With All My Heart, I Looked for Him… and He Answered
❀ a quiet reflection with Jesus ✞
written by Reign Adela
How can you love God? It was a question that I was perplexed about, but too prideful to know the answer truthfully. Even during my wandering, being lukewarm in my faith, and barely understanding anything of the truth, I knew that putting God first was non-negotiable—that loving Him more than anyone or anything else is the greatest endeavor that a person could do. As it was written in Matthew 22:37-38, Jesus Christ said, "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment." But that was just impossible for me. It was a hard truth that I wanted to ignore. Or I would lie to myself, saying that I already loved God, reassuring myself that I was already close to Him just to soothe my guilt and pride. Then came a day back in April 2025. It was just an ordinary afternoon, everything seemed to be alright and peaceful, except what was going on with me internally. I was restless. My mind was a hurricane of thoughts and questions. And they were all about Him.
I wanted to love Him. But I didn't know how. All I knew was a quick and easy belief of the basics like, "Jesus died for us. I believe that, therefore I'm saved and I got a free pass to heaven." And I could do whatever the heck I wanted to with my life—refusing to learn more about faith and theology out of fear of being perceived as someone who's "too religious." That's it. But is that all there is? Something just didn't add up. There truly was something more and I just refused to see it. And maybe if I looked hard enough, if I prayed and asked hard enough... maybe I could find it. And so I did. A heavy weight dragged me down onto the bed that same day. It was as if I was ripped apart in two—my pride being stripped bare and exposed—gritting through my teeth as I confessed to Him honestly: "I don't love You." "But I want to." "But I don't know how." Those were the words that left my lips in a silent whisper. And then, as if confessing wasn't enough to crush me, I thought I might as well ask the hard questions that had the answers I resisted.
"Who are You?" I truly didn't know Him. I only knew Him like a distant father who still looked out for me, and that my respect for Him was enough. "Teach me to love You. Help me to love You. Show me how." And then, "Show me who You are." That was all. I didn't think much of it after, not expecting any answers to come out of it either. All that mattered to me in that moment was that I was finally being honest, not just towards myself, but especially to Him. I laid my heart bare. A day or two passed and curiosity had no place to rest. I kept thinking and wondering about Him. But one question held me still... "What is in God's heart?" Then like a gentle breeze, a name came into my thoughts—soft, yet unmistakable. Jesus.
And in that moment, everything I had been wrestling with quietly fell into place. Not all at once, but enough to change the way I saw everything. It was as if the question I had been carrying my whole life had finally been answered—not with explanation, but with presence. Everything was starting to make sense. I asked Him to show me who He is. And He showed me Jesus. To know Jesus is to know God. And for the first time in a decade, I reached for a Bible with hunger and need. Because I wanted to truly know Jesus, I turned to the Gospels. I remember reading the Gospel of John first, and it was my first time doing so too. I read one chapter a day. I wasn't just reading about someone else's life, I was invited to get to know Someone. Knowing Jesus Christ before was just like hearing about some important historical figure in an encyclopedia—at least it felt like that. But as I got to know Him in those following months, it was like falling in love—and I've never truly fell in love before. But then I was. It wasn't rushed, pressuring, or forced. It was slow, certain, and patient enough that I could tell God was taking His time with me.
Until during the first week of July 2026—I understood the truth of His love, the truth of who He is, and the truth of His heart. I was never the same. But that's a story for another day. One thing is for sure—now that I know Him, I never want to be apart from Him again. But I'm only human, and I'll mess up, and I know I'll never be able to hold on to Him with my own strength. Which is why I pray and trust Him that He'll hold me close by His grace until He calls me home one day. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13 If you happen to be curious why that Bible verse is the one I love and hold on to with my whole heart—it’s because it was the promise that found me before I even knew how to seek Him. I didn’t just read it… I lived it. I will be found by you, says the Lord. – Jeremiah 29:14. But I didn't do it all on my own. It was God who softened my heart. It was Him who gave me a heart to seek Him and ask Him who He is. And I responded to it. As I'm writing this, it's already been a year since the day I asked Him who He is. Looking back, it humbles me greatly while also being filled with so much gratitude that He answered me. I would never be where I am today without Him. Between me and Him, so much has happened throughout the year, and He was there for every step of the way, and He continues to hold me by His grace everyday. There are days when those little voices of doubts and worries would come knocking at my door to try and plant questions and doubts about His existence, out of fear that this love I found might be just an illusion. There are moments when I’d be a little anxious that He won’t be there once these eyes would close for the last time. But I remind myself of how He found, answered, and changed me. Because nothing made up would have reached me the way He did, changed me the way He has, and stayed with me the way He continues to. Only the real, living God.
These words are mine to keep, a constellation from my soul. Please do not take, repost, or claim them as your own. © Reign Adela / @thebelovedreign.