TheReal20s

Navigating your 20s in 2020 is tough, let’s talk about it.

[thereal20s]

too many words, so here is just four.

I’ve had so much to say over the past several weeks. It’s been cathartic, it’s been refreshing. It’s been...honest. This is a theme that I’ve been ruminating on the past few weeks. Honesty in all ways, in all facets of life. I’m entering 2021 authentically, transparently, and unapologetically. Being honest with the world, with others, and most important, myself. Speaking truth to power, always. There’s no better way to put it than this:

Kailee, 23

[thereal20s]

The Subtle Art of Letting Go

If I could describe what 2020 has meant for me in two words, they would be: letting go. Throughout this year, I’ve learned to make plans and do my absolute best to follow through with them, but also, letting life unfold. This year has taught me to let go of my expectations (if I set the bar too high or if I set the bar too low) because in the end, the only thing that will matter is how much I touched everyone else’s lives.

I’ve also let go of resentment and anger, I forgive a lot more quicker now. Don’t get me wrong, Lord knows I still get upset sometimes. But I’ve learned to pick my battles and breathe deeply (minutes are too precious to spend them being bitter). 2020 has been a year of releasing control, because what I have control of is so minimal compared to all the circumstances that could affect my little, tiny yet significant life. 

I think the irony of “you have to keep living but not how you are used to” is what’s shown me that in order to adapt, I must let go. I must let go of “life” as I knew it, plans as I imagined them, dreams as I pictured them and goals as I traced them. Because now, there are multiple and diverse factors that come into play. If I resist to this current force, I will be frustrated. However, if I decide to let go of my own selfish reasons, I will start seeing opportunity where others see crisis.

Letting go is an art, because it must be practiced everyday. We must let go of our egos to become humble. We must let go of our own expectations to listen to what life expects from us. I am not saying we shouldn’t dream or hope, on the contrary, I mean we should do all these things being aware. The more aware we are of situations that don’t depend on us, the more we will take care of the ones that do. I know it sounds easier said than done. But letting go is about releasing the weight. This Earth is circumstantial. The problems here, won’t be eternal.

-Shanelle, 24.

[thereal20s]

Grow-From-Home

For me, the pandemic of 2020 coincided with major personal changes for me. In these past years I’ve progressed from law school applicant to full time ad agency employee to Miami Ad School. On top of the logistical changes, this winding road has come with a lot of personal change – leaving the conventional path behind, embracing creativity, exploring my voice and style. While the world has burned around us, I actually found an unexpected benefit of the stuck-at-home life – it’s a great place for personal development.

Without the distraction of commuting, without bureaucracy and social life of an office or school, I’ve been holed up at home and forced to be with myself. It’s led to explosions of hobbies and creative energy, though admittedly the energy comes in waves. Disconnection from an outer world has severely slowed the pace of things, and in many ways exposed that outer world to be excessive, inefficient, and sometimes used as a distraction from being with myself.

For 2021, while hopefully the pandemic will finally subside, I hope to maintain this attitude toward home. Home isn’t just where I end my busy day. It’s my incubator for personal growth and self-care. As we leave 2020, my hope for 21 is, “out with the bad, hold onto to the good.”  

Zach, 26

[thereal20s]

2020 has been strange...

2020 was a strange year, and I'm sure it was for most of us. Even ten months later, it remains inconceivable for many of us that we suffered a pandemic of that scale in the modern world we live in today. Months of lockdown, changed lives, work from home, restaurants, and street bars closed — even the way we socialize changed radically. New communication platforms came to light, and virtual life became the law. I understand the initial suffering and confusion, by not knowing what will happen when all this will end, and how it will affect our lives in general.

I guess I was not the only one who had to deal with this uncertainty. 2020 was strange, yes it was. Nevertheless, maybe it was the best year of my life. I learned to be patient, to live with my inner thoughts. I started projects I wouldn't have done otherwise. I learned to live with a man (I know, I deserve a medal). To share intimacy and secrets, to be more conscious, more considerate, above all, less selfish. I learned to value my friendships, my family. I've never missed my family as much as I did this year. I learned to force myself to work and study at home on my own initiative, without distractions, with responsibility, and to live in an eternal struggle against procrastination. 

The truth is that although the pandemic has robbed us of tranquility and peace of mind to family, it has also left us the opportunity to learn and be better people. In the midst of difficulties, solidarity has made its way, allowing people to share and mitigate some families' shortcomings. This is nothing but personal growth from a human and spiritual point of view.

2020 has been strange. Of course, it has. However, it has been a year where we have become stronger, more supportive, and above all, more human.

