I have mastered the art of covering the ugly eyebrow. - Alicia 2k17
Anyways happy BFSN guys!! Idk what’s up with the exposure in these pictures but I’m not mad about it because it lowkey hides my acne and makes the dark circles look less shitty than they really are (finals month is killing me, #IB)
(Prayer circle so that Jasper doesn’t die tonight oml) - I mean, tagging y’all because I want to see your beautiful faces (before we all cry): @clarkegryphus @the-ships-to-rule-them-all @queenofexplosions @kalaawolfgang @molliiholmes @santanicos-pandemoniums and anyone else that wants to post selfies and anyone else in my networks because I’m sure you’re all fabulous <3
Bellamy tried to sleep. He knew that he needed to, and Clarke had made him promise, but he just couldn't do it. Not without knowing Octavia was okay. It was either that or wait until he fell asleep from exhaustion.
Lincoln slept for about forty-five minutes, but that was it.
After Lincoln woke up, Bellamy went to change into the clothes Clarke had brought, then he gave Lincoln the extras. Lincoln was bigger than Bellamy, so they would be a tight fit, but it was better than nothing.
Lincoln thanked him and left to change.
Bellamy got really fidgety after while. He was so tired, and so scared, and all he wanted was to know that Octavia was going to be okay.
Lincoln bought them both lunch at around noon, but Bellamy wasn't hungry.
"You have to eat," Lincoln said.
"I'm not hungry," Bellamy said.
"Not eating won't help anything," Lincoln said.
"I said I'm not hungry," Bellamy said, harsher than he meant to.
"It doesn't matter," Lincoln said, “you need to eat.”
Bellamy forced down a fibre bar and a glass of orange juice.
Bellamy offered Lincoln one of his books, but Lincoln declined. Bellamy tried to read, but he was still too fidgety.
Miller showed up at one, bringing Monroe with him. They came in quietly, greeting Bellamy.
They said hello to Lincoln before turning back to Bellamy.
"We're on our lunch break," Miller explained, sitting down next to Bellamy.
Monroe sat down across from them.
"How is she?" She asked.
"Fine," Bellamy shrugged, "she's unconscious; has been since they arrived on scene. Her lung collapsed and some of her ribs are broken, and she was in surgery all night. They don't know if she has any brain injuries, or how bad her brain injuries are, but they find out when she wakes up."
"I'm sure they're doing the best they can," Miller said.
Bellamy looked over at him. For once, he wished that he wasn't a police officer, and he didn't know that was what they were taught to say. Miller meant well, but it wasn't the same not knowing how much Miller meant it.
"Thanks," he muttered.
"Have you seen her?" Miller asked.
"They won't let me," Bellamy said.
"If she's out of surgery, you should be able to see her soon," Monroe said.
Miller and Monroe sat with them until their lunch break was over. They left, promising to be back later.
"They’re nice," Lincoln said after they left.
"They are," Bellamy agreed.
"You work together?" Lincoln asked.
"Yea," Bellamy said, "Miller's my partner, and I've worked at the same station as Monroe for five years. Did Clarke call your friends?" Bellamy asked.
"Yes," Lincoln said, "but if they visit, it won't be until late."
"Why?" Bellamy asked.
"They have work, and they're not going to use their lunch breaks to visit Octavia," Lincoln said.
The way he said it caught Bellamy's attention.
"Do they not like her?" Bellamy asked.
"They like Octavia," Lincoln said, "She's just not one of them."
At about three, there was a knock on the door, then a nurse entered the small waiting room.
"You two are here for Octavia Blake?" she asked.
"Yes," Lincoln said.
"How do you two know her?" The nurse asked.
"I'm her brother," Bellamy said.
"I'm her boyfriend," Lincoln told her.
"Has something happened?" Bellamy asked.
"Miss Blake's condition is the same, but she can now receive visitors," The nurse said, "Unfortunately, she's in a family only ward." She directed the last part at Lincoln, who sunk back down into his chair.
"You go see her," Lincoln said to Bellamy.
Bellamy looked at him for a second before turning back to the nurse.
"Lincoln's practically family," Bellamy said. "I know Octavia would say the same."
"I'm sorry," the nurse said, "but he can't come. If she gets moved to a different ward, things may change."
Lincoln stayed in the waiting room while Bellamy followed the nurse through the hospital. She took him up to the third floor, and down a long and narrow hallway.
"I'll have to warn you," the nurse said, "she's in bad shape."
"I'm a police officer," Bellamy said, "I've seen people in pretty bad shape."
Bellamy had seen people in all kinds of conditions; from mangled bodies to dismembered ones. That didn't prepare him for what it was like to see his sister in such a condition.
She looked horrible. Her skin was pale, and almost translucent, and she had cuts and bruises all along the skin Bellamy could see. There were too many machines for Bellamy to bother counting them, and they were all hooked up to Octavia.
"I'll just leave you here," the nurse said. She was quiet as she left.
Bellamy stood in the doorway for a moment, taking it all in. He forced himself to walk in and pull a chair up to the bed. He sat down in it and stared at his sister. He tentatively reached out and grabbed Octavia's hand. When he registered her limp, cold hand, Bellamy started to feel everything he had been holding back. He started crying.
He started rubbing her hand, trying to restore warmth to it. It wasn't cold like a dead body, but it was too cold for a live one.
Clarke was at the apartment getting ready to go to the hospital when she got a phone call from Bellamy. He was crying.
"I'm with Octavia," he said as soon as Clarke picked up, "I don't know what to do. She's hooked up to so many machines, and she looks so pale, and there's nothing I can do."
Clarke managed to console him, and got him to hang up the phone with the promise that she was on her way.
Once she hung up, Clarke broke down. Having to hear Bellamy like that was what finally tipped her over the edge.
How was she supposed to go support him when there was nothing Clarke could say? How could he expect her to be that person? Could she handle seeing Octavia? Would they even let her in? It wasn't the hospital Clarke volunteered at, but she thought that it was a family only ward.
Clarke called her mother.
"Hello?" Her mom said.
"Mom," Clarke's voice shook.
