seen from Türkiye
seen from Canada
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from Germany
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Australia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Russia
seen from United States
Seventeen years have passed since the Krang invasion. Seventeen years since Donatello lost everything and was left completely alone. But he has always been prepared for the impossible.
He had devised a protocol to follow. One designed for the worst-case scenario: the death of his brothers. And when it happened, he didn’t hesitate. He followed it for all those years.
However, perhaps some things should have never been set in motion.
The Hamato [reset] Protocol is rated Explicit!!****.
Please do NOT re-upload this story on other websites. If you want to reference it, please link back to this post or the Ao3 link. Thanks!
Chapters (8/8)
Ao3 (english version) | Ao3 (versión en español)
TUMBLR VERSION (only in english):
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | COMPLETE
🐢🐢🐢🐢
Author’s note:
After hesitating over whether to classify this fic as Mature or Explicit, I decided that Explicit was the appropriate choice. That’s because the themes I deal with here are not light: suicidal thoughts and everything surrounding that subject are described explicitly, and there are also thoughts that are… let’s say, very disturbing.
The initial idea was to portray, without filters, the way I experienced my worst period of suicidal thoughts… though of course, this fic goes far beyond that. It also contains references to Frankenstein. And you are absolutely not going to like the ending. I’m warning you now.
Enjoy…?
Fan arts
Extra info
Fake Chapter 2 (April Fools’ Day)
Notes
My English fanfics are translations of my Spanish ones, so they may not always sound 100% natural, although I do take the time to try. Thanks for understanding!
A writer who is read is a happy writer. The best way to let me know you’re reading is through likes, reblogs, and (most importantly) comments. Thanks for being here!
‼️About trigger warnings and content ratings:
I believe maturity comes in different forms and at different ages. Still, here’s what you can expect:
I usually don’t write romance or anything sexual (and if it ever shows up, it’ll be very secondary).
And just to state the obvious: NO INCEST.
Content ratings are mostly guided by the level of violence and the emotional themes in my stories:
****Explicit!!: In my case, it would never be because of explicit sexual content (I don’t write that kind of stuff). It would only be in cases of graphic violence or handling sensitive topics in a much more explicit way than what I usually include in Mature-rated works.
If you ever have specific doubts about one of my fanfics, feel free to DM me and I’ll gladly clarify.
💬 La portada, frase y sinopsis en español <3
Recuerden que la versión en español solo la estaré subiendo en Ao3.
Han pasado diecisiete años desde la invasión de los Krang. Diecisiete años desde que Donatello lo perdió todo y se quedó completamente solo. Pero él siempre ha estado preparado para lo imposible.
Había inventado un protocolo a seguir. Uno diseñado para el peor de los escenarios: la muerte de sus hermanos. Y cuando ocurrió, no lo dudó. Se aferró a él durante todos esos años.
Sin embargo, hay cosas que tal vez nunca debieron ponerse en marcha.
Index | Rating: Explicit!! | TW: suicidal thoughts, disturbing thoughts, blood/injury
Chapter 8
The discussion continued for only a few more minutes.
Leo kept asking questions too fast. Raph kept trying to stay calm without really succeeding. Mikey remained between them, watching Donnie with that strange expression caught somewhere between worry and fear.
And Donnie couldn’t handle the noise anymore.
The overlapping voices. The quick movements. Even his own heartbeats felt too intense.
Everything was too much.
He glanced at one of the digital clocks in the room.
11:47 PM.
It was late.
“It’s time to sleep,” he said suddenly.
The three of them fell silent.
“What?” Leo asked.
“Sleep,” Donnie repeated. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Donnie, you literally just told us you might’ve filled in memories with mystic magic,” Leo replied. “I think we’re past the point of ‘we’ll talk tomorrow.’”
“Leo’s right,” Raph admitted. “We need to understand what’s happening.”
Donnie slowly lifted his gaze toward them.
“Tomorrow.”
Something in his tone made all three of them go quiet.
Firm. Exhausted, but firm.
Donnie swallowed.
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m the oldest one here now,” he added.
The silence lasted barely a second before Leo muttered:
“Oh, wow. That had to hurt Raph’s feelings.”
“Shut up,” Raph growled automatically.
Mikey let out a nervous laugh.
And for a moment, everything almost felt normal again.
“Tomorrow I’ll answer everything,” Donnie assured them. “I promise.”
The three exchanged glances.
Finally, Raph sighed.
“Fine. Tomorrow.”
Donnie barely nodded and stood up.
He could still feel their eyes following him as he walked back to his room. As if they didn’t know what to do with him.
When he closed the door behind him, the silence returned all at once.
The room was still just as messy, the dried blood still stained the floor, and the purple hoodie still lay near the bed, stiff with blood. Donnie collapsed onto the mattress without even bothering to get comfortable.
And he started thinking.
Thinking.
Thinking.
Clones.
Mistakes.
Monsters.
They’re not them. They never will be.
He squeezed his eyes shut.
But they were still there.
The distorted smiles. The absence of Ninpo. Raph’s intact shell. The absence of Mikey’s markings. Leo sounding wrong.
Everything wrong.
Everything incorrect.
And yet…
They had smiled, eaten pizza, and treated his wound. Why couldn’t he accept them and realize that everything was okay now?
Because everything is wrong.
Leo, Raph, and Mikey heard Donnie’s bedroom door close and stayed silent for a few more seconds.
“I knew he was going to lock himself in,” Leo muttered.
Raph still had his arms crossed.
“I don’t think we should split up.”
Mikey looked up at them.
“He said he’d answer everything tomorrow.”
“Yeah, exactly!” Leo replied. “And we need to figure out what to ask first.”
Raph frowned.
“What are you thinking?”
Leo hesitated for barely a second.
“The lab.”
Mikey tensed.
“Leo…”
“Come on, Mikey. Did you see those capsules? We need to find out what else is in there.”
Raph glanced toward the dark hallway. Then he ended up smiling at Leo.
“That’s a good idea,” he said. “Yeah, let’s go.”
The lab was still open. Dark and silent. The green liquid from the capsules was gone now, only damp residue remained, slowly sliding down the glass and pooling on the floor.
The three of them stayed quiet for a moment too long.
Then Leo walked toward one of the computers.
“Okay… let’s figure out what the hell Donnie did.”
