In the very bittersweet context of being in the middle of the final season, and with the knowledge of all the press notes/directional spoilers out there ramping up to the finale, I’ve been thinking a lot about The Handmaid’s Tale as a a whole. What it’s about, at its core, and what would accordingly make for a truly satisfying ending. Margaret Atwood’s novel, of course, has presented a disturbing and brilliantly crafted political commentary and cautionary tale since its debut in 1985: the bleak but ultimately hopeful story of an ordinary woman’s survival trapped in a cold and cruel extremist regime where human rights (and particularly women's rights) are a thing of the past, made possible by environmental ruin and the everyday apathy of ordinary people. The show is that too, of course. It’s also at it's core a story of loss, perseverance and ultimately revolution. But moreover what weaves all the themes together in a truly compelling way: I think at essentially the very heart (fittingly), it is a love story. Not just in the most obvious romantic sense, but on so many broader levels. It’s a love story of parents and children, of family (born and chosen), of human connection. It’s a love letter to the perseverance of the human spirit, the ability of the heart to expand and evolve, the triumph of light over dark in the soul and in the world at large. And dancing at the center of it from the very start (and enduring against incredible odds) has been Nick & June: yes, the very epitome of epic, passionate romance with a capital “R”, but also on a deeper level, the symbolic and tangible embodiment of all of the above.
I’ve also been reflecting a bit on some of the things the show’s writers and producers have been saying about the ending and the last season in general, like how it has been “crafted with viewers in mind more than ever” and focused on “delivering a rewarding conclusion for the audience.” They’ve also hinted at a purposeful harkening back to the very first season and touching on all the seasons in between. All of this would have me believe they are paying close attention to staying consistent with the repeated motifs of the show, and striving for satisfying, full circle cohesiveness AND catharsis in the end. With this in mind, I wanted to go back and explore how the ever-present and echoing theme of love is depicted through the words of the characters themselves. Namely here, a trio of major power players since the beginning: June, Nick, and (in the opposing corner) one Mr. Fred Waterford.
…
June:
"What else is there to live for?"… "Love." - 1x05
"It’s lack of love we die from." - 3x05
"Nichole, she was born out of love. Her father’s a driver named Nick… he helped me to survive." - 3x05
"It’s too dangerous” "No it isn’t… at least someone will remember me… at least someone will care when I’m gone. That’s something." - 1x08
June believes in love. This is made clear from the very beginning and is one of the core tenets of her character. It’s not a “nice to have” and it’s not something she’s able to separate from herself, even in Gilead, a place where love is essentially forbidden, where it should feel impossible. It is framed by her as essential to life itself, like water or oxygen. It’s what she credits her very survival to. Moreover, she believes that love is worth dying for, it’s that vital to her. If June stops fighting for love, stops believing in the power of or perhaps even the very existence of love, who is she then? How depressing and devoid of hope would that ending be? Sure, the June we bid farewell to at the end of 6x10 will inevitably not be exactly the same June we met in 1x01, but given the consistent through narrative, we should expect this core value of hers to remain steady, if not indeed grow in conviction.
...
Nick:
" Love is patient, love is kind... Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." - 2x05
It’s fitting that it’s Nick who reads this passage in the show because perhaps more than any other character, Nick’s love throughout has been the very epitome of the verse. We’ve seen his actions play it out literally line by line. Nick knows his Bible verses. He picked this one for a reason, his (barely) coded Hail Mary message to June: I’m still here, this isn’t over, please don’t give up on us. Nick believes the words he reads to her, believes them to his very soul, and he continues to show it in his efforts season after season, demonstrating the constant and undying nature of his devotion. It’s notable that in fact, the full 13:8 verse reads "Love never fails, but where there are prophecies they will cease, where there are tongues they will be stilled, where there is knowledge it will pass away," emphasizing love as the one true thing that remains.
"I’m trying to keep you alive. You and our baby" - 2x02
“I’m trying to keep you alive" - 4x02
"I just want her to stay alive"- 4x03
"She changed you, she changed me" - 4x03
It’s Nick's love for June (and Nichole) that drives him more than anything else, and we see the real, tangible reverberations throughout the story. June and Nichole are safe, alive and free (at least in part) because of his love. Nick is changed because of this same love. And June’s love saves him from a life lacking in meaning, purpose and true connection. If Nick fully turns to "the dark side", if he becomes somehow irredeemable (particularly in June's eyes), it would negate in the cruelest and most nonsensical way all of this, and in one fell swoop rip to shreds the hopeful rainbow of his cumulative character arc.
...
Fred:
"Love isn’t real. it was never anything but lust with a good marketing campaign" - 1x05
“Every love story is a tragedy if you wait long enough." - 1x05
Fred on the other hand, scorns the idea of love. His cynical, contemptuous views are presented as the antithesis to June's quite early on. In rose-glass tinted flashbacks of early life with Serena, we see glimpses that this may not have always been the case, but what was once their love story has indeed turned to tragedy: corrupted into a bitter, twisted thing under the weight of the monster they created together. In the present, he does not believe in love and the selfish callousness of his actions (in stark contrast to Nick) clearly shows it, over and over again. To Fred, 1 Corinthians 13 is just a silly meaningless little verse (of no more consequence than the vapid old fashion magazines he "gifts" to June) in the book that he uses, not as a guide or an inspiration, but as a weapon: a cudgel to wield for his pathological ego-driven power trips, no matter how many must suffer (including his once beloved wife), how many innocent lives it ruins or much how it blackens his soul.
