#l writes things

[alkaysani]

9-1-1 s8 wish:

no more grief and loss for hen, karen and denny wilson. no more happiness stolen away by the system or some vindictive other party. just give this family some happiness and nothing less

[alkaysani-archived]

to forget is to remember, to cherish

BY NICOLORENALDIGENOVIA 

For @yusufalkaysanibingo - “Joe as the Oldest Immortal”

[READ HERE ON AO3]

***

Sometimes, Joe forgets.

 But then he sees how Andy’s breath hitches when she’s sparring with Nile, or how she readily leans onto Nicky when they’re trekking through the dessert like they’ve done a thousand times before. It’s during these little moments that it hits him.

 Andy’s mortal. And with mortality, comes the end.

 One day, Andy is going to die, and Joe…

 When Joe remembers, the day that follows is difficult. There’s a numbness that settles into his chest that makes it hard to breathe. Because suddenly, he remembers that one day, their dearest Andromache will be gone. And there will only be four of them left, and he will be the oldest out of all of them.

 If he lets himself think about it for too long, the feeling lasts beyond a day. Sometimes, it lasts for a week. It was winter when it hits two weeks, and he barely remembers talking to anyone, or doing anything, other than how Nicky had been by his side every night, pressed against his chest, grounding him.

 Reminding him that one day, while they will remain like this for possibly forever, they will wake up, and world would be without their sister.

 When it gets bad enough that it can no longer be ignored, Andy proposes that they go away together.

 “Just you and me, Joe,” Andy says to him one morning. “Just for a little bit. Nicky wouldn’t mind.”

 Of course Nicky wouldn’t mind, for he knows the darkness that plagues his days, the worry the creeps in his veins each and every time he remembers, and he will do anything to have such thoughts cease. Even if it means parting from Joe, for just a little bit.

 “He’ll look after Nile,” he says in response, and Andy nods once, her arm wrapping around his shoulder and squeezing.

 “You’ll all look after each other,” she says, and Joe’s breath hitches.

 The when I’m gone remains unsaid, but they both know what she meant. And it hurts.

 They make plans to leave in two days. Nile promises to look after Nicky, and Nicky holds him, loves him every night before they part.

 “I’ll see you when you’re back, beloved,” Nicky whispers to his lips, when Joe finds himself seeking one last kiss, before pulling away completely. And he will. Joe will get out of this darkness and make his way back to Nicky. He always has.

 Andy takes him by the arm then, and with promises to be back within a month’s time, they go away together, and Joe lets himself be swept away in his sister’s presence. Let’s himself drown in it, because he knows one day, she’ll be a memory. And if their life were to continue beyond more than what they have already been blessed with, then one day, he’ll forget her face, her laughter, her joy.

 A week into their time together, Joe breaks. He breaks and he grieves for his sister who has not yet passed, and she holds him through it. She holds him close and tells him that she understands. Of course, because while they’ve all lost people that they love, Andy had already lost Lykon and Quynh.

 Joe’s never lived long enough to lose an immortal like Andy has. To lose his sister.

 “I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready,” Joe whispers to her as soon as the tears stop, and she just gives him a small smile, pressing close as he hugs her to him, clinging almost. And of course, she lets him. She always has.

 “I never was,” she says in reply, and she’s not placating, or upset. She squeezes him tight, and just kisses his curls. Joe finds himself sniffling, taking a deep, gasping breath, and she just squeezes him again.

“At least you won’t be alone,” Andy continues. “But don’t count me out just yet.”

 Joe just shakes his head, because never. He never would. Instead, he looks up at her, and squints.

 “Who’s going to do my hair?” he asks, and Andy guffaws, smacking him lightly on the temple, before tugging on the stray curl atop his hairline.

 “Nicky will. Or Nile. You always said I was too rough,” she says, kissing his forehead then, and Joe can’t help but smile, even though it feels like he’s going to choke on his own emotions. Every time was always too rough hands, fast and precise, tugging on his curls and smoothing them out in a way that was just Andy, that always ended with a loud kiss on the forehead that never failed to make him smile.

