#this is personal stuff

[pleasantame]

So sick of wanting to be desired.

[tenyu]

....

[llyes]

My birthday is tomorrow and this has been one hell of a year in retrospective. 

European Championships, Worlds, beating the hell out of those A-levels and graduating, finishing my first novel to a point where I can give it to people to read and making notable progress art wise & as a person. Really proud honestly. Now one more year until Rio and also until I get to go to university (looking forward to it soooo much!!)

And now this short recap is over and I’m going to sleep! Thanks to all of those who’ve been sticking with me! You are the best! 

[nepkrisprite]

Apparently my social anxiety is just a made up ploy to gain attention since my parents are getting a divorce, according to my mom and brother. Supposedly not being able to make phone calls is a sign of laziness rather than mental problems. The thing is, I could care less about my parents’ divorce, if that’s what they need, fine, whatever. It’s not my choice anyways! And can’t my brother understand how much it hurts to have your brother threaten to out you as pansexual (he doesn’t know I’m panromo and ace) even if he says he only does that when he *REALLY* needs something? Do you know how it feels to have your mother tell your brother to just go and drive when you are in the middle of hyperventilating from an anxiety attack? I read somewhere that having an anxiety attack sends the same amount of energy as running a marathon does. Ugh. What the fudge even is life.

[peirwin]

[llyes]

So it seems my laptop crashed and you know what that means? Yup, inactivity. Really sorry guys, hope it'll work asap. If I get the chance to blog stuff, I will do it, but not right now. Sorry again!

[llyes]

I'm so sick and tired and nobody's listening like thank you thank you for promising me something and not keeping it. thank you for making me feel like shit thinking I did something wrong. thank you for making me feel replaceable. thank you for making me getting my hopes up high thinking I finally found my best friends but then stabbing me right into my stomach.

I thought I wouldn't fucking care anymore but it just hurts so much and I'm just tired of it.

I'm about to fucking cry here.

I don't want this anymore.

Hey, is there anyone there to listen to me?