#thread . depa

[spectrcsix-1]

closed starter for @mvchinery​ - depa

he shouldn’t be nervous. he has no reason to be. he knows he’s followed all of kanan’s teachings the way he was supposed to, he knows really he’s done things right. and that kanan’s proud of him. and really... he doesn’t owe kanan’s master anything. but force, ezra feels like he does. if she hadn’t trained kanan and helped form the jedi he became, ezra never would’ve turned out to be like this. he might not have even met kanan and the others, and then - what, he’d never have been able to become a jedi? never been able to save lothal, save his friends - his family?

okay, maybe that’s why he’s so nervous. because really, ezra feels like he owes her a lot.

“um... master billaba?” he says cautiously, resisting the urge to fidget, play with his hands, fuss over his hair or whatever other stuff he can mess with out of nervousness. he’s a full grown, fully fledged jedi. he needs to accept that he has a place here in the temple, with the growing order, with other jedi. “i know you’re - probably busy. everyone’s busy these days, lots to do, but uh - sorry, do you have a minute?”

[spectrcseven]

cont. from here with @mvchinery​ - depa billaba

oh great, more jedi tips. just what jacen was hoping for. except he really wasn’t, and especially not from a stranger. “i don’t even know what that means.” jacen replies, completely deadpan. if it were his father, or maybe even luke, he might take more of an interest. but he doesn’t even know this woman, and her response isn’t exactly all that helpful. “i take it you’re a jedi? you’ve got that... vibe about you. i’ve noticed it around a lot lately.”

[lcstpadawan]

task starter for @mvchinery - depa billaba:

zugzwang (german, n.) - a situation where every possible move or decision is a bad one, or one that will result in damage or loss

it feels strange, to have someone he can talk to about the clone wars. but it’s very much overdue. as much time as he had spent with cere, exploring what their lives had been during the war they could never win... she was only one perspective, one point of view. and with cal’s balance so far off track right now, with his connection to the force as unsteady as it is after the fortress, he feels he could use it.

he’s not quite as familiar with master billaba, but he remembers her. she had a padawan not much older than he was at the time of order sixty-six. and she’s... a presence he recognises, at least. “i know i shouldn’t,” cal begins quietly, hesitant to unload.. all of this on a woman who really has no responsibility to help him, but between the uncertainty of why they’ve been brought here and his own lack of balance, cal’s not sure he can hold onto it all himself anymore. “i shouldn’t dwell on the past like this. i know i can’t change it. but.. it’s been a long time since the end of the clone wars. i’ve had a lot of time to think about it. it’s hard not to feel that - that maybe there was a better way, for the jedi order during the war.” even just saying it out loud, cal can’t help the way his shoulders slump, his body all but curling in on itself. even now, after the jedi order is long since gone, cal can’t handle speaking agains the council’s decisions.