The screens were still on. Files. Diagrams. Data… thousands of data entries.
Mikey started checking another terminal while Raph remained behind them, far too still.
Then Mikey stopped moving.
“Guys…”
Leo looked up. Mikey was staring at the screen without blinking. There was only one file open on the monitor.
HAMATO RESET PROTOCOL
Leo immediately felt cold and opened the document. The silence started becoming unbearable.
Complete genetic reboot. Accelerated development. Progressive memory implantation. Behavioral reconstruction. Cloning. That last word seemed to stand out more than all the others.
Raph took a step back.
“Wait… what?”
Leo kept reading. His hands started trembling.
“Guys, this is way worse than we thought…”
Mikey swallowed hard.
“Did Donnie lie to us?”
Nobody dared answer him. The realization came slowly, together with the desperate wish for it not to be true.
Leo slowly lifted his gaze toward one of the empty capsule windows. And he saw his reflection.
“So… I guess we’re not really us…” he whispered.
Mikey felt a chill run across his shell.
“Maybe that’s why we don’t have our powers, you know?”
Raph started breathing too fast.
“No, wait, wait… then what are we?” he asked. “Did we die? Are we already dead? Are we copies? Versions? What the hell does any of this mean?”
Nobody had an answer.
Leo kept staring at his reflection and felt afraid of himself.
“This time… this time he went too far,” he whispered.
The entire lab seemed to be watching them. The computers continued humming softly.
Mikey hugged his own arms.
“I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone.”
Raph reacted immediately.
“You won’t be.”
Leo glanced toward the dark hallway outside the lab, directly toward Donnie’s room. He lowered his voice.
“I don’t think we should go to him right now either.”
Nobody argued with that.
Donnie stared at the ceiling.
He was thinking. Thinking too much.
Monsters.
But they also looked scared and confused… like children. Because that’s what they were. Children wearing the faces of his dead brothers.
I slowly sit up. I activate the Hamato Ninpo, and purple energy illuminates the room. It’s been a long time since I used it. It feels… strange.
My tech bō slowly appears among the flashes of light. Around me, a dozen of my microbots emerge, ready to be lethal.
It weighs the same and feels the same.
I step into the hallway and walk silently until I find them. The three of them are sleeping together in Leo’s old room.
Mikey is asleep in the middle, and Raph has an arm draped over them.
They look peaceful. Innocent. They never asked to exist… but they do exist. And that’s wrong. Everything is wrong.
I can fix it. I can still fix it.
The first shot fires from one of my microbots and tears through Leo’s chest. Raph wakes up just in time to see the blood. Mikey screams.
And I keep firing. Again and again, until the room falls silent.
Until I’m alone again.
…
No. That didn’t happen.
Donnie sat on the edge of his bed. He was trembling.
He kept thinking. Just thinking. Thinking too much.
The monster wasn’t them. It was him. It had always been him.
I stand up and search through the boxes in the corner: a rope. Obviously, I already knew it was there. I was the one who put it there.
My hands shake as I tie it. There’s a perfect spot for it.
I climb onto the chair. The rope tightens around my neck, and I let myself fall into it. My throat closes, the air vanishes. Pain, pressure… my body convulses desperately.
I need the thoughts to stop. I need true silence to finally come.
…
No. That didn’t happen either.
Donnie was still breathing. And still thinking. The thoughts wouldn’t stop.
The truth was that they were monsters, yes. But he had created them, so he had become one too. He was a monster now too.
None of it was their fault, but they shouldn’t exist.
And he was the one who had created them.
They belonged to his past… and he had trapped himself there. But this couldn’t continue.
When the first morning light began filtering through the upper vents of the lair, Donnie got out of bed. And despite the wound in his leg, this time it wasn’t so difficult to do so.
After spending some time in his lab, he headed to the kitchen.
He made coffee, took out flour, milk, and eggs… and also that poison he had just created. Something subtle, but he made sure it would be effective.
With all the ingredients spread across the table, he made pancakes. It had been years since he’d cooked like this, and he was enjoying it. He put on music in the background. He hummed along. He even danced a little.
He picked up one mug… no. Better three mugs… no, not that either. Four mugs, yes. He looked at the poison and, for one second, only one second, hesitated. Then he adjusted the mugs until everything was perfectly aligned.
When the others woke up, the smell of food guided them to the kitchen. They didn’t look like they’d had a good night. In fact, they looked bad.
But Mikey was the first to smile a little.
“Wow…” he murmured. “You made breakfast.”
Donnie barely lifted his gaze toward them. And he smiled too.
“Good morning! So nice to see you all awake already!”
Leo exchanged a quick glance with Raph, still uncomfortable and a little frightened by what they had discovered.
Donnie placed the mugs in front of them.
“Don’t worry,” he said calmly. “I already prepared a presentation to explain everything. You deserve to know all of it.”
Mikey stared at the coffee in front of him.
“A… presentation?”
“And a plan too!” Donnie continued as he sat down with his own mug. “This time I’m going to fix it properly.”
Donatello looked much better, and nobody wanted to question it. He seemed more confident. More determined.
And for some strange reason that Raph, Leo, and Mikey couldn’t fully understand… that was much worse.
THE END
Index | Chapter 7 | COMPLETE
Author’s Note
So yes, that was the ending. It’s over now. Open ending, deal with it. BUT I WARNED YOU THAT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO LIKE IT AT ALL.
Honestly, I’m not even sure what to think about this story myself… if you really think about it, it’s mostly symbolic. Donnie remained stuck in the past, and when he sees his brothers again, he’s clearly deeply disturbed. He doesn’t recognize them. Or maybe he simply doesn’t remember them properly anymore? In the fic, when he “releases the clones,” it’s actually because he reaches a psychologically critical point and realizes… a lot of things. His thoughts about “killing them” are almost like killing memories, so he can move forward. That would be one way to interpret it. But is that really the only way to keep moving forward? Does he even deserve to move forward if he can’t properly remember his brothers? I don’t know, there are so many different ways this could be interpreted. Homework for you all.
And well, this fic definitely helped me experiment with my writing, which is something I love doing. It also let me externalize, a little, the kind of suicidal thoughts I experienced… what, 7 years ago? Wow… though traces of them always remain. And obviously, I never had those thoughts about “murdering” anyone, just to clarify in case xd
I hope you found it to be an interesting read and that it didn’t disappoint you too much :) I’ll admit that writing the ending was difficult because my mind is already thinking about another fic.