...
If in the final episodes Nick were to be exposed as a “true villain” who ends up burning June (and in fact his soul) in favor of “power and prestige”, then Fred will have been proven correct all along, and we (like June) will have been stupid to ever believe in love.
- If Nick truly decides to throw away everything he's done, everything he's held close to his heart even at his own peril all these years, to remain in a dismal teeter totter of emotional pain and privilege in Gilead;
- If June refuses to forgive, to endure, to truly fight for Nick as he's fought for her;
- If they truly flame out in epic betrayal and irreparable rupture:
Then we will know love has failed. And Fred was right. Love doesn’t save, it destroys. Love doesn’t endure, because in fact it was never even real to begin with. Love isn't the ultimate reason and purpose, but a tragedy. A lie.
That's not the story. That CAN’T BE the story. Fred doesn’t win. He was so dead wrong that he is now dead and buried for it. He eschewed love a long time ago and it warped him into a depraved, cruel shell of a human with acts so heinous under his belt that we all cheered as he was hunted down and the flesh savagely torn from his body, because he deserved it.
No, this isn’t The Debased Delusional Small-Weak-Man Commander’s Tale. This is not the story of how Fred was right after all.
This story is love endures all things. This story is love never fails. This story is love lifts us up, love saves us and gives us the will to fight. And that (someday) a child conceived in love in this brutal place and saved by the love of her parents will unite with her long-lost but dearly loved sister to burn it to the ground.
They may want the viewers to believe that it’s possible for Nick to be irrevocably lost for the drama of it all; for the shock of the reveal, the reckoning and the emotional payoff when the ship rights itself. And I’ll keep my clown makeup handy in case I end up being astonishingly wrong, but I just can’t see how they would so blatantly, not just blow up the story, but in doing so essentially erase the very core of the story we’ve been told up til now.
(just look at them, don't you fucking dare break up this family for good!)
More Thoughts on Nick and June (and the dreaded love triangle)
Listen, I really don't want to get my hopes up too much on how/if this will be resolved. Honestly I never thought we'd get Nick and June explicitly riding off into the Hawaiian sunset together, and always imagined we may get perhaps a more ambiguous but hopeful/bittersweet ending where I can imagine Nick and June riding off into the sunset together without too much cognitive dissonance or selective viewing. But I do think a few things have been made clear by the first 3 episodes of the final season.
One: June does not want to be alone. She has now said this now multiple times in a short episode span. Whatever resolution we reach at the end of the series, we know there's still a long road ahead until the end of Gilead and undoubtedly many struggles that she does not want to have to face on her own (nor should she have to). We hope that June will have her friends and her mom as a support system and to fight alongside her, but give the woman a fucking break, it is not anti-feminist for her to want romantic love as well. And it's certainly not an anomaly in the show (or the source novel). She's never wanted to be alone, even if we don't very often hear her voice it quite so explicitly and so vulnerably. We know that June was a happily married woman when she was captured by Gilead. She’s a romantic. She fell in love with Luke and pursued the relationship despite him being married. She asked him to leave his wife for her, and married him despite her friends and family’s concerns. She fantasizes about the good times before with Luke and Hannah as a coping mechanism in Gilead early on. She misses him and mourns him when she believes him dead. In season 1 she expresses to (a fucking clueless) Fred that love is an essential thing to live for, maybe the most important thing. She later tells us "it's lack of love you die from." Her love affair with Nick (officially) starts roughly halfway through the first season and two episodes later she's feasting her eyes on his naked torso and face as he sleeps and telling us she's literally memorizing him for her mind to feast on later. She literally says she's there because it feels good and she doesn't want to be alone. She tells him their clandestine relationship is worth being hung on the wall for (and in so fundamentally starts changing his way of thinking and being) because the human connection of two hearts and souls and bodies is that precious to her. She risks stealing kisses and hugs and handholds, even just longing looks that could be deadly at any moment. She continually risks her life to continue this romantic relationship that gives her sustenance in that hellhole of horrors. She smuggles a tape out of Gilead to her husband to tell him of this love because even though it’s awkward as fuck snd she feels the guilt of being (technically) unfaithful she needs him to know that Holly was born of love, and she needs her daughter to know that someday in case she never gets to see her again. When she escapes to Canada, as broken as she is she still doesn’t want to be alone. Nick’s not there, but Luke is, her husband she loved who “waited for her” and reeeally wants to make it work. And as clumsy as most of his efforts are and as much as she struggles to connect, the greater part of her still doesn’t want to be alone. As she once told Eden you should grab love wherever you find it. And meanwhile Nick and June's love has just continued to survive and grow in emotional depth (although tragically starved of unrestrained physical expression for a minute), standing the tests of time and distance and remaining a consistent force at least in one form or another through to the current timeline. It is made clear from the very beginning and repeated throughout that June highly values romantic love and partnership and so it seems at least somewhat likely that she will have this in the end. I don't know who you been talking to but this girl loves love and to ignore that after everything, to deny her that would be cruel, depressing and inconsistent given this steady overarching theme of how love saves and sustains. And we know she's not getting Hannah yet, and likely having to give up Nichole at some point soon so let her have something ffs(!!).
