#thoughts reflections

[suntair]

When the reporter boards I will talk to her I will say something and when we leave I will talk to her I will say something. Does she even know what kind of power she holds. The penmanship will kill me, and the articles will kill me. I can't have this happen again, I am finally more than a tragedy. I wanted my life to be so much better, I don't trust her. I am nervous what if she snaps what if she makes someone else snap, what kind of story is this, why did we give her such a clear weapon why would she want it? What's going on? How do we let her do this? Why can't they just hate her ?

[suntair]

I know they talked about me at one point. They boarded with me and then talked about my downfall. I can't prove it, but I know it. The Cloudcutter attracts all the wrong kind of people.

[suntair]

Not my age. Is it stupid? Who should I email about this.

I am not one year old. I'm not.

[suntair]

I was more vibrant once, and I held a girls heart once, or at least I'd like to think I did and I was younger, and I was better, and I dreamed of so many things. I was going to be a mother, a wife. I think I grew out of it, not in a way I'm proud of, but I have grown past the point for that. It's long gone, I'm trailing weeds. Overgrown.

[suntair]

He was on the ship. I promise he was if you'd have seen him. You would have known. He was there. I saw him.

[suntair]

I had a dream the other night that I was standing on the helm of a ship, not like the cloud cutter. This one was landlocked, like the one we saw so long ago. An industrial ship in the middle of a field and I somehow new it was sinking. It should have been impossible, but I knew, and I was determined to sink with it, but in the last moments, I bailed, and I should have felt relief. The field was safer, but all I felt was lonely.

I think I had been on the ship for a long time

[suntair]

I would be more angry, and I would be harsher, and when the performer stood in front of me and said that the life I thought I was meant to have "wasn't for everyone" I would tell them that I had killed myself a thousand times over to have the talent they had but gotten nothing in return and I would still give them my card but I would not smile and I would not cheer I would watch closer and see how they acted and what they did and I would be just like them and then what could happen. I could be so kind they were so kind I never wrote them back why do I do that