#theexiledgeneral

[attonjaqrand]

What mission sticks out in your kind the most when you think back to your time in the Mandalorian Wars?

“Uhhh, the most?” Atton echoed. “That would definitely be the last one.” He paused, giving her a knowing look, and saw that he didn’t need to say Malachor V. This was tricky territory, so he reminded himself not to be careless with his words. He made an effort to keep his tone light and conversational. “Which also coincides with the end of my military pilot career. Good thing I prefer flying light freighters, huh?”

Snapshots of memories flashed in his mind. The red warning lights flashing. The proximity and systems alerts blaring. The sight of disabled ships veering wildly, too many to count descending into the crushing pull of the grav field.

“I had some distance thanks to the Corvette we came in on. We were focused on the outliers and new arrivals mostly, and were having some pretty decent runs, considering... everything.” It was a rose-colored summary if ever there was one, but he just dismissed it as a leftover habit from those days, even if it felt weird now. His face went blank for a moment as he remembered the intense comms chat before everything went sideways - both the brief victories and more often, that eerie silence of a hail left hanging when there was no one left to reply. “It was a helluva crazy ride when that MSG activated. The fighter I was in was fresh and highly maneuverable though, which no doubt saved my ass.” He looked at her, trying to gauge the reception of his reply.

“Well, that and I’m just a damn good pilot.” He flashed a small smile, hoping the brag would smooth over any awkwardness.

[attonjaqrand]

For the prompts ... 12, 54 and/or 89

#12 “Please don’t do this.”

The conversation as they walked back to the Hawk was mostly her wondering with many amusing and colorful expletives why she’d ever bothered trying to help in the first place. Though he was still a little surprised by what he’d just seen her do and by her increasingly violent behavior in general, Atton listened dutifully. On the whole he found himself agreeing more than he probably should. But when they got to the top of the Hawk’s ramp, he tugged her sleeve to get her to wait.

“I feel like I have to say this, but I’m only gonna say it once,” he said. “Y’know, just for the record and all. Um, when we first met you had some pretty shiny ideals, and now you seem hellbent on demolishing them. Not that I’m complaining, exactly? But… Alright, I’m just gonna say it. Please don’t do this.” That got her attention, since he rarely used the word please so earnestly. She looked amused at first, before she realized he wasn’t kidding.

“You’re serious.” she said. “And why shouldn’t I demolish them? I’m genuinely curious now. Especially given your past commentary on some of my decisions.” She stepped close, pressed against him, busying her hand by adjusting the fold of his shirt. He held her telling gaze for a moment, then lowered his to the side.

“Because,” he replied, drawing the word out to stall for time. He knew his argument was weak, so that didn’t help matters. “Because I don’t wanna lose you. To anyone or anything - and that includes the Dark Side.” He held his hand up, looking into her eyes again before she could protest. “I know the signs, and you are lit up like Nar Shaddaa neon, Sweets. Especially after that last mission.”

“First of all, I don’t discount your experience, but think I might have a little better understanding of the Force than you,” she said. He couldn’t help but notice her hand on his shirt had become a fist. “Second of all,” she paused for a long, steady breath, her fist loosening its grip on his shirt. “You aren’t going to lose me. And I’m not going to lose myself. Are we clear -  no, better question: do you trust me?”

He was glad she amended that, because they weren’t clear. Not by a long shot. He felt like he was teetering on a wire with her lately. He felt in his bones that there was going to be a fall. He just wasn’t sure where - or if - they were going to land. It was that if that bothered him. Even so, he threaded his arms around her.

“’Course I do.” He sighed, part of him sorry he brought it up at all. “I just don’t want you to have any regrets down the line. That’s all.”

“But you’re still worried.”

“Maybe a little. Let’s chalk it up to being part of my charm.”

“That’s a bad habit, Rand.”

“You’re a bad habit,” he quipped in a low tone, leaning down to tease his lips over hers.

“I’m the best habit you’ve ever had “ With all sorts of tempting promises in her eyes, she grabbed his shirt and began tugging him toward the cockpit. He gladly followed That’s what he did when it came to her, and worry aside, there’s really no other way he’d have it. As long as they were together, he’d be just fine. 

[attonjaqrand]

Now, awaken...

