#still angry

[chasoc]

Sometimes I want the sappiest, tooth-rotting fluff for blorbo. Other times, I just want to shake blorbo until the horrors fall out.

[dhplover]

Your weekly reminder that I’ll NEVER be over it

[sair1979]

How physical touch Builds what should have been an unbreakable bond in HMT

I will preface this by saying I struggled in writing this post, I’ve written and deleted whole swathes of text and then re-written it. I think this is because although I want to explore and investigate what drew me to this story, at the same time I am still so angry about what they did to Nick that I almost don’t want to speak about the power of the show. Because it feels wrong in a way to praise what was once so brilliant and ended up feeling so disgustingly soul destroying.

Nick: This character resonated with me so deeply, really spoke to my soul in a way I have never experienced before or since. I will begin this by declaring that for me this is not about looks, although I am not too proud to point out that Max is exquisite, but it goes much deeper than that. For me, I do not think that his beauty came first, it was more, for me at least, about how he interacts with June, how he touches her which chimed something in me before I even fully became aware of physical attractiveness.

Watching the early scenes involving Nick and June and breaking it down into elements, something I enjoyed about the show is how physical touch intensifies the bond between them. In the flashback shown to us in episode 8 of season 1, the death of the first Offred, Nick is shown to be visibly devastated, his eyes are filled with tears when the body is taken from the house to the van. Whilst Serena and Fred are blaming each other, Nick and Rita’s reactions are shown as marked contrast. After experiencing this trauma Nick becomes an Eye and the first order of business is to dispatch Commander Guthrie, who is the very Commander who came up with the idea of the Handmaids in the first place. With Nick telling June about breaking points and how you can’t stop it, so there’s no point in being brave – I believe the death of the first Offred is something of a breaking point for Nick and that is the point where he must start fighting and begin resisting the regime from within. So, when June arrives at the Waterford’s Nick resolves to make things a little easier for her, by trying to be her friend, by talking to her like a human being, just show some decency. I can only imagine how surprising this must have been for June, and the astonishment crosses her face when he speaks to her that first time on the driveway before she goes shopping to Loaves and Fishes in episode 1 with Emily.

Ice: The scene with the ice in episode 3 of the first season – I love the contrast of the freezing cold of the ice and the obvious desire smouldering in Nick. The way June says, “you’re dripping” and he has to look down at his hand to remind himself of the excuse he made to get into her room in the first place. He is dripping (maybe they both are) both literally but also an emotional puddle on the floor, a slave to his feelings which he can no longer bury. This scene is also the first where we there is physical touch between them, you can feel the enormous pull between them like the strongest magnet in the world. Their faces are mere inches apart and then we look down to see his hand cradling hers, passing over the cloth wrapped ice and his thumb just moves slowly to touch the inside of his wrist, I was melting just like the ice. It’s the catalyst for the fire that is burning between them which once ignited should never have been extinguished. There are many moments between them where we see the flames burning bright between them again, I will discuss a few that struck a chord, where we observe touch used to fan the flames.

Firstly, in episode 5 of series 1, the scene where Serena forces June and Nick to have sex, in order that she can steal any resulting offspring created consequently. This is a complex and difficult scene, hard to watch, but at the same time also compelling as despite everything horrifying happening there’s still some emotional depth to it beyond the horror of it being forced. This is most demonstrated by June grasping Nick’s upper arm towards the end of the scene to signalise she wants the connection and that despite the vileness of the situation she wishes to continue their bond, that she understands that he is being forced too. It is the physical touch between them, which is both forbidden and illegal, but it is that which continues the fire burning.

