Played D&D today
and I shit you not it was a wild day.
Background to today: It's our second session and we're all level 5. Last session we had a Half-elf Bard (no idea what college) named Vance, a High Elf Rogue (Arcane Trickster) named Aeden, a Human Cleric (Light) named Mercy (yes they play Overwatch), a Tabaxi Artificer (Alchemist) named Freya, and Freya's eldest children Loki (Arcane Trickster) and Thor (Battle Master Fighter, hoping to grab Magic Initiate soon). We broke out of jail via MacGyver-ing a bunch of stuff from a Robe of Useful Items after our employer framed us for military espionage. Said employer was murdered after we escaped (not by us, surprisingly enough).
Today we had session two in which our Bard couldn't make it but we gained a Dragonborn Barbarian named Peter/Paul/Phillip (he can't decide what sounds braver).
Things that happened:
We meet a psychopath of a thieves guild leader with two named daggers.
The above psychopath tried to ask the Cleric their gender. An Orc sneezing in the background meant he never heard the answer.
The Artificer (Me) gave the psychopath a very expensive, shiny box as a gift so he didn't kill me in my sleep.
He ended up crying over it and how it reminded him of his stolen "can"
We don't know what the can is and we don't want to
That murdered employer I mentioned? Yeah we stole the body last session and used Cleric Voodoo to question her.
This traumatized all but the leader of the thieves guild
We met our Barbarian while fighting a dozen wolves.
BAR "Where is Paul?"
ROG "Excuse me?"
BAR "Mean Peter. Am looking for elf city. Where?"
ROG "Highmoor isn't to far that way?"
BAR "How many elfs?"
ART "Maybe a dozen?"
BAR "Three then."
We meet a giant snake that speak celestial shortly afterwards.
When the HE Rogue curses in his native tongue when we won't fight said giant snake so he can raid it's Temple
BAR "YOU SPEAK CELESTIAL TOO?"
ROG "What? No. That's Elvish."
We keep finding bits of cloth that smell like Lavender. The Dragonborn is fighting everyone so he can keep them.
We come across a shallow river with an abandoned camp next to it and a log to cross with.
The Dragonborn decides the log needs to die.
This promptly pisses off the nearby Ent.
The Ent's name is "Humphrey with a T"
This begins a screaming match over how a log can be a friend, which the HE Rogue tries to mediate.
The Rogue is promptly yelled at by both the Dragonborn and the Ent for using big words. A friendship is born of low INT scores.
At some point the Dragonborn and Ent start screaming "SMASH" together as they hit rocks.
Before we leave the Ent, who admits to being too dumb for the other Ents, the Artificer (me) magics him up a dog from the Robe of Useful Items. It is promptly named Snuggles.
We walk peaceful through the forest. Oh look! A wild Chimera appears!
Fight goes really well, only the Dragonborn has taken damage, and even then only about 15 HP worth.
The Dragon Head uses a fire breath attack. The Dragonborn, Cleric, Artificer (me), and the Tabaxi Rogue Loki are hit for 36 HP.
This is the HP total of both the Artificer (me) and the Tabaxi Rogue. It is 1 HP less than the Clerics total.
Luckily the Clerics hadn't been hit before this.
The HE Rogue kills the Chimera on his next turn, thankfully.
And that is where we ended for today. I probably left something out the others would have wanted added, but I feel that covers the major points.