some reflections
some great things that came out of this year was getting to see my friends a lot! seeing the empty apartment bedroom turn into MY bedroom. learning to paint watercolors without sketching first. understanding inner children and putting more serious work towards trauma self-recovery! learning i don’t deserve the bullshit my family puts me through, and that I’m not obligated to stay with them. reading more than I have in a long time! made it a whole year on the trauma forum!
a lot of struggle. i started the year out fairly well I think, but a lot of it was coasting and a hopeful progression towards happiness. im genuinely happy (still, forever) that a lot of my trauma work is inspired by shiro and really wouldn’t know what i know or be where i’m at without him tbh! next year i’ll be even stronger. even if just a teeny bit. regardless, i’ll keep recovering and working.
goals from 2017
get a concrete routine for self care
go back to using a planner
read more books
work on my art story
move out
get some funds for moving out
halfway through the year I’d forgotten about this and kinda sailed through the rest of the year doing whatever. but i’m surprised! i stopped using a planner in september though (just 2 months after I’d started) and all my funds ran out due to some emergencies and also bad planning and money management so I’ll have to start fresh again. but I have been reading more and implementing some self soothing practices that have helped me calm down when i’ve been triggered so that’s good n i’ll be continuing those into the new year.
2018 goals
1.) ***exist for myself first and foremost***
- learning that i’m not a tool for entertainment!
2.) open art commissions
3.) move out
- this means better $$ planning - essentials bag packed by end of jan
4.) call school to figure out loans/transferring
5.) consume and surround myself with art
- reading art books n mags - painting more!
6.) be able to ask for help (emotional or otherwise) without feeling guilty or as though i’m a burden for asking
- or assuming no one cares or is too busy
7.) finish my next trauma book (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)
- put into practice some self care and self recovery routines
8.) being proactive and have initiative. learn to be Aware and stop coasting
- be Realistic but also don’t wait for others to give permission to do things. - do research!! don’t wait to be told about things I should know about in advance!
i feel like that’s a LOT of goals, but they seem pretty realistic. there’s some fine print for all of them (like dates). i know some will take a long time to get started working on and i accept that. i’ve got a year to start working on them and many of them go alongside others. i should say I think I did a really good job in confronting my own personal issues and shortcomings and with that knowledge I think I can make it through 2018 confidently!
--updated March 19--