@mystxake
sat by the table with his laptop, there truly were better things for him to be doing. some work for adrian, some minor research, the usual time wasted on the internet--- there was enough. still, he had chosen to be in thought and voice them. the more he thought about it the clearer it became that it sometimes felt like they were working too well. there were some things on his mind that had been unspoken and it created an illusion of perfection that felt far too fickle to him. he never liked perfection, found it suspicious with valentine, too, and he had had every right. it did not fit, did not WORK no matter how badly he had wanted it to. for all the cold, ruthless behaviour he was still prone to emotions, to sadness and loneliness.
it was the TRUTH. sam was not the source of his fear, it was the same fear that showed up every single time he moved towards another death, it was not bound to him specifically. the only thing that he feared from him was that he would ruin it AGAIN, that somehow, he would do or say the one bad thing, or that he would betray him as he had so many and refuse to clear the situation properly out of pride and his own hurt. who assumed that the one cheating could be equally as HURT by it at the other?
"well, " he began, eyes set on his laptop, the screen meaningless but a distraction nevertheless. " --- there's a bunch of stuff you don't know about me, i guess. people don't hang around for a good reason. "
