, and deep down he doesn't really want to either despite his initial inclination to try. it turns him off at first before he realizes that my unwillingness to yield after a certain point mixed with my genuine love and care is what makes him want me so badly. it's like all the psychological shit piled up in his brain is clawing and scratching and telling him he NEEDS this for some reason (mommy issues <33333333)
so it's very 'girl x creature who would kill everyone else and then himself for said girl' but add a dash more obsessive repressed motherboy flavor to it. he tries to act cool and avoidant sometimes or even try to sabotage everything but it doesn't last long. it's insane but he likes how human i make him feel <3 which obviously conflicts with the 'piece of shit' persona he tries to maintain but. we're working on it <3 i love him a very normal amount (lying)
MEGUMI FUSHIGURO (jujutsu kaisen)
i met megumi at some point when i was a student at jujutsu high, but he and i were never students at the same time; i'm 5 years older than him, so he was still in primary/middle school, but we met through his connection to gojo. we didn't really interact much until he became a student himself but lowkey i think he started developing a little bit of a crush on me back when he was a kid.
flash forward to him actually being a jujutsu high student, and myself a regular sorcerer. i'm not a teacher or anything, but he and i do end up working together a few times on missions and whatnot, so there's some mentorship going on there. this is where we learn how well we work together and when his crush really starts developing.
i'm kinda his secret crush like this for years until he gets older and more established as a sorcerer. we start working together a lot more and therefore get closer over time; then i start Seeing Him; i'm like… damn. he's gotten kinda hot. and strong. and i like talking to him. and he always brings me coffee. and he actually has a cute little smile…
so yeah feelings = caught!!! and working jobs together goes from like efficient coworker/friend duo to… i've got your back. i'll take the extra blow from the cursed spirit. because i think i love you. and i'll sacrifice myself for you. and… almost losing you made me realize i have to tell you this. NOW.
SATORU GOJO (jujutsu kaisen)
i met this dumbass in school when he was a third year and i was a first. we weren't close or anything ofc but like we were chill enough with each other (he thought i was funny to be around sometimes and vice versa even tho he also gets on my damn nerves).
years later we're basically coworkers. he nags me to hang out with him because nanami or shoko won't and i'm like "sure why not" because even tho he's a cocky freak he can still be fun and i am not immune to shenanigans especially when our jobs are lowkey depressing af. this continues until!!! gasp!!! we kinda become closer friends.
and that's all i'm really expecting it to be y'know. i always had a little crush on him because he's cute and funny but like he's satoru gojo and he doesn't let anyone forget that he's the world's most specialest little boy. i'm probably just his fun entertainment monkey like i'm not dumb i know when people are mostly wanting to be around me because they're bored or because i make them feel Seen or whatever. and it's fine not everything has to be a super deep relationship but over time the more we hang out the more i'm like… wow he's actually more of a lonely loserboy than i thought. like i don't think he gets any bitches he just sits alone in his basement and watches movies whenever he's not teaching or exorcising all the curses nobody else can deal with. i might be his only friend that's willing to spend time with him.
even his avoidant ass can't hide this from me because i Know Things. and people often open themselves up to me because i'm just real with them and that's exactly what happens. he's not immune to this weird manic pixie dream girl shit i apparently exude and he's eventually kind of letting me in and vice versa. it feels so extra good for him in particular to just be vulnerable that we do what any two smart individuals would do when they want to make things more complicated—we fuck <3
and it feels really good because he doesn't do this very often. or ever maybe. and it's been a while for me too. so unfortunately that means we want to do it again… and again… until it becomes semi-regular, because damn… it's good. TOO good, like it feels like we were made for each other good, but i'm not really buying it when he starts saying stuff that implies he wants things to be more serious.
i'm convinced he's just pussydrunk and high off the feeling off being Known and shit and that there's no way he can take a relationship seriously. in my mind i'm just a nice sidepiece that's filling a void in his life until something else comes along, so i'm not setting myself up for some messy shit. he says he's being for real but when i insist otherwise he's like alright fine… and we go back to playing it cool. he shoves it down and does his "sexy cool distant guy" thing until he's having a wet kitten moment and suddenly needs his "mommy" fix AKA he's hitting me up acting like he's gonna pound it but lowkey when i hold him in missionary he wants to cry.
ANYWAYS lmfao he does eventually manage to convince me that he wants me fr and that it's not just fleeting or selfish or w/e so i'm like… okay i GUESS. so we're technically serious now but that's the backstory of how we got to this point HOORAY !!
