#thoughts from therapy

[icarus-suraki]

Sometimes I'll be in therapy and I'll say something and realize (again) why I always liked Gonzo and Kermit best.

Kermit is what I aspire to and what I am desperately trying to present to the world. Gonzo is who I really am internally.

Kermit: creates order in the face of chaos, responsible, organized, patient, understanding, upstanding, respectable, good-natured, supports cooperation, loses his cool but pulls himself back together, sympathetic but not a pushover, incredible capable, courageous, hopeful.

Gonzo: fuckin' weirdo who likes tutti-frutti tuna-flavored yogurt and wears shirts printed with chili peppers.

[thegayozzy]

I think the most important thing I took away from therapy was how unreasonable it was for me to expect myself to make big changes right away. If you want to make changes you have to ease yourself into it.

For example, she said if I wanted to start working out that not only did I have to want to, but that I had to build momentum into the habit. So maybe for a week I might get dressed to go to the gym at the same time every day. And then for another week I drive to the gym dressed in my workout clothes at the same time every day. And eventually I build up to the goal, workouts. And maybe that seems silly, but it makes my goals sustainable to break them down that way.

Idk, that’s just new year type thoughts. If you wanna make big changes for the new year, find the best way to go about it for you.

[soft-little-lion-girl]

Reminder

Mental illnesses don't just magically go away. You manage them but they don't go away. And that's okay. Rough patches are okay. Tough days are okay. It happens.

[agro-alone]

I feel my anger as though it is a physical part of me

[wordsforyouonly]

Last week my therapist asked me a very important question.

 I was talking about our relationship now, the confusion that comes with it. How most days it’s empty, and then there are some moments that feel really full and like everything is moving back into place. How I get glimpses of “us” and “you,” but then am inevitably consumed by the stranger that you are now. How we have very little in common these days. How I no longer have the reflex to call you when something bad happens... as worse, when something good happens. How you still hide and edit and shield elements of your life from me as if I were too stupid to figure out what it is exactly that you don’t want me to see. 

She said, “Does she get to keep you both?” 

And I’ve thought about that question every day. Trying to figure out if you still have me. If I feel kept. 

[everybodyquins]

Thoughts from therapy

One of the more interesting methods to improve mindset & self talk that has been recommended to me is to pair recognizing and stopping a negative thought with an physical motion.

You literally snap out of it.

An example: Today, I noticed I hadn't sent an email I needed to because I got distracted for a few minutes and starting thinking, "Quin, you idiot. Why are you so useless?" And once I noticed I wasn't being kind to myself, I physically turned around, took a quick moment to forgive myself, and then went back to the email to finish and send it.

It's been surprising how much this type of effort has not only made me feel better emotionally throughout the day but how I get through tasks easier because I'm not still stressed & guilty about not having it already done or doing it better.

It sounds a bit odd but if you're anything like me and it's basically an internal argument to be nice to yourself, it's wild how physically moving your body sets you up and makes it much easier to change the direction of your thoughts.

[everybodyquins]

You are enough, you know that, right? You, as you are right now, are enough.

my therapist said this so matter of factly as I was walking out the door that I was taken aback. I really didn't know that and I definitely didn't feel like enough. At the time it felt purely like a lie. I still often feel like there's so much incomplete about me, how could I be enough? Surely, not yet. But day after day, it's feeling more true.

[somedayseverybodylives]

Didn’t cry at therapy today. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.