Two: Nick wants to be chosen. By June. He's finally expressed in 6x03 what he's never dared to before. That while he has always understood and respected her bond with Luke, he yearns to feel that June loves him back as much as he loves her. It wounds him deeply to feel that the love may be unrequited or else somehow faded on her end, when his still burns with an agonizing fire. It hurts him to feel like second place, or a consolation prize. He very well may not even feel deserving of this love, this choice, but god he wants it. He's been willing to live on scraps for so long but we see clearly here his frustration and longing. We see how it's worn on him over the years and wears on him now as he has to not only try and somehow be satisfied with the too little, too infrequent bits of June he gets, but to also somehow juggle this with his marriage and the "not quite enough" of that relationship he initially thought he could live with but has found the inevitable comparison increasingly harder to bear (and especially as June has somewhat unexpectedly remained around the edges of his life, popping up at irregular intervals when she needs his help). He's dealing with Rose's growing resentment as she senses this--which could turn dangerous if left to fester too long--and the guilt he undoubtedly carries from all of it. To borrow Max's phrase, "the edges are fraying." It's too much and not enough and he's teetering on the edge while unable to fathom how he could ever let it go. With all this in mind, it's a little hard to imagine, and even--much--harder to want for Nick the kind of ambiguous ending that could see the triangle (or whatever-shape-it-is), largely unresolved: where June is still with Luke (or somewhat with Luke?) but and still having fleeting romantic rendezvous with Nick when the opportunity arises, or "not with either" but meeting up with both at different times. The "she can have both" thing just doesn't work in the long run; it's not sustainable and not satisfying, at least not to the majority of viewers (requisite "brother husbands" jokes aside, of course).
Three: At this point Luke is default position (see previous post). Default position is not good when it comes to romantic relationships--it's rarely fulfilling in real life (you may otherwise know it as settling, or being in a rut) and it's a downright snooze fest cop out when it comes to TV and fiction. Default is not endgame. I said what I said and I stand by it. It's boring, it's lazy and it's unsatisfying. It's a slap in the face to epic romance* and we. will. riot. Don't make us riot**.
*Don't look at me, hulu, YOU made this about epic romance when you gave us the 360 Bodyguard bridge kiss, if not long before.
**By riot of course I'm referring to a whole lot of yelling on the internet and then writing/devouring (the latter in my case) a slew of alternate-ending fanfic where we get it right. Be forewarned.
I was thinking some more about Holly's intense gut reaction to hearing about Nick. And it struck me that somewhat ironically, Nick is essentially the antithesis of the initial concerns we saw Holly voice in flashbacks when June started her relationship with Luke. June is not that young, complacent and somewhat naive person anymore. She's grown into a tenacious woman who's lived through a ton of shit and knows what she wants (well, mostly, she just has to finally figure it out--or at least finally admit it--where it comes to Luke). But one thing we know is she's found herself, her strength and her fight, like her mom always wanted her to. And while Nick may not be responsible for first sparking that rebellion in her--his overarching constant desire being to keep her (and Nichole) safe, of course--he has consistently been there, supporting and giving her agency, keeping her safe and sane and hopeful with his steady unfailing love. He's never acted as a distraction or hindrance keeping her complacent or "smaller", but as a loyal sounding board and accomplice, enabling June to be her best and truest and freest self (and wanting that for her, even if it means he doesn't get to have her). In fact he effectively acts as her knight, not in the sense to "save" her, but rather to serve her as his "queen" and highest purpose, to empower her to save herself--the most eloquently manifest example of this perhaps being his deliverance of Fred in the woods. And in all this, if not the spark, he has always been precious fuel to her fire.
And the sad irony is that Holly may not ever have a chance to see this and be heartened in the knowledge of the love her daughter found--the kind that builds you up, never down--because he's "on the wrong side" and so to her can't possibly be anything but the enemy. (GIVE NICK A CHANCE, MAMA HOLLY)
The Handmaid's Tale 6x04 - "Promotion" (or IDK, how about just “STFU Luke?”)👀
Look, this was a hard episode to write about. I was so triggered by the immature acting out throughout the most part that the first draft of this was pretty much just "ahHfUUUuuuckyouuUUUuLuuuke”. So yeah, I really just want to get the thoughts out of my brain so I can finally stop thinking about this episode (before my blood pressure gets too high) and focus on the new one dropping today.
(Just me or does it look like June has a weird crooked halo?)
