#tibbinsrants

[tibbinswrites]

So many WIPs, so much procrastination. 

I have started working on the 2nd part of The Final Season series, and even a tentative follow-up chapter to Heirloom. Though neither are anywhere near finished.

Plus I’ve signed up for 2 bangs so those are... slowly taking shape. Maybe, I might scrap one of them as the bang submission, I haven’t decided yet.  If I could actually just sit down and concentrate that would be great, thanks. 

[tibbinswrites]

Subtext

I reside between pages and lines of text.

What I find is accidental,

But far more compelling than any of the words deliberately chosen.

It is the story demanding to be told that was never meant to exist. The greatest love story is a series of blunders and cut scenes,

The occasional line that is exactly right

And a conversation in eye contact. Perhaps it wasn’t made that way,

But you are not blind to how it is.

You mock it, mock us for seeing it,

As though it isn’t the most interesting part of your creation,

The most important. It would mean so much to so many

If you brought it out of the shadows.

It would make us feel seen

And valued

The way we deserve to be after carrying your story for you

And cradling it in our hearts. You know we’re here.

You know we’re the reason you’re still here.

And you should say it. But that would mean taking a stand one way or another

And you’ve never quite been that brave,

Have you?

[tibbinswrites]

I feel so betrayed. They had all the potential and the pieces to make the finale something beautiful, something that would set this show above others of its kind, but they didn’t even make it good. It felt like a cop-out, like they didn’t care about their own story. Last week’s episode was bad but I’d rather it ended there. This was a punch to the gut for all fans who dared hope that this was a show who knew the story they were telling. There was no happy ending here. Not for anyone. Not the characters or the fans.  I feel used. Why did they give us 15x18 and then not even acknowledge it after the fact? Why give us YEARS of the boys defying destiny only to end up exactly where everyone thought they would in season 1? Heaven was never supposed to be a happy ending. They were supposed to live first. The brothers were supposed to choose to go their own way from each other and start living separate (but still close) lives. They weren’t supposed to be forced apart.  Eight years I have been part of this fandom. Eight years I have poured my heart and soul into these characters, trying to do them justice in my own works. Now I wonder why I bothered. If the actual show doesn’t care about them enough to get their story right, then why should I?

It’s not even that they didn’t give me the ship I wanted (the ship we all deserved), more that they disrespected the very idea of it. They used it as a hook to give people hope, people who had every right to hope that this little show with the wonderful, accepting fandom and the wonderful, accepting cast, might actually dare to do something truly good and add representation where they have failed to before. But they didn’t learn from their mistakes, they said ‘fuck it’, as though it didn’t matter, as though we should be grateful for whatever shit was flung our way.

None of it feels right. The joke wasn’t funny, now give me the real finale please.

[tibbinswrites]

WIP - big project

So I’m over 30,000 words into this thing, I have 2 months left to write it and I still have no idea where it’s going or what’s going to happen next T_T

[tibbinswrites]

Look what just arrived! @profoundzine

So beautiful! 💙💙💙💙

[tibbinswrites]

FFN.net PM requests are annoying me. Anyone else?

Recently I've had several PMs on my fanfic.net account from artists asking for me to commission them to create artwork for my fics. Assuming that these are real people and not bots, I have replied to each of them saying that they are more than welcome to create fanart but that I am not interested in commissioning artwork. I have tried to be kind but these requests are really starting to tick me off and that's starting to come across in my replies.

Here are a few reasons why I am not responding positively to these requests:

First of all, they all start in a similar way. Saying how much my work has inspired them, how they like how the scenes are done or the character work (though they never mention specific scenes or characters). They might drop in the title of a particular story but none of this praise is specific enough where I feel like they've actually read my stories at all. Pretending to be a fan of my work falls flat when you don't do the research upfront to fake it believably. Some of my stories are really short, you can't read a one-shot to pretend it inspired you? Gush about something specific. If you're going to play to my ego, do it properly.

Secondly, I created these stories and posted them for free. The most I have ever expected from my readers is the occasional kudos, comment or bookmark (or reviews and favourites on FFN). I would be THRILLED if someone came to me saying that they wanted to create art inspired by my stories. PLEASE DO! Please tag me when you post it, I would love to see it! It would make me so happy. But these specific people come to me with the expectation that I will pay them for the artwork they 'feel inspired' to create. No. That isn't how fandom works. Something inspired me to create, so I went and created. I spent hours writing, re-writing, planning and editing on any given story. Some took me months to finish. I did all that work in my own time, for my own enjoyment.

I don't have the means right now and I'm sensitive about it. This reason is obviously not the fault of the artists in question, but life is kicking my butt lately and I too am in a position where I'm trying to find clients for my business (a freelance proofreading/copyediting business in case anyone's interested). I was actually in the process of applying for government assistance when the latest PM came through because I'm in early days and haven't had work steady enough to make rent yet (though I'm in a much more privileged position than most, so I'm doing okay for now, it's just a big hit to the confidence). So even if I were interested, I don't appreciate the reminder that I couldn't accept the offer even if I wanted to. Again, I know that this reason isn't the artist's fault, but it might contribute to why my replies might not have been phrased as kindly as they probably could have been.

I cannot, have not, and will never make money from my fanfiction. There is no return on my investment to commissioning fanart from you. If I wanted to commission fanart, it would purely be for vanity (not that there's anything wrong with that if you have the desire and the means). So I think you're pitching to the wrong audience. Try authors of original stories who might actually be looking to get their work published instead. I'm not trying to start a debate of why fanfic writers can't be paid for their work when fanartists can. The reality is that we can't. But the labour that goes into creating a story and the labour that goes into creating artwork is equitable. So taking my effort and trying to make me think that your similar effort should result in a paycheck for you feels so disrespectful to me.

All this to say is that I'm tired of this aggressive style of sales pitch. It's impersonal and unpleasant and manipulative. It never mentions wanting to be paid in the first message and it makes me feel like the bad guy for saying upfront that I don't want to pay them for any artwork they create of my work. It isn't because I don't think artists should be paid, of course I do. If I wanted to seek out an artist to create art for my fanfics, or for an original story, then of course I would pay them. I would research to find an artist with a style that I like and I would approach them with the offer.

I know they're just trying to get work. I understand how uncertain and expensive everything is right now and how prevalent and poisonous 'hustle culture' is, encouraging people to monetise every hobby just to get by, regardless of impact on stress or mental health. But it's just so frustrating that they are trying to monetise my hobby. These stories that I have worked so hard on, they can't even be bothered to read to pretend they liked them convincingly. They approach me with no understanding of the community of fandom but with an entitlement that they should be paid for creating something related to the thing that I created first. Without my stories, you'd have nothing to message about. It's like if I found a piece of art and messaged the artist to say that I would write a story about that art if they commissioned me to. It's unnecessary and disrespectful. Their artwork stands on its own without needing a story at all. Why would they pay for something they weren't looking for in the first place? If I were to just write the story and post it in a reblog of the artist's work, that's adding to the community. That's respecting their work and showing that I was inspired by it without expecting anything back.

Sorry, this got long. I just needed to vent a little.

[tibbinswrites]

I was hoping I’d be able to finish my CR fic Tangled Threads and have it posted today, but honestly I’ve barely written any of it. After losing a bunch of my work to technology failure I’m finding it really hard to get back into the same flow and tone I was in before that happened. I haven’t even managed to get back to where I was before I lost the work let alone kept going to finish the story. 

I can only apologise to and thank those waiting so patiently for an update and hope that I can find that thread again. I promise I’m trying! And I won’t give up.

Love Tibbins xx