A primal surge Atton could only describe as a roar grew as the Force unfurled inside of him, flooding his senses with light, awareness and life. All of this, but it was pure terror that gripped him. The memory of his first glimpse of the Force had been fresh on his mind, that assault of insight and retribution a Jedi determined to save him had shoved down his throat.

He relived it all as something like a sensory spectator as every closed door in his twisted hallway mind was flung open, but there were two important distinctions: this time he’d chosen this, and Tam was here. On the periphery of his panic he could feel her presence in a way that intimacy as a concept didn’t seem to cover. He wanted to drown in that feeling for a while, but there was too much of everything. Every good thing, every bad thing, every connection. The connection. Sweet Mother of Pazaak, the connection. Could he really do this? I take it back! Did he say that out loud? Maybe it was irrational but he gave in to the strong impulse to cradle his skull in his trembling hands to keep it from shattering.

Minutes, hours, eons. Eventually the chaos of his awakening subsided, but Atton didn’t sit up or open his eyes for a while after that. Then came her fingers brushing lightly through his sweat-damp hair. The contact made him shudder. He tried to quell the tears that steadfastly refused his direct order to cease at fucking once.

“Atton?”

“‘M okay,” he announced, though there was a lack of conviction he didn’t intend. He slowly sat up while wiping his cheeks. “Yeah. I wasn’t-.” His eyes went wide at first, then blinked rapidly as he tried to acclimate to his sharpened senses. “I’m fine.” She squeezed his hand and he almost cursed as a fresh tear rolled down his cheek. She must’ve picked up on it.

“It’s okay to cry,” she said gently. “And you really are fine, you know. You did great.” She smiled and tugged his hand toward her, leaned in a met him halfway for a kiss he found all too brief. He remained close to her, marveling at the amped up way his senses perceived her now.

“It’s been years and years since I cried like that,” he said quietly, almost absently as he studied her beautiful face. He found himself rebelling against the idea of ever getting used to this feeling. “All things considered, I guess it’s a small price to pay.” Her brows rose subtly as she nodded. “I’ll admit there was a minute there when I wasn’t sure, though.” 

“You’re strong, Atton. I’ve got my work cut out for me if what just happened is any clue. That was quite a ride.” She held his gaze for a few silent moments. He wiped his face again, took a long breath, and assumed a playfully chiding tone.

“Alright, I’m gonna go on record and say that’s a severe understatement.” A smile eked its way out, ruining the charade. A beat later, they both laughed. He drank it all in, feeling that hope for the future she’d planted in his heart flare a little brighter. He shifted so that he was sitting beside her and she leaned into his shoulder. They were quiet for a while. She seemed to understand his silence as he processed what had happened. She understood a lot about him, but still it kept surprising him.

He had a million questions. There were parts of him that still weren’t sure about his decision - what it all meant. For now though, he decided to enjoy it.

“Uh, I wanna say thanks, Tam. For this. For everything.”

“Mhm, talk to me again in a week after we’ve been training and we’ll see if you’re still thanking me.” With that threat thrown, her lips curled into the most delicious smirk he’d ever seen. He smiled. She met him halfway for the kiss.

Training could wait a little while. Priorities were important, after all.

[attonjaqrand]

Ok, last hard question I swear and then we'll head to that cantina and forget anything was ever asked ... or you can skip this one and we'll head straight to the bar ... What happened to your father?

“Aw, for the love of spice, Tam. Talk about a mood killer.” His grumbling was half-hearted, though the subject was one he tended to avoid, even in his own mind. His gaze darted away and back a few times while he assembled the dusty, disjointed memories for her.

“Uh, okay. I told you about seeing him in a Sith uniform in the cantina on Korriban? Right. Well, a few months after that, I heard he was dead. The official report listed him as KIA. No details. It was weird, but not unheard of. Still, I didn’t buy it then and I’m not sure I buy it now, especially since they never recovered the body.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I guess given his assignment the explosives could’ve got him in some friendly fire thing, but it wouldn’t have been the first bait and switch con he pulled in order to disappear. Like father, like son, huh? In that regard. Only that one.” A frown ghosted over his features as a stab of anger rose and fell. Comparing himself to his father was a bad habit that led to nothing but misery, he reminded himself. He cleared his throat and continued.

