this instant and eternity

radioactiv cullen nam "needing people yet being afraid of them is wearing me out."

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon

noticing the blush on cullen’s face he took a step away from the younger boy, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. he guessed outside of certain situations he wasn’t allowed to touch cullen. “a-are you sure?” rhys questioned, wanting to make sure he was actually okay and not just saying that for show. “okay.” he quietly replied, following behind cullen.

cullen nodded a few times, wrapping his arms around his own torso once again. he then began the descent into the basement where his bedroom was. mindlessly he walked over to his bedroom. “this is it.” he spoke before opening the door, chewing on his lip lightly. once inside he stepped to the side so rhys could follow him in. “you can put your stuff anywhere i guess.” he didn’t look at him, the blush still on his cheeks.

[racullenn-blog]

i’m gonna post starters do replies soon-ish. i’m still sick and that’s not fun but its fine  i’ll survive              i need stuff for carver please but i am a fruitless basket with on ideas

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon:

rhys nodded, moving to follow cullen. what he wasn’t expecting was for the younger boy to almost trip over himself, he couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at how clumsy the other was. he placed a hand on his hip and the other on his arm, not wanting the boy to trip himself completely. “are you sure?” he questioned, letting both of his hands drop and return to his sides. he thought it strange that he could easily touch cullen, but he couldn’t say a couple of words to him. “be more careful, i don’t want you to hurt yourself.” he quietly spoke, patting the other’s back before shyly putting his hands in his pockets

cullen’s face darkened with blush when he felt rhys’ hand on his hip. it wasn’t something he hadn’t felt before but everything about the situation felt different. he nodded a few times biting down on his lower lip. “i’m okay.” he trailed off after looking at rhys for a moment longer. “we have to go downstairs.” he gestured to the staircase before walking down them.

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon

rhys shyly shook his head, noting how the other wrapped his arms around himself. he hoped that he wasn’t making cullen uncomfortable, he did care for the younger boy. he was just unsure about how to make that properly known, he didn’t want to cross any lines. he wasn’t sure what his boundaries were outside of sexual situations. “oh- i guess that’s the logical thing to do.” he nodded slowly, staring down at the ground. “uh - yeah, thank you.” he replied, giving the other the best smile he could.

cullen nodded before dipping his chin back into hi sweater collar. “it’s this way.” he spoke before walking in the direction of the staircase. he tightened his grip on himself when he turned to make sure that rhys was still following him, nearly tripping over himself in the process. cullen let out a quiet exclamation as he stumbled before he ended on his feet again properly. “i’m fine.” he said his face bright red without looking at rhys. he just wanted to get to his room without bothering rhys anymore than he probably already had.

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon

rhys nodded, “it already feels weird just being here… i guess i’ll get used to it soon, guess i’m no longer mysterious now. it was kind of fun having no one know what i looked like.” he smirked, letting out a nervous laugh. he walked into the house, looking around, fidgeting with his fingers. he wanted to be able to create conversation with cullen, though he felt like that was no longer an option. he’d alienated their relationship so much that he didn’t allow himself to see cullen as anything other than a guy he occasionally got physical with.  “oh, actually. i haven’t actually been given my room number yet… i’ve been waiting for them to tell me, so. but thank you for offering!” he tried to give the other his best friendly smile.

this was the first he’d heard that someone hadn’t been giving a room number. cullen raised both his eyes up until they disappeared underneath his mint fringe. “you haven’t?” cullen asked as he brought his arms around to hug himself protectively. “there’s-there’s three beds in my room. but i only have one roommate.” he spoke quietly after a few moments, “maybe you could put your stuff in there? until-until you got your actual room.” cullen felt himself blush lightly, as he looked at rhys. it felt like an intimate thing to offer but he wasn’t sure what else to do at the moment.