Index | Rating: Explicit!! | TW: suicidal thoughts, blood/injury
Chapter 1
Why did I wake up? Why didn’t I die in my sleep?
Donatello had barely begun to wake when his mind fired those questions straight into his head. Just like that, violently, like every damn morning.
Well… if it was still morning. It had been a long time since he’d managed to wake up before noon, even though he forced himself to go to bed at a decent hour. Sleep consumed him completely. He was always exhausted. Existing crushed him.
He kept his eyes closed and tried to cling to that last thread of unconsciousness. He could stay like that all day… but no. Unfortunately, he had to keep living.
Only him.
He breathed. Even that required effort.
I get up and head to Leo’s old room. All his things are still there, in their usual mess, covered in dust. I don’t stop to look and grab one of his katanas. Despite the years, thanks to how little it’s been used, it’s still sharp.
Extremely sharp.
Perfect.
With a quick motion, I drive it into my chest, piercing straight through my shell. Blood begins to splatter and the pain almost stops me, but then I start twisting the blade to shatter my heart and make it stop beating.
I need it to stop beating.
Donatello hadn’t moved. He was still lying under his greasy sheets, thinking about how pointless living was.
He should wash those sheets.
He pushed himself up with difficulty, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into nothing.
He hadn’t cleaned anything in weeks. He didn’t have the energy for it. He was so tired…
Food, right. He wasn’t hungry, but he needed to eat something for breakfast, supposedly that gave you energy. He had barely eaten yesterday. Maybe that was why.
He dragged himself out of the room, moving through the lair as if he were made of lead. Every corner was filled with memories. Too many. The arguments with his brothers, his father’s expressiveness, April’s authority… Sometimes he wasn’t even sure they still belonged to him. His memory failed him. It didn’t matter. Every day was equally insignificant.
Seventeen years had passed since he lost them all. Seventeen years since the Krang had tried to invade Earth and conquer humanity. That, he remembered clearly.
He remembered losing consciousness. He remembered waking up afterward, alone. The rest… he had to reconstruct from what remained.
Recordings. Logs. Data. Donnie had always kept every possible form of data collection running. So he knew what had happened.
Raph had rescued him along with Mikey. Leo had dragged the Krang into the dimensional prison and stayed there. Mikey tried to open a portal to rescue him, and Raph supported him. Then… nothing. The power must have consumed them completely.
After that came more names, more losses from the city’s collapses. Splinter, April, both Caseys, Barry. No one was left.
Except him.
He had been sixteen when it happened. Now he was thirty-three and still couldn’t handle anything. He was stuck.
When he reached the kitchen, there wasn’t a single clean mug. He stood there staring at the mess for far too long. He had no choice, he had to clean. So he did. He tried to take it slow, putting on electronic music on loop until everything was spotless and organized… only to realize there was no coffee. No food. Nothing.
The food didn’t matter, but the coffee… he needed coffee. And that meant going outside.
Going outside. That meant showering, because even he couldn’t stand his own smell. When was the last time he…? So he had to prepare for that. Step into the water once it reached the right temperature, soap from bottom to top like he always did, rinse thoroughly. Then endure the cold, dry off, and get ready to leave. Without forgetting to brush his teeth. It embarrassed him how often he forgot and how uncomfortable that made him feel. Though the sensation of mint made him uncomfortable too. He couldn’t stand mint. But beyond all that, he had to make sure to leave at a time with fewer people, to avoid the crowds, and plan his route based on that. He had to check his phone, go through his apps… and since he was going out for coffee anyway, he might as well make a list of everything he needed.
Just thinking about going outside overwhelmed him.
But he got moving. One step at a time. He really needed his coffee.
Why does everything have to be so difficult?
When he finally made it out of the sewer, a current of air hit him.
Noise. There was so much noise outside. And movement. The sunlight hurt his eyes. How long had it been since he’d come out?
He stayed hidden in the shadows of a corner. Cars on the main street moved constantly.
A bus is speeding toward me. I run into the street and stand in front of it, arms outstretched. The impact is so brutal I don’t register anything else.
I need to not register anything else.
He forced himself to stay still as he watched the bus pass. Then he climbed the building with what little ninja skill he had left. It would be faster that way.
He leapt across several rooftops until he reached a building slightly taller than the others. He stopped and stepped toward the edge. One step and everything could end.
I take the step and let myself fall. I watch the ground rush closer and closer until I stop.
I need to stop.
He stopped. But he kept replaying it. Again and again, in a loop that felt endless.
No. He didn’t want to do it this way. He needed his coffee. So, with great effort, he turned around and kept going.
Just as he had calculated, the store was closed at that hour. Not for long. Now he just had to go in like he always did, take what he needed, and leave. Before, he used to pay. Now he stole, and he felt bad about it.
He didn’t work, so he had no way to pay. Besides, he didn’t feel capable of anything. He could barely get out of bed each morning…
I wish I would die.
When he got back to the lair, he was finally able to make his long-awaited coffee. He also forced himself to eat something and left everything unwashed. He had already done enough today. Or at least, it felt like enough. So he collapsed onto his unmade bed and started watching Jupiter Jim on his tablet. The screen light flickered against his expressionless face. At the same time, he checked his phone. Lately, he had become obsessed with keeping all his notes perfectly organized.
And he had many notes, of all kinds. Organizing them served no real purpose, but he couldn’t stop until everything was perfect.
He couldn’t go on like this any longer. He had to make a decision. Today.
He checked the time. Too late. It was always too late. Time felt like a current with no direction or meaning, trying to drown him.
Nothing made sense. Living made no sense.
He stood up. Today, without any more delays.
Today he would make that decision, and there would be no turning back. He had planned it down to the millimeter, so nothing could go wrong. But he had postponed it too many times. And that was counterproductive. If he didn’t do it today… better not even think about it. He would do it today, of course he would.
He headed to his lab, the only place in the lair where constant mechanical murmurs could still be heard.
I should die ALREADY.
When he entered the lab, everything was exactly as it should be according to the protocol he had been following for the past seventeen years. A protocol he designed in case his brothers died.