"Clarke?" Abby said, "what's wrong."
Clarke hadn't told her when it had happened, so she told her mom all about what had happened. By the end of it, Clarke was in tears.
"I don't know what to do," Clarke cried, "Bellamy needs me, and I'm trying to be positive, but I can't do it anymore."
"Yes you can," Abby said firmly, "you are stronger than you think you are. You can do this. I know you want to be strong for Bellamy and Octavia, and I know you can. I know it's hard, and scary, and I know that's what Clarke Griffin does best. The best thing you can do for him is to be there," Abby said, "go to the hospital and stay there for as long as you can."
After a few more comforting minutes on the phone with her mother, Clark hung up, and mentally prepared herself to go to the hospital.
She grabbed Bellamy a pair of pajama pants and a hoodie. Clarke didn't need to ask to know that Bellamy wouldn't be coming home that night. Until Octavia woke up, Clarke doubted he would leave the hospital at all.
When she got to the hospital, Clarke found Lincoln alone in the waiting room.
"Hey," Clarke said, sitting down across from him.
"Hi," Lincoln said.
"Bellamy said he got to see Octavia," Clarke said.
"He went up a few hours ago," Lincoln said.
"Why aren't you there?" Clarke asked.
"Family only," Lincoln said.
"I’m sorry," Clarke said.
"Did Bellamy say how Octavia's doing?" Lincoln asked.
"She still hasn't woken up," Clarke said, "He said that there are a lot of machines, and she's looking pale. That could mean anything really."
After talking with Lincoln for a while, Clarke decided to see if she could see Bellamy and Octavia. She knew Octavia would be up in the trauma ward on the third floor, so she rode the elevator up, then quickly made her way to where she knew Octavia would be.
Volunteering at a hospital had helped give Clarke the expertise she needed to be the kind of family member that they granted easy access to wards without being totally obnoxious.
She hurried up to the desk and asked about Octavia in a panicked voice.
"How are you related to her?" The nurse asked calmly.
"I'm her sister in law," Clarke said, "Is she okay? Do you know anything else?"
"Nothing has changed since this morning," the nurse said, "Miss Blake is down in room 327."
"Thank you," Clarke said, before hurrying down to the correct room.
Clarke saw people in bad shape hooked up to large, intimidating machines all the time, but it was different when the person was someone she knew.
Bellamy was sitting in a chair with his back to her. He was silently holding one of Octavia's hands.
"Bellamy," Clarke said after a moment.
Bellamy turned around.
"Clarke?" He got up to hug her.
"If anyone asks, I'm your wife," Clarke said.
Bellamy nodded.
Clarke pulled up another chair. She sat down next to Bellamy, who had resumed his position beside the bed, holding Octavia hand.
"She's been like this since I got here," Bellamy said, "hooked up to all these machines."
Clarke studied the machines that Octavia was hooked up to. They were what she had expected. A ventilator that was connected to a tube that they had taped to Octavia’s mouth, a heart monitor, and a few iv’s, among others.
She explained what each machine was, and what they did. This seemed to ease some of Bellamy's worries, and it gave Clarke something to concentrate on.
A nurse came in while Clarke was explaining one of the machines.
"You really know your stuff," the nurse said.
"I'm in my third year of med school," Clarke said.
After the doctor had been through a few times, he decided to take Octavia off the ventilator.
“Is she ready for that?” Bellamy asked, his voice shaking.
“He wouldn’t take her off if she wasn’t,” Clarke said.
“But what if she isn’t?” Bellamy asked.
“Then they’ll put her back on it,” Clarke said. She looked over at him and saw the apprehensive look on his face. “This is a good thing, Bellamy. This means that they think she can breathe by herself.”
“This is good,” Bellamy repeated to himself.
Clarke stayed with Bellamy until he told her to go home.
"This isn't good for the baby," Bellamy said, "you need to rest."
"Sitting here with you is resting," Clarke said.
"No it isn't," Bellamy said. "You need to sleep."
"So do you," Clarke pointed out.
"Clarke," Bellamy said.
"I'll go home," Clarke said, "just promise me that you'll call me as soon as you hear anything, and you'll try to get to sleep."
"I'll try," Bellamy said.
Clarke gave him a quick kiss before heading back down to the waiting room where she knew Lincoln would be. When she got there, she found Harper and Murphy as well. Clarke knew that Harper and Murphy were supposed to be going out together, so she was surprised to see them. They all stood up when Clarke entered the room.
"Hey," Harper said, closing the space between them to give Clarke a hug. Clarke hugged her back.
"Did you get in?" Lincoln asked.
"Yea," Clarke said after she had pulled away from Harper, "I told them that I was her sister in law."
"How is she?" Lincoln asked.
"It's what I expected," Clarke said.
"Is Bellamy staying up there?" Murphy asked.
Clarke nodded. "I don't think anything could get him to leave."
Clarke stayed with them for a few moments.
Harper and Murphy had been there for about an hour. Jasper and Monty had waited as well, but they had left a while ago. Raven wanted to come too, but she was just much too busy. She had told Harper to tell Clarke that she would be there as soon as possible.
"Thank you for coming," Clarke said, as Harper were leaving, "it means a lot."
After they left, Clarke turned to Lincoln.
"Do you need anything?" She asked, "I can go get stuff now if you really need them, or I'll bring them tomorrow."
"I have everything I need," Lincoln said, "my aunt is going to bring me some belongings tomorrow."
"Okay," Clarke said, "Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."
Clarke went home.
She had bigger things to worry about than what was happening with the baby, but Clarke assumed that the stress hadn't done anything horrible to her, as she was still moving around about the same amount as she did before the accident.
She was sitting up in bed after making herself a quick snack.
"Your aunt is in the hospital," Clarke said, rubbing her stomach, "she hurt herself pretty badly. I want you to stay in there for a while longer, but I hope you get to see your aunt soon after you come out. She's your daddy's little sister; I'm sure you'll love her too. Your aunt is amazing," Clarke started tearing up, "she's so happy and full of life, and she already loves you so much."
Clarke wiped her eyes.
