The Handmaid's Tale 6x03 - "Devotion" (or "Hey, You Ok, Nick?")👀
Look, what can I say about this absolute fan fiction (ok, fanfic would have more fucking) wet DREAM of an osblaine episode that hasn't already been said. I don't know but I'll babble on about it for a while anyway. I know many of us have yearned in vain to see rebel(!) Nick and June on the run and I suppose we finally got a morsel of a consolation prize in what is essentially an entire epiosde of Nick x June spy rescue mission. While we're on that, listen up, Luke, because I think you could take a few notes here on the Do's and Don't’s of secret spy missions: 1) long-overdue softly spoken confessions of love and longing whilst waiting for enemy patrols to pass? Go for it!2) spending half the day whooping it up bowling and making a general ruckus on the keyboard like you're just out on a fun date night (while your date mostly sits there looking wildly uncomfortable)... yeah, maybe not.
Anyway, on to the ep!
At the Mayday ops base in No Man's Land, June's daydream of Hannah's baptism is rudely interrupted by Mark Tuello: "we've got to go." She's thinking of her loved ones in trouble: Moira, Luke, and still always most out of reach, Hannah. Mark briefs June on the mission Luke and Moira were on (to pick up info on the militant commander targets), and June in turn scolds Mark for putting her family in danger. He reassures her that Nick will come (for her) and she can't suppress her satisfied giddy smile at the thought of going to meet her boyfriend. She also tries and fails to sound casual about Serena (and Noah) being alive and well in New Bethlehem.
Speaking of which, it's a big! big! day in our favorite new dystopian beach town, as Lawrence reminds Nick, with its very future (and even more importantly, future expansion plans and reforms) depending on convincing the visiting dignitaries that they won't maim and kill their citizens as to the safety of their new community. Seems the rest of the world is just a tiny bit wary after the giant human rights violation that is Gilead (that little old thing).
But shortly a German diplomat (with apparent Mayday ties, somehow) shows up at Nick's door to deliver a not-so-cryptic message about June's whereabouts (seriously, no code? What if Rose were home and has really good hearing? The house isn't that big!) and Nick's day suddenly gets a bit more complicated. A dozen emotions flicker across his face as Nick processes, but a short while later he shows up in the woods--of course he shows up--incognito in his old driver uniform, and, physically pulled into June's gravitational force once again, visibly melts into her in a relieved embrace (and let's not forget this is the first time since he's seen her broken and unconscious in the hospital).
She assures him that Holly/Nichole is safe in Alaska (with her mother, wut!!). She then tells him her reason for being here and Nick is taken aback “Why would they do that? It’s dangerous”(yeh no shit, Nick! that's what we've been saying). He tells her moving the patrols would be too suspicious. "Mark's gotta think of something else" he says, funnily enough echoing his biggest fan, Holly Maddox, last episode ("there's gotta be another way!"), but June goes and bats her baby blues and it's all over (jk, well I mean sort of though). At this point Nick is like ok fine I’ll just go get them brb and she’s like cool and walks past him to the car and he’s like where the fuck do you think you going and I’m like hi, Nick, have you met June? His resigned “in the back, keep your head down” and her good naturedly indignant “I will!” Was really fucking cute. Peak banter this ep.
(when you hear your boyfriend arriving to pick you up for your waterpark date)
Back in New Bethlehem, Serena is meditating in her new beach house when a cheery Lawrence arrives with a housewarming plant. Serena will not be placated by mere gifts and flattery, though, and she wants the good commander down on his knees to prove his own chosen-by-god-liness. Unfortunately he's really much more adept at displaying his pop culture trivia knowledge, but still manages to convince her, finally appealing to their shared sense of duty to clean up the country they broke (and of course to her giant ego by stressing that he really needs her help--like reeeally).
(FFS Serena, I mean... Dear God...)
Nick and June arrive at the abandoned park and immediately continue their adorably natural banter. Interestingly, he seems quite familiar with the pick up spot (it's been closed a long time, always empty). As they make their way to the giftshop (the apparent hiding spot), it's hard to miss just how physically in sync they are as well, matching stride and occasionally ducking out of sight together to evade the watchful eyes of patrols. During one of these moments, June asks why he agreed to spy for the Americans after all, and just when we think Nick is going to brush it off with something noncommittal, he actually tells her(!!). "I came to see you. In the hospital. I had to see you" he says matter-of-factly. (Yes, Nick, spill it!! Mark, you can just go take a full seat ok honey? We don't need you for tea spills anymore, our reclusive boy is just spilling his feelings out of own his damn mouth all over the place and it is glorious).