-  Cecilia, 24.

[thereal20s]

Hannah, 29:

It feels strange reflecting on 2020, when all the hallmarks of a typical year have disappeared. 2020 will forever live in my mind as the 300 days of March. Summer roof parties, restaurant dates, and passport stamps were replaced with banana bread baking, journaling, and watching my eyebrows grow out to Groucho level lengths. 

2020 was simultaneously the longest and shortest year of my life. In January and February, I set my sights on the future and enrolled at Miami Ad School in order to secure the professional future I wanted. In March I lost my part time job due to the impending threat of the Coronavirus, and in April I sat in my Brooklyn apartment and listened with horror as ambulance sirens blared all day long, carrying patients to local hospitals while the federal government sat back and did nothing. In May and June I watched with trepidation as a nation courageously confronted and protested against racism and police brutality. In June, my heart swelled out of my chest as I watched my community band together to support its most vulnerable members through one of the hardest periods in recent history. In June and July, I prepared to move back to my parents house and face an unknown future, both socially, politically, and professionally. In September and October I gritted my teeth and dealt with the rollercoaster of emotions that comes along with moving back in with your parents at 29 and missing the companionship of your friends and now long distance boyfriend. In November I rejoiced after millions of like-minded Americans cast their ballots to hopefully turn around the trainwreck that has been the past four years. In December, I am exhausted. 

I won’t lie, I cried more in 2020 than I have in years. But despite all the ups and downs, I’m going into 2021 with tentative optimism. I learned that I care more than I like to let on, but I am also tougher than I thought. I’ve seen the worst and the best out of people this year, and I know that America is far from out of the woods regarding Coronavirus, public health, and racial justice. My generation has a lot on its shoulders to carry, but I know we’re ready to take on the challenge. The question is: will the gatekeepers listen to the masses?  America needs to change, and change now. The new generation demands it. 

[thereal20s]

2020: A Reflection

As one of the longest and strangest years of our lives comes to a close, we reflect on the lessons we learned in 2020 and how we’re carrying them with us into 2021.

There’s been a lot of bad, but also a lot of unexpected good. We learned that we can only control so much. We learned that life is fragile. We learned how much personal relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and peers - play a role in our overall mental health and well being. But we’ve also learned how to rely on ourselves, pick ourselves up, and be our own cheerleaders. 

As we’ve looked to the past for guidance, we keep our eyes firmly focused on the future. Now where the hell do we go from here? 

[thereal20s]

i’m afraid of today.

Today I am 23. That number scares me a little (a lot). It feels like the end of an era. The end of childhood. The start of something I’m not ready for. And truthfully, it is all of those things. But in my head I’m still 16. Sometimes I wonder how I even got here. How has so much time passed? Where did it all go?

One of my greatest fears is not getting to finish. Running out of time. Not doing enough. Leaving before I’ve made a difference. Each birthday is a ceremonial, yet unwelcome reminder of this fear. That’s why on days like today, I tend to sulk. 

Many would say, “23 is so young! You’re crazy!” But the way I see it? 23 is basically 25, 25 is basically 30, and 30 is basically 40, and 40? Well, at 40 my life is over isn’t it?

Okay before the 40+ community comes for me, let me unpack this. Rationally I do not think the age of 40 means the end of everything. But the part of me that is afraid of running out of time? That part does. 

When you are in your 20s, all your peers are doing this, and doing that. Life moves quickly and dramatically in this period. It’s impossible to keep up. It can feel like you’re falling behind, or not measuring up. Every November 30th I am reminded of this, and I sometimes start to spiral.

But this year, the pandemic, the strange journey that has been 2020, has given me so much perspective. I’ve accepted that time moves always...and I’ve decided to move with it. There’s no running out of time, but rather running with it.

This November 30th? I’m counting my blessings, and celebrating myself. Oh, and of course...putting my running shoes on.

Kailee, 22 23

[thereal20s]

What am I so afraid of?

Fear is strong enough to put free people into cages. Every single person has lives unlived because they were too afraid to do it, whatever “it” is. And what are we so afraid of? Afraid to lose, afraid to start over, afraid to find out we’re too little. Fear is an instinct designed to keep us safe, but fear is one hell of an overbearing mother, making sure you’re wearing 6 layers of padding before you ride a skateboard. Fear doesn’t do a cost-benefit analysis or take worthwhile risks. Fear is, well, afraid. Always.