Later in episode 5 June goes to Nick’s apartment to reclaim her body, note the narration about Emily looking invincible in the lead up to this which marks this as a moment of defiant power, a turning point in the story – the point at which she starts the change from a position of passivity in the regime to active resisting it - a physical breaking point if you will. June undresses them both before they touch in what, for me, is one of the sexiest scenes ever depicted on television (the Boston Globe scene is, of course, up there too). Nick’s hand awkwardly hovers in front of her as he wants to touch her body but allows her the control and lets her take the lead. When they do finally start touching it’s like hot lava bursting forth from the top of a volcano crater – cheesy cliché, I know, but it really does feel like that, with hands, mouths and bodies all over each other. There is so much raw beauty and power in this scene that I do not feel I can sufficiently illustrate it using words. Once this connection is forged in this moment it becomes the strongest thing in the show, it takes on a life of its own, and for me, it transcends over everything else the show delivered.

Just to show that this connection isn’t just present in season 1 in the 3rd series Nick has been given the promotion, which is really a punishment to a Commander and is being sent to the front in Chicago, he goes to say goodbye to June at the Lawrence house. June is angry and dismissive of Nick, but rather than defending himself or becoming angry back at her, he gives her space for her rage – gives a Nick nod ™ and leaves the room. But he doesn’t leave the house because he understands that June needs processing time for her feelings and also, he can’t leave her like this. In one of the most beautiful shots of the entire piece, one which never fails to move me on re-watching I’ve watched it a lot!), Nick waits outside the door, shown in profile leaning against the wall with his eyes closed until the door opens, he looks down to see her hand reaching to his, they grasps fingers and lead each other back into the room. It is left to the viewers' imagination what happens in the room next, but there is no room for doubt, it’s the burning fire again.

One thing I can thank The Handmaids Tale for is giving me a completely unreasonable and unfathomable obsession with Max Minghella’s hands – and I’m grateful for that – it gets me through the day…

There are far more other examples of this shown right the way through the entire run, and I could make this post extremely long by writing about them all, but that would be boring. The connection was still there even in the appalling season 6 (though it pains me to say it) and to just throw that connection, that love, in the bin as if it never existed in the first place is a real hard kick in the teeth. And then to go further and completely trash the character is both deplorable and disgusting in the worst possible way. It betrayed Max Minghella as the actor (he clearly had no idea the direction the character was going in prior to the last season), the main theme of the show, the entire narrative of the original book and us the viewer. It should have been Nick and June using their fire to burn down Gilead as Attwood originally intended in both books rather than the absolute disastrous way the show was resolved in the last season

[theladylibre]

Thanks for the trust issues, HMT.

STILL not over it yet.

[angelcrash]

[149panda149]

bringing back so many actors/characters has beaten the dead horse so much it's just a smear on the ground now

[dollwithteeeth]

A heart with teeth 𓂏

I am so fucking tired of being the exception.

The broken statistic

The body that didnt get the memo

That you’re supposed to function, comply, move on..

Not just be a name on a medical papers

I am tired of being the only one

Dragging a body that refuses me like a fucking plague

A mind that remembers everything

A history so violent it doesn’t fit into stories

Not horror

Not even true crime

Those at least get endings

Mine just keeps happening

You want monsters?

They wore my last name

They trained darkness until it learned my voice

And now it lives in me like an organ

There is a rage in my chest

So hot it burns my blood alive

So violent I forgot any other language

I have screamed myself mute inside my own head

And went deaf because of my own anger

And the joke..the sick cosmic joke

Is that I still dream

Still want

Still reach for something outside this corpse

I have never met a heart like mine.

A heart that would grow teeth and bite its way out of this body

Just to exist somewhere where it doesn’t ache..

It just keeps slamming against bone

Like it’s trying to break out of a crime scene

Like if it could just get free

It might finally be allowed to live

Instead of testify against itself

I am done being strong

Done being resilient

Those are medals they give to people

As a pathetic excuse for keeping them in this hurt

I don’t want to survive what happened

I want it to stop living in me

Tear open my chest up and step out of myself

I want a life that isn’t built entirely out of aftermaths

And the worst part

I am alone with it

No witnesses

No translations

Just me

Carrying something

That should have killed me

And it did

But still didn’t.

And now I live in this world in between

In this void

Where I hold death by its hand

And try to twist it broken at the same time

Im tired of it.

I want to hold a hand thats warmer.

[itsmythang]

A message to all straight white males in America . . . From a straight white male in America.