#theme: dissociation

[flvffykxtty]

Name + Identities ; Tiredness, Dissociation

[ PT: Names + Identities ; Tiredness , Dissociation. End PT ]

Order ; 019 , Customer ; ☀🎀🔔 Anon

⟢ Names [ Masc, Neu, Fem ]

[ PT: ⟢ Name [ Masc, Neu, Fem ]. End PT ]

𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃] Somnia , Veyra , Isola , Lysenne , Selune , Nullis , Haze , Elvyn , Veil , Zarein , Voidra , Varn , Somberlyn , Drevin , Quietis , Ethrae , Wistrel , Nivell , Selene , Amaris , Calla , Enoch , Alaric , Nolan , Thayer , Wynn , Rue , Velynn , Vaelric , Mirage , Lunevire , Elvara

⟢ Identities

[ PT: ⟢ Identities. End PT ]

𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃] Foggender , Cloudgender , Gendervoid , Gender Apathetic , Somnigender , Somniaregender / Sopiaregender , Trennian , Dissocigender , Nebbiagender , Genderblur

[aftgficrec]

Hi! I wanted to rec a fic writer. I’m currently obsessed with kairospy on ao3. They’ve written 4 fics for AFTG and every single one is a work of art. I want to make a special shout-out to their latest fic it takes two (but you and i are one) which is a brilliant Nathaniel (not Neil) character study. I literally haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I read it. Happy reading!

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Thanks for the rec, @moondal514, this was definitely an interesting read.  Hopefully this writer will find many more supporters like you! - S

it takes two (but you and i are one) by kairospy [Rated M, 13640 words, complete, 2022]

Sometimes, not often — not enough for it to be concerning — he felt too much like him.

Andrew noticed the very moment Nathaniel walked into the locker room.

:*:*:

Nathaniel Wesninski had been dormant for too long.

tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced dissociation, tw: implied/referenced murder

[aftgficrec]

i have literally been waiting for MONTHS to catch you guys with your asks open OMG!! do you have any andreil childhood (or just friends) to lovers??? ALSO enemies to lovers????

thank you guys so much in advance :)

We received four quite similar asks this round, so we’re breaking them up by theme to give you the most fics. The recs here focus on andreil enemies to lovers, and I’ll swing back around and link the others as they post. -A

for more friends to lovers, see:

andreil childhood friends to lovers here

andreil high school friends to lovers here

andreil friends to lovers 3 here

childhood enemies to lovers:

‘empty swimming pools’ here 

‘How to Lose an Enemy in 10 Steps’ here 

‘Pressure Points’ here

‘Oakland’ here (updated)

‘We Used To Be Friends’ and ‘I hate every inch of you’ here (both completed)

‘I Found Love Where It Wasn’t Supposed to Be’ here

‘free and young (and we feel none of it)’ here

‘Light my cigarette’ here (updated)

‘Grey Zone’ here 

enemies to lovers:

enemies to friends to lovers like ‘Hello World’ here

andreil hate sex here

fics like ‘Neil Josten’s Vendetta’ here

‘satisfaction dragged it back’ and ‘Meow Meow Lullaby’ here

‘Birds of a Feather.’ here (updated)

‘Don't Say I Mean Nothing to You’ here

‘Go Team!’ here

‘A Book for Christmas’ here

‘The Proposal’ here

‘a few living things’ here

‘You Don't Even Know Me (It's Only A Feeling),’ ‘Found Peace in Your Violence’ and ‘a criminal au…’ here

‘stars may collide,’ ‘Where We Are Wanted,’ and ‘told me everything about you (that's a bold move)’ here

‘Mission Failed,’ ‘I’m a free agent, sweet heart,’ and ‘The Oasis’ here

‘All of This Turbulence Wasn't Forecasted’ here

‘Shared Custody’ and ‘...(The Blame the Cat Remix)’ here

‘Two Birds with One Stone’ and ‘Come Back For Me’ here (both significantly updated)

‘Plaster’ here

‘Cosplay Stand Off’ here

‘No Place Like Home’ here

‘polarize’ here

‘I Spy a Broken Heart’ (completed) and ‘The Family Business’ series here

‘stab me yourself u coward’ and ‘pro exy, pro twitter au’ series here

‘Front Lines’ here

‘Insincerely, M. Andrew’ here (completed)