In the face of fear, I try to first determine – am I afraid because of real negative consequences or am I just, well, afraid? If it’s the latter then I remember this story from high school:

Deep in the woods a single file line of kids are taking 20 foot cliff dives into the natural spring below. The drop is big enough that human nature places a giant pit in the stomach of anyone about to jump. Some kids love that pit, some are afraid of it. I was afraid of it. I watched a dozen kids jump, then a dozen more, then the first dozen line up again, whelping with excitement about their impending second jump. I’d seen enough. I had to do it. But what of the pit in my stomach? As my turn approaches in line, I realize I need to let go of the fear – turn it off just long enough to get myself started. If I could just start the run toward the edge of the cliff, I’d have no choice but to jump, fear or no fear. I just needed to start running. And so as my turn approaches, I force my brain to be anywhere but in fear. I distract myself, give myself Braveheart style war-speeches, talk nervously to friends. Finally, my turn. Deep breath. Brain off. Legs move. No choice now. I see the edge of the cliff. Pit in my stomach. Why the fuck did I do this? Too late now. I jump.

Most often our fears are valid, but don’t have our best interests in mind. Fear is an evolutionary design for survival. But for people who are looking to do more than just survive, fear is a cage. I want to live. And since the fear won’t ever go away, I need to understand my fears and know the right moments to turn it off, just for a second. If I time it right, I’ll get to take leaps that can change my life. I won’t let fear stop me. Zach, 26

[thereal20s]

Beyond My Fears

I have had nights where I am too tired but I can’t fall asleep or moments where I want to be productive and I can’t do anything. I think it’s mainly caused by anxiety. And, how is anxiety related to fear? Well, I believe anxiety is fear of the future. Personally, it is one of the things I struggle with. Many people are afraid of the future, but it manifests in different ways for everyone. 

I over think and stress a lot, which makes it hard to be present in the moments I’m living. For example, I don’t want to fail professionally and thinking of failure causes me fear and the fear causes anxiety and the anxiety causes more fear, making this a vicious cycle. Fear impacts my life in several ways: lack of sleep and sadness, mostly due to imaginary situations that don’t exist yet.

However, I think beyond my fears there is hope. Therefore, if I use what causes the fear in my favor, I will overcome what I fear the most. If failure causes fear, then I need to do everything in my power to succeed. If losing my parents causes fear, then I need to give them all the love I can while they are alive. If having a life with no purpose causes fear, then I need to give my life meaning every day.

Beyond my fears, there is hope. The positive side of the what ifs, the dreams I can accomplish, the laughter I can cherish and the love I will give. Being human is being fearful but being human is also being fearless. To me, fears are part of being vulnerable and they show what I really care about. However, courage is about facing them instead of using them as an excuse or shield. I think the first step to overcome fears is to recognize what causes them and truly believe, there is hope beyond them.

-Shanelle, 24

[thereal20s]

What’s fear all about

What's fear all about? Fear has the ability to prevent us from doing something mentally. It creates a blocking situation for any mental process. Fear, as a sensation, is a sudden stop to all functions of rationalization and motivation. Fear paralyzes, inhibits. We stop before we fall off the cliff. In the beginning, that sudden stop is good because deep down, there is a risk, and until we know what it is, it is better to stand still. But what's a life worth without a little risk?   Our culture only prepared us to face fear and also taught us to be afraid of fear, and therefore we do not react appropriately. In a different cultural process, we would face fear differently and have natural reactions. I understand the last process, and I know that it is necessary to carry out one's existence properly. Am I afraid? Of course, I do. Fear of letting my family and friends down. Fear of not knowing what to do at the time I graduate from the Master's degree.  Fear of not having an exact country where I would like to live. Fear of not having the opportunity to live somewhere else, fear of failure, of not getting a good job. Fear of boredom, fear of not being able to deliver. Fear is a natural force. It exists independently. It is part of our nature and has the function to protect, however incredible it may seem. That's why I don't let my fears paralyze me. I understand that suffering is part of life. To get closer to what's right for us. Without fear, without risk, without suffering, life would not make sense. I know I'm going to face every single scary thing. What's more, I find it more exciting to face fears and defeats than victories themselves. That's what life's challenge is all about. Maybe you'll see me beat, or perhaps you'll see me fail. But you'll definitely see me trying.

- Cecilia, 24.

[thereal20s]

Hannah, 29

As someone with relatively high anxiety, I’ve let fears dictate the first 20 or so years of my life. I have all of your typical fears: I’m afraid of bugs, afraid of dying, but I suppose my driving fear has always been what others think of me. Or rather, I’ve been afraid of what I think others think of me. 

In my childhood, I was a shy and overweight bookworm. I was afraid of being teased, so I focused on improving my appearance until it no longer became a point of potential ridicule. I also learned how to be funny and outgoing as a defense mechanism; if you make others laugh, they are less likely to pick on you as a weak link. 

