Block Party
“Block Party”
Shadows lurk upon the night
Tangled emotions
I lost my sight.
The raspy smell of burning wood
Couldn’t push you off like I should.
Pressure builds, you force me down
Letting you take part of me
I’m not a princess, I don’t want this second crown
Praying for you to stop, Praying for an end
Wish you weren’t family; I hope this is all pretend
Second time my innocence was stolen
Like another monster in the past
Praying for reprieve, memories swollenly last
My shoulders and thighs
Scratched, sore, and bruised
I wanna wash clean this mess in my head
I always feel dirty and used
Damaged by your weight
Just another villain
The liquor on your breath, fear turns to hate
I, myself, poisoned with too much booze
I bit your arm real hard, but it’s a fight I ultimately loose
I’m filled with so much shame
I was so young, yet so tarnished
Why was I the one you crazily blamed?
Nightmares still haunt me
Unlike you, I can’t forget
For I should have spoken up
One of my life’s biggest regrets
Ashley M. Jameson
Written on: 1/4/23
I wrote this poem, even though deeply personal, I must share in hopes that it will help maybe one person out there.
More times than not, sexual assault & Rape are the deep roots that morph into an addiction. Theresa slot of reasons why. Personally, my reservations were embarrassment and fear of no belief. Sexual assault where I believe as well, entail stigma and that’s a factor in drug use and suicide.
I’ve been to therapy, rehab, meetings; yet I’m still haunted. Especially at night where I suffer from extreme nightmares that officially diagnosed as PTDS.
I’ve let my perp still control me, as he did on that day of the block party. He no longer controls me as I forgive him with my heart & soul. Not for him, but for me so I can move on and enjoy life. I don’t want to turn my shoulder everywhere I go. I don’t want to silently sob or engage in promiscuous activities. I just don’t wanna anymore.
SO, ladies, and gents:
IF YOU HAVCE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSULTED/ AND OR RAPED IT IS OMM TO SPEAK UP. DON’T BE EMBARRESSED AND DON’T FEAR LOVED ONES OPINIONS OR ACTIONS. SPEAK WITH TRUSTED PEOPLE, THIS INCLUDES COPS. NOT ONLY DOES JUSTICE NEED TO BE SERVED AND THE PERP GETTING A WELL DESERVED PUNISHGMRNT, BUT YOU JUST MAY SAVE ANOTHER VICTIM. A VICTIMS WHOS LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A MATTER OF SECONDS, AND HAUNT THEM TOO INDEFINITLEY.
RAINN
www.rainn.org
Assault hotline: (800) 656-HOPE (4673)
Justice. Save. SPEAK.