June looks fairly stunned, and quickly puts 2 and 2 together: Nick agreed to spy--to work for the government, something he has continually expressed distrust and misgivings around--for her. To see her (when she didn’t even know). It's a bit of another "you did all this for me" moment, like hi June, don't you know he would do anything for you by this point? You even said it yourself in s4! But I think it is especially meaningful to her after their meeting in 5x09 where he ostensibly had told her that, athough he still loved her, he was moving on and focusing on his new family. The implications of this new revelation must now be swirling around her head, setting up for the even deeper realizations that will come with their conversation later on.
(oh, the tangled web...)
Somewhere in Gilead, we arrive with a very wary Aunt Lydia at (another very cool looking) parking garage with circular cutouts in the walls. She's greeted by another Aunt and we learn they are in fact at Jezebels, where Aunt Lyd's "precious girl" Janine has been taken after her fatal (and epic) clapback to Naomi. As they transverse ominous grey hallways with flickering lights, we learn that it's now policy for the aunts’ faces to be covered so as "not to tempt the patrons" (lol like that would stop those degenerates!). Methinks this info will come in handy in later episodes though...
We are finally led into the debauched scene of the dressing room, where Lyds looks on in shock and horror at the drugs, the skimpy outfits, the various sex-related paraphernalia. She's fully fallen down the rabbit hole and can't believe her pious little eyeballs (don't you remember Lyds? Commanders need their kink!). Her eyes finally lock onto her Janine, who we soon learn goes by "Kitty" in here (and by the way looks FAB). Her first instinct is to getJanine to cover up so she's not cold (lol, who IS THIS WOMAN?) and Janine is essentially (rightfully) like fuck the fuck off, what the fuck are you even doing here? (although somehow still in a kind and compassionate way, god bless her sweet soul). When one of the women makes fun of her hat and calls her a mean old witch, we learn that this is actually one of AL's former "of" "girls" and that in fact there are several others here in addition to Janine.
I have to sidenote here: "OfJason"'s insult here initially struck me as delightful (because she's not scared of Aunt Lydia anymore, she can't do anything to hurt her anymore, not here), and then immediately really fucking sad, because we know its because she's here in this place beyond where AL can hurt her, where so much worse things happen, where these women are worn down to inevitable numbness and loss of hope on their slow path towards death. Ugh.
If Aunt Lydia was stunned before, she's completely dumbfounded now--how did “her” "girls" end up here?? When they bore “fruit” (yuck) for Gilead?? Apparently someone told Lydia that the dog who got run over fruitful handmaids went to a beautiful farm where they get to run around happy and free for the rest of their days, and she believed it. She is determined that she and God can get Janine out of this horrible, dreadful place, no matter what Janine says. "Forget me", Janine says, as she heads off to Commander Bell's summons, but AL could never. God, just how many times is poor Janine (and Lawrence, for that matter) going to have to drop the most obvious truth bombs on Aunt Lydia before she finally GETS IT, I know she's been thoroughly programmed by the Gilead propaganda machine but still, just how thick is that skull of hers (well, I guess pretty thick, it did survive Emily's absolutely savage push down a flight of stairs, I’m remembering now with a smile).
(Yes, Aunt Lydia, they shoot horses)
As Lawrence leads a tour of Pleasantville New Bethlehem's squeaky clean main street and waxes very optimistically about liberalization without a drop of bloodshed (so of course we know there's gonna be bloodshed on the horizon), Serena is accosted (in the most old school gentlemanly way possible) by one Commander Wharton, who has just been dying to catch up with the star recruit to the cause of NB. He proceeds to blatantly hit on her in an oddly old fashioned and religiously coded way. They trade Gileadean platitudes back and forth and Serena appears to be flattered yet wary--even with her inflated ego she clocks him coming on extremely strong, and like us, she has to wonder a bit as to exactly what this man's motivation is.