The baby had been moving when Clarke had started talking to her, but she had stopped.
"I guess it's time to go to bed," Clarke said.
She was woken up by her phone ringing loudly on her bedside table. Clarke glanced at the time, 2:38, before picking up the call from Bellamy.
"What is it?" Clarke asked.
"She woke up," Bellamy said, hope in his voice, "like ten minutes ago. They kicked me out to check on her, but she woke up."
"That's great," Clarke said. Her eyes started welling up with happy tears.
As positive as Clarke had tried to be, and as much as she knew the reality that Octavia was doing better than she could have been, Clarke knew that she was still human; she had still been terrified of the reality that Octavia might not wake up. Now that she was conscious, her odds went way up. She didn't want to be too optimistic, though.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," Clarke said.
She threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of Bellamy's old sweaters, and all but ran out the door.
When she got to the hospital, she found Lincoln and Bellamy in the waiting room.
"This is good, right?" Bellamy asked hesitantly.
"This is good," Clarke confirmed, "they just have to check how much brain damage Octavia has."
"What could that mean?" Lincoln asked.
"It depends," Clarke said, being purposely vague.
At best, Octavia had a concussion, and would recover with minimal lasting side effects. At worst, she would be permanently, severely physically and mentally disabled. Clarke silently prayed that that wasn't the case.
They waited for another hour before someone came in.
"How is she?" Bellamy asked.
"The good news is that Miss Blake has control of all of her limbs. There seems to be minimal issues with that," the doctor said.
"And the bad news?" Lincoln asked carefully.
"Miss Blake most certainly has a brain injury. She is very confused," the doctor said, "that is to be expected, and she still has the chance of a full recovery, but brain injuries are extremely unpredictable."
"Can we go see her?" Clarke asked.
"We think it would be best if only her brother saw her, right now," the doctor said, "we don’t want to overwhelm her." He turned to Bellamy. "We have to warn you that she is extremely disoriented, and shows signs of amnesia. It's most likely that she'll remember something about you."
Bellamy followed the doctor back up to Octavia's room.
"She might say things that make no sense, or ask questions repeatedly," the doctor said, "it's just part of having a brain injury. Do your best to do as she asks, and answer any of her questions."
Bellamy tried to prepare himself to see Octavia before walking through the doorway.
"Hi Bellamy," Octavia said.
Other than being sitting up, and moving around, she looked pretty much the same. She was still hooked up to most of the same machines, and she was still very pale.
"What am I doing here?" Octavia asked. Her speech was slurred.
"You got in a car accident," Bellamy said.
"Did you tell dad?" Octavia asked.
"We don't know your dad," Bellamy said.
Octavia looked around, as if she hadn't heard him.
"Why am I hooked up to these machines?" Octavia asked.
"You got in a car accident," Bellamy told her.
He stayed with her until she went to sleep.
Bellamy tried to be happy that she was awake; and he was, sort of. It was just hard to be happy when they still didn't know if Octavia would be okay.
He sat with Octavia long after she fell asleep. Eventually a nurse came in to check up on Octavia. When she saw the state Bellamy was in, she suggested that he go home, take a shower, and get a good night's sleep.
"She might be out all night," the nurse said, "we'll call if anything at all happens."
Bellamy gave in, and headed back down to the waiting room where Clarke and Lincoln were still sitting.
"She's asleep," Bellamy said. "Her nurse told me that I should go home for the night."
"We should all go home," Clarke yawned, "you two really need to get some sleep."
"I don't know if I want to," Bellamy mumbled.
"I know you're afraid you're going to miss something," Clarke said, "but Octavia is doing well, all things considered. It's unlikely anything significant is going to happen in the next six hours. You really need your sleep. Trust me when I say that a good night's sleep can give you a new perspective."
The three of them walked out to the parking lot together before Lincoln went towards his car, and Clarke led Bellamy to theirs.
Clarke drove them back, she absolutely refused to let Bellamy since he hadn't slept in the past few days, and they went up to their apartment.
Clarke gathered all of her school supplies, and left for school soon after they got back.
Bellamy had the day off, so he stayed at the apartment. He napped on and off until Clarke got back from school, and woke him up so they could visit Octavia again.
When they got to the hospital, there was a doctor in Octavia’s room, asking her a series of questions.
“Hi Bell,” Octavia said when she saw him. She was still slurring her speech.
“Hi, O,” Bellamy greeted.
Bellamy and Clarke sat down out of the way while the doctor finished up the questions.
“What’s your name?” The doctor asked.
“Octavia Blake,” Octavia said.
“Can you write that down?” The doctor asked Octavia.
She picked up the pencil that was on the table that was positioned over her lap, and started to write, or, at least, try to write. It took longer than it should have, and it was a lot messier than Octavia’s normal writing, but it looked like her name.
“Very good,” The doctor said, “do you know where you are?”
“The hospital,” Octavia said after a moment.
“Do you know which hospital?” The doctor asked.
“The children’s hospital,” Octavia said.
The doctor scribbled down some notes.
“You are in the general hospital,” the doctor told her. He turned to Bellamy and Clarke, “you two are the brother and sister-in-law?”
“Yes,” Bellamy said.
The doctor motioned for the three of them to step outside.
“All things considered, Octavia is doing quite well,” the doctor said, “as you know, she has control of her body. She has lost some of her fine motor skills, but they may return. While she can move her legs, she may need a cane, depending on how she does when we get her up and walking. Our biggest concern is her confusion and memory issues.”
“How so?” Clarke asked.
The doctor continued, “It’s still too close to the time of the accident to know whether those symptoms will go away, or if they are permanent. It is expected for her to have a certain amount of amnesia surrounding the accident, but she seems to have forgotten more than just the accident. We still don’t know extensive her memory loss is, and if her memories will ever return. Brain injuries are unpredictable.”
“What happens if her symptoms don’t go away?” Bellamy asked.
“She could have trouble forming new memories,” the doctor said, “entire years of her life could be blank. It’s hard to tell right now, how she’ll be in a few days, even. Those would be worse case scenarios, though. Octavia could end up being virtually the same as she was before.”
