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Today
Today was a day neither good nor bad, I don't remember if I told you guys or not but I didn't tell my job about my medical conditions because I don't want to get fired, well today almost blew that out of the water! I had an episode on my lunch break & if it wasn't for my best friend I may have been out a job 😞 Living day to day with this is difficult, here's to hoping for answers soon!
One of those days
You know those days I was telling you guys about? The ones where you are going to need your support system because you can't do it on your own? That's me today, it was my first day back to work since being in the hospital & it couldn't of possibly gone worse. I'm zoning out, I'm depressed & I just want to curl up in a ball & yell at everyone. These days are absolutely horrid for me because I can't tell if I'm zoning out & just feeling dead because of my illness or because my depression has set in so bad. Today I came home ignored everyone & have just laid here. Today is a day I wish I could restart with a better attitude. Tomorrow I'm hoping will be better but at this rate I'm not sure it will be. But I say this to myself & I'll say it to you. It could always be worse I woke up today while someone else didn't. Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day.
A little update
My first night/day home has been amazing I got to see the two loves of my life (husband & son) spend some time with my sister & dad & got to see my best friend. My circle is small & that's okay, that just goes to show you how many people actually have your back. When this all started I had tons of friends who I talked to & hung out with all the time now? I have 3 friends. That's it. You never really realize who's down for you until you don't have shit. I lost it all & thanks to the three friends I do have & my husband & family I'm slowing getting it all back. When you go through things such as these you NEED a support system & I cannot stress that enough. I thought I could do it all on my own & I hid it from everyone in the beginning. I wish I didn't, I wish I knew then what I know now. Lean on others when it's needed but always remember to help someone else who's in need as well. Also even though you are going through something terrible it could be worse, you woke up today somebody else didn't. Keep that in mind. I know I said this would be short but figured I'd give out some words of wisdom 💕
Finally!!
After 5 long days in this hospital bed I get to go home! Good & bad news, good news it's not seizures!! 😁 Bad news is we continue to go down the list of the list of things that could be wrong. But either way I get to go home to the love of my life! 💕 My sister & dad are picking me up and I couldn't be happier to be getting out of here.
Update
So I’m still here in the hospital, they’ve done some more tests, but still haven’t been able to capture an episode on the EEG. But good news is my round the clock EEG has showed nothing abnormal so these episodes may not be seizures ♥☻
I may be going home tomorrow, I got to FaceTime the love of my life (My son) & Even though I’m so far away I got to hear him say “Love you” for the very first time. My mood has been officially lifted.
Tonight is another sleep deprivation test (No sleep for 24 hours) I’ll probably be posting all night.
Why am I posting this?
Some of you may be wondering why the hell is she posting all of this on Tumblr? Well that's a good question I'm posting all of this because well it's just me & who knows maybe someone out there had an unexpected twist in their life like mine & doesn't know what to do. I lost everything due to this, also having some supporters to help me along the way when I don't want to fight this battle anymore to figure out what's going on is always the best.
In case you are wondering why my face is wrapped it's because I have wires stuck to my scalp & they cannot be moved so it's for safety
Another test
So now you've been caught up on the past here's what's happening now, my neurologist thinks these black outs could be silent/still seizures (yikes I know) so I have now been admitted for monitoring into the hospital to try to cause an episode is what we've been calling them, I look pretty funny I can tell you this much also I'll be posting photos in case anyone has any doubts. I've been here since November 1st since then I have done two light tests (flashing lights in your face) & been sleep deprived for 26 hours straight. Tonight I get to sleep thank goodness but if no episode occurs then another sleepless night for me tomorrow.
