Moving On
Man is known as HOMO VIATOR: He is a journeyer. Man’s life is a journey. Every journey requires us to move. This is why in the world we live in: change is constant. Every movement entails change.
But as the time goes by, people realizes the pain that change brings. Hindi naman kasi lahat gusto nating magbago, may mga bagay na gusto nating manatili. But since our manhood entails that we are “journeyer”, we cannot control the reality that things around us change. Most of the time, we are haunted by the reality that in our journey, people come, and they also go.
Bakit inilagay tayo sa isang mundo na puno ng pagbabago? Why put us in a world of change and not a place of forever? Because of our bitterness, we made the dictum, “Walang forever!” Everything is temporal, bounded by time, limited to change.
But sadly, many of us remain in the illusions of happily ever after. They remain on their own earthly forever. What do I mean? There are people who cage their self to a certain event or situation and can’t find the ability to move on.
MOVE ON. What a challenging invitation?! Marami ang hindi makayakap sa salitang iyan. Marami ang gustong tumugon, pero hindi magawa-gawa. Kaya madami din ang nananatili sa dilim na di maiwanan o makalimutan. Nalimutan na ang katotohanan na sila ay buhay at maaaring gumalaw, maaaring mag move on.
Bakit nga ba may mga sandali sa ating buhay na ang hirap tumugon sa panawagan ito? If moving on is actually our natural way of facing life, why is it hard for us to make a step forward on some certain events? What keeps you not to move on?
Maybe because of our TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE WITH CHANGE. Masyadong nasaktan sa biglaan pagbabago kaya natatakot muli sa pagbabago. MAsaya ang relasyon, biglang naging magulo. Nangakong mananatili, biglang umalis. Sabi hindi ipagpapalit, pero ipinagpalit. Nasa’yo ang oras niya, pero noong nahanap niya ang pag-ibig niya, wala ka ng kuwenta. Okay na okay ka, kaso bigla kang nagkamali o biglang may dumating na trahedya. It is really hard to move on from the sudden shift of great happiness into the painful events in our life. Nakakatakot magmove on kasi baka sa pagbabagong ito, masaktan nanaman tayo at mas masakit pa sa nakaraang pagbabago ang maranasan natin. Baka kasi kapag nagmove on ako, mahulog nanaman ako sa maling tao. Baka kasi nagmove on ako, maging masaya nanaman ako tapos biglang dadating nanaman ang malaking problema, mas malala pa sa kasalukuyang hinaharap ko. Dito nalang ako! Dito sa sandaling masakit pa din lahat, pero titiisin nalang, kesa madagdagan pa ang sakit.
Or maybe, the reason why we can’t move on is because of our ILLUSIONS. What Illusions? That there is a chance to bring everything back to its original or sweet situation. We think of things as if we are the one who controls everything. Baka kasi mahal niya din ako. Baka balikan pa niya ako. Puwede pa namang ayusin. Nangako siya, tutupadin niya ‘yun. Blinding words and alibis that feed our mind with illusions that are far from the reality itself. The worst of this is the resentment or anger that these illusions form into one’s heart. When the illusion becomes a failure, anger enters the story.
Anger is the extreme reason why we cannot move on. We may be angry to a person who hurt us, to our self who chose the wrong thing, or to God who allowed everything to happen. When anger entered the story, forgiveness became impossible and moving on is already forgotten.
Traumatic change. Illusions. Anger. These three block our way to move on.
What do we suggest now? Face the reality. In every situation, there is a reality that one must accept.
The first reality is the reality of growth. Yes, change will only be effective if it is painful. Ang pagbabago ay masakit para matuto tayo. We are afraid of change because of the pain. But the more we run from pain, the more we run from growth and learning. This is why painful change naturally comes to us to teach us to move and grow. Ito pala ‘yung purpose ng iba’t ibang situation na hindi maunawaan, na sobrang sakit at tila ba parang na-stucked na tayo. The purpose is to help us grow, learn and move on. Take note the word “Move on.” It speaks not about “move backward” but it tells us to “MOVE ONward.” Yes, according to St. John of the Cross, there are situations in our life that will bring so much pain, so much sadness, so much emptiness. And once you overcome this, you become another person who is better than who you are from yesterday. So why fear of moving on? Unless a caterpillar learn to bear the pain of the cocoon, then it becomes a beautiful butterfly. Move on and accept the reality, that God wants you to grow.