Bellamy didn’t say anything.
“Thank you,” Clarke said to the doctor, glancing at Bellamy, “is there anything else?”
“There are no concerns with her physical injuries,” the doctor said, “that’s all.”
“Thank you,” Clarke repeated when Bellamy still didn’t speak up.
The doctor excused himself, leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone in their section of the hallway.
“Are you okay?” Clarke asked Bellamy.
“My sister’s in the hospital,” Bellamy said, sarcastically, “of course, I’m just fine and dandy.”
He stalked into Octavia’s room. Clarke followed.
“Hi Bell,” Octavia greeted when he walked in.
“Hey, O,” Bellamy said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “how are you.”
“My side hurts from gardening,” Octavia said.
Bellamy glanced over at Clarke, who was staring back at him. Octavia noticed Clarke.
“Hi Clarke,” She said.
“Hi,” Clarke responded
Clarke walked farther into the room.
"Why are you so fat?" Octavia asked, not unkindly.
"I'm pregnant," Clarke said.
Octavia paused for a moment.
"Why'd you let him knock you up?" Octavia asked, "you know he doesn't feel the same way."
"Why'd I let who knock me up?" Clarke asked.
"Luke" Octavia said.
Clarke and Bellamy shared another look.
"The baby is mine and Bellamy's," Clarke said carefully.
"Where'd you two get a baby?" Octavia asked, "they don't grow here."
They stayed with Octavia for a few hours, until she went back to sleep. As they were leaving, Clarke got a call from Lincoln.
He asked if they had seen Octavia, so Clarke told him everything the doctor had told them, and the things she had noticed in their conversation.
They were both exhausted when they got home.
While Clarke changed into her pajamas, used the bathroom, and went to sleep in Bellamy's bed; Bellamy took a long shower, then crept into his room so as not to wake up Clarke. He didn't sleep, though; he couldn't. He was absolutely exhausted, and any logical person would think that Bellamy would be out as soon as his head hit the pillow, but he just couldn't fall asleep.
Clarke deserved some sympathy for having to deal with insomnia for weeks on end.
Finally, Bellamy slid out of bed, and padded down to the kitchen. He grabbed himself a bowl of cereal, and sat at the table. Even if he still couldn't sleep, at least his appetite had returned.
Bellamy ate a couple of bowls of cereal before returning to his room. As he tiptoed in, Clarke turned to him.
"Can't sleep?" She whispered.
"No," Bellamy said, slipping into bed, "You can't either?"
"The baby kicked my small intestine," Clarke said.
"Can I feel her?" Bellamy asked.
Clarke slid her hands around her stomach.
"I'm not sure," she said. She took Bellamy's hands and placed them on her abdomen.
Feeling his daughter move around inside Clarke was almost a peaceful experience. Clarke felt like her insides were being beaten up by the baby, but the movement reassured that the baby was still okay; at the very least, the baby was still okay.
Bellamy fell asleep soon after. He didn't stay asleep for long, and neither did Clarke, but Bellamy felt better once they woke up. Clarke did not feel better. She felt almost the same, maybe even a bit worse since the baby continually tried to stretch, and kicked Clarke's intestines, and pushed down on her bladder.
Bellamy went back to work, and Clarke, who had traded her shifts from the previous days, continued with school and volunteering. Bellamy visited virtually every day, and Clarke visited when ever she could.
Two weeks later, Clarke was studying in the kitchen, and Bellamy was reading in living room.
Bellamy's phone rang. He didn't bother to look at the caller ID before picking up.
"Hello," he said.
"Hi," a female voice said, "is this Bellamy Blake?"
"Yes," Bellamy said.
"I'm calling from the General Hospital," the woman said. "Octavia Blake has been in a car accident, and you are her emergency contact."
Bellamy froze.
"Mr. Blake?" The woman said.
"Is she going to be okay?" Bellamy choked out.
Clarke's head snapped up when she heard his voice.
"I don’t have any information on that," the woman said. "Once you're here, we may be able to tell you more."
"I'll be right there," Bellamy managed.
He hung up.
"Is everything okay?" Clarke asked.
"Octavia's been in a car accident,” Bellamy strained.
"Did they say anything else?" Clarke asked, pushing herself out of her chair, and hurrying over to the couch.
"No," Bellamy said, "she just just said that Octavia's been in a car accident, and that they might tell me more when I get there."
"We should go down there," Clarke said, already hurrying to the closet to grab her coat.
On their way, Clarke called Lincoln to make sure he knew; he didn't. He said he'd meet them there.
Bellamy dropped off Clarke while he went to park. She hurried through emergency, and up to the desk.
"Maternity is on the fourth floor," the receptionist said when Clarke got to the desk.
"What?" Clarke asked before she realized what the receptionist meant, "no, I'm fine. I'm here for Octavia Blake. I was told that she was in a car accident."
The receptionist typed something into her computer, then scrolled for a bit.
Bellamy walked in. He spotted her at the desk, and hurried over.
"You can follow me," The receptionist said. She led them to a small, private room.
"Can you tell us anything about how my sister is doing?" Bellamy asked.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know anything," The receptionist said, "I'll let the nurses know that you're here. You can talk to them."
She left them alone.
Bellamy collapsed into the nearest chair, and Clarke sat herself down next to him.
Bellamy put his head in his hands.
"What if she's not okay?" He said.
Clarke started rubbing his back.
"Don't think like that," Clarke said, "It could be nothing; she could be absolutely fine. Maybe she was only brought here as a precaution. We don't know anything. Let's at least wait until someone tells us what's going on before we make assumptions."
Bellamy didn't respond.
Clarke continued to rub his back as someone knocked on the door. A doctor walked in.
"Hello," he said, "you two are here for Octavia Blake?"
"Yes," Clarke said.
"I'm Dr. Hansen," He said, "how do you two know Miss Blake."
Bellamy looked up and wiped his eyes.
"I'm her brother," He said, "and this is my girlfriend."
"I'm her best friend," Clarke said.
"How is she?" Bellamy asked.
The doctor sat down across from them.
