#things hilarious

[princeofcybertron-blog]

You pretend you're high Pretend you're bored Pretend you're anything Just to be adored

[benspillowbook-blog-blog]

CJ falls apart because of someone's name. Glorious, glorious... and Mary Louise. So delightful. 

[benspillowbook-blog-blog]

Whenever American politics gets too ridiculous and frustrating, I put on one of the first 4 seasons of The West Wing. Allison Janney makes all the pain go away.

"What's he doing in Foggy Bottom?"

Enjoy.

[lizziebordenisabitch-blog]

So here's something that happens...

So it's Saturday morning, and that can only mean one thing. (OK, it can mean MANY things, STFU). For me it means one thing: STORY TIME!

Ready? And I want you to know that every word of this is probably true.

In 1989, Trygve Bauge emigrated here to the good ole' USofA from Norway, carting the forzen corpse of his dead grandfather along for the ride. For about three years, a cryogenics facility kept Bauge's GrandPopsicle on the rocks, as it were. (Actually, in liquid nitrogen). But around 1995 Bauge got it up to start himself a cryogenics facility of his own, and brought Poppa Bredo (granmpa) to his mom's house. But--get this--shortly after, the US deported Bauge for overstaying his visa, and so his Momma (named Aud) kept Poppa Bredo frozen in a shed out back! Whuut??? It gets worse! Momma got evicted cuz she was living in a house with no plumbing or electricity, and she freaked the geek out! She didn't want Grampa to thaw, ruining his chance of getting reanimated once humanity found a way to inflict immortality on itself. 

Meanwhile, the town freaked the geek out, too. According to Wikipedia: The story caused a sensation. In response, the city added a broad new provision to Section 7-34 of its Municipal Code, "Keeping of bodies", outlawing the keeping of "the whole or any part of the person, body or carcass of a human being or animal or other biological species which is not alive upon any property"

It gets weirder, of course, cuz Momma Aud got "grandfathered" in, as they say, and got to keep Poppa Bredo--literally--in a shed out back. And though Aud got moved, Poppa Bredo got to stay in a "Tuff Shed" full o' dry ice.... and now every year in March the town of Nederland, Colorado, where this all went down, holds Frozen Dead Guy Days--a winter festival, featuring (among other things) frozen salmon tossing and coffin races. The tagline for the fest: Freeze the Day.

Crikey.

And what I what I wanna know is: WHERE'S THE LIZZIE BORDEN DAYS, FOR EFF'S SAKE??? I want a celebration of my awesometasticness. We could have hatchet throwing contests--cuz I loved chopping wood, of course. We could have, like, mutton fat for breakfast, we could give away pigeons... and stuff... it'd be hot.

OK maybe it'd be lame, but I still want it.

I mean, the weirder the celebration, the better it is, right? Look at Gay Pride. What better way to show that gays are just like everybody else than dressing up in dog collars and flinging condoms at people while listening to terrible disco music? Nothing says "we deserve the same rights as you do" than getting bombed and having illicit ally sex with someone you don't know.

So riddle me this, kids: how would YOU celebrate Lizzie Borden Days?

[lizziebordenisabitch-blog]

Bill Maher and Jane Lynch read Anthony Weiner's sexts. Weiner may be a joke, but I *love* the girl he's sexting! WARNING: Definitely filthy and adult. Viewer discretion advised.