#things doctors say

[regressionsimulator]

How you want your doctor to be.

[changeling-of-the-fae]

Out of context doctor's notes:

- "no signs of acute distress" sir I assure you am I one closed door away from a meltdown

- "internally deranged" don't tell mom

- "she looks worse in person" that's just rude

[thedisagreeabledoctor]

You could drive a semi through that anastomosis... Beeeeeeep Beeeeeeeep

Attending surgeon commenting on the resident’s work

[thedisagreeabledoctor]

I have created an umbilicus before, for people who had lost theirs... and were lost without it.

Plastic Surgery Attending

[hayleyfreakinrules]

Things Doctors' say

One of the perks of my job - one of my MD's pops their head into my office:

MD: Hey, I wanted to give you a heads up on a new patient.

Me: M'Kay - what's up?

MD: He's basically the worst guy ever - seriously. He yelled at (nurse's name) all day, scared her really bad. He's a registered sex offender, fresh out of jail. Basically, he's a total dick. But I think you can handle him. 

Me: Ooo, he sounds fun. 

MD: Yup! (high fives me and leaves my office).

Some days I really do love my job. 

[ninjatengu]

They say the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. I've scheduled you for an upper endoscopy.

[mynewsickworld]

THINGS DOCTORS SAY—

Me- I’ve gained 40 pounds since starting Gabapentin.

Doctor- your Gabapentin didn’t make you gain weight. How many calories do you think are in that little pill?

-Dr. Brian Weinshenker- Mayo Clinic: Rochester, MN

[greenowls]

Maintain the Sterile Field...ALWAYS!

Chief Surgery Resident: ...(makes smart ass remark to Attending Surgeon during surgery)...

Attending Surgeon ...(to scrub tech)... : Can I have a sterile green towel, please?

Tech: ...(hands over towel)…

Attending Surgeon: …(carefully unfolds towel, places over head of Chief Surgery Resident, slaps him upside the head)…