At the gazebo in their Sunday finest, Wharton wonders aloud to Serena as to where-oh-where could his son-in-law be--Uh Oh. Lawrence at first seems to be holding his own but is a bit tripped up when a diplomat wants to know how the rest of the world can possibly trust their word, giving the atrocities committed by/in Gilead, especially towards women. It's certainly a hard one to answer(!), even for our favorite silver-tongued silver fox, but never fear, Serena Joy steps in to save the day with yet another grandiose speech about being chosen by God--this time tinged with a touch of (seemingly genuine?) self-reflection and repentance. We don't really get a chance to see just how convincing her words are, because right on cue, in is wheeled little Noah Waterford, the miracle baby himself, and any silly little concerns of human rights violations are quickly forgotten by the totally baby-obsessed crowd.
Honestly, I don't think Serena even needed to say a word, these people are so baby hungry. The baby fever/fervor is only bolstered as Mrs. Rose Blaine walks out, looking extremely pregnant for 5 months(!?), and really it's all over from there (handmaids, who? don't know them). Lawrence quips to the diplomat "Louise, I'm sorry but you're going to have to give that baby back" and a good, wholesome chuckle is had by all because of course all of the children Gilead stole and won't give back is in the past! A mere blip, a distant memory. Onto the baby making! Wharton's heart eyes for Serena have only grown at this point, he's got such a raging hard-on for her god-ordained fertility talk it's a wonder he can keep it in his commander pants.
(oh for a date with the Queen of Gilead)
Speaking of commander pants, Nick's are (metaphorically) wearing thin. Our poor boy is worn out. He is STRESS'T. He'd thought June was safely away, and now she's here. And now he's gotten himself roped into some crazy last minute scheme, trying to keep her out of danger while searching for a Luke-and-Moira needle in the haystack in an empty old waterpark on the edges of a No Man's Land seemingly crawling with Gilead security patrols (side note: are these the patrols Nick decided to blow Mark off about?), on the very day he's supposed to be selling New Bethlehem as the happiest place on earth to foreign dignitaries. He knows he's in trouble back "home" but first and foremost (as always) he's worried about June. "We've got to get you out of this park" he says as they're forced to hide once more. But June is stubborn as ever and not about to give in.
And the ensuing argument leads to them being the most honest and raw we've maybe seen them ever be. In his frustration over the current situation, Nick very aptly points out how he is risking his "home life" and growing family, his cover, even potentially his very life, to save her husband. Her husband, who she chose. Over Nick. "Because you chose him, you chose Luke". June's reply to this is not defensive but full of empathy, even regret; a pleading for him to understand. And while she doesn't deny it, her wording is very telling: "He waited for me. He waited for years." I had to, I felt like I had to because I owed him, the subtext is screaming, as she further expresses the guilt she feels over her technical infidelity, her love affair with Nick during those years as Luke waited: "I had you. I loved you." But Nick hones in, heartbreakingly, to the past tense of her wording: "Loved me". "Love", she corrects, confesses, reaffirms.
His weighted look back to her is full of understanding but still rife with hurt and frustration over the entire messy situation, too. For maybe the first time, he's not hiding his anguish from her "do you even know what it's like to be in love with you? It's not meant to wound or level blame, but simply an honest statement of fact, of his inevitable circumstance: here is my heart, it bleeds for you. "That's how I feel about you, I only feel that way about you" he further confesses when June says she can't lose Luke and Moira because they're a part of her. "I've lost you over and over again" he says, and she reaffirms "I'm here. I'd certainly like to think that it's meant not just as a reassurance of her physical presence, her continued vitality and safety after Gilead's assassination attempt, but indeed also the state of her heart, as it resides here, with him. Nick's raw and rare baring of his soul here surely must be striking to June, especially because the last time they spoke he seemed to be determined to move on with his new wife and baby on the way, but they must focus on the mission at hand, and so she is left to (hopefully) reflect further at a later time.
Meanwhile, we cut to the ominously shot-up giftshop, where Moira and Luke are indeed hiding out, and Luke is LOSING it, repetitively obsessing over the intel they collected and waving his gun around like a little boy playing cops and robbers. Ohemgee Get a damn hold of yourself, man! As June and Moira would say, "keep your fucking shit together!” Come to think of it, Moira is there, she can just tell him. And in fact she does, not in so many words "Commander roll call again? Stop. STOP." I'm sorry, but this guy muttering to himself, saying he shouldn't have "let" Moira come (you know, the sane one among them) and freaking out that June's not going to find him attractive if he can't pull off this mission? This is who we're supposed to believe is going to become a rebel revolutionary this season? Oy. Mayday's in trouble.