The second reality that one must accept is the reality of NOW. Why is it men look for happiness from their past, from their future and not from NOW? Kaya hindi makamove on kasi na-stucked sa nakaraan, na-stucked sa mga pangrap sa kinabukasan kaya hindi makagalaw sa sariling kasalukuyan. You are not for tomorrow or for yesterday, you are made for today! Dearest friends, many of us cannot embrace the reality of NOW because we always wanted to put everything under our control. Lahat inilalagay natin sa ating mga kamay, sa ating desisyon. May mga bagay na ipinipilit pa rin natin kahit hindi naman talaga puwede! May mga bagay na pilit nating nililinaw kaya lalong lumalabo. Bakit na ang hilig natin sa pilitan? Kaya hindi marating ‘yung tunay na saya na dapat para sa atin, dahil pilit tayong nananatili sa lugar na hindi naman nakalaan para sa atin. Wake up! Embrace today! Embrace “NOW”! Tanggalin ‘yung mga what if’s, at mabuhay at bumangon sa “ngayon” na pinagkadapaan natin. Kung iniwan ka, tanggapin mong iniwan ka. Kung sinaktan ka, tanggapin mong sinaktan ka. Kung di ka mahal, tanggapin mo na hindi ka mahal. Wag kang gumawa ng kaisipan na malayo sa katotohanan! Not everything is under our control. Hindi mangyayari ang isang bagay na inisip mo lang! The “NOW” teach you to trust on a higher being that can push you to move on.
The last reality is the reality of forgiveness even in the absence of a sorry. Teka, parang mahirap ‘yan. Parang hindi puwedeng magpatawad kung walang humihingi ng tawad. Dear friends, forgiveness is not given just because of a sorry or because of our own interpretation of justice. Forgiveness is given to a person not because he deserves it but because you deserve peace! In forgiving, you do not just give forgiveness, but you also give peace to yourself. One may forgive without the “sorry” not to tolerate the sin of the other but to give peace to one’s heart and to let God take over the situation. And this helps you to move on. We cannot move on if there is no peace in us. Kahit sa pisikal at emosyonal na aspeto, parang ang hirap gumalawat ang hirap maglakad kapag ang bigat bigat ng dinadala. You can only move on through peace. Be at peace. Hindi importante sa pagmomove on ang makalimot. Dahil may mga bagay na sa sobrang sakit ay ang hirap kalimutan. Ang importante ay matanggap mo. Sa pagtanggap mo masusumpungan ang kapayapaan.
There is one onstance in the Bible that an apostle is struggling from the call of moving on. Who is that, Thomas, known as the doubting apostle.
He cannot move from the situation of the calvary. He was stuck in pain and disappointment. ‘Yung Hesus na nagsabing hindi siya iiwan, ayun nawala. ‘Yung Hesus na nagsabing ililigtas siya sa kamatayan, ayun namatay. Thomas cannot move on from the pain of calvary. He became so broken that the Jesus he followed, he admired, is now wounded, dead, and gone!
Kaya nga in the Gospel of John, Thomas separated Himself from the community of the apostles and was not able to see the resurrected Christ. Like him, in times of our pain, we choose to lock our self into our own room, crying or dreaming things that gives comfort us. We lock our self and choose not to move on in the journey of life. When Thomas’ fellow brothers run to him saying, “We have seen the Lord!” he responded with bitter and doubting words, “Unless I see the mark of nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe!” In these words, one may see how he can’t move on from the nails, from the wounds and pains of the calvary.
But wait, the story does not end in a doubting Thomas. He met Jesus, wounded as He is, but truly alive. And how did Jesus help Thomas to move on? First, He said to the apostles, “Peace be with you!” Words of peace, gift of peace! If you will go deeper to these words, Jesus is telling Thomas, “Be at peace. Let go the pain. I am here!” And what is the second thing that Jesus did? He let Thomas put his finger and hands in His wounds. “Touch my wounds!” The Calvary is part of the past. It already happened. “Now, touch my wound and embrace the ‘NOW’. The pain of calvary is part of the the glory I show to you right now! I may have these wounds, but I’m alive. As you put your hand in my side, you will be able to touch my heart and there you will feel how I love you from the beginning until now. I keep promise. Please accept the pain of calvary and embrace the ‘NOW’”
And Thomas learned from the painful change of the calvary. He now moves to the glorious proclamation of the resurrection as He states: “My LORD and my GOD!” He is now ready to move on, to face another calvary for the Lord.
Like Thomas, there are times that we are stuck in a certain place. We are stuck because we stumbled, we get tired, we felt so much pain that we think we cannot move on anymore.
But in that moment, let God be your guide. At that situation, God will hold your arms and pull you up and pull you forward, saying: “Halika na. Hindi ka para dito. Lakad pa. Kunting lakad pa. Matuto ka mula dito. Hayaan mong dalhin kita sa lugar na nakalaan para sa’yo. Lugar kung saan nakalaan ang tunay na kasiyahan mo. Halika na. Tumayo ka na. Maglakad na tayo. Move on na!”