HAJIME UMEMIYA (+ HARUKA SAKURA) (wind breaker)
T B H my lore for this isn't super solid either. at least not when it comes to how we met and all that good stuff. but essentially hajime umemiya made me question how someone so wonderful could possibly be allowed to walk on this earth and want to walk with ME while he's at it. he's so good and after i realized he really wasn't just some fake malicious bitch putting on an act i wanted him immediately. i could only DREAM of him looking my way tho so when he did i was just like… i'm dead fr. this ain't even happening i'm in heaven.
every day i get to wake up and call him my boyfriend or whatever doesn't even feel real because why does he deal with my road rage and irritability and my tendency to be weird in relationships with people? well he says it's because he sees how good i truly am and how i just want everything to be good for everyone all the time. so when people do stuff that makes things worse for others, i get angry and that just means i care a lot. and i was dragged down by negative events and people for so so long that my true innate optimism didn't always get to shine like it was supposed to. but whenever i'm with him, it gets to!!!
i can be happy and joyful and optimistic without someone or something lurking around the corner waiting to drag me down. i can take on life's challenges without feeling like it's the end of the world not only because i'm independent and strong enough to do so on my own, but because i've got someone like him backing me up if i happen to need it. i'm not a little creature meant to be kept in a box—i'm stronger and more beautiful when i'm free, and that's exactly how he wants me to stay!!
adding sakura to the mix came later down the line ofc. he'd certainly mellowed out quite a bit since we first knew him, but it was obvious to us that he still just… needed something. maybe a little push. like hajime and i are pretty good at picking up on stuff, and we saw how relaxed yet almost flustered he could be around us, so we decided to keep being close friends and urging (but not forcing) him to do stuff with us. which he would actually often agree to a little more than he would with others tbh.
and it turns out he'd always had a bit of a crush on me, since before hajime and i even became a thing. but obviously he wasn't crazy enough to try and take umemiya's girlfriend; however, that didn't make him feel less flustered whenever we were together. and i noticed. hajime noticed. and internally haruka's like… why do i still feel so weird around them? wait… do i feel weird about umemiya too?
we thoroughly talk it over and decide to strategize something, because we both acknowledge just how much we really care about sakura and want him to be happy. we try something kinda lowkey the next time the three of us are together, like me asking if i can hold his hand or whatever. of course he's kinda freaking out like "what???? you're with umemiya……." but hajime assures him it's fine. and sakura wants to explode but he also really does want to hold my hand and doesn't want to disappoint either of us…
so yeah little things like that build over time <3 until we eventually bring up the idea of a legit relationship and also sexual stuff lol. he's our baby bean we love him to the moon and back <3
RYUSUI NANAMI (dr. stone)
i don't have a lot mapped out for us yet, but my current idea is that i was on my very first international vacation ever visiting japan… and then the whole world turned to stone lmfao. and my revival pre-america journey was an accident because they either thought i was someone else or someone done fucked up spilled some revival fluid osjfaoijfoiwjfie so now they're stuck with a random white bitch who's really confused and knows minimal japanese <3
but luckily for them!!! i actually pick up on linguistic stuff pretty easily. i imagine someone like francois and/or gen being the ones i'm around the most at first because they can translate and also teach me japanese (and this is how i get closer to ryusui since i'm hanging around his butler all the time).
also i like to learn... and i have maybe some skills that can be useful??? i'm good with technology and i can use weapons and do other american hick shit so maybe i'm not a total waste. and i can do a lillian weinberg impression that rivals gen's and i can sing her songs too because!! huzzah they've revived themselves a musician!
i'm kinda happy to be gum on the bottom of francois' shoe because i think ryusui's kinda neat… and he thinks i'm kinda neat… so as the language barrier becomes less and less of a thing, we become more of a thing. and yeah <3 he teaches me what it's like to be out on the ocean and all kinds of things like that i'd never done in the old world. because now i'm not poor and even if i was my rich boyfriend would see to it that i have whatever i want <3 and also they all have to take me back to america on the voyage so i can personally see to it that tr*mp's statue "accidentally" gets crumbled to dust beyond repair <3 (/hj)
KOSHI SUGAWARA (haikyuu!!)
coming soon <3 my initial sorta lore was that he was my little brother's elementary school teacher, but i may end up changing that idk!! just know that i love him and he is very husband <3 i want to smooch him and i also kinda have a lil polyship with him and oikawa that isn't backed up with lore + probably doesn't make sense but! idc i love cute setters apparently and also smooshing them together.