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon

rhys felt bad, he knew he should at least try and pretend he was excited to see cullen. but he just felt too awkward to think of something to say to him to make the conversation interesting. the times they met there was never a lot of conversation of the friendly variety.·“yeah i- yeah… i don’t do things like this really but. i mean, it’s been about two years now… i felt like it was time i came out into the public. or something like that.” he shrugged, continuing to stare down at his feet. he didn’t know why he was so nervous to be around cullen, he had done much more intimate things with the boy, so why did it turn around when it was a g-rated conversation.·“oh - yeah, thank you!” he replied, smiling, walking into the house.

“its kinda weird at first.” cullen admitted, “not just the roommate house - variety in general. you- you’ll get used to it.” he’d been an idol for years and sometimes it still felt odd to him, but he didn’t want to mention that to rhys. cullen pressed himself even more into the door to give the older boy space to entre. it was weird that he’d touched rhys many times in very private was but now he felt like he wasn’t allowed to go near him. once he was inside cullen closed the door behind him, giving him a shy smile in return. “you’re welcome...do you know your room number? i’ve-i’ve been here long enough i know where everything is.”

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon

rhys’ eyes grew wide as he saw cullen standing in front of him, he knew cullen was on roommate but he thought perhaps he could avoid the younger boy. now here he was, face-to-face with him. “oh- cullen.” he spoke quietly, disappointment evident in his voice. he let out a cough, staring down at his feet. it was weird seeing cullen in a setting like this (and with clothes on), but he didn’t want to make it awkward by being obivously upset with seeing him so soon. he wasn’t upset it was just, extremely different as things like this weren’t at all what he was used to doing with cullen. “yeah i - guess i should’ve told you. well. i - uh, i’m moving in!” he laughed nervously, scratching at his arm.

cullen leaned more against the door, twisting the handle around in his hand. it didn’t sound like rhys was happy to see him and unfortunately cullen didn’t feel very surprised. he accepted early on that his relationship with rhys was just that of friends with benefits (just without the friends part). “its alright.” it was weird how if they were alone together in a private setting they knew what to do, but like this things got awkward and weird. maybe it was just because rhys didn’t actually like cullen aside from when they were physical. “i’m just surprised. i-i didn’t think you did stuff like this.” cullen stared down at the floor wishing he could sink into the door. “do you wanna come in?”

[racullenn-blog]

rhysyoon

rhys wasn’t used to public appearances like this, in fact, he barely ever went out into the public claiming he was rhys yoon. it wasn’t that he was ashamed of his looks, or that he found the popularity annoying. it was just more convenient for him to simply stay hidden. there was no particular need for him to show his face, he was simply a music producer he didn’t need to be recognised. but as he began working with more artists, people got more curious as the what the infamous rhys yoon looked like. therefore, rhys signed up for roommate. finally ready to show the world who he was and what he looked like. knocking shakily on the door he bowed once it was open. “um - uh, i’m rhys yoon. i’m a music producer.”

cullen hadn’t answered the door in a while but that didn’t mean he wanted to do it when he heard the knock. even though everything in him was protesting, he still opened it, ready to great the new roommate (for that was what he assumed was happening). when he was greeted by rhys introducing himself cullen jumped back a little in surprise. “hyung.” he spoke leaning against the door, his hand tightly on the handle. “hi.” he wasn’t used to seeing the older boy unless it was in one of two contexts and this was very much neither of those. “i didn’t know you were moving in.” cullen tucked his chin into the collar of his sweater, looking at rhys sheepishly.