“Anyway, I figure it was either a ruse because he couldn’t hack being a Sith, or his own unit took him out for being a generally useless bastard. These are Sith troops we’re talking about. Either way, he’s dead to me. The particulars and finer points don’t matter that much.” He offered a tight smile, which warmed somewhat when he met her eyes again. The past was the past. She was his present, and that’s what mattered.

“If you want more of my dirty secrets you’re gonna have to ply me with many drinks. Maybe dancing, too. Shall we?”

[attonjaqrand]

theexiledgeneral replied to your post “What does the Exile even see in you? I bet the only person who...”

Oh you've definitely got a few other good skills I like to put to use. *winks* (also I love this ask/response so much!)

Atton’s brows shot up, the grin spreading across his face letting her know that she now had 110% of his attention. “And every one of those skills are yours to use pretty much anytime, anyplace, or anywhere.”

[attonjaqrand]

Can I ask about your sister? What was she like? What happened to her?

Atton froze for a moment, then holstered the blaster he’d just finished reassembling. He stared at her, his inner monologue pointing out that Tam already knew things he hadn’t told anyone still living, so why was his impulse to-

“I was just about to go check that condenser leak.” Scrubbing his hand through his hair, he headed quickly for the door.

He made it as far as the threshold.

Toe of his boot tap, tap, tapping against the deck, his jaw clenched tight, he cursed the part of him that had resolved to be more open with her. Habitual fleeing the scene of little conversation crimes aside, the knowledge settled over his mind, undeniable: he’d felt just a little lighter after nearly every meaningful conversation with her. Damn, this intimacy thing was hard.

“Kat,” he managed to say, annoyed with how choked it sounded. How long had it been since he’d said her name aloud? He couldn’t even count the years. Clearing his throat, he turned to face Tam.

“Her name was Katya. Kat for short. Two years younger than me. She was…” He hesitated, trying to mentally pluck from the descriptors that rushed at him. “She was fun. Annoying like little sisters can be sometimes. Smart in ways it took me years to appreciate.” He drew in a long breath and slowly released it.

“We were young - still kids, really - tripping around the Coruscant underbelly. We had nothing, but we made the best of it. Her especially.We did everything we could think of to bring in credits. We uh, we even had a little musical act she put together that we’d busk around with.” A hint of a smile appeared. “And she could pick a Jedi’s pocket she was so light fingered.”

“We caught a ride to the Shad when the opportunity presented itself. After that, I guess the rest is kinda predictable. We did what we could to survive. But then our luck ran out.” His gaze dropped and he took a second to focus like Tam had taught him. Another deep breath and he continued.

“Some thugs caught us, threw us in a cage. A few days later we overheard them saying we were gonna be sold. I managed to picked the lock on the cage, but they caught me.“ There was that pressure again, that urge to run. He looked up at Tam and shook his head. It was getting harder to form sentences. It felt like there were hands around his throat, squeezing. “They beat her, and worse. Made me watch. I don’t think they meant to kill her...”

He’d definitely meant to kill them, though. Once he had escaped, every last one of them paid. He averted his gaze, though he knew Tam could probably feel the shift in him. He would tell her the rest of the story someday.

“Bad memories,” he mumbled after a long silence. “But Kat was great. That’s the important part, right? I don’t think I’d have survived without her, really.” It suddenly struck him that until he’d met Tam, nobody had ever really known him as well as Kat. 

“You’d have liked her, I think.”

[attonjaqrand]

theexiledgeneral replied to your post: I have a bad feeling about this.

Man, as badly as I want this I kinda just want them to leave KotOR alone after what they did with the lore in SWtOR. My headcanon is already so different ��

Same! If I thought Bioware would retcon their earlier retcon of what happened to the Exile I’d be more excited at the prospect. Looks like it was just another rumor anyway. Phew?

[attonjaqrand]

theexiledgeneral replied to your link: Sources: Microsoft Is Close To Buying Obsidian

In fairness since Chris Avellone isn’t at Obsidian anymore, maybe we can just hope EA loses the star wars license and Chris can start a Kickstarter for Kotor 3 the way Obsidian developed pillars of eternity? XD

I had hoped that he’d rejoin just for the KotOR 3 project but this is good too. Yes, this hope is the New Hope now. XD Especially if he brings David Gaider along as promised.