#thepoisonjackal

[thedragenda]

ArtFight attack on @thepoisonjackal's Adder. Best to attack Adder before she attacks me >__>'

[swordmaid]

artfight attack! evangeline and karlach for @thepoisonjackal ❤️‍🔥

[swordmaid]

🚬 jaelrae/adder art trade for @thepoisonjackal

[majorasnightmare]

4, 24, 27 for the writing asks!

HI THIS TOOK A WHILE BECAUSE TUMBLR IS NON FUNCTIONAL WEBBED SITE. SOWWY 😭💜

4: Do you save your 'cut scenes' from your fics? (Want to share one?)

I do! They usually get reshuffled back in, because they usually get cut for pacing issues. I reinsert them in a spot where they flow better, and cuz of that I dont actually have any to share rn! Ive reused em all :3

24: Do you have any writing goals? (Word counts, chapters, finishing fics, trying something new?)

I answered this one earlier here! But i always try to babble more for dupe questions :3

Besides finishing fics, ive been trying to change up my style+approaches, and also try to limit my word count (im the ramblerrrrr)

27: What is a question that you never get asked about your fics that you really want to answer?

I HAVE SO MUCH TRIVIA ABOUT EVERYTHING I WRITE. symbols, themes, parallels, fun lil writers commentary. theres a lot i dont want to include explicitly but its still there in my head!

[majorasnightmare]

For the invasive oc questions - does Dirge ever wish he was someone (or something) else?

YAY BULLYING HIM 🎉🎉🎉

Discomfort with question: solid 8/10. why are you asking about him hes fine, he obviously hasnt given you any reason to suspect otherwise???? which, also, reminds him, how are YOU doin how are things holdin up with you, everything alright? lets not get distracted asking about Dirge here, lets focus on whats important, literally anything else 💯

He spends all of act 3 answering yes to both these questions LMAO

Dirge takes all of Act 1 to get acclimated to his amnesia, and then spends most of Act 2 both enjoying the Shadow Cursed Lands, but also building up his identity as someone who 1) most likely will never remember his past, and thats fine, 2) is the main decision maker and face for the tadparty, and 3) has mysterious killing compulsions that hes so far been able to control by feeding his bloodlust. He internalizes responsibility for Alfira's death, and that crystallizes as a general responsibility for the wellbeing of the party, and develops an identity bent around managing those things and building confidence about it. By Act 2, hes fairly comfortable with his new self and is expressing more of a personality, besides weird impulsive outbursts and people pleasing, and is more openly a murderous freak. He's got this under control! This is fine! He just has to solve everyone's problems and be their friend and be nicies and also make sure his Urges get a steady drip feed of bloodlust 💯

and then the illithid colony happens LMAO

confronted with the evidence of being horrifically violated and helpless, of being forced to exist for months in a state of beastial ferality that was so animalistic he didn't even have the sapience to form memories of it, and then to be told to his face that he was more enjoyable and pleasant in such a state, to then follow it up with a retaliatory bout of possession where despite feeding his Urge a veritable MOUNTAIN of corpses and death, because he refrained from killing Isobel, his autonomy is revoked as punishment, reducing him once again to a beast that has to be restrained lest it gruesomely slaughter the people be cares for, means Dirge walks into Act 2 feeling like he might actually be able to be okay, and walks out of Act 2 actively suicidal but feeling like he doesn't have the right to kill himself. And then Act 3 starts like a week later when he actually gets CLOSE to Baldur's Gate!

Turns out the Dream Guardian who's been assisting them has been uhhhhh actively lying and unintentionally masquerading as Dirge's long deceased adopted mom as a ploy to earn his trust, meaning any potential memories of her might be irrevocably butchered via being overwritten by recent experiences with a manipulative illithid 💔 And THENNNN he gets a long nightmare where Bhaal expositions at him about what he REALLY is! Dirge can't ever go back to the person he used to be, but the person he used to be was a horrible monster born of violence and murder, and also that was the only thing valuable about him, and what he is now is a pathetic hollow shell, utterly useless to anybody he loves but responsible for all of their misery and suffering 💔

He hates that he lost his memories, he hates he isn't the powerful, influential leader of the cult of Bhaal, not because he wants to go back, but because that person was strong, worthwhile, THAT person could have protected his friends, could have spared them the nightmare of being tadpoled and watching their lives unravel. Nevermind that his past self wouldn't have cared, HE would know enough about this to save them, to help them, to be anything besides a worthless husk. If he could just go back, if he could stop being him and be who he used to be, he'd know what to do, how to stop this.