‘me, you, and the multiverse’ here 

‘Every Letter That You Write Me’ here

‘We're All Stories In The End’ here

‘The Foxhole Apothecary’ here 

‘between the wall and a hard place’ here

‘i'll be seeing you (wherever i go)’ here

‘I Just Wanted To Protect You’ here

‘Will you even tell them we happened?’ here

‘what now?’ here

‘you are my morphine (i had my first good dream)’ here

‘Whole Lotta Murder’ and ‘on a balanced blade’ here 

‘Retribution’ and ‘trivial questions about a triple murder (with answers)’ here (both completed)

‘Live while I breathe’ here

‘Feels Like Wasted Youth’ here

fantasy/other enemies to lovers:

‘Iron and Ember’ here

‘Alcyone’ here

‘Wibbly Wobbly’ here 

‘(don’t fear) the reaper’ here

‘Knights of the Fox Table’ here

‘heaven and hell (were words to me)’ here

‘that good night’ here

‘An Assassin's Guide to Romance’ here

‘Of Smoke & Bone’ (completed) and ‘Fang and Stake’ here

‘watcher of the skies’ here

pirouettes & pipedreams by beanwitch [Rated M, 9236 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2022]

Brushing auburn hair from his forehead, sweaty from his rush over, the new dancer is no other than Andrew’s irritatingly gorgeous next-door neighbor.

Andrew’s eyebrow twitches.

********

This year is Andrew’s second with the unconventional Foxhole Ballet company. When the new recruit turns out to be the attractive (yet suspicious) stranger who moved in next door, he becomes 104% certain this development can only lead to homicide.

********

An AFTG/Andreil ballet AU.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: gun violence, tw: depression, tw: dissociation, tw: panic attacks

NB: inspired by AFTG Ballet AU art by @princepeachie on instagram; bonus practice sketches and Neil stretching by @prince-peachie

Fear Me Not by Firefly_shy [Rated M, 14136 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2022]

Andrew Minyard, sixth year student at Ilvermorny, meets a weird kid on the train who won't stop lying.

If he figures out why, he might just have to kill him.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: canonical character death, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced rape/non-con

Witching You A Happy Holiday by AgentCoop [Rated G, 14370 Words, Complete, 2020]

"Magic shop?" Neil asked. "Love potion? You guys know that's not real, right?"

***

The one where Andrew's a hedgewitch, Neil is oblivious, Kevin may or may not be pining for Aaron who may or may not be pining right back, and Nicky is having a nervous breakdown while trying to woo the smokin' hot dude in his German class.

Number Four by jingerhead [Rated T, 4841 Words, Complete, 2021]

“Why am I here?” Neil asked.

“Kevin wants you to play,” Andrew said, not opening his eyes. “I told him you wouldn’t.”

Neil couldn’t. He wanted to, he wanted to get a racket and play, especially if he had the chance to with Kevin Day, but he couldn’t. This wasn’t his thing to want, this wasn’t his sport, this was…

This was…

Neil got up and ran out of the stadium. He didn’t think Andrew was surprised he did.

~*~

A bunch of snapshots for an AU in which Neil has an older brother that I'd like to expand on someday

Neil Josten Builds Himself a Life by tomat0head [Rated T, 9424 Words, Complete, 2021]

After spending years of his life on the run, then more time under the careful watch of the FBI, Neil is finally free to live on his own and start a new, real life with his best friend and FBI supervisor, Matt, at his side.

Along the way, Neil meets a five foot nothing goth wannabe Ikea builder, adopts a cat that is half demon, and makes a group of weird, somewhat annoying friends.

This is the story of how one Neil Josten, after years of struggle, finally builds himself a life.

bloody tears of the wicked by CherrryBlosssoms [Rated M, 108500 Words, Incomplete, Updated March 2022]

A wolf and a fox.

A liar and a cheat.

A runaway and a bastard.

A Wesninski and a Minyard.

When they meet, it is loathing at first sight, both wanting the other dead. But through a series of events, through lies being forgotten and truths being told and a feeling of wanting being shared, things shift and turn. For better or for worse; no one truly knows.

tw: dark fic, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: torture, tw: death, tw: murder, tw: blood/gore, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: homophobia, tw: kidnapping, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Drabble City by alex_wh0 [Rated T, Collection, Incomplete, Updated May 2021]

Chapter 9: Andrew/Neil [1376 Words]

Drunk Neil meets Andrew at a concert and goes "i hate him because he said it first".

you're the coldest form of warm by ghvsts [Rated T, 4463 Words, Complete, 2018]

"there's someone singing," she signs.