We open with June back in the Mayday camp at the grand old resort-thing place, watching a mad scientist dude welding shit together to (ostensibly) make bombs, as we soon find out will become a major plot point--and point of contention. It would be cool except June looks like she wished she'd skipped class pretty bored, and what we are actually hearing is Luke pedantically droning on in the background from the other room and this is where my teeth set to gnashing because we're less than a minute in and already I just know he is going to be completely insufferable for the rest of the episode. June pops up to go talk to him and yep, he's completely condescending, holding up a finger for her to wait sorry the middle of things, k sweet thing? come back later, You understand. You know what I ALMOST feel bad for him here because he's so cocky and expecting June to be SO impressed but she just looks at him skeptically like ok, that's cute. Oh dear.
When Tuello delivers the incredible news that Luke's case has been dismissed (because of the intel he and Moira brought back, thanks Nick!) and can go ahead and hop on a flight to Alaska, Luke is clearly not happy. It seems he's been super busy becoming the big man on campus developing plans for bombing commanders and now has much better things to do than go be a family with June and Holly like he's been cajoling her to do since the day she arrived on Canadian soil. After getting pulled away again for more planning, he tracks her down to give the most half-hearted apology I've ever seen (about not telling her he was going on the Mayday mission): "You know, I was thinking I should have told you what I was doing" YA THINK? June brushes it off, but a bit passive aggressively so yeh, this tension is going no where (yeah, something's about to blow up, Luke, you got that right anyway!). It's also of note that June's somewhat frantic "we..we have to go back and we have to build a life together!" is very much giving are you trying to convince me or are you trying to convince yourself vibes and we will see more on this later...
The Mayday folks hold assembly a meeting to debrief on Luke and Moira's (ultimately) successful (again, thanks Nick!) mission, and the next step which is apparently going to be killing the commanders at Jezebels. June immediately points out the danger to the woman trapped there (you know, as traumatized sex slaves), becoming a bit of a thorn in the leader, Ellen’s, side. It seems they are largely ok with some collateral damage as long as they get to hit their targets (paralleling Luke's new trajectory, apparently) but June at least gets them to agree to send someone in to warn the Jezebels and get them out before they get caught in the crossfire. Of course it's Moira who volunteers--she looks terrified but says it's her who has to go, as she astutely points out she knows that place (and its residents) far better than anyone else here.
I have to say, although June IS being a bit of a smug know-it-all here, she's mostly not wrong and I did feel a tiny bit bad for her that in this environment she seems to have been demoted in status from "June Fucking Osborne" who did Angels' Flight and poisoned a country club full of commanders, to apparently "just June", who is just kind of hanging out and getting in the way, interrupting your v important bomb talk, etc. Apparently she's a bit old news—yeah but what have you done lately? I mean except fly in and link up w/your secret spy commander boyfriend to pull the last mission out of the gutter. Ok she does get a quick shout out for that, not Nick though, we're not talking about that here, either because Gilead commanders are a volatile subject or because we don't want to hurt Luke's fee fees.
It seems an interesting contrast to when June and Moira visited Lily's Mayday camp in s5 and June was praised as a hero. Overall this season, there seems to be a bit of tonal shift as it comes to Mayday. Last season when we learned that yes, Mayday was an actual thing that's been there all along, helping, it was such a beautifully hopeful moment--that there has been after all this network of just regular people doing what they can to help, to fight, to do the right thing. Now as we're actually seeing them more in action and the fight is becoming a more tangible thing enfolding in front of June's--and the viewers'--eyes, the fact that these are just ordinary people, civilians mostly with no military training, no insurgence experience or for the large part having even been to Gilead, shifts the overall feeling a bit from inspiring to slightly worrisome, as we have to wonder if they really can pull this off without creating more of a mess. Of course it's still fantastic to see people fighting back, but there's an underlying sense of unease that it's just not enough, especially going up against the Goliath of Gilead, and with it having somehow become Tuello's first line of defense.
June goes to find Moira as she is prepping for the Jezebels mission (apparently to try and talk her out of it). They start to argue when a print out of Janine comes through their fax machine, they're both stunned and June says "oh no, no not her". She'd thought Janine was at least as safe as a handmaid could be (not saying much, I know) at the red center with Aunt Lydia who she knows has a giant soft spot for her. The amount of guilt that hits her here must be tremendous (although now that I'm thinking of it, it is a bit annoying we really don't see her think of Janine til now, wtf!) which gives her the perfect excuse to try and grabby hands this mission away from Moira, so off to the leader she runs, eventually getting the OK once she reminds Ellen of her secret weapon, her secret commander boyfriend on the inside.
This of course all comes to a head with the ultimate three way blow up fight outside. Look, it’s just incredibly ironic, right? Luke and Moira have both essentially been treating June like a pariah, a damaged crazy person for nearly two whole seasons now. Like there was something inherently wrong and broken in her that she couldn’t just “let things go” and just be happy to be free and have Nichole and be a family again. Now there is a sudden (somewhat seemingly unearned) turning of the tables, and it's understandably leaving June feeling somewhat unmoored and off balance.
And here’s the thing: they’re not wrong in this new motivation, not at all. It’s good that they finally want to fight, and have found an avenue to do so. Moira always had such a fighting spirit when he saw her in the red center and on the before flashbacks, and it’s so good to see that spark reignited, to see her finally set out of the shell she seemed to find herself in in Canada, trying to make herself continually smaller and quieter to appease anti-refugee rhetoric and even society at large. And while I don’t think she is really being fair here—June never asked her to “live June’s life”—I am glad she’s finally got that off her chest and is ready to live her life how she wants to.