 He doesn’t respond then, and instead, grabs at her hand and squeezes it in his. She smiles and presses even closer, and Joe lets himself fall into the comfort that she always brought. He no longer remembers their first meeting, but he remembers how it felt. The relief that Andromache brought when she gave explanations to unanswerable questions. He remembers the feeling of their first years, decades together, and how she was always there for him and Nicky, no matter.

 The idea of losing that one day is terrifying.

 But while it hurts to think about, he knows that when Andy is gone, he will continue to remember her. That is his promise. Her presence, her sense of unrelenting love, and joy, and justice she lived for throughout their centuries together.

 Joe will remember her heart, that continued to love and care, regardless of how much the world had hurt her. He can only hope to be as loving, and patient as her.

 His hands will remember her, too. He will commit her face to paper and charcoal, when he is ready. And he knows that he will keep doing so, until he no longer remembers the sound of her laugh.

 “Don’t count me out just yet,” Andy says again, and this time, Joe squeezes her hand gently, nodding.

 He won’t. He refuses to, for now.

 Because while Joe is the oldest immortal, he is still not the oldest person alive. That’s still Andy, and Andy is still a force to be reckoned with. And no matter how much it hurts to think about how it’d be like when she’s gone, Joe knows that he needs to use this month with her to drag himself out of that darkness, even for a little while.

 To spend time with his sister, to cherish every minute. To bask in her presence, and learn from her tenacity.

 Because one day, Joe’s going to need it.

 And so, Joe smiles, and turns to her instead.

 “We have three weeks left,” he starts, sitting up. “Did you want to check out The Heraklion?” he asks, and feels his own smile turning into a grin when Andy’s eyes narrow.

 “They got a couple of my stuff in there,” she says, and Joe nods, and watches as Andy’s shine bright.

 “I know, Andy. I think it’s about time we go get them.”

 Because he can’t count her out just yet.

[alkaysani]

i've always loved opening disasters but i think this one is my favourite yet. from beginning to end it's just been so wonderfully paced. not once did i think "what was that?" the timing, the cuts, everything about it was just done with such precision that it fit so perfect. from the lines to the acting and the changes from heartfelt to comedy, this was just hit after hit after hit

like they've done the opening disasters well before, but there was just something about this one. the cohesiveness of the multiple storylines coming together in one perfect ending was chef's kiss. every character, at some point, got to show off their chops, especially the firefighters. like you see how much they've grown, but especially, you see the seedlings of where all of their stories are going

but i think my most favourite part of the whole thing is how athena threaded everything altogether, while also coming through her own personal storyline and overall growth in a way that i always hoped for but did not anticipate. for a bit now she's been going in circles in terms of her anger, and her constant need to put her role as a cop first more than anything else, but this one was different

this time, we saw her competency as a civilian. like we know she's always been inspirational, always been good at getting people come to her side, but here her humanity connected her to everything. to the people on the plane, the people on the ground and to dennis. her humanity and her ultimate goodness, as a person saw her through, and in the end she was able to let go of that anger that's been haunting her for so long as well. that and she was powered by her love for bobby. it was amazing seeing them work so well together, miles apart and still so in sync

everything about it was just so amazingly well done, and i cannot wait for the rest of the season to unfold

[alkaysani]

trick or treat

"Evan," Tommy starts, eyes wide as he slowly puts his hands up, though he's cautiously inching towards his boyfriend. "What are you doing?" he asks, watching carefully. Evan turns to him, his eyes wide, nearly black with how dilated his pupils are. His skin is sheen with sweat, and when he moves, it takes everything in Tommy's power not to step back. "What the fuck did you do to him--" Evan growls, and Tommy frowns. Something was clearly wrong.

"I didn't do anything--" he starts, just as the door behind him opens, and he feels Eddie's presence there, urgent but steady, and Tommy finds himself shielding Eddie as Buck lunges forward.

"Buck, what the fuck!?" Eddie yells, but Evan doesn't even look at him, eyes all on Tommy, knife in hand and shaking.

"What the fuck did you do to Eddie!? Where is he?!"

[alkaysani]

trick or treat 🎃

"What do you mean he just left?"