In front of him, suspended in three separate capsules, floated in a fluorescent green liquid three mutant turtles shaped exactly like his brothers. They had finally reached the age they were when they died. He had started with Raph, since he was a year older. The following year, Leo. And the next, Mikey.
And as they developed, Donnie had been transferring their respective memories into each of them, little by little. Memories, data, fragments that made them who they were. Everything carefully programmed.
He was always prepared. He could always fix things.
Even when it came to losing his brothers.
He just had to press that absurd purple button to bring them back once and for all.
Index | Chapter 2
Index | Rating: Explicit
Chapter 4
When the tears finally stopped, Donatello got to his feet too quickly. The world tilted slightly beneath him, as if the ground had forgotten how to hold him up for a second. He brought a hand to his head, pressing hard.
“No… no, no, no…” he murmured, his voice coming out quieter than he expected. “I can’t stay like this. I have to do something.”
He started pacing aimlessly around the lair. Slow at first, then faster. Walking over his own steps.
“I can’t leave them there. I can’t,” he repeated, as if saying it enough times might turn it into a real instruction. “I need to…”
The sentence hung unfinished in the air. He dragged both hands over his face, pulling the exhaustion along with them.
“They need food,” he continued, staring into nothing. “After all this time like that, they’re going to be hungry.”
He stopped short, as if he had just tripped over the thought.
“Pizza.” He blinked. “Pizza is safe ground. It’s the most comfortable thing.”
He moved again, but now with more direction. His breathing quickened slightly. He lifted his gaze just a bit.
“Pizza…” he repeated, this time with more shape to it.
And then, as if a piece had clicked into place in a broken puzzle—
“Of course.” A nervous laugh slipped out. “Of course. It’s perfect.”
He walked faster, nearly stumbling over his own steps.
“They love pizza, they’ve always loved pizza. It’s… it’s a starting point. Something familiar. Something that doesn’t need immediate explanation.”
He pulled out his phone, his hands still trembling, but less than before.
“I can… I can open the door, put the pizza down, and… talk. Explain. Little by little.”
He stood still for a second, his finger hovering over the screen.
“Explain what?”
His brow furrowed slightly.
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll improvise. I can improvise. I’ve done it before.”
A lie.
He tapped the screen.
“Four pizzas… no, five. Different ones. Nutritional balance… more or less. Doesn’t matter. Calories. They need calories.”
He confirmed the order and slowly lowered the phone. He breathed. And for a moment… everything felt possible.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, almost convinced.
He turned on himself… and then saw the state of the lair. He froze completely. Dust had gathered over surfaces that once gleamed, tools out of place, remnants of abandoned projects, clothes, wires… everything mixed together into a kind of silent chaos.
“No…” he whispered. The air caught in his chest. “I can’t… I can’t receive them like this.”
He moved immediately, as if someone had flipped a switch. Picking things up, pushing objects aside, stacking whatever didn’t have a place.
“This isn’t…” he muttered, wiping a surface with his palm. “This isn’t livable. This isn’t normal. This isn’t…”
It wasn’t what they remembered. It wasn’t what they deserved to see.
“It has to…” He swallowed. “It has to look like everything’s fine.” His movements grew faster, clumsier. “Like nothing happened.”
He stopped for a second. Then kept going. It didn’t have to be perfect, it never had been. But decent… yes, it had to be decent.
Time blurred. He didn’t know how long had passed until it was time to pick up the pizzas. He got nervous. It had been a long time since he’d done something like this.
Now they were in his hands. The boxes were warm. He held them a second longer than necessary before walking to the kitchen. He set them down carefully, one by one. Perfectly aligned, as if that could stabilize something beyond the pizzas.
“Okay…” he murmured.
Steam curled up in soft spirals, and the smell filled the space.
Warm. Familiar.
For a moment, the lair felt… alive.
Donnie let his arms fall to his sides, smiling.
“This… could work.”
He imagined Raph grabbing multiple slices without asking, Mikey talking with his mouth full, and Leo exaggerating absolutely everything.
Noise. Movement. Life.
“It’s going to be fun…” he whispered, heading toward his lab. As he passed the living area, the black TV screen reflected him back.
He stopped. The air caught in his throat.
That wasn’t… that wasn’t him. Not the one they knew.
He was too thin. And not just older—he looked worn down. Hollow eyes, heavy dark circles, slumped posture. He looked like someone who had spent too long existing without living.
He stepped closer, as if that might change anything.
It didn’t.
“No…” he murmured, stepping back. “They can’t see me like this.”
He imagined their questions. Their looks. They would notice everything.
He slowly turned his head toward the lab.
“But I can’t leave them there.”
The sound of the door unlocking was sharp, mechanical. Inside, the three of them turned at the same time.
The tension that had built up in the lab didn’t disappear, but it shifted into something else… something expectant.
The door opened, but no one was on the other side.
“Okay,” Leo muttered, stepping forward. “That is definitely the lair. Told you!”
Raph let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
“Yeah… looks like it,” he said.
Mikey was already moving, looking around as if trying to piece everything together.
“Way better being home than stuck in Donnie’s cold, creepy lab.”
Leo reached for the nearest switch.
Click.
Nothing.
He frowned.
Click.
Nothing again.
“Bulb’s dead or something.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Raph muttered. “We don’t need that much light.”
Mikey stopped short. He inhaled deeply. His expression changed almost instantly.
“Pizza?”
Raph blinked.
“What?”
“There’s pizza,” Mikey said, now completely certain. “Definitely pizza. In the kitchen. I didn’t realize I was this hungry.”
Raph’s stomach growled.
“Yeah…” he admitted. “Me too.”
Mikey was already ahead, following the smell almost instinctively. Raph followed without much thought.
Leo stayed behind for a second, watching. Something didn’t add up.
The lair felt strange. It was messy, but not the same kind of messy. The darkness wrapping around the place seemed to blur reality.
“This is weird…” he murmured, more to himself. “It’s like we walked into another dimension or something.”
No answer. He glanced down the hallway.
“We should find Donnie first,” he added, more serious now. “You know, ask for explanations.”
“After we eat,” Raph replied from ahead. “He might be there. You know? I could eat something the size of… I don’t know, Mikey.”
“Hey!” Mikey protested.
Leo rolled his eyes and followed them. His stomach chose that moment to make itself known, loudly.
“Traitor,” he muttered.