"She's in critical condition," the doctor said, "she has three broken ribs and a collapsed lung. She was unconscious when paramedics arrived on the scene, and we aren't sure if her brain suffered any damage. She's in surgery right now, but we can't tell how she's going to be."
Bellamy put his head back in hands, and Clarke put her hand on his shoulder again.
"Do you know what happened?" Clarke asked.
"She was involved in a collision with a pick up truck," the doctor said. He got up, "We'll let you know when we find out more."
"Thank you," Clarke said.
The doctor left. Bellamy started sobbing. Clarke pulled him into as as close to a hug as she could manage.
"Those injuries are all survivable," Clarke soothed, "They don't want to jinx it, but Octavia has a chance, I promise."
Bellamy continued to sob.
"What if I lose her?" Bellamy asked, "She's all I have left."
"We don't how she's going to be," Clarke said, "and you have the baby and I."
"It's not the same," Bellamy said.
That stung, but Clarke knew he was right.
Of course he had Clarke and the baby, but Octavia was his sister. He had grown up with her; spent his entire life trying to protect her. He must feel so hopeless to now be able to do nothing to help Octavia. Clarke had no idea what he was going through, and there was nothing she could say that would make anything better for him.
This was one of the reasons Clarke was afraid to be a doctor. It would one day be her job to tell people devastating things. There were no classes on how to lessen the blow of a negative prognosis; it was something that everyone had to figure out by themselves.
There was another knock on the door, then Lincoln walked in. He stopped when he saw Bellamy sobbing.
Clarke got him to sit down. She told him what the doctor had told them, then her interpreted version.
"It's not great," Clarke said, "but Octavia is healthy and young."
After she was done, Lincoln let out a shaky breath.
During this, Bellamy had stopped sobbing, but he still had his head in his hands, and Clarke kept her arms around him.
The three of them sat there for what seemed like hours. After Bellamy seemed better, Clarke called all of their friends and told them. She also got some numbers from Lincoln, and called them as well.
When she was done, she, Lincoln, and Bellamy sat in the private waiting room for what seemed like an eternity.
It was well past midnight when Bellamy checked the time.
"You should go home," Bellamy said.
"No," Clarke said, "you need me here."
"You have class tomorrow," Bellamy said, "I'll be fine. You should go home and get some rest. I'll call you if they tell us anything."
"I'll have to take your truck," Clarke said.
"You can use my car, if you need to get anywhere," Lincoln told Bellamy.
"You need your rest," Bellamy said. "This isn't good for the baby."
Clarke sighed.
"I'll go to the police station and tell them that you won't be in," Clarke said.
"Thanks," Bellamy said.
Clarke took the keys, kissed Bellamy, then left.
When Clarke woke up at her normal time of six am, she still hadn't heard from Bellamy. She decided not to check in until she was at least done getting ready for school.
Her phone rang just as she was getting out of the shower. It was Bellamy.
"Hello," Clarke said.
"Hey," Bellamy said.
"How are things?" Clarke asked.
"She’s out of surgery," Bellamy told her. "They won't let me see her. A different doctor came in, and he said that they fixed everything inside, but they won't really know how she's doing until she wakes up, and they can tell how bad her head is."
"That's good," Clarke said.
"Is it?" Bellamy asked. He sounded relieved
"Yes, that is good," Clarke repeated. "Are you going to come home?"
"I don't think I can just sit there and wait to find out," Bellamy said.
"Okay," Clarke said. "I'll bring you a change of clothes on my way to school."
She dried herself off, and threw her hair up into a bun. Clarke grabbed herself a quick breakfast before going through Bellamy's drawers to find him a new outfit. She grabbed a few extra pieces in case Lincoln wanted to borrow them, and a couple of books that she knew Bellamy was reading, then headed out the door.
The drive to the hospital was slow, but that was to be expected. When Clarke finally arrived, she parked in the visitor parking lot, then shuffled inside to the room she had left Bellamy and Lincoln in yesterday. They were still there, sitting silently, waiting for news on Octavia.
When Clarke knocked and opened the door, they both perked up.
"Hi," Bellamy said.
"Hi," Lincoln greeted.
"Hey," Clarke said. She sat down next to Bellamy and handed him what she brought. "I brought some extra clothes, just in case you want to borrow something," Clarke said to Lincoln.
"Thank you," Lincoln said.
"Has there been any news?" Clarke asked, anxiously.
"Not more than what I told you about," Bellamy said. "They still won't let me see her."
"That's probably for the best," Clarke said. "They must have their reasons, you'll see her soon enough,"
"I hope so," Bellamy said.
"Did you two get any sleep?" Clarke asked.
"No," Bellamy said.
Clarke looked over at Lincoln, who shook his head.
"I didn't get much either," Clarke said. She sighed and stood up. "I have to go, but promise me you two will at least try to sleep. It's not good to be awake for this long."
After they both agreed to try and get some sleep, Clarke left.
As much as it seemed like Clarke was holding together, she was almost at the end of her rope. She didn't know what to do. All she knew was that Bellamy and Lincoln needed her to be positive. She knew the full extent of what Octavia's injuries could mean, and she knew that, to Bellamy and Lincoln, her positivity meant the world, but she didn’t know how long she could keep up the act.
“She lives in Portland,” Octavia said. “Will she even come?”
“I don’t know,” Bellamy said, “but I think she wants to be more involved, so it would really make her happy if you at least invited her. And I think Clarke would like it if she came.”
“I’ll call Abby and let her know,” Octavia said.
“Thank you,” Bellamy said.
A few days after spring break, Bellamy received his monthly bank statement. He was almost dreading it. He knew there would be money in there, he wasn’t broke or anything, but he almost didn't want to know how much. Bellamy opened the rest of the mail first, then sat staring at the letter from the bank.
He had been supporting himself for a lot longer than most people. He had supported Octavia for a long time as well. He still payed for her university courses, but that savings account was almost empty anyway. It was an expense he was more than willing to take on, but right now he should be saving up to support Clarke and the baby, not worrying that he might not have enough at all.
