#tiara rules

[tiaramania]

Tiaras & Hotels

There was an AITA post yesterday about a bride wanting to wear a tiara she inherited from her grandmother but her aristocratic future in-laws said she couldn’t because the wedding was taking place in a hotel.  Tiaras not being allowed in hotels is one of those ‘protocol’ rules that has been gone longer than it existed, if it really ever existed, but still gets repeated as fact.  So here’s some photos of Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom breaking protocol, gasp!

Hyde Park Hotel, 1954

Waldorf Astoria Hotel, 1957

Royal York Hotel, 1959

Claridge's Hotel, 1963

Grosvenor House Hotel, 1969

Metropole Hotel, 1977

Papua Hotel, 1982

Dorchester Hotel, 1993

Durban Royal Hotel, 1999

I could keep going but I think you get the idea.  If it’s good enough for Queen Elizabeth II then it’s good enough for you (or your in-laws).

[tiaramania]

Bridgerton & Tiara Rules

I haven’t watched Bridgerton but I am seeing some people upset about unmarried women in the show wearing tiaras and I want to tell you that unmarried women are absolutely allowed to wear tiaras!  Here’s my more detailed post about most of the women in the British Royal Family wearing tiaras before they are married.  

After showing people pictures of royals wearing tiaras long before the royal was married, their argument then becomes that the rules are different for princesses of the blood (yuck) and that royals can wear tiaras before marrying but commoners can not.  So here’s Máxima Zorreguieta Cerruti and Mary Donaldson wearing tiaras before they were married.  Both of them later married into royalty but I think they are a good example because people expect royal families to have the strictest rules and if they not only didn’t care but even loaned tiaras out to non-royal women then I think it shows that those rules don’t exist.

And here’s some pictures of non-royal debutantes wearing tiaras before they were married.  It’s very hard to tell from the drawings of court presentations in the 1800s if the debutantes are wearing tiaras because there’s so much else going on with all veils and feathers so these are the clearest I could find.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that there are no rules about who can and cannot wear a tiara.  If you can afford to buy a tiara then you can wear that tiara.  Back then and even now you would have gotten some comments from snobby people about being a nouveau riche person showing off her vulgar diamonds but those people are just jealous of your diamonds.

There are some flexible rules about when tiaras should be worn like tiaras are typically not worn during the day and usually only with white or black tie but there are of course exceptions to those rules.  The only real rule that I would follow is that if the invitation says that tiaras will be worn then you can wear a tiara and if it doesn’t then you don’t, simple as that.  There are some funny examples of royals getting their wires crossed and wearing a tiara to an event that was not a tiara event and nothing bad happened, the world didn’t end because someone got the ‘rules’ wrong.

Now even though the characters in Bridgerton could have worn tiaras, I want to be clear that the tiaras used on the show are not historically accurate or even well made.  I just watched the first five minutes and there were like a hundred tiaras, some of them were good and many of them were horrific, but I’m just happy that there were so many of them.

[tiaramania]

Hello. I absolutely adore your blog and website. Both are so very insightful and helpful. I was wondering if you would mind answering a tiara related question. Back in the older days, when it was still customary to dress up for dinner, what where the rules on tiaras back then? This wonderful tradition has almost entirely been forgotten. When did the girls get to wear their first tiara? Did they get their own? What happened when a family was somewhat well off but could not afford tiaras for all?

Thank you!  People are always trying the make up all of this tiara protocol but really their aren’t a bunch of strict rules.  If the invitation says tiaras will be worn then you wear a tiara.  It’s as simple as that.  Usually that happens with court dress and white tie but not always.  Sometimes the dress code is white tie with no tiaras and increasingly we are seeing black tie and tiaras.  It’s all fine so long as you follow what the invitation says.  There have been a couple of funny instances were royals got mixed up on the dress code and only one person wore a tiara which would make me die of embarrassment.  Saying tiaras will be worn also doesn’t mean that you have to wear a tiara it means if you have a tiara you can wear it.  People without a tiara may borrow one from family, friends, or even a jeweler for a big occasion but if they may also just go without.

Some women start wearing tiaras when they turn 18 because that is the age of adulthood in Europe.  In Japan they start wearing them at 20 and I’ve found that in a lot of Asia and Africa there’s no set age with many princesses wearing tiaras under the age of 18.  Some women also wait until they are married to wear a tiara.  This may be because they didn’t have a tiara until they were married so of course they couldn’t wear it earlier or it could be that their family decided that they should wait until they are married.  All of that is fine.  There is so much variance between when different people start wearing tiaras even within the same country sometimes that I don’t feel like there’s a good rule about when you can start wearing them.  Some women of wealthy families were given tiaras when they turned 18 or got married but if they family couldn’t afford a tiara then the person simply didn’t wear a tiara.  That’s all there is to it.  If a women didn’t have a tiara they may have worn other jewelry in their hair like brooches they could have borrowed one.  There were probably people that gossiped about nouveau riche families who bought all of their daughters tiaras and their were probably people that gossiped about poor noblilty who couldn’t afford to give any of their daughters tiaras because people will always find something to criticize.

[tiaramania]

An interesting thing (to me at least) in the discussion about when you can start wearing tiaras is that some countries don’t seem to have any age requirement.

In Morocco, Princess Lalla Kadijah is twelve and has already worn three different tiaras.

In Pahang, Princess Jihan has been wearing this tiara since she was about twelve and she’s currently seventeen.

In Terengganu, Princess Nadhirah (oldest) and Princess Fatimatuz (youngest) have both been wearing tiaras since they were very young.

I’ve just started to sort through the tiaras of the Malaysian royal families but I have a feeling that I’m going to find even more princesses wearing tiaras before they turn eighteen.  I kind of like that there’s not strict rules everywhere about when you can wear a tiara.