When they reached the table, the hunger was impossible to ignore.
The boxes were open, arranged with precise care. As if someone had left them there… for them.
“BINGO!” Mikey practically launched himself at the table.
Raph didn’t hesitate either.
Leo hesitated for half a second. Then grabbed a slice.
“Okay… this is suspicious,” he said before taking a bite. “But it smells amazing.”
“Tastes amazing,” Raph replied with his mouth full. “Like I haven’t eaten in years. Or like it’s my first time.”
Mikey was already on his third slice.
“If this is a trap, I’m not complaining.”
Leo let out a short laugh, but didn’t relax. He ate too fast. Faster than his brothers, which was saying something.
Something still didn’t fit.
He wiped his hands carelessly.
“I’m gonna check if Donnie’s in his room.”
“Mhm,” Mikey replied without looking at him.
Raph gave a thumbs-up without stopping eating.
Leo walked away.
The hallway was darker than he remembered. He stopped in front of the door.
Closed.
He frowned. Knocked.
“Donnie?”
Silence.
He tried the handle. The door didn’t budge.
“Donnie?” he repeated.
Nothing.
Leo rested his forehead against the door, exhaling.
“Come on, get out here! I know you’re in there. There’s pizza!”
Silence.
But he didn’t leave. He knew him too well.
“Look…” he started, softer now. “I don’t care what you did, okay? It’s fine. We’re past it.”
Nothing.
“Just… come out.”
He glanced back toward the living area.
“Besides, you’ve gotta be hungry,” he added, trying to bring back his lighter tone. “Come out before they finish the pizza. You know Mikey and Raph never leave anything.”
Silence.
Leo closed his eyes for a second.
“Come on, D…” he murmured. “I know you shut yourself in like this every time you… doesn’t matter. It’s over. Seriously. I swear I’m not joking.”
He placed his hand on the door, then started knocking repeatedly, harder each time, in a steady rhythm. He wasn’t going to stop.
On the other side, Donatello didn’t move. His body was rigid, as if any movement might break something.
He heard every word, but couldn’t process any of what was happening.
He couldn’t respond. He literally couldn’t.
He didn’t know how.
Index | Chapter 3 | Chapter 5
Index | Rating: Explicit!! | TW: suicidal thoughts, disturbing thoughts, blood/injury
Chapter 7
Mikey stepped out of the room and carefully closed the door behind him.
The hallway was still just as dark. The only light came from one of the ceiling fixtures, flickering every few seconds with an electric buzz.
Then he heard hurried footsteps.
“Mikey!” Raph appeared first, out of breath. “Are you okay?”
Leo arrived right behind him and froze when he saw the blood covering his younger brother’s hands.
“Oh, great,” he blurted immediately. “Blood. What did you do this time?”
Mikey looked down at his hands as if he were only just now truly noticing them. The blood had already started drying between his fingers.
“It’s not mine,” he said quickly. “I’m okay.”
“What happened?” Raph asked, immediately moving toward the door. “Is Donnie in there?”
Mikey nodded hard.
“Yes! And he’s hurt.”
That made both Raph and Leo try to go in at the same time, but Mikey threw both arms out to stop them. His hands smeared blood across their plastrons.
The three of them went still for a second.
“Don’t go in yet,” Mikey said. “Please.”
Leo slowly lowered his gaze to the red stain on his chest.
“Oh, that is… a lot of blood for a ‘everything’s fine.’”
“He’s fine,” Mikey insisted, though his voice trembled slightly. “I mean—not fine, but… he’s not gonna die. I think.”
Raph looked toward the closed door.
“What kind of injury does he have?”
“A cut on his leg. It’s big. And there was a lot of blood, but I think it stopped a little and…”
Leo was already backing away.
“Okay. Okay, great. Yeah. Perfect. Big wound. Blood. Leg. Got it.”
“Where are you going?” Raph asked.
“Medical bay!” Leo shouted from down the hall. “Someone in this family has to be functional. In case you didn’t know, that’s something a leader could do.”
Raph and Mikey followed him. By the time they arrived, they could already hear drawers being yanked open at full speed.
“Do we need bandages? Of course we need bandages! Alcohol? No, wait, that burns! Is it supposed to burn? Raph, help me out here!”
Raph let out a heavy sigh before finally starting to move.
Leo had already emptied half a shelf onto a table.
“How deep is the wound?” he asked while stuffing supplies into a bag. “What caused it? A knife? Rusted metal? Because if it’s rusted metal, that changes things. I think.”
“I don’t know,” Mikey admitted. “I didn’t really look. He just… tripped on something and there was a lot of blood.”
Raph silently packed gauze and bandages while Leo kept moving too fast.
“Is he conscious?” Leo asked.
“Yeah.”
“Did he recognize you?”
Mikey hesitated.
“Yeah.”
Leo looked at him for barely a second before going back to packing supplies. The silence started feeling heavy again.
Mikey watched his brothers’ hands move through medical instruments that were far too old. There was dust even here.
Everything was wrong. Everything felt wrong.
Then he spoke.
“There’s something else you guys should know about Donnie.”
Leo stopped moving. Raph barely lifted his head. For a moment, neither of them said anything.
Raph opened his mouth like he wanted to speak first.
“We also need to tell you something—” he started.
“We’re in the future,” Leo interrupted.
The silence hit all at once.
“What?” Mikey asked.
“Well, technically we don’t know how we got here,” Leo said, “but we do know this place is… seventeen years in the future. We checked using a phone and news and dates and all that. So yeah. Future.”
Mikey swallowed hard.
“No,” he said.
Leo blinked.
“No?”
“We’re not in the future.”
Raph frowned.
“Mikey, we saw the date.”
“The date doesn’t matter,” Mikey replied faster. “Donnie explained what happened.”
That made both of them tense up.
“We almost died,” Mikey said slowly. “Something went wrong and… he had to de-age us.”
The silence was immediate.
Leo let out a nervous laugh.
“Okay. Yeah. Sure. Excellent joke. Very funny. I think I prefer the theory that we’re in the future, you know?”
Mikey didn’t smile.
Leo’s expression slowly started to crack.
“Wait… you’re serious?”
“Yeah.”
Raph stood completely still.
“So…” Leo swallowed. “Donnie is…?”
“An adult,” Mikey answered. “And we’re not.”
