okay, i swear i'm not trying to be mean, i'm actually just asking this: should i be ashamed about being thin? like, should i feel bad?
Should I be ashamed for having brown hair? For having curly hair? For having blue eyes? For having birthmarks? For having full lips? For having knees?
No, of course not. My body looks how it looks, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just like there is nothing wrong with someone looking different than me. Someone with blonde straight hair and brown eyes and no birthmarks and thin lips, for example.
And there might be things I don’t necessarily like about my body- I might feel my hair is a little more oily than it should be, for example- but that doesn’t mean my body is wrong or that I should be ashamed of it.
Bodies look how they look for a reason. Genetics, hormones, whatever else. Maybe some of it is because of the choices we made. I mean, I wasn’t born with pierced ears. But we look how we do because that’s what we are supposed to look like. And how we look, regardless of any other factor, is beautiful and wonderful and totally okay.
Bodies shouldn’t be things that determine our worth or our value. They shouldn’t be things we are judged for by others. And they most certainly are not things for which we should have to judge ourselves.
You have nothing about which to be ashamed. You are the way you are and there is nothing wrong with that.
The thing is, sometimes how we look means society treats us a certain way. A way that’s different from how people who look different than us are treated.
For example, I have white skin. That means society is going to give me certain privileges that someone with darker skin wouldn’t have. It means I have to acknowledge a history of violence against people with dark skin that was caused by people with white skin. It means I as a white person have to constantly monitor my interactions with people of color, I have to monitor my language when talking to or about people of color, I have to monitor how I think about people of color, I have to remember my position in society over people of color, and I have to actively work to make people of color feel safe around me.
I have to remember that even if skin color is a totally neutral thing, it isn’t treated neutrally, and it won’t be unless people actively fight to end racism, xenophobia, and white supremacy. Sometimes that means I have to be uncomfortable, I have to acknowledge my part in society and how white supremacy benefits me even if I actively try not to be racist. It means I have to acknowledge I can be racist even when I don’t know I am, and that I have to listen to people who call me out for that. It means I have to educate myself on race and be willing to change as I learn more about racism.
This isn’t a completely fair comparison, because racism is much more than about appearance and has a long, difficult history full of many tragedies and atrocities. But everything I said I have to do about race are things that all privileged people have to do with people over whom they have privilege.
As an able-bodied person, I have to do all of that with ableism.
As an American citizen, I have to do all of that with xenophobia.
As a someone who isn’t Muslim or Jewish, I have to do all that with Islamaphobia and Antisemitism.
And as someone who is thin, you have to do all that with fatphobia.
That doesn’t mean you should be ashamed. It just means you have to be mindful.
You’re perfect as you are, and you don’t have to feel bad for existing the way you do.
You just have to make sure that the way you treat fat people is fair. That you don’t actively contribute to our pain. That you listen to us about what we experience.
Learn how to be an ally to us and you will be fine.
Don’t feel ashamed. Just be proactive in your allyship. Love yourself, but be respectful to us. It’s not always easy to be an ally, but it’s one of the most important things you can do.
And be mindful of how the experience of fat people change depending on our other identities. If you are only an ally to really privileged fat people, that’s not really being an ally.
You’ve got this. I have confidence in you.
- Mod Bella
