As someone with relatively high anxiety, I’ve let fears dictate the first 20 or so years of my life. I have all of your typical fears: I’m afraid of bugs, afraid of dying, but I suppose my driving fear has always been what others think of me. Or rather, I’ve been afraid of what I think others think of me.
In my childhood, I was a shy and overweight bookworm. I was afraid of being teased, so I focused on improving my appearance until it no longer became a point of potential ridicule. I also learned how to be funny and outgoing as a defense mechanism; if you make others laugh, they are less likely to pick on you as a weak link.
In my 20’s, my biggest fear was not living up to the expectations that both myself and society had placed on me. I wanted to make money doing something I loved, but in the real world that is much easier said than done. Fortunately, I never want to live life with regret, so the fear of missing out on life experiences pushed me to try new things.
My 20’s helped me discover some fears I didn’t even think I had. I never used to fear public speaking, (in fact I believe I am a natural born performer) but when I was doing stand up comedy, I realized that standing alone on a stage trying to make people laugh is WAY more nerve wracking than I thought.
Ultimately, I think it boils down to the fear of not being good enough. But the funny thing is, once you do fail, the fear goes away and you realize that failure is not as devastating as you made it out to be. I used to be afraid of having to move back in with my parents, but after seeing how Coronavirus ravaged New York this Spring, I was actually happy to move back to Massachusetts and finish my copywriting program from the relative safety of the suburbs.
Now that I am 29 and my 20’s are almost over, I have gotten more comfortable with myself and do not let my fears dictate my life as much as I did when I was younger. I understand that failing is just a part of life. The real winners fail over and over again, but they pick themselves back up until they succeed. As long as I keep trying, I have nothing to be afraid of.