After Octavia had gotten a job and moved out, Bellamy lived pretty comfortably. He had lived with Roma, so he split most of the expenses. He made enough to really start saving up for things he had never thought he'd be able to get. Once she was gone, he made enough to get by by himself.
When he had sold his apartment, Bellamy had used most of the money he had made to pay for his half of the new apartment, and the rest of it to pay for baby furniture, and to help Clarke pay for doctor's appointments. Clarke insisted that she didn't need his help paying for doctor's appointments, and she probably didn't. The problem was that Bellamy needed to pull his own weight. He didn’t want Clarke to use her mom’s money to pay for things that he should be paying for. Even with her half of the rent, he was reluctant to let her pay because she worked part-time in a cafe while he had a full-time for-the-rest-of-his-life job. As shitty as traditional gender roles were, Bellamy felt like he wasn’t a good enough boyfriend or dad if he couldn’t provide for Clarke and the baby.
Clarke still hadn't decided if she was going to quit her job, or, at least, she hadn't said anything to Bellamy. If she did quit her job, and Bellamy had to pick up the slack, they would get by, just not the way Bellamy wished they could.
He finally decided to get it over with and open the letter.
It wasn't as bad as he thought it might be.
While he was looking it over, Clarke came home from volunteering at the hospital.
"Hey," She said, "what are you up to?"
"Nothing," Bellamy said. He shoved the statement back inside the envelope, "just looking at the mail."
"Anything for me?" Clarke asked.
"I don't think so," Bellamy told her, shuffling through the pile of mail, "it's mostly just fliers."
"Any useful coupons?" Clarke asked.
"Why do we need coupons?" Bellamy asked quickly.
"Who doesn't like saving money," Clarke said, picking up the fliers and quickly looking through them, "and with the baby, we could use all the money we can get."
She pulled one out and flipped through it. After looking through a couple, she put them back down.
"Nothing good," she sighed. "Well, I'm going to change out of my scrubs, then we can get going."
"Don't you want to eat?" Bellamy called after her as she walked towards her bedroom.
"I can eat when we get back," Clarke called over her shoulder. "We don't have time anyway."
She changed, and they went out to the car, and started driving towards the hospital.
"What should we expect at these classes?" Bellamy asked.
"Stuff about birth," Clarke said. "They are birthing classes."
"I know," Bellamy said, "but why does teaching us about birth take a month? It doesn't seem that hard of a concept. I just have to listen to you. You know enough for both of us."
"I do not," Clarke said, "this is important stuff, that both of us have to learn about."
"Haven't you delivered babies?" Bellamy asked, "you have real life experience with this stuff."
"I've never delivered a baby," Clarke said, "I've only observed. It doesn't count because I've never experienced childbirth. And, unless there's something you have to tell me, you haven't experienced it either."
"I don't think I ever will, either," Bellamy joked. "I don't think that's possible, being a guy and all."
"You know what I mean," Clarke said, "they are an important part of pregnancy. I've already payed for them anyway, so we shouldn't bail."
"How much were they?" Bellamy asked.
"Like a hundred and fifty," Clarke said.
"You should have let me at least pay for my half," Bellamy said.
"It's like a week's pay," Clarke said, "it's really not that much. You pay for enough anyway."
They got there with a few minutes to spare. Clarke parked, then they headed inside. Clarke passed by the front desk, and headed straight down on of the hallways. Bellamy followed. They stopped in front of one of the rooms and went inside. There were about ten young couples seated in chairs in a semicircle formation. Clarke and Bellamy sat down in one of the three pairs of chairs left. Bellamy slung his arm over the back of Clarke's chair.
The class went on for about an hour, most of which Bellamy and Clarke spent listening to the instructor, a woman named Maureen, talk about what they were going to learn in the class, and why it was beneficial to take it.
By the time they got back to their apartment, it was getting late, so Clarke grabbed some dinner, then went straight to bed.
By this point, Clarke was in a state of perpetual discomfort. Nothing she did made her less uncomfortable, so she had resigned herself to spend the six weeks remaining before her due date uncomfortable.
One of the many downsides to being uncomfortable was that she couldn’t sleep well on most nights. Tonight was one of those nights.
Clarke tossed and turned for an hour and a half, before getting up, and waddling over to the door.
Normally she didn't waddle. The first time she had, at just over 30 weeks, Bellamy had laughed at her, and she was not happy about it. But right now, she was sore from being on her feet all, tired from not getting enough sleep, and overall she just didn't have the want or energy to walk like a normal person.
She waddled past Bellamy's bedroom, where there was a faint light shining from underneath the door, and into the kitchen. She grabbed herself a cup of milk, drank it, then waddled back down the hallway. She went into her room, but instead of climbing back into bed, Clarke grabbed her pillows and went back down the hallway. She stopped in front of Bellamy's door, and knocked softly while opening it.
Bellamy looked up from his book.
"Is everything okay?" He asked.
"I just can't sleep," Clarke said, closing the door behind her. She waddled over to the other side of Bellamy's bed and started arranging the pillows she had brought.
For some reason, she slept better with Bellamy. Whether she dragged him to her room, or she ended up in his bed, she always slept better when he was next to her.
Bellamy moved over to make room for her.
"How's the baby?" He asked.
"Awake," Clarke said. She settled down into his bed.
"Do you think she'll go to sleep soon?" He asked.
"Hopefully," Clarke said, her eyes closed, "don't you need to sleep too?"
"Yea," Bellamy said, "I just need to finish this chapter."
"Finish it quickly," Clarke mumbled into her pillow.
A few minutes later, Bellamy turned off his lamp and settled down into bed.
"'Night Bellamy," Clarke said.
"Goodnight Clarke," Bellamy said, leaning over to kiss her forehead, "goodnight baby," he leaned down and kissed her stomach.
The baby kicked.
"The baby says goodnight too," Clarke said.
The next morning, Clarke's alarm clock went off.
"Go turn it off," Clarke groaned, pulling her pillow around her ears.
"Why don't you do it," Bellamy complained, though he was already pulling himself out of bed.
"You can do it faster than I can," Clarke said.
