"despite what you think, i am capable of caring for myself" "stop pretending you're okay because i know you aren't" with that good zagene shit bcs there is not enough zagene in the world
Hello thank you for this bomb ass prompt, I hope you enjoy the light angst!
Eugene doesn't like to feel weak. He spent a good amount of his childhood not liking himself, and he won't do it now; he can't afford to, and not only that, he doesn't want to go through that anymore. He's read hate-comments before. He's good at the physical ones, the ones saying he's gaining a little weight, the ones that say he's ugly, the ones that say weird things about his nose - he's good at comments about what he looks like. When The Try Guys Try Reading Hate Comments comes around, he's cocky, he thinks he can deal with whatever comes his way. That's what Eugene thinks.
“Eugene is so mean to the other Try Guys. You can’t even tell these guys are his friends,” one of the comments says, plain black and white on the screen, and Eugene’s eyes kinda unfocus. It only takes a moment for his mind to start flitting through every single time he’s been mean to one of his friends, both on camera and off camera. Cursing at Ned, rejecting Keith’s affections, saying no to... to Zach. He’s been so mean to Zach fucking Kornfeld, possibly the cutest person he knows. Eugene’s still zoning when a pair of fingers snaps in front of his face, and then Zach’s face comes into focus. He’s smiling in that way he smiles at small animals, at Bowie when he first got him, and Eugene feels a little sick. He doesn’t deserve Zach’s smiles.
“You with us, Gene?” Zach asks, the smile leaking into his voice and making it all soft. Eugene nods automatically, standing out of his chair even though Zach is too close; it’s okay, because the other man immediately moves. Eugene tries not to get too close to him (the voice in the back of his head telling him he doesn’t deserve to be close has nothing to do with that, yeah no). He nearly knocks over his chair in his haste to add to their distance.
“Uh, I’ll be back in a little while. I have a thing,” Eugene says eloquently, all but running out of the room to get away from that one little comment. It’s just some fan on the internet, some troll, Eugene shouldn’t be letting a comment like this affect him; this is a video about how to deal with people like this on the internet, and he’s just being a shining example of what not to do. He’s a weird mixture of hyperaware of his surroundings and completely oblivious to them, so he’s only sixty percent sure he hears someone comes out of the room four seconds after him. He’s one hundred percent sure when a hand comes down on his shoulder, though it takes everything in him not to flinch out of his skin. He turns around to see Zach, in all his small glory, and has to stop his knees from buckling. He’s not in a great place.
“Hey, hey. You know we’re here for you right?” Zach says after a beat of silence, and he says just enough for Eugene to get his temper back beneath him. He can’t let Zach, of all people, see him weak like this. He can be weak when he gets home, he can cry in front of Emma and Pesto, and no one else. Especially not Zach. Why does he even want to cry? He’s the asshole here.
“Despite what you think, I am capable of caring for myself,” he finds himself saying, unable to make eye contact with Zach when he’s mean on purpose. Zach doesn’t even fold a little, not like he knows the man to in any other circumstance that someone’s mean to him. Well, really, that’s not even true. Being a Try Guy has made Zach grow a little more of a backbone to him; watching him grow was one of the things that made Eugene fall for - nope. Eugene didn’t fall for shit. Nope. He’s never fallen for anything in his life, emotions are fake. Instead of folding, Zach is frowning, though he doesn’t look angry. Eugene would rather he was angry.
"Stop pretending you're okay because I know you aren't. Let me help, if I can," Zach says, and another part of Eugene cracks. He doesn’t break down just yet, but he knows how inevitable it is. Instead of replying, he walks out of the building, just knowing Zach will follow him. He doesn’t mind; he’s glad Zach is following him, actually. He has a question or two - ones he knows only Zach could answer. All the good questions go down the drain once they’re in the alleyway and suddenly all Eugene can see is Zach.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Eugene asks instead of the good ones, at this point just thankful his voice didn’t do something stupid like break. This is when Zach folds, his expression crumbling into something sad, something just as broken as Eugene feels, and he didn’t want that. Eugene just goes with it when Zach pulls him forward, pulls him into a hug, pulls Eugene’s head down to Zach’s neck. Eugene is glad that Zach doesn’t comment on Eugene breathing in the other man’s scent, or the sniffles that may or mayn’t start a few seconds later.
“I’m so nice to you because you’re my friend. You’re not a bad friend, Gene, I promise. You think Keith wouldn’t let you know if you were a bad friend? You think Ned would let that shit slide? You’re a good friend, Gene,” Zach says, quiet, right against Eugene’s ear. He can feel Zach’s breathing, and never before has something so absolutely fucking disgusting been so reassuring. He pulls Zach a little closer, arms wrapped tight around his friend’s waist. Zach’s arms go tighter around Eugene’s neck and they stay there for a little while, just breathing in each other’s space.
“I love you, you know that?” Eugene says after a few minutes, because he doesn’t think he’s ever said it before, and he especially means it to Zach. Zach squeezes him a little bit closer and Eugene puts his nose closer to Zach’s throat, just as close as he can be.
“I love you too, buddy. You’re good,” Zach replies, and Eugene wants to say more. He wants to say he loves Zach like Ned loves Ariel, he loves Zach like believing in marriage, he loves Zach like crying at Keith and Becky’s wedding. He doesn’t know how to say that.
“I think you just figured it out, bud,” Zach says, pulling out of the hug to grin up at Eugene. It’s only then when the older man figures out that he said it out loud.
“Fuck,” Eugene whispers, and Zach laughs, pulling him back in for another hug.
“It’s okay, Gene. I love you like Ned loves Ariel too,” Zach tells his collarbone, and if Eugene can’t help pulling him into a kiss, well, that’s between the two of them.
