#thundcrbird

[saliida-blog]

@thundcrbird​ (continued x)

At first, Chef had only meant to let Spencer know they were there but, well...content in their affections and still waking up, keeping their hands to themself would have been a minor miracle. He seldom ever complains, though, it’s not as if he would need to; Chef can see how tense and overworked he is. Laying together, with full access to him, they’ve considered doing this many times before but decided against it. Sensuality doesn’t come naturally for them - they’ve never been confident they could do it right.

Now that they’ve found the nerve to try? Seeing him truly unwound and relaxed is more than its own reward. Chef can’t help but want to do more. “----i know. m’savin’ my gettin’ all marilyn monroe on you for then.” They shift downward some, working between his shoulder blades for a few moments before stopping, leaning down to press a tender kiss to the back of his neck.

“-----y’should come back to bed.”

[saliida-blog]

@thundcrbird (continued x)

Overwhelmed and overcome, his words only further the blurring of Chef’s vision. They don’t want to cry, God, they hate crying in front of him, but there’s so much inside - too much. When they’re isolated, Chef spends every second convincing themself that they aren’t missed, they aren’t on his mind or in his thoughts. And in some ways, they believe it - but in their core, they know they’re dead wrong.

Leaving his bed before he wakes up, running away, keeping their secrets from him - how much energy has Chef thrown into waiting for it to end? Waiting for Spencer to finally come to his senses and admit he doesn’t want them? And not just waiting, expecting; wanting. At least then, Chef could finally sleep at night knowing that Spencer can move on from this horrible place, this horrible person he’s tethered himself to -

Chef can’t stop the trembling of their hands as they move to touch his face and bring their lips together again; a move that’s as equally desperate as it is passionate. Holding onto the moment for as long as they can, Chef eventually pulls back, before burying their face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. They want to throw their arms around him, but Chef settles for holding onto fistfuls of his shirt.

- you’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong - he isn’t lying, he loves you - you’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong  this is your home, this is your home, this is your home -

“----s’my home, s’my home---” Chef can’t hope to keep their voice steady and they repeat those words over and over until they’re grounded enough to look at him again. Though their eyes are still wet and heavy with emotion, at least Chef is confident they won’t break down sobbing.

“-----spencer, i----i wanna be here,” They falter momentarily, the feeling of pure honesty foreign. One hand relaxes, trailing up to touch the side of his face, like he did before. “----but i can’t, i-i don’t know how. this thing in me, it don’t let me, spencer.”

[urgentxcare-blog]

  @thundcrbird   |   ᴄᴏɴᴛ.

It would be a lie to say that the whole situation didn't bother him, the notion that his sibling could go so long without telling him the whole story of something that truly seemed so important another drop in the endless sea of issues that regularly plagued the physician. What's worse though, is that he didn't think it would-- when comparing his own aversion, Spencer's rational towards theirs hit shockingly close to home. He understood his brother's excuses, regularly made use of similar justifications, and on top of that, knew perfectly well that some things would always be too difficult to talk about -- to think about. Yet, when presented with the information itself, even after doing his own part to avoid the conversation altogether for so long, it still came as shock.            ❝     No, I-- I get it.     ❞ Maybe Dennis was lucky in comparison, the fact that he could internalize and agonize everything that had happened without at the same time having to worry about how it was effecting someone who truly depended on him.            ❝     I just, I don't know how you managed to get through it.     ❞

[paridaemon-blog]

   “Look at me.”

   It’s rare that her voice comes off as terror-stricken. She is terrified, though, in this very moment. So scared that she’s shaking, lightheaded, a little bit short of breath. Telling someone she loves them is no easy feat - it’s a careful, calculated decision, especially in this specific case. They’ve been whatever they’ve been for so long, shouldn’t it have been safe to say it by now? Shouldn’t it have been easier for her? Shouldn’t it have been a relief to say it, instead of it being as devastating as it feels? Her head is spinning.

   She reaches for... something. Some part of him. She’s not sure which. Her hand falls away before she can make contact with any tangible part of him. All it took to make her wither was Spencer’s lack of enthusiasm. All it took was for him to react like she’d cursed him, said something cruel.

   “Please, Spence, look at me...”

@thundcrbird x

[saliida-blog]

#this whole meme is just #june chef june chef june chef

heart eyes @

[elephanthide-blog1]

@thundcrbird

     “It’s hard to get over-- You come back home thinking things are going to be different here. Then they aren’t, not one bit. Thought I was doing something over there. --Don’t you ever feel like that?”

[saliida-blog]

@thundcrbird (continued x)

Most days, Spencer’s intuition is a complete blessing. But tonight, when they’re frustrated and trying to focus when it’s gradually becoming more difficult, it’s less so.

Chef folds their arms tightly against their chest, for once straightening out their back in a poor attempt to seem assertive. It all comes down to money, and how much more they need it. The extra work they’re proposing is more dangerous than they care for - too reminiscent of the earlier days, when they were reckless and desperate, but in Chef’s altered mind, it’s a necessary evil. Leaving out the details to him...maybe that’s a necessary evil as well.

After a long pause, they respond lowly, the frustration and conflict clear in their voice.

“----look, jus’--can’t keep takin’ money from you, spencer.” Another break in speech. “----can’t keep--takin’ advantage’a...this.” That last word is harder to get out.

[saliida-blog]

@thundcrbird (continued x)

Chef’s brows furrow. Maybe they shouldn’t be so worried, they try not to be, but Chef’s mind is already racing in a hundred different directions before he even says a word. They know Spencer’s strong, and if there was something terribly, disastrously wrong, they’d be the first to know...

-But Chef is also perceptive. They’ve seen how time has worn him down.

Gently, they reach out and grip his shoulder. Their eyes are serious, but soft with concern.

“---then i want you home. jus’---for a bit. lemme take care of things.”