(in which renee and andrew are spring and death embodied, and neil is orpheus)

Art

First Impressions by SmokesOnTheRoof (SceneryTurnedWicked) [ao3, 2017]; also here by @smokesontheroof

[aftgficrec]

Omg i finally caught u open! I’m searching for this one fic where neil is having a bad day and is constantly absent minded. The foxes are having dinner at abby’s house for thanksgiving or a party of some sort. Nicky accidentally bumps into a knife and instead of letting it drop neil catches it skillfully and everyone just stares. I’m pretty sure i read it from one of your posts but I lost it 😭

Some asks are immediately familiar, and we say ‘oh, it’s this!’ S has an amazing memory and will pull fic names from the ether like vintage Johnny Carson’s Carnac the Magnificent.

This time we zeroed in on two possibilities, but in one of them Neil’s injured by the falling blade. I’m recommending two more knife catching fics — because who doesn’t love this trope?? — and here’s our latest roundup of Neil with knife skills. -A

arrivals/departures by @triquetrine [Tumblr Fic, 5656 Words, 2020]

An explosion burst across the screen. Cars flipped and people dove for cover. The hero, undeterred, ran into the wreckage. Neil tilted his head slightly to the side, frowning. He didn’t get why everything had to be so dramatic, but he supposed that was just how movies worked.

tw: violence, tw: gun violence

Those That Broke Us by writethroughthenight [Rated T, 6652 Words, Complete, 2016]

"Neil doesn't talk about his mom and doesn't think about what she'd do to him if she saw him now. He has a family, he has Exy, and he has Andrew. He has more than enough, more than he ever could have dreamed of.

Neil doesn't talk about his mom until a warm fall day outside the locker room, waiting for the start of their game with his team and family. It's a place that she doesn't belong, where not even a memory of her belongs, but she wriggles her way in and takes root in his chest."

Or

Neil reveals, piece by piece, what life with his mom was like.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: dissociation, tw: blood

Neil catches Andrew’s knife

Deadly Affections by NikNak22 [Rated T, 12287 Words, Complete, 2020]

Neil Josten is not soft- has never been in fact. But when an unintended comment from one of the Foxes throws Neil for a loop, he finds himself reminding them why no one should think of him in that way. But why is Andrew suddenly so distant? And what happens when all of these reminders of his past start to catch up with him?

Aka: all the times Neil proved he was a badass, and Andrew reminds him he's an idiot.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/non con, tw: gun violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: alcohol, tw: blood, tw: car accident, tw: dissociation

12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 [Rated M, 69292 Words, Complete, 2021]

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

tw: panic attacks, tw: bullying, tw: negative self-talk, tw: negative body image, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: homophobia, tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: depression

[aftgficrec]

@deathdorito said: For Raven Neil enjoyers i recomend Innominate by Major_816 - Neil starts off as a raven and from there he makes it to the foxes and alll that jazz

‘Innominate’ opens with Nathaniel Wesninski inhabiting his Alex persona, but not on the run like you might expect. He’s actually on the prowl. His eyes are butcher blue and his blond wig itches. The short while he’ll spend as Alex doesn’t justify a bleach job this time. He’s a friendly guy with photos of his hotel-industry family, unshakable documentation, known dietary preferences, and mannerisms practiced and polished down to a heartthrob smile that’s bigger on the left side.

Nathaniel’s hierarchy of loyalty puts Ichirou Moriyama and Jean Moreau at the top. Ichirou is favorite son and next in line to lead his family’s crime syndicate. Jean was sold to the Moriyamas as a child. Together they are family; brothers forged in blood. Only they and one other know him as Abram, his core identity that he’s fought to hold through a grizzly childhood as both carved and carver. Abram’s been terrorized and trained his whole life by his father, the Butcher of Baltimore, a bloody enforcer for the Moriyamas. The Family holds Abram’s second tier of loyalty with the noted exception being his machinations to disempower and kill their Butcher.

Abram is richly detailed, fractured and complex; plagued with debilitating nightmares and flashbacks, determined to hold on to his humanity but sometimes losing himself entirely to a persona more lethal than the Butcher who raised him. Now he’s been tasked to go deep undercover to shore up problems in the world of college exy where the Family has a vested interest. Jean has been undercover with Edgar Allan University’s team for 3 years. He reports on the Family’s weak link, lesser son Riko Moriyama. As Riko grows increasingly violent and unhinged, Jean gets quieter. Ichirou and Abram know something is wrong. To them Jean is a brother. To Riko he is property, a convenient target for abuse.

