#thewisezack

[insultsbymybaughfriend]

I wouldn’t hire a young a person to stare at the sun. They’d find some way to screw it up! They’d probably look at the moon by mistake.

My Baughfriend

[complimentsbyzack]

You're the apple of my eye.

Zack, on a compliment spree towards Salty.

[complimentsbyzack]

I'd share a Harambe bed with you.

My conditional fiancé, reassuring me that he’d share the best bed ever with me.

What a sweetheart.

[complimentsbyzack]

It's nice to know that as a unit, we're fappable.

Zack, on our collective fappability.

[complimentsbyzack]

I don't think you're as ugly as you think you are.

Zack, telling me I’m less ugly than I thought.

[complimentsbyzack]

Point is, you’re not a crone.

Zack, discussing the cons of online dating.

[complimentsbyzack]

You are 17/16ths as gorgeous as her!

Zack, on my false semblance to Priyanka Chopra.

[complimentsbyzack]

Well, whatever. Your brief moments of smiling are better than your general moments of frowning.

Zack, on the status of my countenance.