The Losers As Things My Family Has Said/Done
Richie: Called a tall building a “dick building” every time we drive by.
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Bev: Sent the family group chat a long ass story about Gru the Cryptid:
Gru is the most powerful being in the universe, and here’s why: according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall.
Second, if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you Know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodges them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed.
Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That’s equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case.
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Stan: *trying vegan mac-n-cheese* I guess when it comes to vegan options, it’s pretty hit or miss.
Richie: *slamming his silverware on the table and staring him dead in the eyes* I GUESS THEY NEVER MISS HUH
Stan: *deep frustrated sigh*
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Eddie: Anybody want some toast?
Bill: Hell yeah, burn that bread again!
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Stan: Be careful with your bones!
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Eddie: Crazy is hereditic.
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