Don't even get me started on Luke. Ok, I guess I'm already started. Look, I absolutely cannot blame him for enjoying finally feeling useful but honestly alI can see in this scene is a big man-baby toddler throwing a tantrum, stomping his foot and yelling about "MY BOMBS, MY TURN, it's not FAIR". Come on, man, if you don't want to be infantilized, if you want to be treated like an adult who can make his own choices... maybe just rethink this behavior, that's all I'm saying. Aside from the totally immature attitude and the hypocrisy, I'm confused and bothered by the implication that he was somehow "prevented" from fighting Gilead until now. Look, the fact is Luke is a smart guy; he seems to have a really intelligent analytical brain and city planning/engineering/construction experience that can come in very useful (I mean, ok, his whole “building codes” thing in s5 actually did end up helping). That is his strength and what’s frustrating is that it DOES seem like he could have been actual help to the resistance--sticking to his behind the scenes analytical strengths and not letting ego take the wheel thinking he knows all about stealth ops or going in guns blazing. But it really seems like his own fault that he hasn’t. Is his inability to think outside the box, that has kept him sitting on his hands for years, feeling useless, really anyone else's fault? Is he trying to blame it on June by saying he was "too busy" waiting and worrying for her, and then looking after Holly/Nichole, to find another way to fight? Ok, maybe he's got a point about the kid, but come on, that's not really the reason. He was just unable to conceive of a different way to fight until he was shown this. And that's ok, but he just needs to admit it and move on.
Ok, let's face it (as she finally admits out loud at the end), June was never really going to be satisfied to skip off to Alaska with Luke and just leave Hannah to whatever fate, no matter how much she loves both Holly's, or how much she may crave some peace and normalcy. But hey, it seems like she had been willing to try and FFS I think it would have been nice if Luke (and Moira) could have some goddamn self-awareness and acknowledgment of this. But whatever, I guess we can't have nice things!
And so finally, we have somewhat of a resolution: Luke finds June looking out towards the mountains and joins her for (finally) the most honest (without insults anyway) conversation we've seen them have since she got free to Canada... or you know what, maybe ever?? Luke finally admits "I get it" (ok THANKYOU maybe we can have some kind of OK things eventually). Now that he's had a tiny taste, he finally gets her need to fight, and he wants to as well. We get the much-contested "If you want to fight, let's fight together" line, and ok, it's better than him being a condescending a-hole so I guess I'll take it. June cautions him about how intensely hard it is to fight and feel like you're getting so close to Hannah, only to keep coming up empty-handed, but they agree they still have to try. Finally, June admits "I had this idea that we could be a family again", at last realizing (and saying out loud), that this was merely an illusion, a distraction. But they just can't be that family again, they're broken. They recommit to fighting for Hannah and say mutual "you know I love you('s), right?" but it feels like there’s a "BUT" implicit here: we'll always have love for each other, but we're not in love with each other. We'll always be family but we're not A Family anymore.
In New Bethlehem, Rita is arrives to town on the official NB bus, looking quite nervous (I can't blame her) and is greeted by Serena the ambassador of NB Queen of Gilead herself (she's definitely got the queen wave down, I wonder if she was a pageant-queen-for-Jesus when she was younger). Serena soon gets ditched though and watches on a bit sadly as Rita spies her long-lost sister in the crowd: this is why she came, to reunite with the only family she has left, and it's a truly emotional reunion. We see people embracing all around them as well, more tragically separated loved-ones now brought back together in this supposed paradise... but will it end up as a nightmare?? I have a bad feeling. Not according to Nick, it seems like he really believes this new haven is about as safe as you can get (this close to Gilead anyway) and he is definitely an expert on safety having helped keep June alive for this long with all her crazy hijinks(!!). It was nice seeing Rita and Nick reunite and chat; there is a well-acquainted sort of warmth and familiarity there, and Nick says he will try and help her and her family get out, though it "could take a while, a year or two". But we clearly see how much family means to Rita: "For my family? Anything". Nick just nods knowingly, he can relate.
Of course we can't forget about Lawrence’s Big Day: his promotion to Grand Poobah High Commander, which gives Naomi a chance to awkwardly hit on her husband, only to be summarily rejected (this “poor” woman just keeps striking out, at least has her Parisian jewelry to keep her warm). And of course it gives the menfolk an opportunity for bizarre dress-up rituals followed by some good old fashioned fun at Jezebels. Unfortunately for Lawrence, his appeal to his old buddy s4/5 wingman is overruled by new daddy in law’s edict: “Rose is waiting for us”, and Nick’s relief is palpable. Lawrence looks sad that he's lost his puppy commander pet like he wishes he could get out of it also, but it seems perhaps Naomi’s words about what these commanders value are running through his head (omg someone listened to her for once?) and so off they and their gold watches go for some shitbag commander highjinks.