In my 20’s, my biggest fear was not living up to the expectations that both myself and society had placed on me. I wanted to make money doing something I loved, but in the real world that is much easier said than done. Fortunately, I never want to live life with regret, so the fear of missing out on life experiences pushed me to try new things.

My 20’s helped me discover some fears I didn’t even think I had. I never used to fear public speaking, (in fact I believe I am a natural born performer) but when I was doing stand up comedy, I realized that standing alone on a stage trying to make people laugh is WAY more nerve wracking than I thought. 

Ultimately, I think it boils down to the fear of not being good enough. But the funny thing is, once you do fail, the fear goes away and you realize that failure is not as devastating as you made it out to be. I used to be afraid of having to move back in with my parents, but after seeing how Coronavirus ravaged New York this Spring, I was actually happy to move back to Massachusetts and finish my copywriting program from the relative safety of the suburbs.

Now that I am 29 and my 20’s are almost over, I have gotten more comfortable with myself and do not let my fears dictate my life as much as I did when I was younger. I understand that failing is just a part of life. The real winners fail over and over again, but they pick themselves back up until they succeed. As long as I keep trying, I have nothing to be afraid of. 

[thereal20s]

Fears

Everyone has fears, and when you’re in your twenties there is a lot to be afraid of. Some fear how they will pay their debts after school, while others wonder if they will ever be able to buy a home. People fear not being good enough, successful enough, to the point that fears can often be paralyzing. They may wonder, “Is it even worth trying when there is the possibility of failure?” 

Luckily, fear can also serve a positive purpose. In fact, fear can be as much of a motivator for some as goals are to others. Fear can even be beautiful, humbling, motivational, and transformative. What matters is how you choose to harness your fear. As long as we face our fears head on, we can release them and ultimately grow.

[thereal20s]

What I want is simple

I think that the term “goals” is too broad. I like to be explicit so I will try to be as much as I can in this text. My short term goals are: to finish the website for my business, keep building content for my social media networks and become financially independent. I believe short term goals are important because they will drive us to achieve our long term goals.

However, it is within one’s long term goals where we can find the real essence of who we are. I prioritize people over money, one of my main long term goals is to be able to serve society. I would like to reduce starvation and help homeless people have a home. On the other hand, I also want to become a mom and   take care of my children. While I work from home in my own marketing agency and multiple businesses.

I would like to travel a lot. Show my kids the power of culture and knowledge. Also, I want to give back to my parents. I want to support them financially and emotionally. Provide them with all their needs and love, because they gave me so much growing up. My long term goals are all about giving and receiving love and making everywhere I go, a better place.

Shanelle, 24.

[thereal20s]

Goals: No Goals

I’ve spent years working to unwind and reassess my life’s goals and expectations. My goal is to have no goals. 

I used to chisel my goals in stone. For a long time I thought I knew where I wanted to be. Where I should be. My goals were so concrete, I left no room for mobility; for reassessment; for evolution. My attachment to those concretized goals nearly led me down a path to law school I now believe I’d absolutely have regretted. When our goals are set in stone we put our heads down and start running. We’re hustling so hard we’re not even looking around. We’re not internalizing new desires. We’re not processing change. When our eye is on the endgame we miss what’s in front of us. We forget our goals are ever-changing; a little bit different each and every day. My goal is to not let my goals sweep me up and fool me into thinking, “if I could just get there I’ll have arrived.” You never arrive. You’re always moving. My goal is to remain unsettled. To ride the treadmill instead of aiming for a destination. My goal for now is no goals.

Zach, 26 

[thereal20s]

My goals

Talking about goals is so ambiguous and complicated that it is challenging for me to know where to start. 

I could talk about goals already achieved, like having finished my university degree and being admitted to the Masters I chose. Another one that I could mention is the fact that I managed to move from Venezuela. Get my student visa. Being an immigrant for the first time. Perhaps the latter is not necessarily a goal achieved, but it is a consequence of the act.

I must humbly say that what I have proposed I have achieved. With effort and dedication, I have not been slow to get the things I want. But if we talk about the future, it scares me and excites me at the same time. Nothing better than the mystery of not knowing what will happen tomorrow. That's what life is about, right?

What is difficult for me to think about is what will become of my life after the Masters's. Will I continue to live in the United States? Will I return to Caracas? Will I be moving to Europe? What do I want? Honestly, I'm not sure. My genuine wish is to find my ideal job (as cliché as it may sound). I want stability. Stable salary, a career with a future, a healthy relationship with my partner, and good health for my family and friends. I don't ask for much.