ATSUMU MIYA (haikyuu!!)
as if i haven't already suffered enough with oikawa—
🚬🚬🚬 i never asked for this man. i never wanted this man. but sometimes you don't choose the blorbo, the blorbo chooses you. (or your friend makes a "which hq character would take you on a blind date?" quiz and suddenly you're making funny headcanons about the annoying fake blond you got as your result. and then it starts becoming more serious than you ever intended it to be)
it's a situationship from hell. he pisses me off to no end yet wants to fuck me so bad it makes him look stupid. and unfortunately i also really want to fuck him sometimes, so i throw the dog a bone, and therefore the cycle continues. as of right now he has latched on and refused to let go so i am Dealing With It. more details to possibly come in the future.
DENKI KAMINARI (my hero academia)
coming soon <3 it's a very friends-to-lovers type beat but with less complication than whatever i had going on with satoru LMAO. idk he's just my cutie pie pikachu who i don't have super defined lore for but who is ever-present in my harem and nothing would be the same without him.
this is so unserious but how would your faves pair up if you for some reason made them run an anything goes three-legged race and who would win??
i love this 😭😭 LMAOOO okay let's see… getting some of them to pair up on their own might be tricky LOL but it's like a partner project in school; you gotta have somebody at least so they're gonna end up with somebody regardless.
so i guess this is how it'd go (i'm making a rule that there are no powers allowed since not everyone has them to begin with 💔):
bakugo & kaiser — as much of a disaster as it sounds to have these two together… i think they might actually pick each other. neither of them WANTS to pick ANYBODY ofc but given that they have to, i think they'd both want to go with someone they know will help them win. as ridiculous as they believe the whole thing is, they still don't wanna lose LOL and who better to go with than the other insanely competitive blond guy?? they'll get along just long enough to make it work
oikawa & jean — oikawa also wants to win and lowkey so does jean so i think they'd try to team up. they have serious beef with team bakukaiser and want to crush them by any means necessary so they'll try to stop bitching at each other and work together
sunday & wriothesley — i feel like sunday would approach wriothesley tbh. wrio is a sensible guy but also really physically capable so while sunday will act graciously no matter where he ends up, he still has preferences. i think there's also a tiny bit of a secret competitive streak within him that wants to win so having wriothesley as a teammate would give him an edge while also sparing his sanity from dealing with someone like gojo or bakugo.
gojo & yuuta — speaking of gojo, there are a few who are immediately thinking "i want gojo" when told to pair up LMFAO but when i announce the "no powers" rules they're a little less enthusiastic sodifjioafj he's still a really good competitor but is a fucking doofus. and i think he would want to pair up with yuuta for funsies
sakura & toji — so sakura's first choice would probably be umemiya ofc but tbh i'm having this vision of him being poached by toji for some reason. toji thinks he's a strong little dude and while toji himself he doesn't necessarily need help from anybody, he decides it can't hurt to have the extra boost. and lowkey i think sakura probably reminds toji of himself a little bit in some ways so there's like a subconscious bias lmao
denki & ryusui — these two are exploding with enthusiasm over this whole thing. they're getting hyped up and convincing themselves that they're gonna win and are definitely going to have fun regardless
belphie & tanjiro — belphie is not overly excited about this activity and is sort of quietly hoping that he'll be able to get out of it somehow but then tanjiro approaches like "belphie! would you like to be my partner?" because he sees him all alone and belphie can't so no because tanjiro is so nice oaifjidsofj he's also strong af which will balance out belphie's lazy ass (tho tanjiro's encouragement actually convinces belphie to put in effort)
megumi & vash — this duo is entertaining yet somewhat cute in my mind. megumi's another one who's not really actively trying to seek out anyone in particular and vash is happy to just sort of go wherever, so they end up as a team when vash asks. they aren't half bad either once they get coordinated.
suga & umemiya — and last but not least: the Fathers. they're both just happy to be here and are waiting to see who might need a partner at the end. they're used to kinda being the mediators and dealing with the more… problematic individuals, but are pleased to see that everyone else has managed to pair up already, so THEY get to team up in the end!! it's a refreshing change of pace for them to not have to wrangle brats for once but they're still keeping an eye out from a distance
and the winners???? lowkey my heart kinda wants to say sakura and toji for some reason. i feel like they sorta need it LOL like it would be a little healing for them, especially as individuals who are used to fighting tooth and nail for everything, particularly against others who have more power/privilege. i think they managed to strategize and coordinate well for this one.