Right in the middle of more of his freaking out, a door creaks open and a (sexy) shadowy gun-toting figure emerges. Thankfully Mr. twitchy-trigger-finger does not come out guns a-blazing and accidentally shoot their rescuers. They hear June's voice and come out of hiding to embrace her as Nick hangs back awkwardly (although I did note Luke is still pointing the gun at June as he emerges lol, who did he think it was gonna be?). The 4th presence in the room is soon noticed though "That's not Mark!" and we finally get a Nick and Moira meeting(!) while Luke bird dogs him with a disgruntled stare and carelessly waves a gun around some more.
(hey guys, we should probably gtf out of here)
As they head to the car their luck runs out as a patrol suddenly pulls up and they're ordered to stop. Nick herds them to the car (of course June can't help staying closer, hiding behind some crates) as he goes to speak with the guardians. Unfortunately (especially for them), the younger lad is quite the stickler for the rules and we see the regret in Nick's face as he (and we) know what he has to do. June freaks out at the gunshots, clearly frightened for Nick, but he quickly emerges and guides her urgently to their getaway vehicle. Field trip's over kids, GET IN THE CAR!!
(apparently forgetting Texas is no longer a thing)
Back in New Bethlehem, the Lawrences, Serena, Wharton and Rose toast to a successful day--thanks to Serena herself, of course--and notably not thanks to Mr. Nick Blaine, who is still glaringly absent from the party. After a failed dick joke faux pas from Naomi and an awkward pause, Nick's father-in-law and wife once again wonder as to his whereabouts. Lawrence (we have to wonder here just exactly how much he does know) covers for Nick, mentioning something about border patrols, trade routes blah blah, and Serena (seeming to catch something is going on) provides a helpful distraction, claiming it's Noah's bedtime and whisking her new beau away for more weird 1940's religious flirting convincing as to the expansion of the New Bethlehem model, which he has notably been pushing back on.
Lydia hightails it from Jezebels back to the Lawrences', catching them as they arrive back in Boston (so NB must be fairly close in proximity for the commute back and forth to make sense?) to beg them to take Janine back (AS IF! says Naomi, and as if Janine would either). Much to Lydia's continued dismay, that ship has clearly sailed, but Joseph (after hinting at Lydia's poor health?) sends her off with a bee in her bonnet: Mrs. Waterford herself has returned to Gilead, and unlike his super cunty "old school" Gilead wife Naomi, has become quite "progressive". You can practically see the brown-bonneted wheels turning in that thick-skulled head as she jets off to find New Bethehem Barbie the newly crowned spokeswoman of the kinder, gentler, less murdery Gilead.
It's after dark as the waterpark gang arrive back in the wooded rendezvous spot where Mark has been patiently waiting to pick up his daughter from her date bring his operatives home. Mark must be pretty butt hurt because he threatens Nick with exposure if he goes dark again (umm you're WELCOME for today, Mark?). Delightfully though, Nick stands up for himself "no you won't, I'm no use to you if I'm dead. I can't do everything you want". YOU TELL HIM, Nick! Mark walks off to pout about getting ghosted (maybe he and Luke can cry together over a beer).
To Luke's chagrin, June lingers behind for just a little more Nick time. Nick starts initiating another grand farewell forever, my love, "make a good life for yourself" goodbye when June finally tells him to cut the crap. "Who are we kidding" she admits. "Ok, so, uh, what should we say instead", he wonders, amused and intrigued. "How about, see you later?" (and just like that our fave couple has a cute new catch phrase/inside joke). “Ok, see you later" he quips back lightly while his glowing heart-eyes say goddamnit, I love you so much, forever and ever, and watches her walk away with his heart once more, while their romantic bridge kiss score swells in the background. She can't help glancing back with a wistful look as she walks away, and of course he's there watching her back; her steady, stalwort rock as always.
I know I've said it before but I really love how Nick and June have these subtle little physical expressions and reactions that are for each other and each other only. A specific little smile. A glimmer in the eye. A raise of the brow. A flutter of lashes, a slow blink. An intake of breath. Just these very specific, consistent little tells that show how deeply they are affected by the other: the presence or the sudden absence of their physical nearness.