And who is there to “entertain” them but poor Janine, who is seems the slimy new Commander Bell Jr. has decided is his new “pet” (gag). By which I mean he is the kind of small-dicked douchbag who gets off on shitty power plays and humiliating women. Not one to pass up the chance to make as many decent people as possible miserable, he clocks Lawrence’s discomfort and says “oh that’s right, she was yours”, egging him on to “have a round” with Janine.
We of course know he’s not going to do anything, and are flashed painfully back to Lawrence trying to reassure Eleanor “we’re all just going to sit here” before June drops the terrible truth bomb that they are going to have to follow through with the “ceremony”. Of course, thankfully, there is no creepy “checking” afterwards here, so they can in fact just talk (and Janine can call him “scary” lol). And then, a small gift, an offering: Lawrence reveals the drawing little Charlotte/Angela (sorry, I have to honor her given name!) gave him earlier in the episode. Though he can’t resist just a bit of snark, he ultimately makes the genuine promise to look out for her. It reminds me in a way, heartbreakingly, of June desperately trying to find her unborn baby a godmother before Serena banishes her from the house “I want my baby to know kindness”.
And that he delivers on, as we next see him at home with little Angela (Charlotte) on his knee, the very picture of fatherly/grandfatherly kindness. He is reading to her from "A Little Princess", which he tells her she will hopefully read herself someday (I'm tearing up). "My Eleanor's favorite book as a little girl" he says (and I'm now crying that he knows and remembers this sweet, intimate little fact about his late wife, their love story really is so tragic). I'm sure there's a ton of symbolism in this choice... from what I can recall (spoiler alert for "A Little Princess!" lol), it's revealed at the end that Sara's father is not actually dead and she is reunited with him. Could this possibly be foreshadowing that Janine may be end up reuniting with her beloved Charlotte? If this could be the case, I also have to wonder if Lawrence's redemption ultimately will be not some grand re-imagining of society as he's planned, but perhaps instead a key role in a much smaller but more personal and incredibly meaningful act of good (I have to think Eleanor would be pleased). The site of Lawrence and Angela, heads bent over the book, also brings to mind a bittersweet sort of alternate-life image of the child/grandchild Joseph and Eleanor never had, and we have to wonder if Lawrence is thinking of this as well as he pauses and starts choking up a little. just between the words "a little girl" and "sat in a cab with her father". The scene fades out as the sound of him reading plays over That's all I have to say about this scene for now, except that I now NEED Bradley Whitford to record a series of audio books narrating children's classics (preferably over a background of soothing nature sounds). This would absolutely cure insomnia worldwide, CONSIDER IT A SERVICE TO HUMANITY, BRAD.
Meanwhile that night, Serena and Wharton are cosplaying early 1940's part of The Notebook (wait, seriously though, where did that music even come from??) as he walks her home after their store-bought pie date, when Aunt Lydia suddenly pops up out of freaking nowhere (she really has a special talent for ruining the moment, don't you think?). Blessed EVEning! (I wonder whatever could she want!)
***
Ok, yada yada, Promotion (did I mention I'm over this episode?). Obviously we have Lawrence's big promotion to High Commander, which brings both greater power and greater scrutiny. Hopefully he can dodge the latter while putting the former to good use (even if it may end up being a different use than he thinks now). In a way I suppose Angela/Charlotte fully gets "promoted" to cared after step-daughter status. Moira's (re)promoted to her previous fierce fighter status. And I guess Luke has also been promoted to Mr. Know-it-all Big Man on Campus Mansplainer "an effective leader".
As annoyed as I was for most of the episode, I was so very glad June and Luke had that little chat at the end. And visually it was a really gorgeous scene: the picturesque setting, the music, and the way it fades out to the sounds of Lawrence reading mixed with soft rain and distant thunder (again, I'm gonna need that audio book, Bradley). I can't help feeling like there's still something missing to the conversation. Maybe it's the elephant (let's face it, a stegosaurus at this point) in their relationship that is NICK. It’s insane to me that they still haven't had that conversation when it's so clear how much that particular insecurity (how emasculated he feels from having to be rescued by June and her boyfriend, and how much he wants to be a "man of action" like Nick) is driving Luke and his attitude earlier in the episode. Maybe it's also the (spoiler alert if you haven't watched the trailer! And if you haven't I want to have a talk with you about willpower and how I can get some of it!) kiss we know is coming (which at this point I have to think/hope is like a final "we're going into a dangerous mission so goodbye in case I never see you again" kiss(??). Hm.
But yeah. At least they finally said some important things to each other, both with words and subtext, and from their final facial expressions in the scene it seems pretty plain that they know, in one way at least, they're coming to the end of the road. And it's a great final image: the two of them against this grand backdrop, together here but clearly on the precipice of an inevitable divergence, where they will be united in the cause of fighting for their daughter, but not as as a couple. They're nearly there. They're so close, they just need that final push to finally free themselves both of the shared shackles of painful history and obligation, and each set off on the path they need to walk, to be true to the people they've become and will continue to evolve into.
Thoughts (and some over-thoughts) 🤔🤓 TLDR: Look, this episode really wanted to fuck me up, like really make me cry, not sure what I ever did to it. Still some laughs, though. Definitely my favorite of the season so far.
