some great things that came out of this year was getting to see my friends a lot! seeing the empty apartment bedroom turn into MY bedroom. learning to paint watercolors without sketching first. understanding inner children and putting more serious work towards trauma self-recovery! learning i don’t deserve the bullshit my family puts me through, and that I’m not obligated to stay with them. reading more than I have in a long time! made it a whole year on the trauma forum!
a lot of struggle. i started the year out fairly well I think, but a lot of it was coasting and a hopeful progression towards happiness. im genuinely happy (still, forever) that a lot of my trauma work is inspired by shiro and really wouldn’t know what i know or be where i’m at without him tbh! next year i’ll be even stronger. even if just a teeny bit. regardless, i’ll keep recovering and working.
get a concrete routine for self care
go back to using a planner
get some funds for moving out
halfway through the year I’d forgotten about this and kinda sailed through the rest of the year doing whatever. but i’m surprised! i stopped using a planner in september though (just 2 months after I’d started) and all my funds ran out due to some emergencies and also bad planning and money management so I’ll have to start fresh again. but I have been reading more and implementing some self soothing practices that have helped me calm down when i’ve been triggered so that’s good n i’ll be continuing those into the new year.
1.) ***exist for myself first and foremost***
- learning that i’m not a tool for entertainment!
- this means better $$ planning
- essentials bag packed by end of jan
4.) call school to figure out loans/transferring
5.) consume and surround myself with art
- reading art books n mags
- painting more!
6.) be able to ask for help (emotional or otherwise) without feeling guilty or as though i’m a burden for asking
- or assuming no one cares or is too busy
7.) finish my next trauma book (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)
- put into practice some self care and self recovery routines
8.) being proactive and have initiative. learn to be Aware and stop coasting
- be Realistic but also don’t wait for others to give permission to do things.
- do research!! don’t wait to be told about things I should know about in advance!
i feel like that’s a LOT of goals, but they seem pretty realistic. there’s some fine print for all of them (like dates). i know some will take a long time to get started working on and i accept that. i’ve got a year to start working on them and many of them go alongside others. i should say I think I did a really good job in confronting my own personal issues and shortcomings and with that knowledge I think I can make it through 2018 confidently!