Nobody spoke. The hum of the lights filled the room again.
“That is…” Leo dragged his hands down his face. “That is insane. I mean, what kind of disturbed scientist does something like that? That doesn’t even sound like a normal Donnie decision! It sounds like—”
“Shut up,” Raph cut in.
Leo stopped immediately.
Raph tightened his grip on the bandages.
“First we take care of him. Then we talk to him.”
The purple hoodie was completely soaked through.
Donatello kept pressing it against his leg while sitting motionless on the floor, staring at the disaster that was his room. Tools scattered everywhere. Empty cups. Tangled wires. Even unwashed dishes. The fan still spun slowly somewhere in the corner, producing a constant hum he’d heard for so long it had become part of the silence itself.
He was alone. Again.
Maybe he had always been alone.
Maybe hearing voices outside had just been another strange episode from his exhausted mind trying to fabricate something familiar. After all, he had spent seventeen years surrounded by nothing but recordings, simulations, and fragmented memories.
Dead people don’t come back.
His fingers trembled slightly against the blood-soaked fabric.
If he removed the pressure… the wound would be exposed. And if he pulled the cut apart just a little more… just a little… or a lot more, better yet… the blood would pour out faster.
I lie down. I wait. The cold starts in my hands first and then spreads through the rest of my body. The room becomes blurry.
I don’t have to think anymore.
Donnie slowly lowered his gaze toward the blood. He could do it, but he feared it wouldn’t be enough.
Then he heard noise outside.
Footsteps. Voices. Something falling over.
His heart started pounding far too fast.
I’m not alone.
The door cracked open a few inches and Mikey’s head appeared through the gap.
“Donnie?” he asked with a small smile. “Everything’s okay. Well… relatively okay. I explained things to them already.”
Donnie didn’t answer.
Mikey pushed the door open wider.
“They promised not to ask questions yet,” he said quickly. “First we want to help you. Then we’ll talk about everything else, okay?”
Help you. The word sounded strange. And yet something in Donnie’s chest loosened just slightly.
Then the other two walked in.
Raph first, and Leo behind him carrying an old medical bag.
And everything started feeling wrong again.
Raph’s shell was intact. Donnie stared at it for far too long.
No cracks. No jagged scars where the Krang had pierced through it. No deformities.
Because they didn’t even remember that. They knew nothing about the Krang. They knew nothing.
Because it never happened to them.
Donnie felt a hollow emptiness slowly open in his stomach.
Leo dropped the bag onto the bed.
“Okay… wow. You are bleeding a lot,” he muttered while pulling out bandages. “Honestly that is… way more disgusting up close.”
“Leo,” Raph growled.
“What? I’m trying to make conversation.”
It didn’t sound the same. It was almost his voice. Almost. Like an imitation learned too well.
Donnie stared at the small bloodstains on their plastrons. Mikey’s hands were still stained dark red.
Leo knelt in front of him while Raph held up a lamp to better illuminate the wound.
None of them were really looking at him. Their eyes flicked toward his face and then quickly away again. Like they didn’t know how to treat him.
“This is gonna sting,” Leo warned before disinfecting the wound.
The liquid ran through the cut. Donnie barely reacted. The pain was like background noise.
Among the medical instruments, he caught sight of several syringes.
And the image came instantly.
The needle sinks into Leo’s neck. Raph tries to stop me, but it’s too late. And somehow, I manage to do the same to him and Mikey. All three collapse onto the floor.
Silence.
Finally silence.
Donnie squeezed his eyes shut for a second.
No. He didn’t want to think that.
Leo kept working carefully.
Stitch. Knot. Again.
His hands trembled slightly. That was new. The real Leo never trembled doing something like this. Or maybe he did and Donnie just couldn’t remember anymore.
The thought twisted his stomach.
When they finished, Raph held out a hand to help him stand. Donnie accepted after a brief hesitation.
Then Leo blinked in surprise.
“Whoa… wait. Are you taller than Raph?”
“Barely,” Raph grunted immediately.
Mikey let out a short laugh.
“This is so weird.”
Of course he was taller. Seventeen years had passed for him. He had grown up, matured, changed… hadn’t he?
Then why didn’t he feel different?
That horrible sense of distance washed over Donnie again. He slowly pulled away from Raph’s arm.
“I can walk,” he said.
Raph immediately withdrew his hand. The three of them just stood there watching him. Like he was the anomaly. Maybe I am.
They walked silently to the living room. The sound of their footsteps seemed warped by the emptiness of the lair.
When Donnie dropped onto the couch, exhaustion slammed into him all over again.
“Have you eaten anything yet?” Mikey asked.
Donnie opened his mouth… only to realize he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten.
Mikey disappeared into the kitchen and returned shortly after with a cold slice of pizza.
“You’re lucky… there were leftovers,” he said while handing it over.
Donnie slowly took the plate. The first bite was cold and awful.
And yet…
Leo talking too fast. Raph taking up too much space even while sitting down. Mikey constantly moving around.
Noise. Family.
For one tiny instant, he thought maybe he could get used to this again.
Maybe he could pretend long enough.
Maybe…
Then Leo laughed. And something was wrong.
Too wide. Too hollow.
Donnie slowly lifted his gaze.
The shadows warped their faces.
They didn’t grow up. They didn’t change. They didn’t survive.
Monsters.
Donnie slowly set the pizza down on the table.
“Okay,” Leo said suddenly. “I think we seriously need to talk now.”
Raph crossed his arms.
“Leo, maybe this is too much right now—”
“No, seriously. We need answers,” he continued. “What the hell happened to us?”
Donnie stared at the floor for several seconds.
“You were going to die,” he finally said. “And I already had a protocol prepared for that situation.”
No. You died.
“A protocol?” Mikey repeated.
“I just followed it,” Donnie continued. “I didn’t think too hard about it. I’d been alone for a long time.”
“A long time?” Raph asked, frowning.
But Donnie barely seemed to hear him.
“I have to admit… I think it feels good not to be alone again.”
The three exchanged uncomfortable glances.
No. That wasn’t how they were supposed to react. They’re not them.
“What happened to Dad and April?” Mikey asked more quietly.
Donnie lowered his head.
“I couldn’t save them. The protocol was only for you. And even then I had to use mystical magic… Hamato Ninpo… to fill in certain gaps. Especially memory gaps.”
