you made him cry, bastien version. ~950w.
the streak of bad days that bastien was having was beginning to pile up. it had been more than a month now of bad days even though recently it was starting to get much worse. kevin still hated him and now quin probably hated him too. bastien would have that in common with them for he was struggling to find good things about himself.
he quickly found it was a lot easier to slip back into a depression than it was to pull yourself out of one. it felt wrong to call his current state with such a strong title. maybe he was overreacting. maybe all the time heâd been feeling happy had been a fluke and heâd never gotten over loosing hockey. maybe losing kevin and then forcing quin out was all he needed to see that.Â
bastien wasnât sure how he was doing. especially after matthieu had called him and he had had the same worried tone he used to always carry when bastien had lived with him.
âyou made quin hyung cry.â the words had shocked bastien out of his thoughts. at first he wasnât sure if heâd heard them right. it took him a moment to process the situation. he looked over the short boy for a moment - no name came to mind.
âexcuse me?â bastien questioned hoping that heâd heard him wrong. last time he had spoken to quin heâd left abruptly (with good reason) and bastien still wasnât sure if he had been crying at the time of his departure. he was hoping that that wasnât the case. it was enough that he kept replaying the interacting over and over in his head. he regretted everything he said the moment the words left his lips but there wasnât anything he could do about it now.
âyou made him cry.â oh. so he had heard him correctly. that didnât help the situation. the sick feeling in bastienâs stomach grew into a tighter knot. âquin of all people? i really- i really donât understand - but i donât need to.â maybe heâd understand if heâd let bastien explain. he didnât say those things to quin because he wanted to. he did it because he needed to. he couldnât be around quin when he had such strong feelings for him. âyouâre not a good person.âÂ
youâre not a good person. bastien repeated in his mind a few times letting the words sink in. did quin share that view? heâd understand if he did because bastien was starting to think he might agree. he didnât ever do anyone any good. first his little brother started hating him and then he befriended someone only to start liking him. and then harshly cutting off ties with him. that didnât classify as a good person. bastien couldnât do anything right.Â
âwho are you?â he finally asked him. bastien knew he recognized him but he couldnât place from where - maybe heâd just seem him around the house. it was obvious that he knew quin too and was probably close to him if quin gone had in fact gone to him about this. what else did he say about bastien? had he said anything about bastien before heâd gone and purposefully ruined everything?
 âiâm quinâs best friend.â if bastien thought about it he could picture it - this small boy clinging to quinâs side. he thought he might have seen him around yura too. âi donât think he wants to be in the same house as you- so you should leave.â  bastien had been doing his best to avoid quin. even if he did move out he and quin both worked under the same company. it was inevitable theyâd run into each other eventually (bastien didnât want to think about what would happen when they did). maybe he should leave - after all quin had moved into the house first and it had been bastien who decided to end their relationship, or rather friendship.
âreally?â he barely registered the otherâs nod of confirmation. Â did quin actually want him to leave? bastien wouldnât be surprised - in fact heâd be surprised if quin wanted him to stay. it was selfish of him to think otherwise. he was too busy in his own thoughts. a new layer of guilt began to creep in when he realized that heâd been wishing that quin still wanted bastien around. he knew it didnât make sense after he had been the one who told quin that he didnât want anything to do with him.
âyou really hurt him. that should- that-Â i hope that bothers you.â it did bother him. it bothered bastien more than he could even described to himself. he hated the idea of it - quin being in any kind of pain and yet here he was the one who had caused it. âyou donât deserve quin hyung anyways.â despite coming more as a confirmation than a shock, the words hurt. bastien didnât deserve quin - not even as a friend. not when heâd sad awful things to him without giving him any kind of explanation.Â
as the other walked away, bastien sat back down on the couch he had been on. what happened had happened and bastien had to live with it. he had made his choice - he chose kevin. he still hadnât figured out how to talk to his little brother - or what he would even say to him when he did. that wasnât the point, the point was he had chosen to push quin aside along with his feelings (and his sexuality).Â
whether he missed quin or not he had to accept the fact that this was how things were now. even if he regretted it.