#timedenied

[timediverge]

“i feel like i know you. like we’ve met before.”

@timedenied

For a moment, hope. He knows it’s technically impossible for anyone to remember other worldlines, but for an instant, he is willing to believe the impossible. He’d won already. He’d tricked the world and created the dreamed-of world where Kurisu and Mayuri could both survive. He’d convinced himself that he was okay with that. He just needed to know that he and Kurisu both existed in the same worldine. Hope feels like a grip around his throat, strangling the life out of him. His breath catches in his throat. He almost feels sick with the damned hope.

“W-we… I…”

Oh, how he aches for her. He can’t deny it. He wants to hold her the way he did on their last day together. The subtle recognition in her gaze almost spurs him to embrace her, but the rational part of him holds him back. No. Don’t you dare do this to her. Kurisu deserves her own happiness. Her own chance. Don’t drag her into a world she’s not even familiar with.

That damned hope.

“C-could it be the red string of fate? Or perhaps I’ve just enraptured you with my charisma? You’d make a fantastic sacrifice for my experiments!”

His heart isn’t in it. He can barely call on Houhouin Kyouma to diffuse the situation. His normal strategies don’t work when she’s involved. His controlled posture drops. He can’t keep up the facade. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He wants her with him. He doesn’t want to hold her back. He wants to tell her everything. He wants to tell her he loves her. He wants her to love him.

It’s a cruel thing, hope. It fills you up and when it dies all you feel is the space where it used to be.

“Then again… Maybe not.”

[wheresyourhope]

@timedenied liked for an Izuru starter

          “...Was the result worth the energy spent on it?”

     To him, it seemed to be a wasted effort, but he wasn’t the one who had done all of the work. He simply existed and observed, his own manufactured talent revealing the solutions before his eyes as the so-called expert acted them out.

     Everything was predictable.

[notsobubbly]

[ topic ] wanna write a meta about your brother?

[ meta meme ]

I would...literally never be able to shut up if I started dumping every thought I had about Kenny boi, so I’mma restrain this to being mostly about his affect on Osamu.

I can only imagine that Osamu’s overall attitude towards his brother consists of an unhealthy sense of personal duty to raise and care of him, as we see him looking after Ken as early as age 6-7, with him already clearly trying to act like a role model, and there’s not a scrap of evidence to suggest that their parents were ever any better than we see them acting in canon, meaning he could’ve been shouldering a good deal of the responsibility for his brother’s wellbeing at as early as 3 years old. McYikes. Furthermore, Ken is Osamu’s only source of positive attention growing up that doesn’t require him to endure exploitation, meaning that he’s...intensely overattached.

This would’ve gone really badly for him had he lived long enough for Ken to reach his emo phase and start hating everyone and everything, as he does in my main verse. His one reprieve from their abusive circumstances gone, Osamu’s depression would quickly become chronic, and once Ken actually ran away he’d have become completely non-functional and had a whole identity crisis on top of that. Until he grows up and becomes a slightly more functional person, Osamu’s sense of self identity is heavily defined by his family, and in the absence of his role as a caretaker, all he really has left is being a genius, which he hates being more than anything else in the universe. 

Once Ken comes back less vindictive and angry, Osamu becomes completely absorbed in caring for him again, regardless of the fact that he himself is in a state of disrepair and could use a good deal of love and attention. He hardly knows how to recognize his own needs, because his parents never recognized them or taught him how to recognize them, and he was too hyperfocused on raising Ken and being a perfect genius child so mommy and daddy won’t abandon him to learn it on his own.

The point in the story wherein Ken finally attains a proper support system so he can start to heal is around the point where things finally start to look up for Osamu, too. Once Ken is provably a mentally healthy child who doesn’t need his constant effort and care, Osamu can finally breathe and actually start to think of himself for the first time in his life. In the end, the conditioning still remains to the point of him pursuing a career in childcare, but at that point he can have a healthier mentality towards his line of work instead of it being a mess of emotional toil.

tl;dr Osamu isn’t capable of handling the adult responsibilities being forced on him and it has severe effects on his long-term mental health but he tries to handle it anyways because he loves his little bro...a bit too much, as his swadths of mental issues lead to him being an unhealthily overprotective person

[hopetruest]

@timedenied : ‘ don’t give up yet. you still have time to fix things. ’ //whichever of my danganronpa verse i guess you prefer 

       ❛ I wondered that.   Believe me,  I have no plans on giving up but .  .  . What if this really is beyond my capability?   Even my luck doesn’t seem to be overpowering the despair behind closed doors. ❜      Both palms nestled symmetrically to his face,  he sighed as he slouched further and further down so that the point of his chin was mere inches away from the table top.   He takes a moment to stew.

         Hope’s Peak loomed over them --- Once a beacon of light,  now it felt .  .  . Oppressive and cold.   Something had gone horribly wrong;   And seeking the root of all evil appeared to only lead to more questions.      ❛ No .  .  . You’re right.   This is hope’s chance to overcome whatever haunts these grounds.   Hope doesn’t give up!   I’ll make sure of that. ❜

ASK  MEME  |  GRAVE  SUGGESTION  |  ACCEPTING

[notsobubbly]

37!

  [ Is it easier to forgive, or to forget? ] 

“...”  Osamu says nothing for the longest time, not because of the difficulty of the question, but because of the annoying feelings that it stirs up. The pain it makes him think about.

He’s not one to sit down and process his emotions when they come up, he mostly just stuffs them into hiding so that they can’t cause any trouble or hurt anyone. So when he does finally answer, it’s heated and reactive, the natural result of digging up such burning anger from its hiding place, emotions that were never supposed to see the light of day again. “To forget, obviously!”

“It’s better to just forget it ever happened!” Otherwise, it’s a betrayal of yourself. Because there’s no benefit to deciding that the hurt someone caused you is worth less than your relationship with them. Or at least, in his experience. Ken made such a decision for him, he’s aware, and he’s thankful for that, and he likes to think that they’re both happier as a result, but that situation was...different. It’s not like it is with mom and dad.

A theoretical happy relationship with them doesn’t exist, even in some improbable worldline where they see the error of their ways and apologize for everything. Because he’ll never be happy in the same room as them, or with his manager, or with any adult he interacted with in his childhood.

So there’s no point in forgiving anyone. There’s no benefit to it. He doesn’t need to try it to know that, because he did, he did try, and he forgave them over and over, and he stopped forgiving them on their ten thousandth fuck up because it was clear that nothing was ever going to change.

“...Forgiving people just gives them an opportunity to disappoint you all over again.”

[notsobubbly]

@timedenied [lord knows what’s causing this ask to glitch itself to death but uh here you go]

[justicewilled]

👄 + Ann

meme || accepting

@timedenied

send a ‘👄 + character name’ and my muse will talk about that character

                                                      she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll punch you in the face

       “ takamaki-san ?? well, she’s strong, so much stronger than anyone gives her credit for. everyone knows about how beautiful she is, but she’s also kind and caring, she would never let her anything bother her friends without trying to help them and i admire her so much for it. ”