As Neil Josten, Abram’s mission is to infiltrate Palmetto State’s underdog exy team, to work out exactly what Riko is doing to Jean and extract him if need be, and to decide if Palmetto’s newly acquired star player Kevin Day is a loose end better off dead. As Day rebounds from a near career-ending secret attack by Riko, he remains a target for the lesser brother’s jealous rage that threatens to bring unwanted attention to the Family. Abram’s also determined to unravel what power beyond Riko tampered with goalie Andrew Minyard’s medical and psychiatric records and swayed a court to keep him medicated out of his mind. He needs to keep Andrew from looking too closely at the house of cards underpinning the identity of unknown exy prodigy Neil Josten, despite their eyes locking time and time again and the unshakeable feeling that they are somehow the same.

Ichirou is humanized and emotive; married with a baby on the way, protective of his chosen brothers, concerned for his father’s failing health, not quite ready to wear the crown. Jean fought back as a child and Abram suffered for it. What hurts is he hiding now? How will the brothers bring down the Butcher? Buckle up for the ride, y’all. I highly recommend investing in this story if you can handle the trauma and violence, it’s shaping up to be a stunner. Thanks very much for the rec! - A

Innominate by Major_816 [Rated E, 73397 words, Incomplete, Updated September 2021]

An AU where Mary never got Nathaniel out. Instead, he became too invaluable of an asset to be killed off or 'gifted' to Tetsuji. Instead, he's raised with Ichirou and Jean as a part of Ichirou's inner circle.

He'd always had a knack for languages and lying and all the 'messy stuff' came easily enough when your father is called the Butcher of Baltimore. So Nathaniel became the Wraith. He was untraceable, unknowable, infalliable; a criminal fairytale.

When Kevin Day leaves the Nest, there's no better person to send.

~

"Who the hell are you?" Andrew demanded.

He wasn't anyone, not really; not anymore. He hadn't really been anyone in years now. There'd been a time. Once. But there were entire lifetimes between who he could have been and what he'd become. He could taste it sometimes; blackberries and sand stinging his tongue like the iron branded on his shoulder.

It was easier to pretend he'd never been anyone at all.

"I'm nothing," he answered. the ghost of a smile pulled at his lips; sharp and cruel. "A wraith." The Wraith, he didn't say, but the shadows ran through Adnrew's eyes and he wondered if Andrew had heard it anyways.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: graphic nightmares, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: blood/gore, tw: referenced flaying, tw: graphic description of corpses, tw: murder, tw: canonical character death, tw: flashbacks, tw: victim blaming, tw: panic attacks, tw: child abuse, tw: abuse, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: kidnapping, tw: alcohol, tw: dissociation

NB: There are also bonus scenes for this fic!

adj. not named or classified by Major_816 [Not Rated, 11267 words, Incomplete, Updated September 2021]

Bonus Scenes and alternate POVs from Innominate; including previous missions of the Four Horsemen, Abram as a kid, lots of foreign countries, and a lot of chaos.

tw: drugs, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: kidnapping, tw: panic attacks, tw: violence, tw: murder, tw: torture, tw: child abuse, tw: child trafficking, tw: animal abuse & death, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: gun violence, tw: knife violence, tw: blood

[aftgficrec]

Hey guys do you know any fics where kevin reacts to soft andreil or talks about it with the other foxes? I know this is a little vague but I just think that kevin would see a lot of their personal moments since he's their roommate and I wonder what he would think about it :) thanks for all the help!

Here you go! - A

Kevin’s Insight by Annabee28 [Rated T, 825 Words, Complete, 2020]

Kevin does not understand how Andrew and Neil are together but he witnesses a soft moment between the two that helps him understand.

tw: violence, tw: panic attacks, tw: nightmares

It Went Like This by eldrvarya [Rated T, 10985 Words, Complete. 2020, Locked]

5 foxes that worry Andrew isn't good enough for Neil (and find out he is) and one that knew all along.

tw: panic attacks

Giving Up Sound by abernathy [Rated G, 2883 Words, Incomplete, Updated 2016]

prompt: "andrew/andreil through the eyes of the foxes? all of them maybe? :D"

The Foxes' point of view about Neil Josten and the Monster's relationship.

tw: homophobia, tw: violence, tw: dissociation

Like Real People Do by KatherineF [Not Rated, 3621 Words, Complete, 2019]

The Foxes might not be fully supportive of their relationship for a long time, but it slowly becomes obvious that these two sharp boys are incredibly soft for each other.

5 times that Andrew and Neil are soft for each other, and the one time that all of the Foxes see it.

tw: panic attacks

andreil drabble by @georgecostanzaatemysoup [Tumblr Fic, 2020]

They let themselves into their dorm around 1:30 in the morning. Andrew collapsed gracelessly onto one of the bean bags, tipping his head back, watching Neil grab a bottle of water from the fridge.