Luke… can someone please tell me why they are making him so obtuse if they want us to like him?😂 I get that “Gilead is a block box” on a some fronts but Luke has known enough people who have literally first-hand lived in Gilead (not to mention Rachel and Tuello who seem pretty available to him certainly know a bit about how society and the classes function if not the politics) that I’m getting a little tired of the “well he was never there” excuse for his continued ignorance of certain things, like how refugees deal with their own trauma differently, or that Gilead has a very strict dress color-coded dress code and ALL of it has meaning. You mean to tell me he has been gathering all that info and all those photos of little girls in pink dresses and bonnets for years in his search for Hannah and it doesn’t stand out that this is a very different (and much more grown up) outfit? I will ONLY give him a pass on this if it turns out he’s color blind.
I already love Lily, please don’t kill her off. "women always say that when they've done something extraordinary"👏 I love her. I also enjoyed the callback to “I thought you’d be taller”😂 (even though as a 5’3” person who’s always being underestimated I can relate to June🙄😂). I did find it interesting that the last person who delivered that line was “Daisy”, also resistance. And we find out later in s2 that Ofglenn who suicide bombed the new red center opening was also named “Lily”. All fighters, all flowers🌼. And now we also have a “Rose”? Coincidence?? (is anything in THT ever a coincidence?)👀
I feel like Moira was seeing June through Lily’s eyes here was so needed. They’ve been so disconnected lately, with Moira just seeming scared of, baffled and frustrated with June, and I think she needed that reminder of badass rebel June, not just the struggling June who killed Fred, but the leader June who made angels flight happen; her friend the fierce loyal fighter with a huge heart, who inspired her to fight and get out when she wanted to give up. She needed to be reminded of the good she’s done and hope she’s inspired in others (I’m not sure she even knew about the exchange for Fred June orchestrated??). And by the end it seems like they’re back on the same team (at least for now?).
Serena is insufferable. The “respect Fred deserves" 😂😂 SHE IS FLUSTERED WHEN TUELLO WALKS OUT.
Can’t help but love when Lily refers to Nick as “your guy”😏😁
Likewise to her attitude toward June, I noted a similar shift in Moira’s attitude about the women’s camp. Very much see parallels here. She first refers to them as “suicidal”, infers that they’re dangerous and damaged (and she didn’t tell June because she was afraid June would join if she knew about them). They, like June, do not fall into the “healthy” “healing and moving on” mindset she’s subscribed to and think is best. But I think we see her realize maybe she was wrong, and gain and admiration and respect for them and what they’re doing (even if that way is not for her)...especially when we hear that MAGIC WORD...
MAYDAY. May. fucking. Day. Y’all, when I say I cried... I’m starting to well up just thinking about it."We thought it was made up. We thought it wasn’t real. We thought we made it up because we had to.” “Then you were Mayday too” 😭😭 ...what a cathartic moment... WHAT a pay off.
Also loved when Lily, talking of the people they’ve lost, said “but everyone who works with Mayday knows the stakes”. Can the people who insist June is responsible for the death of literally anyone who dies while anywhere near her proximity please take note? Yes there are some choices she’s made that have specifically yielded bad consequences that she is more culpable for but everyone who chose to plan and fight alongside her (especially rn thinking Beth, Sienna, Alma, Brianna) knew the stakes and made their own decisions, and to say otherwise is to do THEM a disservice, in undermining their agency and their bravery. Enough with the “her fault” Aunt Lydia bullshit.
Lawrence laughing in Tuello’s face, he basically hung a metaphorical “no solicitors” sign on the door and said goodday, sir.
Serena doesn’t like MacKenszie’s suspicions about Fred’s death, she’s worried it might undermine her blackmail ambitions! Oh no!
Aunt Lydia is unhinged and needs therapy and anger management, not prayer. And yes, this is obviously foreshadowing / the seed of Lydia’s journey that will eventually get her to where she is in the Testaments. Got to say, this episode was really keen on foreshadowing.
