#theoncomingemotion

[finicky-jones]

Home.

[finicky-jones]

Action.

[finicky-jones]

It hasn't even been a full month and I love you.

[finicky-jones]

Trash Nation.

[finicky-jones]

I don't even know.

[finicky-jones]

I hate being so sad and anxious. I can feel myself over extending. I feel like I'm going to rip apart. All I want is to stay home and cry but I'm so sick of crying. I need to work and push forward but what if I break.

[finicky-jones]

It's only been a month but I think I've finally done it. For the first time in probably 13/14 years I can live my life knowing that I will be safe. As safe as is possible for an 18 year old living on her own. It's almost too hard to comprehend how happy I am to be free. Just a couple months ago I remember my father telling me that if for some reason my stepmother started to become physically violent to take her down and not give her any chances. I was being warned for the worst possible outcome. People always say that it gets better but when all you have known is chaos and destruction it can be hard to believe. I fear that this joy is unsustainable. Within one month so much has changed, my address, my mood, my work hours, my social pattern. Life is a cruel creature, one that is capable to show you something just so that you know what you're missing.

[finicky-jones]

Tomorrow is the last day of high school and that isn't even something on my mind. I have barely even thought about it. I will never have to spend a full day in that school again. Never do assignments for those teachers. To bad I cannot relish in that joy. Instead I'm trying to move out and all I see for the next 3 weeks is hardship. I am going to be so broke I want to cry but at least I will be out of an abusive household. Idk I'm very mentally tired. I'm barely eating lately I'm so stressed. Since about the winter time I've lost more than 15 pounds and it's a little frightening. Today I ate 2 frozen stop and shop waffles and a serving of chips. What the hell.