Instead, he isn't JUST useless, no, he's also a monster. He wasn't even born, he was made. Like an object, like a tool, like a weapon. What right does he even have to be close to any of these people? He isn't like them. He never will be. He's an abomination, a loathsome thing made for violence. He isn't meant to be a person, he's sapient by mistake. Everyone has always been right about him. He's a beast, he's a monster, he's bhaalspawn. He can't control his violence, he isn't a person. His existence is a threat. He can't change who he is, he can't change what he is, he can't change how Bhaal is going to kill him for his failures, all he can do is try to make up for his own existence by trying to make the most of the time he has left.

Dirge counts every second in Act 3 and tries to cram as many companion quests in as possible, to help as much of the tadparty as he can, because he knows if he goes down to that temple to fight Orin, he's going to die, and he's going to deserve it. He's always been confident that they'll be able to defeat the Absolute, he's certain they can defeat her without him, but he has to be sure they'll be okay afterwards. That they can live.

Dirge doesn't sleep for most of Act 3 because he isolates himself at night in Stelmane's room where she got murdered, because no one will look there, and he doesn't want to risk losing control and killing everyone in their sleep. Instead he just hates himself and tries to fight off the steadily rising Urge, desperate to be anyone and anything other than what he is and the person hes left being.

The reason his discomfort isn't higher is cuz Dirge genuinely isn't emotionally aware of himself enough to answer long enough to make himself more upset LMAO

[majorasnightmare]

Shadowheart 1, Astarion 3, and Minthara 4 for the companion asks if you wanna for dirge!

i ALWAYS wanna answer stuff for Dirge, hes my chewtoy 🫶

lookit that face. i love subjecting it to agonies and horrors within human comprehension 💜💜💜

ask game from here!!

Shadowheart:

1: Would she gladly share a bottle of wine with them? Who finishes the bottle?

Gladly and often. Dirge picks up CON save proficiency, so hes pretty cavalier about flirting with alcoholism. Dirge is a nosy lil shit prone to eavesdropping and digging for gossip, and much as Shadowheart pretends otherwise, she's messyyyyyyy. They establish a very casual comaraderie very early on and quickly set up a dynamic of mutual gossip and light teasing backed by genuine concern and care for each other, so after Dirge misses the romantic cues completely for Shadowheart's Act 1 wine and gossip sesh (something imo she later comes to appreciate as she understands her feelings towards him better), I'd imagine it becomes something of a habit between them. For all his faults, Dirge is very easy to talk to, and is an earnest genuine person. He has a natural magnetism to him and an easy charm, and while Gale's sizable vernacular tends to set him above whoever he's talking to, Dirge's very informal and casual manner of speaking tends to keep conversation light even when he starts throwing out four syllable technical terms. Because he relies a lot on mirroring social behaviors and body language early on, having essentially just experienced a hard total reset before coming to, he got into the habit of letting his conversation partner set the pace, while he maintains it with questions. Despite being a cleric of a goddess of secrets, Shadowheart loooves running her mouth and its a very natural dynamic between them.

The bottle probably either gets split between them at the end or alternates on who finishes it. Kinda a "whatever happens, happens" situation and they're not keeping track. God knows they've got PLENTY of stock for it, with a never ending supply of Ithbank and Firewine. Dirge doesn't really have to worry about liver failure, but Shadowheart should probably be a little more concerned.

Astarion:

3: How does he feel about their empathy or lack of thereof?

As a result of intense depersonizing trauma experienced throughout his formative years, Dirge does not feel empathy in any capacity and often does not even fully see non significant people as actual people worth his consideration. Dirge was socialized and conditioned to see other people as unpersoned sacks of blood and organs, who's only existence is one of suffering that they ignore and distract themselves from via delusions of meaningful connection by clinging to ephemeral positive emotion. This... isn't something that changes or "gets better." In part because that's just something baked into how his psyche developed, but also in part because not having empathy isn't actually inherently an issue. The cult programming line of reasoning is, but no empathy isn't.

You'd think a career serial killer who lacks empathy and views living people as bloodbags waiting to be popped would have zero issues with renowned bastard Astarion, but the issue that arises is that Dirge actually compensates for lack via social mimicry, sympathy, and compassion. Which he does have, not insignificantly.