Leo immediately looked up.
“Wait. What kind of gaps?”
Donnie tensed.
“It’s not important.”
“How is that not important?” Raph asked.
“I thought you only de-age us,” Leo added.
Donnie felt the air catch in his lungs.
“Yes,” he answered too quickly. “That’s what I did.”
“Then why are you saying you had to restore memories?” Leo pressed.
“Because memory is confusing,” Donnie said. “It’s always distorted. The Hamato Ninpo only helped stabilize things as much as possible.”
“That explains absolutely nothing,” Leo snapped.
“I am explaining it.”
“Well honestly it just keeps sounding worse. How am I supposed to trust what I know now? Everything I remember?”
Raph stepped toward him.
“Do you wanna stop pressuring him?”
“And do you wanna stop acting like this is normal? Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but something is wrong!”
Mikey looked back and forth between them, unsure what to do.
And Donnie felt cold.
No.
This wasn’t right.
They had already moved past these arguments.
They had changed. They had grown.
But these ones hadn’t. These were still trapped.
Mikey quickly turned toward Donnie, trying to change the subject.
“Hey… so is it normal that we can’t feel our powers anymore?”
Everything stopped.
Donnie slowly raised his head.
“What?”
“We can’t feel the Ninpo,” Mikey explained. “Nothing. Not even a little.”
And then something inside Donnie finally shattered completely. Because of course they couldn’t feel it.
They’re not them. They never were. And they never will be.
He looked at them again, and the living room slowly began to warp around their bodies.
Raph’s shadow looked too large, too wide, like something enormous was breathing beneath his unscarred shell. Leo’s smile stretched too far beneath the flickering light. Mikey’s eyes seemed to darken completely for a second. Their bodies stopped looking familiar.
Monsters.
Donnie shrank back slightly against the couch as he felt the air disappear from the room.
What did I do?
Index | Chapter 6 | Chapter 8
About my fic
What if I told you one of the brothers goes to SEE Donnie first, before anyone else…
Who?
LEO HIS TWIN
RAPH THE OLDEST
IT HAS TO BE MIKEY
I haven’t read your fic, I’m nosy 👀
(You’ll find out in Chapter 5… today 👀)
Index | Rating: Explicit!! | TW: suicidal thoughts, disturbing thoughts, blood/injury
Chapter 6
Raph frowned.
“Wait… you’re saying today is Friday?” he asked.
“Yeah? Maybe? Or maybe not?” Leo rested his elbow on the table as he chewed on a slice of cold pizza. “Honestly, it could be Tuesday. Or Sunday. It could be ‘generic post-Donapocalyptic day’ for all we know.”
“Don’t start.”
Leo smiled faintly, but it didn’t have the same energy as before.
“I’m just saying that if we knew what day it is, we could figure out how long we have left until that epic Jupiter Jim magazine comes out.”
Raph blinked.
“That’s the only thing you care about? Aren’t you worried about the fact that we have no idea what day it is?”
“It’s vital information,” Leo lied.
Raph suddenly stood up.
“Where are you going now?” Leo followed him with his eyes.
Raph didn’t stop.
“To my room. I have a backup phone.”
The kitchen light flickered slightly. Leo left the rest of his pizza behind and hurried after his older brother’s footsteps.
“A backup phone?”
“Yeah.”
Leo let out a short laugh.
“Right, that’s true! The amount of phones you’ve had probably adds up to all the ones the rest of the family has owned combined. I remember you ate one once, didn’t you?”
Raph stopped in the dark hallway.
“I didn’t eat it.”
“You swallowed it. We even got you an X-ray!”
“It was an accident!”
“Yeah, yeah… Don Ton explained it to us. It had something to do with your species; you mistook it for a rock or something. I mean… wow! When we were kids, you used to eat rocks!”
Raph clenched his fists and hoped his expression clearly conveyed the promise of violence. His shadows twitched.
Leo raised his hands.
“Okay, okay. I’ll shut up.”
As they kept walking, the silence started to emphasize the sound of their breathing. Every time Leo glanced at another part of the lair, more chills ran across his shell. Nothing felt normal. That sensation of being in another dimension returned. The lighting was inconsistent, and dust covered surfaces he didn’t remember ever seeing dirty.
“I still think something doesn’t add up here, you know?” Leo broke the silence. “Not just because of Donnie.”
“You’re paranoid,” Raph muttered.
Leo opened his mouth to answer… but closed it again. His eyes wandered down the hallway once more.
The walls seemed narrower. The shadows were uneven. The silence was overwhelming.
“I hope Mikey manages to talk to Donnie,” he suddenly said, quieter this time.
“If anyone can do it, it’s Mikey,” Raph assured, trying to sound convincing.
Their footsteps echoed a few more times until they spotted Raph’s room. The door was closed.
Raph went still for a second.
“This is weird…” he whispered. “I always leave it open.”
Leo stayed close to Raph.
“You sure?” he asked.
Then Raph pushed the door open. The moment they looked inside, they knew something was wrong.
Very wrong.
Nothing was broken. Nothing destroyed. The things were there, yes. But everything was covered in thick layers of dust, as if nobody had entered the room in years. The bed was perfectly made, but stiff, untouched. The objects showed the wear of time: the metal things rusted, the action figures and some magazines… faded.
Abandoned.
“This isn’t…” Raph stepped inside first. “This isn’t my room. I mean, it is, but…”
Leo wanted to take a step back.
“I’m telling you, something weird is happening…”
Raph didn’t hear him and slowly opened a drawer. Inside was a box with a brand-new phone.
“It’s here,” he said.
Leo didn’t move.
“Perfect. Good. Let’s turn it on already.”
Raph hurried to power it on. It didn’t turn on. He plugged it in and tried again.
Updating…
“This is gonna take a while,” he said.
“We’re not in a hurry, are we?”
The phone took several minutes. They stayed there staring at it as if they could make it move faster with their minds.
“This is… really slow,” Raph let out a growl.
“Yeah,” said Leo. “It definitely shouldn’t be… this slow.”
A ringing sound invaded their ears. The logo finally appeared. It froze. Restarted. Flickered.
Finally, the home screen appeared. Raph hurried to connect to the Wi-Fi manually, trying not to waste any more time.