[racullenn-blog]

noexitjj

Joohyeon looked towards the shoes that Cullen had kicked over and back over to Cullen himself. He didn’t look okay. But Joohyeon wasn’t about to call someone else out on a lie like that when he used it himself nearly every other day. “I’m heading to the comic shop actually.” Joohyeon explained. “They got a new shipment of vintage comic books and I wanted to see if they have some of the ones that I want.” It sounded much nerdier when put into words, but Joohyeon was too excited to care at the moment. “D’you wanna come with?” He asked figuring he should extend some kind of invite. “I mean you don’t have to, you probably won’t be missing much if you stay here. But the offer is open if you wanna take it.”

cullen felt a small surge of positive emotions when joohyeon invited him along. though there was also a sinking feeling in his stomach telling him that he’d only asked because cullen was in his way and that he didn’t actually want his company. he was going to do his best to ignore it - for he wanted company bad enough that he’d accept it even if it was out of pity. he and joohyeon were friends right? at least cullen considered them that. he wasn’t sure if the younger boy felt the same and once again the same sinking feeling tried to over power him. “would that be okay?” cullen asked as he looked at him obviously hopeful he’d agree. “i don’t- i don’t know much about comics but i could keep you company.” he averted his eyes from joohyeon’s face before adding in a quieter voice, “if you wanted it.”

[racullenn-blog]

choixsomin

So Min’s eyes went wide when she watched him nearly trip over a pair of shoes, she moved closer to him looking him up and down and then to the shoes, “They’re not mine.” She said. “My shoes are not that nice..” And with a shrug she leaned against the near by wall. She pushed her lips together and glanced at the pile of shoes from her roommates, “Wanna go buy a punching bag?” She asked looking over at him, “You can kick that instead of the poor shoes.” She added on with a slight smile.

cullen stood up straight once he’d adjusted the shoes, looking back at her with a sheepish expression. he scrunched up his nose slightly at the mention of a punching bag - yura had tried to get him into kickboxing before, something he’d constantly turned down. “i don’t usually kick things.” he spoke quickly a light blush covering his cheeks started to feel embarrassed by his actions. he knew he probably sounded ridiculous. cullen tried to tell himself that the smile she was sporting was a friendly one, not a mocking one but it was hard for him to shake the feeling. 

[bangtannoonas]

[racullenn-blog]

“I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.”   ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

[jiguk]

[syubtae]

[racullenn-blog]

same

[racullenn-blog]

noexitjj

Joohyeon moved up the stairs quickly taking them two at a time. He’d just gotten news that the comic shop in town had gotten a new shipment of vintage comics and he wanted to see if they had the ones he was looking for. As he bounded into the living room he noticed a small figure by the door. Cullen. Joohyeon hadn’t seen much of the elder boy lately, but that was also partially his fault for not actually seeking him out as much as he should. Joohyeon was itching to get going but seeing how obviously sad Cullen was made him take a pause. “Hyung?” He said as he approached. “Are you alright?”

cullen felt tense when he heard someone approach him but when he looked at saw joohyeon he felt some of it go away. he fiddled with the ends of his sleeves for a moment before nodding. it wasn’t that cullen wasn't alright, he just felt vaguely stressed and sad and that was fairly normal for him. “i’m okay.” cullen spoke before hugging his arms around his torso and stepping over the shoes he was disrupting. he knew there was more truthful answers he could give (he was very lonely but he didn’t know how to fix it), but he didn’t want to bother anyone with that. “are-are you going somewhere?” 

[racullenn-blog]

choixsomin

So Min lazily walked down the stairs, taking her time and being very slow about it. She wasn’t in a rush, so she wasn’t going to hurry. Once down the stairs, she noticed a moving figure and tilted her head to the side as she quietly continued watching. The girl brought her arms to her chest, crossing them as she moved closer, “Yah!” She called over after seeing him kick a pair of shoes, “Do you normally kick things that aren’t yours to kick?” She asked, her tone light.

cullen jumped when he heard the voice, nearly causing him to trip over a pair of shoes. he turned toward the voice, his eyes wide. holding onto the ends of his sleeves and chewing on his lower lip for a moment he shook his head frantically. “are-are those your’s?” cullen asked her after a moment, “i’m sorry i just-” he added before bending down to readjust the shoes into the way they were before. cullen hadn’t meant anything from kicking the shoes, he was just feeling stressed and they were there.

[ygnj]

[racullenn-blog]

R U N ; cullen

[daenso]