For @yusufalkaysanibingo - “Joe as the Oldest Immortal”
[READ HERE ON AO3]
***
Sometimes, Joe forgets.
But then he sees how Andy’s breath hitches when she’s sparring with Nile, or how she readily leans onto Nicky when they’re trekking through the dessert like they’ve done a thousand times before. It’s during these little moments that it hits him.
Andy’s mortal. And with mortality, comes the end.
One day, Andy is going to die, and Joe…
When Joe remembers, the day that follows is difficult. There’s a numbness that settles into his chest that makes it hard to breathe. Because suddenly, he remembers that one day, their dearest Andromache will be gone. And there will only be four of them left, and he will be the oldest out of all of them.
If he lets himself think about it for too long, the feeling lasts beyond a day. Sometimes, it lasts for a week. It was winter when it hits two weeks, and he barely remembers talking to anyone, or doing anything, other than how Nicky had been by his side every night, pressed against his chest, grounding him.
Reminding him that one day, while they will remain like this for possibly forever, they will wake up, and world would be without their sister.
When it gets bad enough that it can no longer be ignored, Andy proposes that they go away together.
“Just you and me, Joe,” Andy says to him one morning. “Just for a little bit. Nicky wouldn’t mind.”
Of course Nicky wouldn’t mind, for he knows the darkness that plagues his days, the worry the creeps in his veins each and every time he remembers, and he will do anything to have such thoughts cease. Even if it means parting from Joe, for just a little bit.
“He’ll look after Nile,” he says in response, and Andy nods once, her arm wrapping around his shoulder and squeezing.
“You’ll all look after each other,” she says, and Joe’s breath hitches.
The when I’m gone remains unsaid, but they both know what she meant. And it hurts.
They make plans to leave in two days. Nile promises to look after Nicky, and Nicky holds him, loves him every night before they part.
“I’ll see you when you’re back, beloved,” Nicky whispers to his lips, when Joe finds himself seeking one last kiss, before pulling away completely. And he will. Joe will get out of this darkness and make his way back to Nicky. He always has.
Andy takes him by the arm then, and with promises to be back within a month’s time, they go away together, and Joe lets himself be swept away in his sister’s presence. Let’s himself drown in it, because he knows one day, she’ll be a memory. And if their life were to continue beyond more than what they have already been blessed with, then one day, he’ll forget her face, her laughter, her joy.
A week into their time together, Joe breaks. He breaks and he grieves for his sister who has not yet passed, and she holds him through it. She holds him close and tells him that she understands. Of course, because while they’ve all lost people that they love, Andy had already lost Lykon and Quynh.
Joe’s never lived long enough to lose an immortal like Andy has. To lose his sister.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready,” Joe whispers to her as soon as the tears stop, and she just gives him a small smile, pressing close as he hugs her to him, clinging almost. And of course, she lets him. She always has.
“I never was,” she says in reply, and she’s not placating, or upset. She squeezes him tight, and just kisses his curls. Joe finds himself sniffling, taking a deep, gasping breath, and she just squeezes him again.
“At least you won’t be alone,” Andy continues. “But don’t count me out just yet.”
Joe just shakes his head, because never. He never would. Instead, he looks up at her, and squints.
“Who’s going to do my hair?” he asks, and Andy guffaws, smacking him lightly on the temple, before tugging on the stray curl atop his hairline.
“Nicky will. Or Nile. You always said I was too rough,” she says, kissing his forehead then, and Joe can’t help but smile, even though it feels like he’s going to choke on his own emotions. Every time was always too rough hands, fast and precise, tugging on his curls and smoothing them out in a way that was just Andy, that always ended with a loud kiss on the forehead that never failed to make him smile.
He doesn’t respond then, and instead, grabs at her hand and squeezes it in his. She smiles and presses even closer, and Joe lets himself fall into the comfort that she always brought. He no longer remembers their first meeting, but he remembers how it felt. The relief that Andromache brought when she gave explanations to unanswerable questions. He remembers the feeling of their first years, decades together, and how she was always there for him and Nicky, no matter.
The idea of losing that one day is terrifying.
But while it hurts to think about, he knows that when Andy is gone, he will continue to remember her. That is his promise. Her presence, her sense of unrelenting love, and joy, and justice she lived for throughout their centuries together.
Joe will remember her heart, that continued to love and care, regardless of how much the world had hurt her. He can only hope to be as loving, and patient as her.
His hands will remember her, too. He will commit her face to paper and charcoal, when he is ready. And he knows that he will keep doing so, until he no longer remembers the sound of her laugh.
“Don’t count me out just yet,” Andy says again, and this time, Joe squeezes her hand gently, nodding.
He won’t. He refuses to, for now.
Because while Joe is the oldest immortal, he is still not the oldest person alive. That’s still Andy, and Andy is still a force to be reckoned with. And no matter how much it hurts to think about how it’d be like when she’s gone, Joe knows that he needs to use this month with her to drag himself out of that darkness, even for a little while.
To spend time with his sister, to cherish every minute. To bask in her presence, and learn from her tenacity.
Because one day, Joe’s going to need it.
And so, Joe smiles, and turns to her instead.
“We have three weeks left,” he starts, sitting up. “Did you want to check out The Heraklion?” he asks, and feels his own smile turning into a grin when Andy’s eyes narrow.
“They got a couple of my stuff in there,” she says, and Joe nods, and watches as Andy’s shine bright.
“I know, Andy. I think it’s about time we go get them.”