Bellamy left the room, and a moment later, Clarke's alarm clock stopped beeping. Bellamy came back to his room and fell back into bed.
"It's time to get up now," Clarke sighed.
"Do I have to?" Bellamy mumbled into his pillow.
"Yes," Clarke said, "I need your help getting out of bed."
While they were eating breakfast, Clarke brought up a topic that Bellamy had been wondering about.
"I've been thinking about what you said about me working," Clarke said, "and I've decided that you're right."
"That's great," Bellamy said.
"I'm going to hand in my two weeks notice today, then I just have to get through the next two weeks, and I'll be done," Clarke said, "I'm still going to be helping pay for the apartment. I have money saved up, and it's not fair for you to shoulder it all."
"You really don't have to," Bellamy protested, though he was internally sighing in relief.
"I want to," Clarke said.
A week after spring break, Bellamy was at work.
“Bellamy,” Kane said, “can I see you in my office.”
“Yes sir,” Bellamy said, getting up from where he had been talking to Monroe. He followed Kane into his office.
“Have a seat,” Kane said, closing the door behind him.
Bellamy sat down in front of Kane’s desk, and Kane sat down behind it.
“As you may know, many of the captains are nearing retirement,” Kane started, “and, therefore, there is a need to train new individuals to become captains. Every year, I’m asked to recommend someone for the training program, and this year I’d like to say you.”
“Thank you,” Bellamy exclaimed.
Kane handed him some papers.
“Here is the information about the training program. It’s three weeks long, and held in Olympia. It runs during July every year, and the Seattle police department only sponsors a few candidates per year.”
“I’m flattered,” Bellamy said, taking the papers and rifling through them.
“There is a bit of a catch,” Kane said. “The requirements to be promoted to captain are a high school diploma, ten years of service, and this course. You of course need two more years of service, which shouldn’t be a problem; however, it’s highly unusual for someone to be promoted to captain without some sort of post-secondary education. Since you’ve already worked here for eight years, I’m going to assume that you’re not interested in a bachelor's degree, though that is a valid option. I, personally, would recommend that you take one of the diploma programs. I don’t think I have anything on those,” he said, spinning his chair, “but I really think you should consider it. You have a lot of potential. Take some time, and tell me what you decide”
“I will,” Bellamy said. He quickly got up and left Kane’s office.
When he got home from work, Clarke was still at the cafe. Bellamy took the time to research diploma programs.
When Kane had told Bellamy that he wanted to recommend him for the captain’s training program, Bellamy hadn’t known what to say. To even be considered was… unbelievable. He couldn’t take it, though. As soon as Kane told him that it was held in Olympia in July, Bellamy knew he would have to turn it down. He couldn’t leave Clarke and his newborn child for three weeks just to go to Olympia to train for a job he wasn’t really qualified for; would probably never really be qualified for.
Bellamy wasn’t even sure why he was looking up diploma programs. He didn’t have the time or money to even consider it. University was for people who didn’t have a younger sister to put through university. University was for people who didn’t have a full-time job; didn’t have a baby on the way and a family to support. University was for people who weren’t Bellamy, and he had made his peace with that a long time ago. There was no point in even entertaining the idea.
He closed his laptop without waiting for the page to load.
The next week, Clarke noticed the papers on Bellamy’s desk in his bedroom. She picked them up and looked them over. She took them to the kitchen.
“What are these?” Clarke asked, holding up the papers.
Bellamy looked up at the papers and his eyes widened.
“Oh,” he said, schooling his expression. “It’s just some information on the captain’s training program. Kane wants to recommend me, but I can’t go.”
“Captain’s training program?” Clarke said. She knew how big this was for Bellamy. “Why can’t you go?”
“It’s three weeks long in July in Olympia,” Bellamy said.
Clarke didn't know what to say. This was a dream come true for Bellamy, and he was going to turn it down for her and the baby.
“I know how much doing this would mean to you,” Clarke started slowly.
“You don’t have to tell me that I should go,” Bellamy cut her off. “The baby isn’t the only reason I’m going to turn down the recommendation.”
“What else could there possibly be?” Clarke asked. “If it wasn’t for the baby and I you’d be all over this.”
Bellamy sighed. “They don’t promote people who don’t have a post-secondary education,” he shrugged. “Kane recommended that I get a diploma, but I can’t afford it. It’s alright. I’m fine where I am.”
“Would you be able to afford it if you didn’t have the baby and I?” Clarke asked carefully.
“Does it matter?” Bellamy asked, not unkindly, telling Clarke exactly what she needed to know.
“Yes,” Clarke said, “I have money. If you want to go to school and get yourself a diploma, I will pick up the slack.”
“I don’t want your charity,” Bellamy said.
“It’s not charity,” Clarke said, “it’s an investment in your future.”
“That’s what charity is,” Bellamy said.
“It’s an investment in the baby and I’s future,” Clarke said, “same as you offering to pick up the slack after I quit work.”
“No it isn’t,” Bellamy said. “You are going to take care of our child, and end up with a job with a salary I can’t even imagine. I, on the other hand, am going to get a diploma, and go back to the exact same job and make the exact same salary as I do right now. It’s not going to happen, so can we not talk about it.”
“Just,” Clarke started, “if you turn this down, will you even get this opportunity again?
“Yes,” Bellamy said, “the program is run every year, I just won’t be sponsored.”
“Alright,” Clarke said, “I just don’t want you to do something you might regret because of the baby and I.”
The next day, Bellamy turned down Kane’s offer.
“My girlfriend’s due in June, so it’s just not possible right now,” Bellamy said. “I’m grateful for the offer, I really am, but I can’t go.” He left out that he couldn’t afford to go to school. While Kane didn't know the whole story, he knew enough about Bellamy to understand that money had always been a bit of an issue for him.
“I understand,” Kane said, “I hope that one day you’re able to do this, because I really do think that you have a great deal of potential.”
The next few days went by quickly and uneventfully, and soon enough, Bellamy and Clarke were driving over to Octavia's house.
“It’s nice that Octavia invited us over for lunch,” Clarke said. “I wonder what she’s making.”
