Dear Thunggyu Oppa,
it’s been quite the while since i've seen you, and trust me when i say this, but i didn’t expect myself to be up at 7am writing this letter. i’ve been going through a few of my old things only to be reminded of you, well, mostly because you were all over them. reading things you’ve written to me makes me smile a lot, but it’s also quite the bittersweet feeling because you left without saying goodbye and i miss you a lot.
also i’m trying to write this as fast as i can, because this might be the only chance you may ever see it, of course, thanks to a very kind friend that i have met today. please forgive me if i’ve forgotten anything. i have so much to say to you, you absolutely have no idea.
i’m trying so hard that i don’t even know where to begin. none of my old letters are giving me any muse, but rather they are just reloading memories that i couldn’t remember before. it’s been a really long 3 years and my memory horrible, but the moment i saw your name come up in the archive, i was really happy, but unfortunately, that happiness died down really fast with the thought that i probably would never speak to you ever again.
shall i start off with how i’ve been? i feel like that’s something you would ask me about. well, mostly, i don’t really know how i’ve been. these past few days, these past few weeks, these past few years have been such a major roller coaster. it’s been so crazy, i can’t even explain. it would go up so high, and drop really low really quickly. but in the end, it was quite the ride. so, in other words, i’ve been relatively okay. not the greatest, but not all that bad.
how have you been? i hope you’ve been well and healthy. i hope you’ve been smiling, as well. you were always been the one to make me (well, along with everyone else) smile back then, and you were always the one to pick me back up even though you were the one who pushed me down. i make it sound like you were the one to cause my sadness, but it was because you would always make me feel stupid and sad over the smallest things, like myself, but at the same time, you would be telling the truth, and there would be a purpose.
by the way, you never gave me a link to that song i would always request for. it’s been too long, i’ve forgotten how it sounds like. according to my research, it was called Open Up, or at least that’s what you’d name it on your music player. i remember i’d go onto your page just to listen to it, a lot of the times. i can’t pinpoint exactly why i liked it so much, but i’m sure if you were to give it to me now, i’d still love it as much as i did then.
good god, it’s actually 7:30am now, but i have this urge in me to finish this. i don’t know why, but whenever i write letters to you, it always makes me feel better. believe it or not, when that friend and i were looking back at the past, i was in tears for two hours straight, mostly because of how much i missed you and because i’ve been wondering how you’ve been. i cried even more the moment she told me she knew you. it’s been three years, thunggyu, and i can’t believe i’d still be this happy to know that you still exist, that you’re still breathing.
and also, how are things with you and your future wife? hypothetically speaking, that’s supposed to be me, but you “saving” me from false hope and heartbreak, i suppose it’s not. but! i self-proclaim myself your future wife, anyway, although i’m unsure if your undying love for suzy is still present. i’m sure it is, i don’t doubt it one bit. in addition to that, i hope that your grease hasn’t washed out. everyone loved your grease, including myself, but you don’t need me to tell you that. you already knew yourself.
this reminds me of the first time you’ve left me. by the time you left busanhigh, there was another sunggyu who was on reserve, and suddenly, everyone was in full armor, ready to attack, and by everyone, i mean me. i recall saying that i was going to bully all of the future sunggyu’s that weren’t you, but being the little softie i was, i didn’t, or at least i don’t remember so. but don’t worry! i’m still nice, kind of. i could be a little mean sometimes, but it’s only out of friendship, wouldn’t you agree?
goodness gracious, there’s always this excuse written somewhere in anything i want to give you, but i am having trouble on what to say. i can’t say i’m running out of things because i know i’m not, i have too much to say. but it’s hard to think when you have slept within the last 20 hours.
i also want to apologize. not for the lack of vocabulary and for the repetitive use of the word ‘also’ (i’m especially bad with words). but because i admittedly forgot about you when i said i wouldn’t many many times before. i’m sure i’m not a person you’d remember, anyway. at least, not significantly well that is.
since i include this fact in every single one of my letters (at least, from the one’s i remember), sungiebooboo, something i used to refer to you as. i don’t know what was going on in my head at that point in time, but maybe that was just the youth in me that liked to give out silly nicknames. i also remember you used to call yourself SHINee’s leader, although there was truly no correlation attached.
i know for a fact that this letter is unfinished. although my mind is running extremely low on mana, my heart says otherwise. it's been so long, i want to tell you everything. i hope you enjoyed this letter though, oppa. and i hope i made as it as long you’d like it to be. i’m sorry for any unsaid words and for this huge mess of a letter. but in case you haven’t gotten the message, i miss you dearly.
in all honesty, i don’t know why i wrote this letter but there is hope that we could meet again, that this would bring me to you. this world is very small, and i really do wish to hear from you.
with love, your self-proclaimed future wife, and awkward turtle. tharanghamnida.
ps. you’re the only person i’d willing write a letter for even if and when i’m sleep deprived.
pps. “i’m in need of directions because i’m lost! how can i get to your heart?” (i’d really like them).
ppps. “you wanna know what rhymes with you and me? destiny! wanna know what else? marry me!”
pppps. keep smiling. i love you, and thank you.