[tiaramania]

When can you start wearing a tiara if you’re not royal?

So we’ve already established that princesses in most countries, including the UK, start wearing tiaras when they are eighteen years old and don’t have to wait until they are married.  But what if you are not royal?  Do you have to wait until you are married to wear a tiara?  The answer is absolutely not!  The rules of tiara wearing are not any different for royals and as they are us commoners.  The easiest way to demonstrate this is with debutante balls, which however you feel about them, make it easy to know that the person in question is not married and not royal.  Brands frequently partner with the big debutante balls to provide the gowns and jewelry though I’m sure these women and their families could afford to buy them.

Larissa Scotting wearing a Chaumet tiara

Jen Hau wearing a Chaumet tiara

Melody Zhao wearing a David Morris tiara

Nicole Gilmer wearing a Chaumet tiara

There’s a ton more examples but these are just a few where I could easily ID the tiara so you would understand what I mean.  If the people running these debutante balls, who care deeply about etiquette rules, don’t think that you have to be married or royal to wear a tiara then you definitely don’t have to be married or royal to wear a tiara.

[tiaramania]

Do you have to wait until you’re married to wear a tiara? I keep seeing articles about how British Princesses can’t wear tiaras until they are married but then other people are saying that’s not true.

Sorry this it very late.  I’m assuming this was about all of the articles around the time Princess Eugenie was married.  The short answer is that it’s not true at all but let me give you a longer answer because I’m incapable of leaving it at that.  The general rule is that you can start wearing tiaras once you turn 18.  Several European countries have a tradition of giving a princess her own tiara on their 18th birthday.  Outside of Europe things vary a little bit more.  In Japan, princesses receive a whole parure including a tiara for their 20th birthday and in Morocco, Princess Lalla Khadija has already worn three tiaras and she’s only eleven years old. Now for the UK since it’s always said that they have stricter rules about not wearing a tiara until you are married. Let’s take this chronologically.

Queen Victoria wore the Hanover Fringe Tiara before her marriage. 

Princess Victoria never married yet she was occasionally photographed wearing tiaras.  The only one that I recognize is the Pearl Tiara (right) she borrowed from her sister, Queen Maud of Norway.  She also owned Queen Alexandra’s Wedding Parure Tiara but was never photographed wearing it.

Princess Mary wore Queen Mary’s Laurel Wreath Bandeau before her marriage.  It’s also possible that she wore her Honeysuckle Tiara before she was married because she wore it when she was young but the photos aren’t always dated.  It was a present from her mother and it wasn’t on the list of her wedding presents so it was probably gifted before that.

Queen Elizabeth II didn’t wear any tiaras publicly during the three years between when she turned 18 and got married.  She turned 18 during WWII when there likely wouldn’t have been public tiara events but her parents gave her the Halo Scroll Tiara for her 18th birthday.  I think it’s very likely that she wore a tiara privately before her marriage.

Princess Margaret wore the Lozenge Tiara, the Halo Scroll Tiara, Queen Mary’s Sapphire Bandeau, the Lotus Flower Tiara, and the Poltimore Tiara before her marriage.

Princess Alexandra wore an early version of the Ogilvy Tiara, Queen Mary’s Diamond Bandeau, the Kent Festoon Tiara, and the Kent Diamond Circles Bandeau before her marriage.

Princess Anne actually wore her first tiara at the age of seventeen.  She wore the Meander Tiara, , the Halo Scroll Tiara, the mystery 21st birthday photo-shoot tiara, and the Festoon Tiara before her marriage.

The next generation doesn’t have any heir line princesses but the York princesses are always used as an example of the not-before-marriage rule because they haven’t worn tiaras or at least Eugenie hadn’t until her wedding in October.  I don’t think that them not wearing tiaras has anything to do with them not being married but because they are not working royals and are not invited to tiara events.  The only opportunity they’ve had to wear a tiara pre-marriage was the Commonwealth Dinner last spring.  I must admit that I was very disappointed that they didn’t wear tiaras but after thinking about I realized that it was probably a decision made for pr reasons.  Beatrice and Eugenie are criticized for just about everything they do in the press especially anything that’s seen as extravagant so it was probably the right decision.

If William or Harry have been women or had a sister, I fully believe that they would have worn tiaras pre-marriage and I think that Princess Charlotte, as daughter of the future king and likely a working royal, will wear tiaras after she turns 18 and not wait until she’s married.

[tiaramania]

lottelorelei replied to your post: Do you have to wait until you’re married to wear a...

I was wondering, can you wear a tiara at a tiara event if you’re not a royal?

YES!  Anyone can wear a tiara, you don’t have to be royal.  So long as the dress code for the event says that tiaras will be worn which usually happens with white tie and occasionally with black tie.  

Some women who are now royal even wore tiaras belonging to a royal family before they had married into the family.  Before she was royal, Queen Maxima wore the base of the Antique Pearl Tiara to Crown Prince Haakon & Crown Princess Mette Marit’s wedding in 2001.  Crown Princess Mary wore the Ruby Parure Tiara twice before her wedding, Hereditary Grand Duchess Stephanie wore the Vine Leaves Tiara before her wedding, and Crown Princess Mette Marit wore the Vifte Tiara as a necklace before her wedding.  I don’t see the borrowing of royal jewels before you are royal happening in the UK but other countries aren’t as critical of stuff like that.

[tiaramania]

Are non royals allowed to wear tiaras at the novel ceremony?

Of course!  Anybody can wear a tiara at any time so long as the dress code says ‘tiaras will be worn’ which usually corresponds to a white tie dress code but not always.  There’s no rule that says you have to be royal to wear a tiara.