I grew up in a very closed community. Expectations from family and close people are very high. Many of my friends married young, have children, and some did not finish their careers. Another goal that I have accomplished is to ignore what they expect of me or what other people have achieved from a young age. I am happy and calm. I know I'm going to my time. And that each one's time is an entirely personal matter. I'm fine; I'm OK. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I know I'm entirely at my own pace.

I know I have goals that I want to accomplish. But I also know that life can take me on a different path. I am not afraid of that. Until then, I will enjoy my present.

- Cecilia, 24.

[thereal20s]

a girl has no goals

This week taught me that I don’t have much in the way of traditional goals.

Where do I want to be in 5 years? *shrug*

What are my plans post graduation? Beats me.

What kind of career do I want to have? Your guess is as good as mine.

I know. This sounds bad. And it’s weird because many people would describe me as a Type A, goal-oriented person. And why wouldn’t they? I’ve followed the straight and narrow high school, to undergrad, to master’s path. I make color-coded itineraries on excel for a weekend girls’ trip. Yeah, I’m that friend.

I’m organized, I’m focused, and I even make a to-do list of all the different kinds of to-do lists I plan to make (neurotic, I know).

But for some reason when asked of my goals. I come up blank. A girl simply has no goals.

I am an extreme planner, yes. But the thing is, I plan the little things. The weekend trips, redecorating my room, the order I plan to pay my bills in, my meals for the day...but the big stuff? The life stuff? Not so much. I kind of just...go with the flow? The planner in me is cringing as I type that, but it’s strangely true. Getting my master’s was never a major goal of mine, but I was led down this path where I am doing exactly that. If something feels right, or feels important I just tend to keep at it.

I believe life takes you where you’re meant to be. So instead of sweating the big stuff, I sweat the small details instead. The details I can control. Because even though I believe in divine timing, I’m terrified of it. I will never be able to color-code the excel sheet that is (or that isn’t) my life.

So, a girl has no goals. But I’ve decided to make two right now. Oooh, I feel a list coming on! 

1) Move to the city.

2) Be Happy.

Too vague? Well, I like ‘em that that way. Now, a girl has two goals.

- Kailee, 22

[thereal20s]

Hannah, 29

Like just about everyone I know, 2020 derailed my plans. In a way it has been for the best, but it hasn’t been easy. 

I’ve always seen myself working in entertainment, though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in front of the camera or behind it. Back in 2015 I embarked on a two year foray into stand up comedy. I loved the creative nature of stand up, and could tell my writing had improved in the two years I pursued it, though the anxiety I felt about getting up to perform was all consuming. After a sudden breakup with a fellow comic followed by the 2016 election, I decided in early 2017 that I was having trouble finding the humor in life and had had enough. Also, stand up comedy never made a dime.

I felt stuck. At the time I was working a day job as an office manager at a commercial production company. I wasn’t exactly challenged in the role, but it was a paycheck. To be completely honest, I stayed in the position for far too long, but because I didn’t have any direction in life, I just stuck with it until getting laid off last year.

Getting laid off forced me to reassess my dreams. What did I really want to do with my life? I loved writing comedy, but it was nearly impossible to land a comedy writing job without a background in stand up. While working as an office manager, I loved reading the scripts that came in from agencies for directors; I would often read a script and think to myself “I could do this”. 

So when I got laid off a year ago, I thought a career in copywriting would be the perfect option for me to combine all of my interests. I did my research, applied to Miami Ad School almost immediately, and was accepted. I also took up a part time job working coat check in a local nightclub to supplement my income while I figured out how I would balance school and work for the next two years. 

For better or for worse, in March Coronavirus brought daily life to a screeching halt. The nightclub I was working at closed indefinitely, and I planned to start school totally online. I was receiving unemployment assistance checks which helped keep me afloat, but in July when my lease was up in Brooklyn, I decided it would not make sense for me to stay in New York while the pandemic was still raging on and I wasn’t working.

So at the ripe old age of 29, I moved back to Massachusetts to live with my parents while completing my studies. It’s weird living here with no idea about when I might be able to go back to New York. It is wholly dependent on when it will be safe for classes to resume in person. 

So I try to set attainable goals. Right now, all I want to do is complete my program and create the best portfolio I possibly can. I want to intern at a New York agency, and once I graduate in early 2022, I hope to turn my experience into my first real world copywriting job. If all goes to plan, (which it rarely does) I hope to move back to New York and move in with either a friend of mine or my boyfriend. Eventually I would love to get married, buy a house and a couple dogs, but for now I am just focused on the task at hand, which is my career.