If you made a list of the dumbest things Glorfindel has said in your presence, would it be long enough to be considered an official historical document?
Oh, it would not only be long enough to be an official historical document—it would be long enough to be split into multiple volumes, studied by scholars, and referenced in future generations as the definitive guide to what should never be said aloud.
Glorfindel has graced me with many such gems over the years, but allow me to present a small selection from The Collected Works of One (1) Blonde Menace:
“Lindir, I don’t get why you’re so mad. The goose didn’t even bite you.” (After an absolutely deranged prank involving several geese in my office. I RAN FOR MY LIFE.)
“I could fight an eagle and win.” (No, you could not. You should not. And yet, I had to physically prevent him from testing this theory.)
“Why do you care so much about proper citations? Just say ‘a wise elf once said’ and move on.” (I almost had an aneurysm on the spot.)
“If you think about it, all elves technically have long-distance relationships because of immortality.” (??? I still don’t know what he was trying to say here.)
“What if Elrond had, like… a little bell… so we always know when he’s coming?” (As if Elrond were some kind of cow that needed to be kept track of.)
“Listen, if a sword is technically in my hand, then technically it’s already sheathed.” (NO. NO, IT IS NOT.)
“I could just eat an entire chocolate cake. It’s not even that hard.” (Eredin, unfortunately, took this as a challenge and baked him one. The outcome was regrettable for all involved.)
“It’s not stealing if you yell ‘CLAIMSIES’ before they notice.” (I am 85% sure this is why he is banned from borrowing books from the library.)
“What do you mean ‘consequences’? I was just being myself!” (He has said this. So many times.)
And my personal favorite:
“Lindir, I’m going to do something, and before you say anything, just know that it is technically not against any law. Yet.” (This was the moment I learned what true fear feels like.)