Buck snorts, taking another swig of his drink. Red wine, left over from two nights ago, that Tommy left behind. Because he wanted to drink it for his planned dinner for when they have Eddie over tonight.

Except that's not happening, because just this morning he woke up to a note on the side table.

Evan, I love you. I promise I'll be back soon. Love, Tommy

"Stop that," Eddie says, grabbing the wine glass from him, and sitting beside him instead, sighing. He's holding the note in his other hand. "Buck, he left but he left with this," he starts, only to pause when Buck gives him a look, and Eddie looks properly placated.

He's not the only one who's had a note on the dresser and nothing else.

"I'm sorry," Eddie mutters instead and Buck nods weakly, leaning into Eddie as the man wraps an arm around his shoulders.

"Yeah, me too." Suddenly, he hears the phone and he looks up, grabbing his, only to find it silent. Eddie blinks, and pats his pockets for his own, frowning at the screen first, before answering, looking at Buck.

"Tommy, what the hell--" he starts, only to pause. Then, after a moment, his eyes widen and he nods, firm. Buck's heart starts to beat wildly in his chest. When Eddie hangs up, Buck stands.

"Eddie--"

"We have to go."

[alkaysani]

Trick or treat!

so one of the treats can be fics in progress, so i have this one where buck finds out what really happened after she leaves and before she gets to boston - here's a buck and eddie scene in the immediate aftermath

“Buck.” Buck blinks at the clipboard in his hand. The check list is blank, and he hasn’t moved since he grabbed it. He looks up to find Eddie beside him, grabbing the clipboard out of his hand. He has that look on his face makes Buck feel like he can tell him anything. And there will be no judgement. Not when it matters. “Are you okay?” Eddie whispers, keeping his voice low and it makes something in his chest crack harshly. He feels out of breath, all of a sudden and there’s not enough oxygen in the room. A hand grips his shoulder tight and he’s being pushed back against the wall, made to lean against it. “Woah, hey. I got you,” he hears, and when he looks up, Eddie is there, brown eyes wide, worried. His thumb is pressing against his collar and he shivers, leaning into him, into it, and a gasp just breaks through. When it does, Eddie’s arms are around him, and he’s squeezing Buck like he’s holding him together. He doesn’t say anything, and just lets Buck cry. When his cries turn into sobs, he doesn’t hush him. He just holds him, and at that point he didn’t care that he can hear his own sobs echo in the firehouse. No one else approaches them. Whether because he’s not actually that loud or Eddie told them to leave, he doesn’t care. Buck nearly lost his sister, and he thought he was doing what was best for her. He doesn’t care.

[alkaysani]

in light of shannon diaz coming back and being established as an intricate part of the diaz family and all their growth, i will shameless self promote this fic that address just that, set after pepa starts to push eddie to date

in love, and in loyalty, we meet again

Published: 2023-06-02

“You know, Shannon really liked sunflowers.” “Then we should get some for your kitchen.” Eddie falters just a tad, as they walk through the farmer’s market, just behind Christopher. The teen was on a health kick, and wanted honey from a very specific beekeeper that had a stand at the other side of the market. Buck glances at him and watches, as his friend smiles just a little, before nodding. “Yeah, I think that’d be nice.” — or the one where Buck notices the way Eddie starts bringing Shannon back into their lives and meets her all over again

[alkaysani]

you know what i really like about 911? is that even though we don’t see everything on screen, when something is mentioned in passing, i believe it. they give me no reason not to. i just believe that there’s that deeper nuance to each of the relationship we see on screen. there’s the obvious ones of eddie talking about buck bringing chris to the zoo, or eddie knowing exactly what buck is talking to dr. copeland about in his emergency session

but then there’s the blink and you miss it ones like buck’s suggestion to call athena to get her opinion on maddie going back to big bear, or the ones played off as comedy such as karen being comfortable enough to call bobby on making hen captain and even more comfortable enough to call him an idiot. it’s stuff like this that makes me okay with all the choices when things aren’t shown on screen that most folks think it should’ve been like the buck and chimney talk, because when they do show it on screen it packs a punch when it has to, and when they don’t, it’s still just as valid and just as important