#these pixels

[leveloneandup]

CP and Jun sitting together in the back watching everyone practice 😭

[iseeasea]

i am filled with all these unsaid words i don’t know what to do with. i feel like a tea kettle, slowly building until i scream. i don’t want to scream, i want to whisper and be gentle. i want to be heard when i am quiet because i am tired of screaming. there’s all these pixels everywhere that form lines that twist and turn, they form words and pictures, things that move and things that stand still. sometimes they overwhelm me and i need to go away for a few hours. sometimes i need the ceiling and the walls to remind me i’m not going to float away. that things will not spiral too far out of reach, that these things are contained. i need the things that are scattered around the room to be put into the drawer and behind the door, to be hidden away. there’s all these things around me and want them to stop. i want to look at the sunset and watch the season change, see how the wind unsettles the dust. i want to feel how the earth is calm because i want my hands to not shake. sometimes i need be warm. i’m always so cold. i need steady hands and warm words to fill my mind with things i need to hear, not the things that i’ve been told. i want to melt into warmth instead of always freezing into stiffness i can’t get out of unless i twist myself around, trying to find release. i need to be told that these pixels are being heard, that i will not fall away, that my hands will cease to shake, and that i will be filled with warmth again.