Back to the Most Awkward Gilead Dinner Party From Hell ever (at least that would be my idea of hell without Lawrence’s one liners to almost save it. And I guess that Nick’s there). Speaking of, Nick (and Rose??maybe?? Might have actually been sincere on her part) performing the “Gilead happy couple show” or whatever that was, was... disorienting? This is the first time we’ve seen him play the “happily-married” “happy to be here, sir!” commander role and yeah it was a little unnerving because it’s so obviously not Nick happy, it’s Nick play acting at happy? Which I guess maybe we would buy except that we know Nick. And while it does seem that he and Rose have a caring partnership with a good deal of trust, and I do hope they are able to share some genuine moments of peace and levity in the safety of their home, we’ve seen him alone with her and by himself and that is not a happy man (and though I very much want happiness for him that will never happen in Gilead). His happy good young loyal commander mask started to slip real quick though when Commander MacAsshole started shit-talking June (calling her a devil! He LITERALLY demonizes her! 😈🤣 the drama! honestly these Gilead folks are too much) and throwing around thinly veiled metaphorical threats (or was that a simile?). Anyhow, excuse me, Mr. Blaine, PLEASE CONTROL YOUR FACE, SIR.😅 I will be VERY interested to see how much loyalty Mrs. Blaine actually has towards her dad’s (WHO IS HE?) very good friend (I mean THAT can’t be a coincidence). And will she also ultimately be forced to choose between Nick and her Dad?? Not really sure of her deal yet definitely makes me nervous, but we do know Rose also has shown a good deal of empathy for June and she seems genuinely kind hearted... (also she DOES kind of look like a grown up Eden and it kind of throws me 😳)
Of COURSE the young sympathetic guardian helping at the border has to go back to Gilead to HIS WIFE AND CHILD he can’t leave behind. Jesus, why not just name the character “NICodemus”? You could cut this foreshadowing with a knife
I would like to state for the record that I owe Mr. Mark Tuello an apology (FOR NOW, I’ve still got my eye on you, Mark) for assuming HE was the one to pull Nick into an indiscreet rendezvous in a very open gazebo with commanders nearby. Shoulda known, textbook Nick, only ever (and almost always) reckless when it comes to June. Oh, my poor love-sick boy.🥺 Although I might be careful, Mac, the last commander who insisted on calling Nick SON didn’t end up too well.
Started crying again when Naomi appeared in that doorway with baby Charlotte (even if she insists Lydia forced her, I don’t fully buy it). I think this season has made me wish for a redemption arc for Naomi? After Warren gets dealt with I kind of just want her and Janine to escape to Canada and be bff’s and eat macarons and raise Angela Charlotte together, is that wrong? (fan fic idea??👀) Yeah no I guess that would be wrong.
Not sure I can really go into the phone call without aggressively weeping… there are some things I loved and some I did not, and I may be still processing, so... I will just say that if anyone who makes fan vids really wanted to rip a shipper’s heart out in a very painful but kinda good way, the song “Someone You Loved” (duet version) would be a really good one to use for an edit centered around the call and reflecting back on their relationship so far from both their perspectives (and why they need each other)👀. I purposely say SO FAR because I refuse to accept anything is over, nothing is ever over with these two no matter how many times they say goodbye (and they didn’t even technically SAY goodbye hear, so hah).
Ok I will say one more thing about it: the Nick fantasizing/day dreaming about them kissing thing was interesting, wasn’t it? For one that they didn’t just use a flashback of a previous kiss (which would have been much easier), and also as I’ve seen mentioned, that this is the first time we’ve seen into a character’s head besides June(??) WTF is going on here? Am I just overthinking it?🤔
I think by now we have scientifically proven that Janine cannot be killed and ok I am here for it (but knocking on wood just in case).
I believe Serena is standing back in the exact spot where she read (the cost of which her pinky), receiving yet another undesirable sentence…she’ll roll with it, though. Infrastructure…😂
I have to end by saying just how much I enjoyed watching Serena get rejected by not one but basically two different men who she thought she had wrapped around her manipulative little finger. And she was SO sure of herself, so smug with Tuello about her “prospects” in Gilead🤣. Maybe overestimating your charms, Serena?😂😂 I mean, we knew she had no chance with JLaw but I was worried about Tuello for a minute there (STAY STRONG, MARK). The schadenfreude is real, y’all.
Actually no, I’m going to end by saying just how much I enjoyed how fucking SCARED of June Serena is. That’s right, you better RUN 🤣 Just shows what a hypocritical coward she is when she doesn’t have Gilead or Fred or Tuello or her deranged Canadian fan club to hide behind. After June was forced to live under the fear of Serena’s selfish whims, mood swings and cruelty for so long, it is SO gratifying to see the tables turned. That’s not even schadenfreude, that’s just justice.😂
"We thought it was made up. We thought it wasn’t real. We thought we made it up ‘cause we had to.”
“Well then, you were Mayday, too.”
~~
For years, Mayday had been this amorphous, almost mythical thing. It was a beacon of hope to June, and others, that there was help out there, that they weren’t alone. At times it was a rallying cry, and then a story they told themselves, to summon the courage and strength they needed to make it true.
June’s disappointed “you’re not Mayday, are you?” in 4x04 was so heartbreaking, because even after she claimed Mayday for herself, even after Angels’ Flight, after “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for”, she had still imagined that the real Mayday was out there, maybe just beyond the border, if she could just get there. And in one blank look from yet another weak man, came the realization that the quest had been in vain, that maybe they had just made it up all along. And even as empowering as it was to acknowledge themselves as their own saviors, it meant that, after all, they were alone.
And then, in one word--Lily’s matter-of-fact: “Mayday.”, comes the validation that that the whole time it had been real--decentralized and maybe somewhat disorganized, but far-reaching; made up not of superhuman soldiers and trained resistance fighters, but of ordinary everyday people of all sorts, in all different places, doing what they could, helping and fighting back in whatever way they could, large or small; some who maybe also thought they had made it up, because they had to. And that meant that the whole time, June and her friends hadn’t been fighting alone, after all. None of them were. Mayday was not one group or place for her to find, because it was—is—everywhere. They were all Mayday, all pieces of the puzzle, together.