Connecting…
Leo didn’t blink.
“This is like watching one of Mikey’s paintings dry… or watching Donnie—”
“It’s on!” Raph exclaimed. He opened the calendar and frowned. “What..?”
Leo leaned in to look.
“What does it say?”
The phone slipped out of Raph’s hands and crashed onto the floor with a crack. He stepped back and placed his hands on his head.
“No…” Raph murmured. “This… this is wrong. You were right. No…”
Leo picked the phone up from the floor. The screen was cracked but still worked. He trembled when he saw the date.
“Raph, Raph…” he began. “Calm down, this can’t be real. It’s obviously a mistake. Let me look it up…”
Leo bit his tongue as he opened the browser. He searched for the latest news in New York: “Celebration of the 17th anniversary of the alien invasion”…
“What…?” Leo’s voice cracked.
“What?” Raph started panicking. “So it’s true? Leo, answer me!”
Leo went still after reading more. The pressure suddenly dropped from his body. Reality began to distort in front of his eyes. He swallowed.
“No,” Raph tried to stop him, agitated. “No, that’s not true.”
“Good news! I don’t think we’re in another dimension. But it looks like we’re in the future, bro.”
Raph jolted, grabbed Leo by the shoulders, and shook him nervously.
“Mikey!” he reacted. “We shouldn’t have left him alone!”
“Donnie?” Mikey asked again, his voice trembling when he saw him.
Kill me, kill me, kill me…
Donatello stayed still for a moment, hoping to become invisible beneath the dim lighting and the chaotic environment filled with misplaced objects.
“Is that really you?” Mikey asked, trying to recognize the figure in front of him. His brain kept searching for a match that wouldn’t fully click into place. His brother… was that really his brother? It was him, but he looked older and more… worn down. “You look… are you okay?”
Then Donnie tried to sit up abruptly, but the movement pulled a muffled sound from him when his leg protested.
“You shouldn’t…” Mikey said, approaching carefully. “Hey! Don’t move! It looks serious.”
His voice was soft, but firm. The kind that establishes an alternate reality where obeying feels safer.
Donnie stayed still and took a deep breath. Something in his chest loosened slightly.
He wasn’t alone.
Mikey crouched down in front of him. He was so small. Donnie didn’t remember him being this small… As he moved, the faint light from a lamp split his face into two equal halves, one warmer than the other. Donnie felt a slight chill.
Mikey’s eyes dropped to the leg and he held his breath.
It wasn’t a small or superficial wound. It was a long, uneven cut that tore through the skin. Blood had already soaked the floor.
Mikey inhaled, steadying himself.
“Okay…” he said, grabbing one of the purple hoodies off the floor to cover the bleeding. “You obviously need stitches or something. Leo can…”
Donnie swallowed.
“Leo?” he shouted. “No, of course not! What, can’t you see me?!”
Donnie felt the pressure Mikey was applying to the wound.
It’s real.
“Don’t move,” Mikey said.
Another order. That calm again.
I’m not alone.
“I can…” Mikey thought for a second. “I can handle explaining things to them myself… but I need you to explain it to me first.”
Donnie couldn’t find his voice to answer. Now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his little brother. Why couldn’t he be like before? Why couldn’t things be like before?
“Why are you…?” Mikey hesitated, then corrected himself immediately. “Why am I so much younger than you? Why are Raph, Leo, and I younger than you? We shouldn’t have that kind of age difference… it has something to do with us waking up in those capsules, right?”
How was he supposed to explain it? He couldn’t… it was him, it was him, he couldn’t…
“Did something happen to us?” Mikey kept asking. “And did you have to de-age us or something? Because I don’t remember any of that, we just woke up and… Donnie?”
Donnie didn’t answer. He started feeling cold. He removed Mikey’s bloodied hands from the wound so he could apply pressure himself. The hoodie fabric was soaked through. It was too much blood.
Then he looked at Mikey for one second longer than necessary.
Mikey wasn’t Mikey without the small scar on the right side of his shell.
His little brother had fallen when he was even smaller, too small for it to matter… except it did matter. It had left behind a mark that was barely noticeable, but permanent.
That mark wasn’t there.
This isn’t real. It’s not him.
Donnie felt his breathing stop for a moment. Everything started spinning and he felt the weight of reality settle over him.
That’s not Mikey. Mikey is dead.
“Hey,” Mikey said softly. “It’s okay, that doesn’t matter right now. We’ll talk about it later, okay? But we need to deal with this. It’s urgent or… I don’t know, Leo talks about infections and nasty stuff, y’know?”
Donnie’s eyes remained fixed on the shell. On the absence.
“Yes,” he finally said. “Yes, that’s what happened.”
Mikey blinked.
“What?”
“What you said. That I had to de-age you so you could… survive.”
Mikey leaned back slightly.
“You really haven’t changed at all, huh?” he tried to stay relaxed.
Hadn’t changed at all? Was he supposed to have changed? But he… wasn’t Mikey, he didn’t know him. Literally, this was the first time they had ever spoken.
Did it matter?
But the more he examined him, the more inconsistencies he noticed.
He definitely wasn’t his brother. He was a version that didn’t fully match his memory. An impostor trapped in time.
A mistake.
His mistake.
He wasn’t a clone. He had created a monster.
I catch sight of the metallic object that caused my injury. In one quick movement, I grab it and drive it toward the monster’s neck, only a second before any reaction is possible. I slash so quickly and decisively that there’s only room for horror in his eyes before he falls to the floor and blood splatters everywhere.
Donatello’s entire body tensed.
“Don’t worry,” Mikey said with a smile on his face.
Donnie swallowed with difficulty.
Why am I not dead?
Index | Chapter 5 | Chapter 7
Author’s note:
Ok, ok… did you notice the references? This fic has a bit of Frankenstein in it. But there’s another one too! I’m guessing you guys know @/mkthedingus’s Toddler Mutant Ninja Turtles AU? The winner of this year’s TMNT AU Competition? No? Well, in that AU, Raph, Leo, and Donnie become younger (like, little kids). So my fic references that idea: Mikey thinks it was Raph, Leo, and himself who got de-aged (just into teenagers instead). I dunno, I thought it’d be fun to include that reference :)
Go read that comic if you haven’t already, or reread it, so you can cleanse yourselves of the bad vibes from my fic.
