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How to make Conservatives stop calling Sen. Warren "Pocahontas":
STOP saying "Calling her Pocahontas is racist!"
START saying "Calling her a Native American is mean to Native Americans!"
No one will disagree with that statement.
The words "Amy Schumer" are now banned from the family dinner table.
Whoever sent me the ask that says “You know... I had a huge crush on you.” has absolutely ruined my life. All I can think about is who could possibly have had a crush on me.
It consumes my thoughts.
Friend: "Hey, what's the word?"
Guy who's about to write 'Surfin' Bird': "Oh, haven't you heard?"
How embarassing do my posts have to be before I get Tumblr famous?
I told my friend that a police chase happened right next to me and that I didn't get involved because I didn't want the cops to yell at me. He told me I am the reason Uncle Ben died.