“Does the baby have any requests?” Bellamy asked.
“No,” Clarke said, “she hasn’t wanted anything in awhile.”
“I’m sure she’ll like whatever Octavia’s making,” Bellamy said.
As they drove up to Octavia’s house, Bellamy scanned the street for their friend’s cars. He knew they all were already there, but he didn’t see any cars. That was good; Clarke wouldn’t guess that they were there, and that this was a baby shower.
Bellamy parked his truck in the driveway and they went up to the door. Octavia answered.
“Hey,” Clarke said, going in to hug Octavia.
“Hey,” Octavia said, wrapping her arms around Clarke the best she could. “Hey big brother,” She said to Bellamy after pulling away from Clarke. She pulled Bellamy into a hug.
“Hey,” Bellamy said.
“C’mon in,” Octavia said, after she had pulled away from Bellamy. She didn’t say anything as she led them towards the living room.
Clarke was in front of Bellamy, so he could only hear them when Clarke rounded the corner.
“Surprise!”
Clarke gasped as Bellamy rounded the corner.
“What’s this,” Clarke said, looking around the room at her friends.
“Your baby shower,” Octavia said, gesturing to an armchair for Clarke to sit down.
“You really didn’t-” Clarke started as she sat down.
“It’s nothing, you deserve it,” Octavia said.
Bellamy spoke up. “I guess I’ll be back in a while.”
Clarke looked up at him.
“You knew about this didn’t you,” She said.
Bellamy just grinned.
“And you didn’t tell me,” She said.
“That would have ruined the surprise,” Bellamy shrugged as he backed out of the living room.
After Bellamy backed out of the living room, Clarke turned back to her friends. All the girls were here; Octavia, Harper, Monroe, Fox, and Raven.
“You really didn’t have to do this for me,” Clarke repeated.
“Nonsense,” Raven said, “it was nothing.”
“So,” Fox said, “how are you and Bellamy?”
“Bellamy and I are great,” Clarke said.
“You’re in it for the long run?” Monroe asked.
“Whether we like it or not,” Clarke joked, patting her swollen stomach. They all laughed. “But, yes,” Clarke said, more serious, “I don’t have any other plans, and it doesn’t seem like Bellamy has any either.”
“I should hope not,” Octavia said.
After they played a game where everyone tried to guess what kinds of chocolate Octavia had smeared onto a few diapers, which Fox won, they started lunch.
“You can’t be serious,” Clarke said when she saw what they were having, “baby back ribs?”
“I don’t know how many opportunities I’m going to have to throw a baby shower,” Octavia replied, “and I didn't want to waste my chance.”
Clarke just rolled her eyes and sat down. They all grabbed various ‘baby’ sized finger foods that were set out in the middle of the table.
“Have you and Bellamy decided on a name yet?” Raven asked.
“Yes,” Clarke said tentatively, “but I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” Harper asked.
“Bellamy and I decided to keep it a secret until she’s born,” Clarke said.
“I bet it’s some really nerdy name,” Octavia said.
“Can you give us any hints?” Fox asked.
“It’s not nerdy,” Clarke said, addressing Octavia. “and no,” she told Fox, “I’m not giving any hints. You’ll find out soon enough.”
“Two months is not soon,” Octavia said.
“It’s less than two months,” Clarke said.
“Exactly how far along are you, anyways?” Monroe asked.
“Thirty-three weeks,” Clarke said, “Thirty-four on Tuesday.”
“That’s six weeks until you’re due,” Octavia said.
“That’s not long at all,” Harper said.
“It’s not,” Clarke agreed.
Just how close she was to having this baby, was something that Clarke had been realizing more and more recently. A month and a half was a long time, but, then again, a month and a half wasn’t long at all before her life would irreversibly change forever.
A few days later, Bellamy and Clarke had gotten back from a doctor’s appointment an hour earlier, and Bellamy had been watching a history documentary since. Clarke had watched with him, but then she had gotten a phone call and had been in her room ever since. She’d been gone for twenty minutes when she walked back into the living room, tossed her phone back onto the coffee table, and sat down next to Bellamy, snuggling up to his side once again.
“Who was that?” Bellamy asked, slinging his arm around her.
“Wells,” Clarke said.
“You guys don’t talk for six months, then he calls you after seeing you a couple weeks ago?” Bellamy commented.
“He didn’t want to leave things the way we did,” Clarke said. “Especially with the baby, he doesn’t want to be somebody I used to know.”
Bellamy decided to bring up something he’d been thinking about since their trip during spring break. “Why did you say that you and Wells have a complicated relationship during spring break?” He asked.
“That’s a good question,” Clarke sighed. “Wells and I were always fairly close when we were kids. We’re almost the exact same age, his mom died when he was eight and his dad’s been senator since before I was old enough to care,” She started. “Being a senator, his dad was away for weeks at a time, and after his mom died things got hard for him. He had a nanny, and his father loved him and all that, but he spent a good deal of time with my parents and I, and we all started to feel like a family.”
“What happened?” Bellamy asked when she paused. This explained the argument between Clarke and Abby about Thelonious not being her father, but it made Wells and Clarke’s relationship, or lack thereof, more confusing.
“Wells was involved in my father’s death,” Clarke said bluntly.
“What?”
“Wells’ dad was away, and Wells was old enough that he didn’t have a nanny anymore, and he stayed with us a lot, but that night he was supposed to be at home by himself. At like two in the morning he called me from a party, drunk. I didn’t really know what to do, but I knew that I couldn’t go get him, so I told my parents, and my dad went to go get him and my mom and I went back to sleep. An hour later the police were at our door telling my mom that there had been an accident, and I didn’t know if it was Wells or my dad, because they would have come to us either way, and then I found that my dad had gotten into the accident before he got to Wells, and I couldn’t help but blame Wells. I know it’s not his fault, but I blamed him for a long time, and he’s always blamed himself, and that’s not something our relationship could recover from.” By that point she had started tearing up. She sniffed and wiped her eyes.
Bellamy started rubbing her arms.
“Sorry,” Clarke apologized, “I just don’t talk about it much.”
