#theycallmeshay

[theycallmeshay]

‪I am enough. ‬

‪So that means I’ll wait. I’ll wait for sweep me off my feet and matching energy. I’ll wait for someone who wants to do the same things as me and doesn’t let me feel bad for enjoying what I do. ‬

I deserve happiness. I deserve consuming, wholesome love. I deserve someone to love me as much as I’ll love them. We should deserve each other.

I am enough // c.r.

[theycallmeshay]

I wasn’t given to option to be weak.

I was beaten and bruised into this pillar of strength I am now.

call it childhood // c.r.

[theycallmeshay]

I think I’ve made a mistake in letting you go.

I hurt so much more now than I ever have // c.r.

[theycallmeshay]

I want to be soft and sweet like all of those other girls, but I’m brutal. I’m harsh. I’m made of rough edges and the thorns that are plucked off them. My heart has been torn from my chest and never been put back by the one man who was always supposed to love me. My dreams are full of cruelties and rising from the ashes. I was molded into a warrior that wants nothing more than to wear silks, hold thornless flowers, and absorb the sun with carefree smiles. I want to be more than blood, rust, and salt.

something i want to scream // c.r.

[theycallmeshay]

I regret.

I regret crying in front of you.

No, scratch that. I regret believing that I should’ve let you go and tell you that we needed time apart and that maybe we’d meet again later when the time would be better.

I regret thinking instead of believing in us. I regret thinking instead of openly loving. I regret and regret.

So to this, I say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you to try to make myself feel better about anything and everything.

please don’t tell me if you can’t forgive me

[theycallmeshay]

We’re all rough around the edges. It’s what gives us our stories.

rough // c.r.

[theycallmeshay]

I’m in a constant state of euphoric nothingness.

it’s emptily erotic // c.r.

[theycallmeshay]

I have not been in love with you for a long time. That’s the kicker. But, I know. I know you are with me and seeing that hurts us both. Even worse, you see me moving on. You see my acceptance of our friendship, of myself trying to come through, and of someone else. For you, our separation was so soon, but for me it happened long ago. I don’t know how to let you know that my happiness is the most important thing to me.

I’m growing on my own now // c.r.