Homesick
It was lunar new years eve. The tradition in my family is to gather along for a home-cooked dinner (the only time in the year when my mom cooks), and all my family from both parents come and gather. But this year was my second absent on our annual family dinner.
Forget about the hongbaos, or the new dress that I used to get every year. It’s the laughter, the love, the gathering that I really miss. And homesickness stroke me really bad this time. I started from trying to hold it all inside to just weeping silently inside my duvet. Long distance relationships are hard, especially when you have this huge time difference with your family.
So I tried couple of different things to get rid of this homesick. I tried to not be lonely by visiting couple of friends and stayed over at their place. I tried to study really hard, keeping myself busy with books to read. I even went on a trip by myself, just to get outside of my room and avoid caving in my bed and cry all day.
All of the things I mentioned above worked pretty well. I had a really great time with my new sisters. I realized that having friends that care for me is as valuable as having my sister Jesslyn next to me. In one of my sleepovers we baked cookies and we shared it to the security guard. It was a meaningful little act of love. I also tried opening up to some people that gave me motivations to get through this homesickness. Some people even prayed for me. I feel so loved!
The weekends when I just studied really hard and read a lot were also a very productive. I got some of my works done ahead of time, giving me some extra space for the holiday that I had. And of course the solo trip to DC was fun too (see my highlights for the goooood foooood.) It felt good to be able to just enjoy a walk with myself. To love myself and not feel pity for being alone.
But still something was missing. Every time I walked back home from the sleepovers or when I was in the bus on my way back, I felt like I’m about to tear up pretty soon. So what do I do when this sadness attacks? I put my headphones and listen to my favorite music. Whether it’s orchestral music (I’m currently obsessed with Debussy), or gospel music (Fall in this Place-Planetshaker), I just put the volume pretty loud and sink in the music. Then I silently meditate and pray.
I fill my mind how beautiful life is here. How exciting it is to come back home, and see what I can give more to my family and friends. How fun it is to be able to learn all of this thing. I learn to give thanks more. I count all my blessings and how fortunate I am to be able to play my music. Oh, and sometimes, once I reached dorm, I just jam with my harp. It really helps to calm me down!
Sorry to disappoint you but, I’m still homesick up ‘till now. I still miss my fam. I still miss my home so much. I still want to meet all my friends and just binge watching on Kdrama. But unlike before, my homesickness now become something so positive that keeps me striving to be a better person day by day. I learned a lot to socialize more. I learned to love and understand myself better. I learned to find that joy in doing my work. And most importantly, I learned to give thanks in every circumstances and fill my mind with positive, lovely, pure things that comes from above.
Yes life can be tough. You may feel like you are constantly walking by yourself. But remember that you are never lonely, because look around yourself and count your blessings! Always fill your mind with positive vibes.
Thanks to my bestie, Lisa Febrina for the photo session (she was the stylist and concept artist btw) and quality time at Surabaya Zoo. Love you and miss you lots.