What this means is that when its just the two of them, Dirge and Astarion are free to talk as much shit as they want, and, both being Evil aligned, generally just be unrepentant shitheads. But the second it can affect someone Dirge cares about, Dirge keeps his mouth shut and behaves in public like a nice considerate person. This extends to things like.... being nice. *shudders*

Dirge is perfectly willing to play nice with useful people, or play the part of goody-goody if its beneficial, but mostly he does it so Karlach and Wyll don't get upset. Which means despite Dirge agreeing this is stupid bullshit for gnomes that don't matter, Astarion is stiiiiiill getting dragged along to free Underdark slaves because Karlach and Wyll find it "morally reprehensible" or something.

Fake IDGAFer. Unfortunately, Astarion is ALSO a fake IDGAFer as it turns out. Whoops.

Minthara:

4: What does she think of their consumption (or non-consumption) of tadpoles?

Another sign of his excellent tactical judgement and willingness to balance risks against worthwhile rewards 😤 (he is insane and is taking tadpoles like a normal person snorts coke).

Silliness aside, that really is the bulk of it. Dirge is pragmatic and running numbers on the risk of every particular power play, and tadpoles (for him) run particularly low so he pretty shamelessly indulges. He isn't hoarding them though, so its a resource he's willing to share, it's just that literally every other companion isn't willing to take any. This is probably because they don't have a pre-existing traumatic brain injury and would like to keep it that way. Dirge, who has 3 inches of scar tissue in his corpus collosum, considers the risk of a tadpole chewing holes to be something of a nonissue for him specifically. And it beefs up his psionics, which he looooves using. Its free power, as far as Dirge is concerned, and he's not gonna leave that on the table.

Minthara finds his attitude refreshing and grounded, because he isn't dismissing the risks so much as weighing them against the benefits and deciding which he values more. Minthara is also determined to make her tadpole work for her, and I'm sure shes thrilled to join the party and see a veritable barrelfull waiting to be shared (Dirge ran out of brain sections to inject tadpoles into by Act 2).

They're really freakmatching over these brainworms. Love wins.

[majorasnightmare]

🍓🙃🌙 for dirge!

HI HIIII thank you for enabling my pookieposting ehehehe

if youve also reblogged this im gonna send some back to you >:3

🍓 — Something they love

Oooo lemme avoid the big obvious answers (killing, his family, minthara), and try for a deeper cut!

Dirge is a FIEND for negotiations and debates. He's a warlock through and through, and salivates over the chance to bargain and haggle. Its also an extension of his divine immortal nature, since if Dirge gets powerful enough, he could be a Fiendish Patron himself, and a weakness for bargaining is something I always slip into my potential patrons. Its a quirk of Dirge's psyche from the get go, his own pact with an eldritch star from outside reality was mutually negotiated without coherent communication even. Hes extremely opinionated about Pacts, Patrons, and Warlocks because of this, but it also makes him a huge pain in the ass because hes very loose in what constitutes an oppurtunity to negotiate, pretty much anything where the pros and cons are variable is fair game to get nudged one way or another.

🙃 — A weird little habit they have

Dirge is 90% weird habits by volume but an odd one that hasn't come up in a while is that he collects severed hands from his kills. He preserves and arranges them like flowers, and its a habit from his Bhaalist days. He keeps his taxidermy hobby post lobotomy, and he likes the different ways you can arrange the various joints, but THANKFULLY he never got the chance to engage in that hobby fully throughout BG3 because he was always on the move (and he was killing too many people at a time to sort through the corpses for good hands).

Now that he actually has a house, however. "Flower" arranging is back on the menu lmao

🌙 — What they’re like at night

Dirge is annoying as fuck. He has insomnia, along with nightmares, and hes twitchy and fidgety constantly. Hes also very cuddly and clingy with people hes close to, and thankfully the contact is engaging enough that he doesn't spin like a damn rotisserie chicken when hes wrapped around someone like a koala (Minthara, mostly.) Otherwise, he tosses and turns, he'll jolt awake if he falls asleep, and he'll just up and leave bed to go occupy himself with various repetitive tasks like cleaning and organizing in the night. When hes cuddling Minthara, he'll just wrap himself around her and listen to her organs all night until he passes out.

[thedragenda]

ArtFight attack on @thepoisonjackal Eye for an eye. Drow for a drow >:D