#thule!cameron

[witchlingcirce]

The most devastating thing in Thule was that Livvy is dating Cameron Ashdown

[bijemcarstairs]

a way out

| some thule!cameron in the silent city

He woke up in the darkness, the sound of the air passing through the cracks in the bones, his daylight. He creeps around for as long as he can count the hours pass. Another day, he guesses, in the Silent City. Down with the ashes, Cameron Ashdown.

As first, he thought he was going to go crazy, here, alone. And maybe he did. He thought he was going to die. And maybe he did. You couldn´t stay in a place like this and not become a part of it. Maybe his flesh and skin and pulse didn´t mean anything in a place made of death, and he was just bones getting tired and more tired until they stopped to rest at last.

But he wasn´t going to stop. The walls watched as the foreigner made his way day after day, as his soul moved his flesh and skin and pulse to survive. But the walls failed to see what was feeding him all that time. There was no food that grew under the ground, but the boy was hungry of something different. Something that couldn´t be grown on any soil on earth or in hell or under any sun. A pair of blue-green eyes like the sea, that was the water he kept drinking. A mouth that still tasted like heaven in his own, the food that kept him full. A soft voice whispering a promise in the roughest of times, what let him sleep at night.

In their eternal state of dust, the bones were jealous of him. But he was jealous of the world that had her. Livia. The only thing keeping him alive. The only reason he kept going, looking for a way out.

But just as a word when you repeat it again and again until it no longer sounds like the word you remembered, the memories he harbored start to look unrecognizable in his mind, and without them there isn´t much a beating heart would do for the boy. As time keeps passing without him being able to count it, her voice starts distorting, and the taste of her mouth is replaced with only the spit going dry in his throat. And fear starts arising.

He walks with a hand pressed to the walls and finds the rooms that the silent brothers used to sleep in. The dust makes his eyes water and his skin itch when he lays himself down on the bed. He´s not so different form them, he thinks, with their mouths sealed close and their eyes that were no use. Not only that but they also had nothing but thoughts to survive, just as him, for as long as they could, while the rest of the world forgot them. In that bed, with his limbs going numb with the cold coming from the stone, and his lungs silently struggling to breathe, he thinks about that day, when they were fighting Sebastian, finally with a chance; about the shades of the sky that he didn´t pay much attention to back then, but now color his mind.

He wouldn´t go back if he could.

No, he would go back if he could, just to hear Livvy´s voice screaming his name and to see one more time the look on her face while she fought, fierce, glorious. But he wouldn´t undo his sacrifice. There was no other way, they wouldn´t have another shot at freeing the world from the permanent nightmare it was under. Livvy wouldn´t have another shot at avenging her lost siblings. The last five years trying to survive instead of living and trying no to lose the last hope keeping the resistance together would´ve been for nothing. Now he was at peace, knowing they all lived in a better world. And in the end, does a revolution even matter, if no one is willing to die for it?

He wakes up, once again, in the darkness, and he can´t tell how much time has passed since he fell asleep. His head is spinning and his limbs are screaming, so he rolls out of the bed the best he can and starts crawling, then dragging himself across the floor, looking for his way out of there. He isn´t aware of the ground ripping his skin through what´s left of his torn clothes, or of his fingers bleeding through his nails. He isn´t aware either when he stops moving, but he knows he´s reached his destination, and in that moment, he has no fear, no anger, no sadness. Maybe that´s another way that he´s like the silent brothers, after some time of being alone, forgotten, despaired, they stopped feeling anything at all.

There´s only one thing he can still feel, as he smiles at the light he never thought he would see again.

He can´t tell how much time has passed since he saw the doors of the silent city close in front of his face. It could´ve been days or weeks or hours, but he had survived thanks to the memory of Livia, she had kept him alive, some way. And now he would see her again, and he would live forever.

 ---

this was very fun to write but it had been sitting on my drafts for weeks cause i didn´t know if it was terrible. anyway i kinda liked it. tagging @firstprince cause she is the og cameron ashdown stan. also the ending is up to your interpretation :)

[bebrave-live]

Here's what people who hate Julian because he's "evil" or "ruthless" don't get

He's only like that when he has to be. He has learnt to be that way from years of secretly running an Institute and dealing with the Clave's crap.

And here's the thing: We learn, from QoAaD, that he's only like that when he has a reason- He has Anselm arrested for what seems like a minor reason to serve his purposes, but it's actually because he was doing much shadier, worse stuff; he absolutely FLIPS when someone is a threat to his family (Dane Larkspear); but he's chill when they're not, and I cannot stress enough how much I loved Cameron's appearances in QoAaD for this: this guy has dated the love of his life, his baby sister, and his family are Cohort sympathizers, if not members, not to mention his sister hurt Ty. Julian has every reason to be prejudiced and hate him, but he never does. He seems to support their relationship in Thule, because he recognizes he kept Livvy safe and makes her happy; they're (unknownst to Cam, I might add) allies when Julian was running the Institute; and he's happy to see him in the war council meeting. (Not to mention defending him about Emma breaking his heart in that kinda bitchy scene in LoS).

Yes, he can be ruthless and a "commander" (to quote those gorgeous TDA art postcards), but deep inside, his true self, the one he would have been had he not been broken and his family damaged by the Clave, is a cinnamon roll who will do anything for his kids siblings, loves Emma beyond reason, and wants nothing more than to have his family together, happy and left alone.

[fireheartpages]

how did y’all flip so quickly from the glorious headcanon that livvy’s a lesbian to blindly accepting cameron and livvy as a thing

[bebrave-live]

Something that really confused me in QOAAD was when Thule!Cameron said Blackstairs were always making out even before they were Endarkened

Now - this doesn't make sense if they were Endarkened when they were 12 and hadn't even met Cameron yet, nor realized their feelings for each other.

BUT I saw some headcanons about them having been captured and tortured before being Turned for a few years(kinda heartbreaking, I know, but let's move on for now) and had fallen in love during this. Unfortunately, I don't remember where I saw this, or if the OP had already included this, but Cameron would have had to have some contact with them while this happened.

He can't have been imprisoned as well, his family thinks he's loyal to the Fallen Star. So maybe he was there visiting the "prison" (or whatever) for some official business. He'd have recognised Julian, since he looks so much like the other Blackthorns. This is were he would have seen them be a couple (and where he was most tempted to blow his cover because they were kids his age and they were torturing them).

But then, when he meets up with Livvy, and realizes she thinks her brother's either dead or been Endarkened this whole time, he almost tells her - but then doesn't, because it'd be worse for her to know her brother was still her brother, and being tortured every day.

It's a small thing, I guess, but boy does it add to Thule!Cameron's character depth... Imagine, keeping a secret that big from someone you love in order not to hurt them...

(I know Thule!Livvy's the one most like Julian, but this brings Cameron closer a few notches...)