***
As we reflect on the episode title, we can of course refer to multiple themes: Lawrence's (and now Serena's) "devotion" to the concept of New Bethlehem and the reform they hope it will bring. Wharton's apparent hard on "devotion" to Serena despite seeming to barely know her (yep, definitely something up this one's sleeve). Aunt Lydia's devotion" to "her girls" and Janine in particular (she certainly has not proven her devotion to date but after like a million wakeup calls we can be hopeful she may be finally be setting on the path). Luke's new "devotion" to fighting for Hannah (or at least to wanting June to find him sexy holding a gun?). But I don't think it will be anything of a surprise that I really want to focus on the main event of this episode: obviously, Nick's undying devotion to June (no matter how much trouble and pain it has and continues to cause him).
And man, he really airs his feelings out here like never before: not just the fact of his love for June, but what it has cost and continues to cost him. His stoic mask is slipping and he's showing the raw underbelly of his bleeding heart. He's really honest, finally, about his struggles and insecurities when it comes to where June's heart truly lies.
And at this point it does seem fair for him to question: is she asking him for this favor, to help her save Luke and Moira, because she trusts only him and has complete faith in his capabilities to enact this mission (and ok yeah, maybe she also wants to see him, ok, can you blame her??)? Or because he is the sucker who will run to her aid no questions asked, time and time again, and his safety holds less value to her than her husband's? In the long run is he really expendable?
It's not that she doesn't care, we know this. We've seen her worry about Nick over the seasons and I truly can't believe that she cares more about Luke than Nick. But I do think she's guilty of underestimating the danger. Perhaps being somewhat removed from the very thick of Gilead herself at this point, or not fully appreciating the fairly fragile politician and domestic position Nick is in at the moment (is always in, really, but now with added pressure of NB's success in the balance). She often seems to view him almost as a superman, impervious and capable of anything; only engulfed in worry when there's an immediate threat at hand (the lakehouse in s2, the gunshots here). It's largely because she does have complete faith in him (maybe it's your fault for being so damn reliable, Nick! jk/jk).
But arguably, in the past he has also performed these constant favors for her with a certain sense of, not nonchalance, but smooth inevitability maybe; his loyalty has been undying and he has wanted her to see that but perhaps tried to shield her from the reality of what these frequent acts of subversion on her behalf could potentially be costing him. Aside from calling out reckless behavior on her part in the past when it put already-in-motion plans at risk (i.e. "No we're not, you're being so fucking stubborn.", he largely has not reminded her of the positions he puts himself in for her. He wants to give her this gift of devotion without the baggage of guilt. This is the first time in a while, really the first time since she's been out, that he really calls out what this devotion costs and how he could pay for it. And I don't blame him. He's tired, he's worn down. He's weary of jumping whenever June snaps her fingers and her running back to Luke after every time. There's really not much choice when he's in Gilead, and it's not really fair, but at the same time it's fully fair for him to feel it. As we are reminded again and again, in Gilead (and for those loving people stuck in Gilead), there is no real choice, only illusion of choice and a thousand shitty options. But he knows he'll keep doing it anyway, he'll keep on at least until he snaps.
June doesn't really know, nor do we as the viewers (yet) the potential wrath that the seemingly kind, gentle Rose could be capable of if her patience is stretched far enough, and as her she heads into the last crucial months of what may certainly be a stressful pregnancy, with her wayward husband's attention drawn away from her and their imminent child. Or the potential well of cruelty that may lurk underneath the mask of kind fatherly advice Commander Wharton wears. But whether it's from external or internal impetus, it seems imminent that something's got to give.
A final important point on Nick's devotion and his confessions in this episode: It's of note that Nick has really never asked June for anything, unless you count “keep yourself safe, keep Nichole safe, try and be happy”. He’s never asked her for anything besides the safety and happiness of her and their daughter. Never dared to ask for anything for himself, anything “selfish”. So it’s almost a little startling when he expresses (or at least, hints at) his desire for more: for her to choose him, not just love him from afar or in the abstract but explicitly value and prioritize him, as a lover and partner. If it was striking for the viewer, I hope it shook June up a little: planted a seed in her mind to make her realize that they still could have a future together and it would be so good. If she could just let go of the guilt and obligation she feels with Luke, have the courage to let him go and embrace what her heart truly desires.
(screencaps & captions sourced by me)