I make it a point to never need anyone. I am a resilient and independent, self sufficient, self proclaimed bad ass. I don’t need anyone. But I needed you. I needed you and you destroyed me. And now I’m left trying to make something out of these ruins but I can’t. I can’t. You broke me.
I thought that I was strong. I thought that I could stand on my own two feet and rely on myself 100% of the time. I thought I would never need anyone. Until you.
I needed you to prove to me that I wasn’t as worthless as I felt. I needed you to show me that someone could love the mess that I am. I needed you to let me prove to myself that even though I am made entirely of broken glass, I could still love someone tenderly. I didn’t realize that you were wrapped in bubble wrap and I was the only the only one in danger of being destroyed.
I loved you so much. I love you so hard that I forgot how much my self hatred hurt. I loved you until it healed you. I loved you so freely that I thought it could heal me to.
Apparently that’s not the way parasitic relationships work. See you were gaining confidence and strength while I was slowly being ripped apart. You were growing and I was watching you, I was blindly standing on the sidelines cheering you on. But I didn’t realize that all that time, I wasn’t just standing there, I was carrying you.
You destroyed me. But I still can’t find a way to hate you. I still can’t make myself turn my back on you because how do you just stop loving someone? I was ready to follow you to the very ends of the world. I was willing to become whatever you needed me to be. A love like that it doesn’t just fade away.
I needed you. I wanted you. I loved you. And you broke me. You didn’t even try to fix us. You just walked away. Without a backward glance or second thought you left.
I didn’t know that I was so easy to forget.
I needed you. My mistake. Lesson learned, I won’t do that again.
